On Friday Delaware, The First State, became the first state to name an official Martian Ambassador and declare its intention to actively recruit more inhabitants from the Red Planet to join the Blue Hen State.
“We want to let Martian tourists and investors know that Delaware is conveniently located on the East Coast with a great port, strong community, excellent workforce and top-notch research facilities,” stated Governor Jack Markell. “We have beautiful beaches, important historic sites and of course tax-free shopping.”
New Martian Ambassador Dr. Noureddine Melikechi declared himself, “very pleased” to accept the post on Planet Earth despite being completely unable to show it because of having to wear this stiff human face.
“At my last job on Mars we had to wear hairnets on our tentacles and management would whip us with lasers when the deep fryer was slow,” said Dr. Melikechi, adding that on Mars, McHuman Burgers are a rare delicacy and now on earth he can eat one everyday if he wants.
“I’ll probably limit myself to one a week though. Your gravity is killing me! My weight has tripled since I got here!” Dr. Melikechi denied pigging out on catfood nuggets at the Concord High School Cafeteria.
“Are you kidding me? No self-respecting Martian would eat that slop!” Dr. Melikechi was pleased to learn about the availability of Anti-Gravity Cream for his situation.
Dr. Melikechi also said it won’t be hard to get his Martian friends to come to Delaware.
“I think the harder part will be asking them to leave.”