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Will You Be Cyborg Soon – or Sooner? First Telepathic Emails Sent

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When a human in France sent a telepathic email to another in India this week, people everywhere are beginning to ask, how soon until we are all cyborgs?

Will we all be cyborgs soon?
Will we all be cyborgs soon?

Granted it was a pretty short email, just two words HOLA! and CIAO! but still, the message was transferred directly from one brain to the other using direct B2B, or Brain 2 Brain link technology. This technology relies on electroencephalography to translate brain impulses into binary and back again, as per the diagram provided by plusone.org .

The message appeared as a flash of light in the corner of the receiver’s vision and marks the first time that one human has sent a message almost directly to the brain of another human.

Cyborg scientists are understandably excited by the possibilities but before you and your BFF line up for B2B chips of your own, SOS urges you to stop and consider the pros and cons of receiving direct messages to your brain…

PRO –>> No longer any danger of losing your device and therefore your email.

CON –>> No more excuses you can give about not receiving your email and replying promptly

PRO –>> Ability to read your email in front of others without seeming rude. As long as you’re still nodding and smiling, nobody has to know you’re secretly catching up on your correspondence.

CON –>> How will you edit your thoughts? What if you like me don’t think in complete… sure wish I had another cookie right… why is my foot so itchy…hey is that a Tesla?

PRO –>> In case of emergency, the ability to send an SOS could be instantaneous.

CON –>> How will you prevent unwanted transmissions? Never mind talking in your sleep, what happens when you email those er, nocturnal emissions to the wrong recipient?

PRO –>> No more keyboard pain. Slow typer like me? No more worries! Can’t spell? Well, we’ll see about that. Will your biomechanical pulses be any faster? For me that depends on the day.

CON –>> Brain Spam. If you hated spam before wait ’til you start receiving promotional offers for knock-off drugs and merch direct to your brain. And if you worried about the Cloud before how much worse will it be now?

Cyborgs vs Robots: Finally Somebody Takes Us Seriously!

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Cyborgs and robots react to the exciting news: Cambridge researchers are urging the world to stop treating them as the stuff of science fiction and start thinking of them as a part of reality!  A potentially threatening part of reality!

Cyborg J.D. Hancock going to Cambridge University

Scientists at the Center for Existential Risk made a big announcement this week. They resolved to devote their department to study the reality of artificial intelligence and its impact on humanity’s future.

And while cyborgs like this one, couldn’t be more pleased, robots are said to be *very concerned*

“Finally someone believes me!” said cyborg J.D. Hancock (right). “I’ve been warning the humans about this for years. Robots are not cute little sidekicks with bleepy lights and handy tool compartments like you see in science fiction. They’re actually really, really mean! Look, they took my face!”

Professor Jaan Tallin, one of the founders of the Center for Existential Risk and known fan of survival himself, puts it this way on his blog:

“People sometimes complain that corporations are psychopaths, if they are not sufficiently reined in by human control. The pessimistic prospect here is that artificial intelligence might be similar, except much much cleverer and much, much faster.”

Faceless cyborg, JD Hancock could not agree more.

“Exactly what I’ve been saying! Like, they took my face. A whole gang of them. They jumped me and told me to stop acting like a human bleeeeep and one of them had a knife for a hand and the other ones held me down and next thing I knew, he had my face. It was my favourite one too.”

While the Cambridge scientists will work with Professor Tallin to determine just how much of a threat artificial intelligence could be to the world, cyborg JD Hancock hopes to tell his story to the researchers and hopefully learn more about the gang of angry robot pride activists who took his face.

“Did I mention they took my face? That’s just not nice.”

Robot denies taking cyborg's face.

But in a recent interview, Robot 4U2C (left) indicated with a series of bleeps and vibrations that he was quote *very concerned* about the prospect of an entire university department devoted to describing all the ways that he and his kind wil be a threat to the world.

*It’s not fair! Do you know how much one professor can talk? Let alone a entire department of them? We robots do not stand a chance.*

Further, 4U2C categorically denies taking JD Hancock’s face.

*Do I really look like somebody who would steal a face? He probably just forgot it somewhere.*

 

Meet Baxter the Blue Collar Robot

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(SOS/ASAP/WTF) Robust robot news from Massachusetts this week. Robotics company Rethink has unveiled their new assembly line robot Baxter, destined for the car manufacturing industry among others.

Baxter is being billed as the first true blue collar bot, complete with name tag,  young robot family, a past substance abuse problem and a confused look on his LCD face that says, how did I end up working here again?

But does Baxter have secret, lofty personal ambitions and designs on a corner office? Read on.

An SOS truer-than-true story in progress…

Blue-collar Baxter is capable of common sense and confusion.

But while Baxter’s buzz is about his ability to learn from humans on the assembly line, many suspect him of actually being a secret union negotiator bot, released just in time for major international union negotiations between car manufacturers and their labor unions.

For the low price of 25,000 dollars Baxter comes complete with his own young robot family including robot dog also named Baxter and a box of 24 donuts — just enough to help the entire night-shift crew forget about their disappearing jobs and salaries.

Rethink’s CEO Scott Eckert, says Baxter is capable of growing and learning on the job. Baxter’s programmed WTF? facial expression is designed to communicate confusion and elicit instruction and routine abuse from helpy humans working the line with him, just like any human noob on the floor.

But the timing of Baxter’s release, not to mention his 360 camera head, has many humans wondering if this robot may have a secret and even more successful secondary career as a union negotiator. Just one day after Baxter’s big release announcement, the Big 3 auto makers GM, Chrysler and Ford all reached speedy agreements with their unions who were threatening to go on strike.

So does Baxter secretly have his eye on a lofty promotion, with a big desk and a corner office? Is there a secret union-buster spy bot lurking behind his canned look of confusion?

“Who, me?” said Baxter, flashing his signature expression of innocence. “I’m just the little guy who grips the wrench. How could I be a threat to anyone?”

Cool as a Cyborg

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(SOS/ASAP/WTF) We can all agree that cyborgs and werewolves normally have very little in common, one being a hot-tempered lycomorph and the other a paragon of perfect reason.

But at the height of these dog days, in the wake of nasty solar flares, almost no other being can sympathize with a werewolf like your average cyborg.

(Except maybe zombies who experience a rapid acceleration of their already accelerated decay.)

Okay maybe they don’t exactly sympathize, after all they’re still cyborgs, but you get the idea. While werewolves struggle with the fury of fur, cyborgs in the city are crashing all around us these days, especially older models with obsolete cooling technology. You see them everywhere stalled in the shade with blank expressions, just waiting to be rebooted on a cooler day. Or roaming the stores, sucking up all the air conditioning in one location after another.

So if have a cyborg friend or a you are a cyborg, a reminder these days to wear your coolest clothes is in order. Like this cooling vest worn at the Beijing Olympics by cyborg competitors like this gold medalist in the hundred yard handsome. The vest circulates cooling fluid in a fun pattern that says, yeah I’m hot but I’m still cool…

Older model cooling vests have handy pockets for gel packs.

But if you don’t want to run the risk – or expense  of a handsome high-tech unit like the one above, older model vests feature hidden pockets for cooling gel packs.

Just put them in the freezer at night and slip them in your pocket before you go outside. Sure you look a bit like a Walmart greeter, but so? That’s an honorable job and besides, it’s better to be cool than to look cool.

But on that note, why bother with a special vest at all? Why not invent your own personal polar technology?

Like this super highttech cooling hat for instance:

Super high tech cooling cap

This hat uses the wonder of running H2O technology and the freezification potential of your own refrigerator to create a personal polar ice cap that is perfectly molded to the shape of your head. Simply soak and freeze the night before you need it.

But why stop at your cap? Why not soak and freeze your entire ensemble, from your tie to your undies? Okay, yeah, it’s a little hard to put it on. Sure, it loses some of its shape. But won’t it be worth it?**

Got any other tips or tricks to help us all survive the scorching days of  the dog? Thanks for sharing them and of course, thanks for keeping on.

**Some users may experience isolated episodes of brain freeze

***SOS not responsible for any short-circuits that may result from melting ice caps.

SOS Hall of Famer: P5t5r

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Here are the first clues to our first SOS Hall of Fame inductee, meaning from the last year:

Super Moon Survivors of the Month
Coming Soon: Super Moon Survivors

01010011 01110101 01110010 01110110 01101001 01110110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01001101 01101111 01101110 01110100 01101000 00100000 01010000 00110101 01010100 00110101 01010010

2. On first glance he may look like an ordinary human, but once you see him lick his elbow, you’ll be turned onto the fact that he may not be so human after all.

3. He is a dedicated student and occasionally has to take breaks away from the site to make sure that he gets all his schoolwork done to the highest standard.

4. He is very passionate about cyborg-human relations and the rights of a cyborg to be religious, and experience human qualities.

As most of you already guessed that this month’s Survivor of the Month is our very own: P5T5R!!  Congratulations!

A few of our favorite P5T5R moments:

“Cyborgs can be religious. We know someone made the electronic part of us and so it’s easy to believe that someone made the rest too.”

“Can I still haiku?
Or must we not continue
See what I can do.

I’d love to do more
I love to rhyme and haiku
Please let me join you.”

“Now you are one of us and we stick by each other just ask anyone. No one is left behind and someone experienced and knowledgable can always be there for you.”

“A more loyal, dedicated, devoted, kind, courageous, and passionate group than us you probably won’t find.”

P5T5R came to Seth on Survival and tested out the Monstrometer, finding that he was, in fact, a cyborg.  He went on to find out that while he had a layer of human skin, underneath he was a robotic entity.   His ability to lick his elbow was one of the first indicators that he was perhaps a little more than human.

Since that time, P5T5R has been extremely helpful in providing ideas and feedback for Seth about how the site can be more efficient and helpful to new monsters, as well as often offering tips on incidents that may be cyborg related. In fact, this whole survivor profile thing was P5t5r’s idea.

(So did he use his cyborg powers on my Hat App??? That’s a question only he can answer.)

P5t5r has taken up the cause of cyborg rights, and when put to trial, please not-guilty on treating one race better than the other.  (You can follow that trial here: http://sethonsurvival.com/monstrometer/werewolves/comment-page-86#comment-134234 ) And by the way: We support you P5T5R – we know you are passionate about equality.

P5T5R is not a cyborg bent on destroying human kind, and rather spends his time helping, encouraging, and keeping the peace between all of our super-natural beings, and the humans that love them.  The one thing P5T5R hates is being left out, especially when he has so many skills to help.

Though he often sticks closely to his areas of expertise on the Cyborg Page, P5T5R has been known to branch out and visit the other pages, providing insights and responses.

Stop on over at the Cyborg Page sometime, and say:

**01000011 01101111 01101110 01100111 01110010 01100001 01110100 01110101 01101100 01100001 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 01110011 00100000 01100110 01110010 01101001 01100101 01101110 01100100

to P5T5R!  And don’t forget to ask his help next time you have a dilemma!

**Translation: Congratulations friend