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3 Siberian Portals Makes Dragon Breath Believers

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Three is the magic number when it comes to dieties, wishes and now mysterious portals in the ice as two more portals are revealed this week in Siberia. Does this pattern validate the controversial “Dragon Breath” theory?

Craters caused by Dragons Breath?
Craters caused by Dragons Breath?

The new portals, discovered by reindeer herders who almost fell into them, have locals and scientists alike more mystified than ever.

“It is not like this is the work of men, but also doesn’t look like a natural formation,” reported the Siberian Times.

At this point no cause is being ruled out and the theories still circulating include meteorites, stray missiles, aliens and underground gas explosions.

Whatever their origin, supernatural survivologists continue to warn about imminent THING DANGER that would result from the Things known to emerge from these frozen portals in the presence of the researchers who travel to study them.

But a new theory today points to the pattern among the three perfectly formed portals to identify an even more unusual cause – Dragons Breath.

The controversial Dragons Breath theory breaking here on the website dailykos, is put forward by a scientist named Dr. Box who describes the craters as Dragons Breath spikes.

Speaking with eyewitnesses and Dragons Breath survivors, Dr. Box says these craters appeared with a flash of light and a plume of smoke indicating Dragons Breath.

If so, these craters could be the work of a very powerful dragon waking up after a very long sleep and therianthropic Things may be the least of our worries.

How do you defend against Dragons Breath? Keep on keeping on for that.

Dragon Hatchling Agni Captured by Scientists Ranchers Fear Raids

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New Years’ Day brings new dragon hatchlings and this year is no exception in Indonesia where a captured baby dragon named Agni has set the draconian and human worlds ablaze, with burning forests and disappearing cattle the result.

New Dragons generally hatch on New Years' Day
New Dragons generally hatch on New Years’ Day

Indonesian zoologists were excited to announce their success capturing and tagging a baby dragon specimen they have named Agni, which is Sanskrit for “fire.”

The capture is a first-ever opportunity for zoologists to solve the old mystery of exactly what happens to baby dragons as they mature. No adult dragon has ever been captured or observed by a human scientist. As far as zoologists are concerned, at a certain age the baby dragons just disappear into thin air.

Unrecognized theories hold that at a certain age, baby dragons transform into something unrecognizable, perhaps even a whole other species.

While scientists observe baby Agni with great interest to discover at what age the young dragon will transform or disappear, the draconian world is ablaze with news of the capture, leaving the locals living in fear of draconian reprisals and rescue parties.

Ranchers in the area have already reported an unusually high number of scorched forested areas have begun to appear in areas where no storms have taken place and cattle have begun to mysteriously disappear.

Will the dragons come for baby Agni
Will the dragons come for baby Agni

When 15 cattle mysteriously disappeared from one herd without so much as a footprint for a clue, ranchers were able to determine the animals had probably been airlifted by dragons and possibly barbecued and eaten at a distance. 

“They’re coming for baby Agni,” said one such rancher. “I hope the scientists release him before they burn this whole place to the ground.”

And many scientists working on the project agree with the ranchers.

“We need to study this dragon in his natural habitat anyway. We should tag him and let him go.”

But no sign yet of when – or if –  baby Agni will be released. While locals prepare for the dragon invasion, scientists continue to report on baby Agni’s progress. His every meal of insects, rats and birds is being reported to the media and his size is expected to triple within the month.

 

Dangerous Dragons Blood Trend

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Would you spray a dragon’s blood on your face?

Will this spray give you the complexion and immortality of a dragon?
Will this spray give you the complexion and immortality of a dragon?

Not since the dread vampire facelift has a more dangerous supernatural beauty trend reared its scaly head. Beings around the world hoping to acquire the immortality of a dragon, if not the scaly complexion of one, are shelling out big bucks for potions and lotions like this one, which claim to be made with real dragon’s blood.

So popular is this disturbing trend that you may notice bottles like this one at your local pharmacy very soon.

“For thousands of years now, people have sought to extend life, to find the elixir of youth and to wash themselves in the pool of eternal life,” says the website of the company who makes this grisly product. “Living forever, for some, is a dream that they wish would come true…our dragon’s blood anti-wrinkle creams are the simplest way to beat old age.”

SIMPLE, you say, oh crazy cosmetics company? Oh yeah, how simple is this: you just locate a dragon’s secret mountain-top lair, get close enough to bleed him or her as quietly as possible, tapping their blood while avoiding being flamed or acidified or just plain clawed to death to safely transport your bloody haul to the headquarters of aforementioned crazy cosmetics company.

And before you pick up that tester and give it a spray, consider this. While dragons do in fact live hundreds if not a thousand years or more, have you looked at their hides close-up? After a few centuries, let’s just say things get scaly. Do you really want dragon scales on your face for hundreds of years? Sure, you’ll be mostly bullet-proof and flame resistant but will that compensate for the staring children?

Maybe, but another little known fact, these scales are one of the main reasons most older dragons stop transitioning back and forth from human to dragon. When their scales stop growing back as quickly as they once did, most older dragons will look like a giant plucked chicken for weeks after a protracted stint in human form. No draconian wants to look like a plucked chicken, ever. Plus if you have managed to achieve gold or platinum scales, would you want to see them fall out? Would you leave them unguarded in your cave while you go about your human life in the village below?

Now before you point it out, I will agree this could be a case of false advertising. Certainly the product does not appear to contain the blood of any dragon I have ever met. Although it’s hard to judge as the dragons around here tend to be pretty good at keeping their blood inside their bodies.

But until we can get a hold of a sample and send it to a lab we won’t know for sure. So if you see this suspicious supernatural product on a shelf near you, please try to get a sample in a safe container and let’s find out. Just watch behind you for angry dragons…

Vianna – Dyan Super Moon-Summer Solstice – Survivor Of The Month

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Thanks for helping me keep on keeping on!
With survival, anything is possible. Even me finally posting this announcement!

Eschewing the standard method of first revealing clues to build up suspense by delay we have, due to circumstances somewhat beyond my control, Graham and I sort of decided to go for a straight up delay this month on the SOTM. *

And so, without further ado, here is finally the Dyan Super Moon / Summer Solstice Survivor of the month…

Vianna!

Vianna

Fun facts about Vianna:

She is a green forest dragon who protects those who need help. Humans and other beings in addition to her own kind.

She is a seer.

She also goes by Vritra.

She is starting a YouTube channel (look for more details coming soon).

Is seriously determined and will often fly hundreds of miles to aid other survivors in need.

Bakes delicious lemon poppy-seed muffins for her werewolf friends.

Recently protected SOS and survivors everywhere from a trio of dragon hunters.

Brought not one but two other survivors onto the site. Yazdin, a were-cat and Rohkea, a time traveler.

Was once captured and held in a cage with many other dragons until they managed to escape with an assist from some tigers sent by Yazdin.

She thinks I am funny. Well funny-ish. And despite receiving minus 10 points for this, still won the draw. 😉

She makes an excellent point against keeping monsters as pets. Don’t. They’ll probably eat you.

She needs to check her email to claim her prize!

Congratulations to Vianna, thanks for your all your contributions to Survival this month.

Long may you keep on keeping on.

* For those wondering why this was so delayed here’s why (from my update on the clues article):

I am back from the watery death pit and am FINALLY about to put up the survivor of the month announcement. Due to the delays caused by my slimy sojourn in the belly of a giant lake monster we are going to skip the clues this month and go straight into the unveiling. That and my notes for the clues are extremely waterlogged and partially digested. Short version of the story I had to deliver some pizzas near the lake and thought I would  take a few snaps of a local lake monster making waves in the neighbourhood.  I was able to get a few good ones including one particularly good closeup of the inside of its mouth before finding myself with a number of fish and a used tire in a dark damp room that I later determined to be the belly of the monster.  I guess I must have smelled like the shrimp and mushroom pizzas I had just delivered so if you are not into getting swallowed whole by giant lake monsters I suggest following the rules of waiting 60 minutes after eating (for the smell of food to dissipate) before swimming. It took me a while but I was eventually able to escape and make my way back to Survival HQ. Keep checking back for more details about my adventure. Unfortunately there won’t be any pictures as my iPhone is not functioning very well after spending a week in the belly of a lake monster.

Baby Dragon Alert – Dragon Moon Brings Baby Dragons

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With the Dragon Moon on the wing, Survivors please be advised, a BABY DRAGON ALERT has been issued for the next 72 hours.

That’s right, I received the following terrifying proof in my inbox. Until I can track down the photographer to ascertain the validity of this, survivors are well advised to recall and practice their best baby dragon safety measures.

Sure they’re cute, but we all know how deadly they can be. Protect yourself and your family. Check back here for all the best tips and tools for the Dragon Moon.

Don't be fooled. Baby dragons are cute but deadly!
Don’t be fooled. Baby dragons are cute but deadly!

BABY DRAGON SAFETY TIPS:

1. The most important thing to remember when dealing with a baby dragon on the Dragon Moon is above all, don’t try to bring it inside!

There are three very good reasons for this, the first and second being that lurking somewhere is a draconian mom and a draconian dad. But equally important is the third reason which you see in this photo – that smoke curling up from the baby dragon’s mouth. Where there is smoke there is fire! Don’t risk burning down your home. Baby dragons can’t control all of their fiery faculties yet, they don’t necessarily want to burn down your house but they will. Leave the baby dragon outside!

2.  Don’t buy into the dangerous myth that you can tame or control a dragon! Never handle or try to catch a baby dragon with a pearl in your hand or a dragon net or any other dangerous technique. Even if it lands on your shoulder. Let me repeat, there are two very good reasons for this and they rhyme with the words BOMB and BAD.

I know what you’re thinking. But I’m a dragon kin or a dragon kind or a draconian friend or a dragon wolf or whatever and I’m not saying that’s not true. But if it is true, then the dragon will find and catch you later, likely when it is full grown. At which time you might not even recognize him or her as they are just as likely to be in human form as dragon form. Take it from me, dragons are nobody’s pet.

3.  If you intend to follow a baby dragon back to its lair, you do so at your peril. Just because you encounter one in your neck of the woods, does not mean it’s your next door neighbour. Dragons, even baby dragons, have an incredible range. They can fly between continents with ease and survive in climates lesser beings can’t. If you encounter a baby dragon on the Dragon Moon chances are good he or she got disoriented taking the new wings for a test drive. You might think that following it home is an excellent way to discover a dragon cave full of treasure but it’s really a better way to end up lost in an unforgiving habitat like the bush country of Botswana or the Death Roads of Bolivia.

For more info the different kinds of baby dragons and how to know what kind you’re facing, please see updates by Zyboragon around here on the Draconians page…. 

Burmese Dragons Retreat From First Public New Years’ Party in Yangon

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If you listen very hard tonight, as the world sings goodbye to the Year of the Dragon, you might hear something else too – the sound of old dragons slinking slowly back to their treasure caves for a long, draconian nap, in places like Burma or Myanmar.

Myanmese Dragons beat slow retreat from a looted land.
While young dragons are generally admired for their energy, leadership and intelligence, the world’s oldest dragons are famous for exactly four  things: looting, burning and sleeping and more looting. Did I mention looting?  When they loot they loot a lot. And when they sleep, they sleep even more, sometimes for a hundred years.

2012 The Year of the Dragon heralded the arrival of a record number of new dragons – but it also roused the looting and burning instincts of some of the worlds’ oldest dragons, like the Myanmese Draconians.

“Looting a country is very hard work. You humans don’t seem to understand this,” said Myanmar draconian Thein Sein. “For instance do you know how hard it is to hide billions of dollars in looted treasure? It takes a very big cave.”

The Myanmar dragon described an old plan to use his treasure to buy an entire football team instead.

“But then how to you hide all of Manchester United? Even in a country with no cell phones and Internet like Mayanmar, this is not easy.”

The draconian also noted that he did not want to share his cave with a bunch of rowdy footballers.

As a result, old dragons like Thein Sein have begun their slow slink away from the land while the people party in their wake.

“This is very exciting and also our first experience in celebrating the New Year. We feel like we are in a different world,” said Yu Thawda from Myanmar/Burma.

However, Draconian experts are warning the youth to temper their excitement.

“Old dragons don’t go fast,” writes dragon watcher Professor Dominicus Van Buren. “Treasure won’t fall from the sky.”

“Only once they are well and truly asleep inside their treasure caves do we have a chance.”