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Dragon Hatchling Agni Captured by Scientists Ranchers Fear Raids

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New Years’ Day brings new dragon hatchlings and this year is no exception in Indonesia where a captured baby dragon named Agni has set the draconian and human worlds ablaze, with burning forests and disappearing cattle the result.

New Dragons generally hatch on New Years' Day
New Dragons generally hatch on New Years’ Day

Indonesian zoologists were excited to announce their success capturing and tagging a baby dragon specimen they have named Agni, which is Sanskrit for “fire.”

The capture is a first-ever opportunity for zoologists to solve the old mystery of exactly what happens to baby dragons as they mature. No adult dragon has ever been captured or observed by a human scientist. As far as zoologists are concerned, at a certain age the baby dragons just disappear into thin air.

Unrecognized theories hold that at a certain age, baby dragons transform into something unrecognizable, perhaps even a whole other species.

While scientists observe baby Agni with great interest to discover at what age the young dragon will transform or disappear, the draconian world is ablaze with news of the capture, leaving the locals living in fear of draconian reprisals and rescue parties.

Ranchers in the area have already reported an unusually high number of scorched forested areas have begun to appear in areas where no storms have taken place and cattle have begun to mysteriously disappear.

Will the dragons come for baby Agni
Will the dragons come for baby Agni

When 15 cattle mysteriously disappeared from one herd without so much as a footprint for a clue, ranchers were able to determine the animals had probably been airlifted by dragons and possibly barbecued and eaten at a distance. 

“They’re coming for baby Agni,” said one such rancher. “I hope the scientists release him before they burn this whole place to the ground.”

And many scientists working on the project agree with the ranchers.

“We need to study this dragon in his natural habitat anyway. We should tag him and let him go.”

But no sign yet of when – or if –  baby Agni will be released. While locals prepare for the dragon invasion, scientists continue to report on baby Agni’s progress. His every meal of insects, rats and birds is being reported to the media and his size is expected to triple within the month.

 

Dangerous Dragons Blood Trend

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Would you spray a dragon’s blood on your face?

Will this spray give you the complexion and immortality of a dragon?
Will this spray give you the complexion and immortality of a dragon?

Not since the dread vampire facelift has a more dangerous supernatural beauty trend reared its scaly head. Beings around the world hoping to acquire the immortality of a dragon, if not the scaly complexion of one, are shelling out big bucks for potions and lotions like this one, which claim to be made with real dragon’s blood.

So popular is this disturbing trend that you may notice bottles like this one at your local pharmacy very soon.

“For thousands of years now, people have sought to extend life, to find the elixir of youth and to wash themselves in the pool of eternal life,” says the website of the company who makes this grisly product. “Living forever, for some, is a dream that they wish would come true…our dragon’s blood anti-wrinkle creams are the simplest way to beat old age.”

SIMPLE, you say, oh crazy cosmetics company? Oh yeah, how simple is this: you just locate a dragon’s secret mountain-top lair, get close enough to bleed him or her as quietly as possible, tapping their blood while avoiding being flamed or acidified or just plain clawed to death to safely transport your bloody haul to the headquarters of aforementioned crazy cosmetics company.

And before you pick up that tester and give it a spray, consider this. While dragons do in fact live hundreds if not a thousand years or more, have you looked at their hides close-up? After a few centuries, let’s just say things get scaly. Do you really want dragon scales on your face for hundreds of years? Sure, you’ll be mostly bullet-proof and flame resistant but will that compensate for the staring children?

Maybe, but another little known fact, these scales are one of the main reasons most older dragons stop transitioning back and forth from human to dragon. When their scales stop growing back as quickly as they once did, most older dragons will look like a giant plucked chicken for weeks after a protracted stint in human form. No draconian wants to look like a plucked chicken, ever. Plus if you have managed to achieve gold or platinum scales, would you want to see them fall out? Would you leave them unguarded in your cave while you go about your human life in the village below?

Now before you point it out, I will agree this could be a case of false advertising. Certainly the product does not appear to contain the blood of any dragon I have ever met. Although it’s hard to judge as the dragons around here tend to be pretty good at keeping their blood inside their bodies.

But until we can get a hold of a sample and send it to a lab we won’t know for sure. So if you see this suspicious supernatural product on a shelf near you, please try to get a sample in a safe container and let’s find out. Just watch behind you for angry dragons…

Baby Dragon Alert – Dragon Moon Brings Baby Dragons

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With the Dragon Moon on the wing, Survivors please be advised, a BABY DRAGON ALERT has been issued for the next 72 hours.

That’s right, I received the following terrifying proof in my inbox. Until I can track down the photographer to ascertain the validity of this, survivors are well advised to recall and practice their best baby dragon safety measures.

Sure they’re cute, but we all know how deadly they can be. Protect yourself and your family. Check back here for all the best tips and tools for the Dragon Moon.

Don't be fooled. Baby dragons are cute but deadly!
Don’t be fooled. Baby dragons are cute but deadly!

BABY DRAGON SAFETY TIPS:

1. The most important thing to remember when dealing with a baby dragon on the Dragon Moon is above all, don’t try to bring it inside!

There are three very good reasons for this, the first and second being that lurking somewhere is a draconian mom and a draconian dad. But equally important is the third reason which you see in this photo – that smoke curling up from the baby dragon’s mouth. Where there is smoke there is fire! Don’t risk burning down your home. Baby dragons can’t control all of their fiery faculties yet, they don’t necessarily want to burn down your house but they will. Leave the baby dragon outside!

2.  Don’t buy into the dangerous myth that you can tame or control a dragon! Never handle or try to catch a baby dragon with a pearl in your hand or a dragon net or any other dangerous technique. Even if it lands on your shoulder. Let me repeat, there are two very good reasons for this and they rhyme with the words BOMB and BAD.

I know what you’re thinking. But I’m a dragon kin or a dragon kind or a draconian friend or a dragon wolf or whatever and I’m not saying that’s not true. But if it is true, then the dragon will find and catch you later, likely when it is full grown. At which time you might not even recognize him or her as they are just as likely to be in human form as dragon form. Take it from me, dragons are nobody’s pet.

3.  If you intend to follow a baby dragon back to its lair, you do so at your peril. Just because you encounter one in your neck of the woods, does not mean it’s your next door neighbour. Dragons, even baby dragons, have an incredible range. They can fly between continents with ease and survive in climates lesser beings can’t. If you encounter a baby dragon on the Dragon Moon chances are good he or she got disoriented taking the new wings for a test drive. You might think that following it home is an excellent way to discover a dragon cave full of treasure but it’s really a better way to end up lost in an unforgiving habitat like the bush country of Botswana or the Death Roads of Bolivia.

For more info the different kinds of baby dragons and how to know what kind you’re facing, please see updates by Zyboragon around here on the Draconians page…. 

Burmese Dragons Retreat From First Public New Years’ Party in Yangon

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If you listen very hard tonight, as the world sings goodbye to the Year of the Dragon, you might hear something else too – the sound of old dragons slinking slowly back to their treasure caves for a long, draconian nap, in places like Burma or Myanmar.

Myanmese Dragons beat slow retreat from a looted land.
While young dragons are generally admired for their energy, leadership and intelligence, the world’s oldest dragons are famous for exactly four  things: looting, burning and sleeping and more looting. Did I mention looting?  When they loot they loot a lot. And when they sleep, they sleep even more, sometimes for a hundred years.

2012 The Year of the Dragon heralded the arrival of a record number of new dragons – but it also roused the looting and burning instincts of some of the worlds’ oldest dragons, like the Myanmese Draconians.

“Looting a country is very hard work. You humans don’t seem to understand this,” said Myanmar draconian Thein Sein. “For instance do you know how hard it is to hide billions of dollars in looted treasure? It takes a very big cave.”

The Myanmar dragon described an old plan to use his treasure to buy an entire football team instead.

“But then how to you hide all of Manchester United? Even in a country with no cell phones and Internet like Mayanmar, this is not easy.”

The draconian also noted that he did not want to share his cave with a bunch of rowdy footballers.

As a result, old dragons like Thein Sein have begun their slow slink away from the land while the people party in their wake.

“This is very exciting and also our first experience in celebrating the New Year. We feel like we are in a different world,” said Yu Thawda from Myanmar/Burma.

However, Draconian experts are warning the youth to temper their excitement.

“Old dragons don’t go fast,” writes dragon watcher Professor Dominicus Van Buren. “Treasure won’t fall from the sky.”

“Only once they are well and truly asleep inside their treasure caves do we have a chance.”

Solar Dragons starting Draconian civil war?

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Hail Survivors,

I recently received an email from friend to the site and survivors everywhere, Mr. Mutt, in which he alerted me about a very important event. See this excerpt from the email below:

At 18:37 Jan. 27 there was a massive explosion on the suns surface. This produced a lovely aurora borealis for all to enjoy but it also produced this writeting in the polar ice caps:

Nos exuret tu ater dracones, signatum, solis dracones.

Translated it means “we will burn you black dragons, signed, the dragons of the sun.

In Greek mythology two of these dragons pulled the chariot of Medea an infamous anti-survivalist. It appears that they have decided that 2012 is going to be the year of the sun dragons. They’ve already proved their disregaurd for human life by sending the solar flare with it’s dangerous radiation towards earth, however it appears no one informed them we have an electromagnetic field that keeps most dangerous radiation out of the atmosphere.

So what does this mean? Will there be a dragon civil war? Is this what the Myans knew was comeing? How will this affect the stock market?

Mutt Out.

Solar Dragon erupting from the surface of the Sun
Solar Dragon emerging from the surface of the Sun

Very important information indeed and excellent questions. Does this presage the end of the world as we know it as foretold by the Mayans? Will this spell havoc for Facebook’s long anticipated IPO? Does this mean that I should stock up on sunscreen?

Share your thoughts in the comments section and keep on keeping on.

Seth

P.S. Thanks to Mr. Mutt for sending this in and alerting us all to this important news. If you have supernatural survival related news or information be sure to send it in!

Black Dragons Rising

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Black Dragons rise to claim their year
Black Dragons rule in 2012 Year of the Water Dragon

Well it’s official. The Year of the Dragon begins today and Black Dragons around the world are waking up and slinking from their secret caves to claim the year.

How will you prepare for twelve months of high Draconian drama?

Recall dragon kind or so-called “Draconians” are born roughly every twelve years and every batch gets their own special element and color. 2012 being the year of the water dragon, whose team color is black, Black Dragons everywhere are rising to the occasion and the rumbling is being felt around the world.

This is not necessarily a bad thing. Dragons in general can be great leaders when they use their powers of fluency, fire and flight for the good of the others. Which they often do, especially when they are young.

But sometimes as the years wear on and the transformation toll begins to add up, older dragons can become disgruntled Draconians, obsessed only with treasure and sleeping away the last hundred years of their lives.

These Draconians slink away to secret treasure caves and only emerge from slumber long enough to hunt or stir up  trouble every now and again, for instance on the SOS Draconians page which has its share of slumbering Draconians including the notorious “Ytsaeb131”

But no dragon can sleep through its year. Starting today, they slink blinking from their caves to greet the new dragons and claim the year. So how will you survive?

Well first step, as always, is to determine you might be dealing with a dragon. If you don’t have The Monstrometer, look for other telltale signs including:

* Loquacious and lightning speed communication, often with unknown and/or unseen parties and often making demands for things ie: limos, pizzas, video game controls, black M & Ms, world domination etc.

* Hot, sooty-smelling breath. (WARNING: never tell a draconian he or she has hot, sooty breath. They get very offended.)

* A tendency toward iridescent dark clothing. They choose this to hide any black scales that might cling to their clothing in human form.

* Love of treasure in general and black pearls in particular. They will probably possess a black pearl object to give as a gift to one of the newborn Black Dragons.

* Dragon tattoo

* Extremely sleepy.

If you determine you might be dealing with a Black Dragon, your second step Draconian defense is as simple as a good box of breath mints or gum made with nitrogen, a natural fire extinguisher.

Look for products containing a high level of GUM ARABIC which is scientifically proven to increase fire-extinguishing nitrogen levels in the digestive tract. Then be generous. Offer the Draconian two or three or even four pieces. Not only will the gum slow their speech, the nitrogen in the gum will (temporarily) extinguish their firey dragon breath.

After the gum, step three is deceptively simple Y*A*W*N.  Yes, a big fat contagious yawn.  If you’ve ever tried this in a group, you know that it works. Mere seconds after you launch a big, stretchy yawn, everyone in your airspace starts heading for bed. The Draconian, supernaturally sleepy to begin with, will be helpless against your snooze ooze, she starts yawning and dreaming of sleep. In fact, many Draconians can’t even read the word “yawn” without letting loose and nodding off for fifty years or so.