Friday Mar 04, 2011 – Unsanitary news for alien-human relations this week. Nine meteorites have been quarantined after NASA’s discovery of alien bacteria on board. The dirty meteorites are refueling humanity’s fear of aliens with dirty tentacles, while leaving earthbound aliens concerned for the future of their precious meteorite transport supply drops.
Space flight sanitation inspector Dr. Richard B. Hoover discovered the alien bacteria on nine CII carbonaceous meteorites and published his findings in the Journal of Cosmology today. While the exact provenance of these nine dirty meteorites remains undetermined, they have been widely speculated to come from passing supply comets, shuttling goods from one of Jupiter’s many moons, possibly Europa, to the alien community here on earth.
“What if NASA cuts off delivery of our powdered Bantha milk and anti-gravity cream?” asks one concerned alien who asked to remain anonymous. “All because some lazy loading crew on the mother ship couldn’t be bothered to wash his tentacles?”
Will the discovery of nine dirty drops now lead to increased interplanetary delivery regulation?
“Look people it’s only nine dirty meteorites. Nine out of 35, 000,” says the concerned alien. “What about all those dirty space probes NASA’s been sending all over the solar system! You can’t tell me those have been sterilized. And don’t even get me started on all the space junk NASA leaves lying around up there!”
Inter-planetary comet travel and meteorite delivery of alien materials was first studied by Arthur C. Clark in 1960 when he first described the use of comets to shield space travelers from the sun’s radiation. This practice continued largely unregulated until 2006 when NASA began to actively study this interplanetary transportation and communication, and began scrutinizing some 35, 000 meteorites.