Lander Reports Comet 67P Sings, Smells Just Like a Bus
Survivors have been monitoring this one for years here on SOS but thanks to data from Philae Lander on Comet 67P, new clues confirm the truth that many comets are actually part of a massive interstellar space transit system maintained by aliens with advanced technology and a lazy janitorial staff.
Data from the lander has revealed that Comet 64P emits a strange singing signal and an even stranger smell of rotten eggs, urine, alcohol, and vinegar, smells typically associated by humans with poorly sanitized mass transit vehicles.
“Yeah that pretty much describes the smell on this bus,” said bus driver Edna Smith, hiding her suspiciously cold coffee flask. “I keep telling them to fire that cleaner but they just banned egg sandwiches instead.”
The outgassing smell from Comet 67-PEE was reportedly so bad that Philae Lander passed out and fell over last week. A charge that has offended many aliens hiding among us.
“You Earthlings always going on about smelly aliens when you can’t even go a three hours without a toilet, let alone cross an entire galaxy. Just try floating through the Milky Way and see how long you can hold it.”
As for the strange singing sound, Philae reported that Comet 67P emits a strange, song-like clicking noise just below the range of human hearing, a sound that has been described as a form of intelligent communication that may have actually been first detected almost 20 years ago.
According to alien watcher Scott Waring of UFO Sightings Daily, an anonymous email from a space agency whistle blower claims they knew about the signal two decades ago and that it is in fact the real reason behind the whole mission to Comet 67P.
‘Do not think for one moment that a space agency would suddenly decide to spend billions of dollars to build and send a spacecraft on a 12-year journey to simply take some close-up images of a randomly-picked-out comet floating in space.”
While most comets follow a predictable orbit, according to Waring’s whistle blower the singing, smelly comet 64/P has been observed to changing course, a behaviour that indicates route changes according to a changing delivery and drop schedule demanded by paying customers.
While the Internet continues to study Philae images for signs of machine-like parts on Comet 67P, none of this will come as a surprise to SOS readers. It does point to the need for extreme survivological caution if you have any interstellar transit plans for the coming holidays. No amount of hand sanitizer can protect you from the range of alien pathogens likely present on this ship. So pack a good space suit and consider wearing it throughout the whole trip. Or at least the gloves and good face mask. And whatever you do, don’t bring egg salad.
Long may you keep on keeping on. Click here for past info about alien interstellar transit.