New real life Dr. Frankenstein, Sergio Canavaro wants the world to know how he plans to start transplanting human heads with the help of his global army.
Dr. Sergio Canaverostein revealed the existence of his global head transplantation army in this phone interview as he promised to achieve the world’s first human to human head transplant by 2017.
“Let it be said that I already put together a veritable army all over the world, including the United States and Canada, that is ready to embark on this incredible moonshot,” brags the freaky doctor. “The procedure is actually very simple.
According to the Frankendoctor, all he needs is 36 hours, a coordinated team of about 150 nurses and… and ~ what was that other thing again?… Oh yeah! ~ a healthy donor body.
Human critics note that while the freaky doctor claims a “long line” of head donors among his global army, he makes no mention of the other half of the equation, ie: willing healthy donor bodies.
“This news should alarm every human who possesses a healthy human body with its own head,” warns SOS’s Seth Greening. “If you thought kidney snatchers were hazardous to your survival, can I remind you about the body snatchers?”
“Unless these head donors all plan to just swap bodies – which I doubt – then the world needs to prepare for a new Invasion of the Body Snatchers.”
Seth urges anyone with a healthy human body already attached to a head to fake an illness or neuro-muscular condition immediately.
HOW TO FOOL A BODY SNATCHER
1. Use a Mobility Device For A Prop
Better fakers can achieve a lot with a simple cane but can you really sustain that palsied gait 100% of the time? If not, you must consider shelling out the money for a more convincing prop, like a wheelchair. The good ones can also double as superfast getaway vehicles.
2. Wear a Medic Alert
A blood borne illness is easiest to act but maybe too subtle for a careless body snatcher who may forget to check for the jewelry until it’s too late.
3. Hide A Limb
Unless you can hop on one leg, arms will be easier than legs. Keep one or both arms safely stashed under your jacket and leave the empty sleeves swinging in the wind. Guaranteed to fool 55% of invading body snatchers under most weather conditions.