Five Supernaturally Simple Dos to Keep Away the Krampii
Sure, defending against dark spirits like Krampus is a little more complicated than swapping your sweater to foil that crazy Icelandic Yule Cat but it’s not as hard as Hollywood makes it out to be and you probably don’t need any heavy artillery.
(Unless we’re talking Mallie zombies here… in which case you might want some heavy artillery.)
No, all you really need are few sound seasonal supernatural survivological principles like the following:
1. Do bake some cookies
Sure you could just buy some and yes they would be cheaper but their manufactured uniformity and scary ingredients list also appeals to the darkest spirits.
Even your crumbliest anti-Krampus cookie or your burntest bundt, buche or brownie is more spiritually effective. Some recent survivilogical research suggests its the smell of the baking process itself that keeps the good spirits happy and the Krampus away. So don’t wait, fire up your oven today.
2. Do keep the Yule fire or light burning.
Whether its the lights on your tree, the log in your grate or the candles in your menorah the lights of the season are an essential part of guiding good spirits to your home who will keep the dark ones like Krampus at bay.
(The other essential factor? Review the SOS guide to seasonal survival, decorating for self-defense. In a word, it’s all about the baconD…)
3. Do remain mindful of all your old toys before moving on to the new.
Neglecting old toys is a a supernaturally bad idea. In the icy claws of a bad spirit like Krampus, old toys become a supernaturally good weapon or juju prop. It’s all about showing care and gratitude. So before demanding anything new this year, review the old with gratitude and find a good home for anything you don’t want anymore.
4. Do remember the true spirit of season.
Here’s a hint – it’s about self-sacrifice and giving to others. Yes it’s a cliche but it’s also basic supernatural survivological self-defense. Geneticists still aren’t sure why or how yet but we do know now that practice this spiritual truth will survive the darkest hours while those who don’t… don’t.
So don’t give any Krampuses – Krampii? – a hairy cloven hoof in the door of your spiritual wheelhouse. This season focus on what you can do for others.
5. Do keep that Krampus gift.
Some say it will be a lump of coal, others that it will be a bell signed by the dark lord himself. Whatever it is, when you unwrap this strange gift you will know you survived an encounter with evil and likely saved someone you love – but just by the skin of your teeth. So keep the gift as a reminder to keep making the supernatural effort to keep your spiritual self-defenses up all year around.
Need more SOS seasonal supernatural self-defense? Find some here.