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You are here: Home / Archives for candy monsters

candy monsters

LEPRECHAUN TRICKSTER RELEASES JUICY NEW CLUE

March 16, 2015 By Seth 2 Comments

Will Treasure Hunters End Up “All Wet?”

Santa Fe leprechaun Forrest Fenn added a juicy new clue about the location of his treasure chest full of gold and jewels in time for St. Patrick’s day, but some think the trickster is playing games with the world and has either forgotten the location of his treasure or that it doesn’t exist at all.

To review, famous leprechaun Forrest Fenn claims to have hidden a treasure chest full of gold and treasure that includes his 17th century Spanish emerald ring, a ruby-studded bracelet, small diamonds and other items somewhere in Santa Fe. He released a book and poem full of clues about its location.

On the trail of Forrest Fenn’s treasure

Now a leprechaun losing his gold is not news. They do it all the time, everyone knows that. The only thing more common than a leprechaun lifting your pants or your shoes is a leprechaun looking for his lost loot.

(Rainbow power is the problem here. Rainbows provide for quick treasure teleportation but once a rainbow disappears  – and they disappear fast – it’s really hard to find the exact geo-coordinates again.)

While young leprechauns are learning to solve this problem with new technology, Mr. Fenn is an old school leprechaun. He leaves encrypted clues for himself in a poem and a book to help him remember where he buried it. It’s a traditional leprechaun trick, and like many traditional leprechauns, with time Mr. Forrest Fenn forgot what it all meant.

And this year Forrest has added a new clue to the mix and here it is: if you could stand on his treasure you would see mountains and trees and you would be “all wet.”

He claims that adding this juicy new clue to his previous 9 clues (see below) and reading his book will help you to find his million dollar treasure and that you can keep it.

But critics say you might just be leading the forgetful Mr. Fenn to his lost loot or even that the treasure doesn’t exist at all because Mr. Fenn is just playing a big trick on the world designed to sell his book.

This St. Patrick’s day, you can check out the hidden clues in Forrest Fenn’s poem below and decide for yourself if it’s worth the risk of getting “all wet.” If you decide to join the hunt, be sure and check behind you at all times for Forrest himself and carry a good supply of four leaf clovers. And er, don’t start by calling all the homes of people named “Brown,” in the Santa Fe area. Trust me, they hate that!

Forrest Fenn lost his loot again – will he really let you keep it?

As I have gone alone in there
And with my treasures bold,
I can keep my secret where,
And hint of riches new and old. 

Begin it where warm waters halt
And take it in the canyon down,
Not far, but too far to walk.
Put in below the home of Brown.

From there it’s no place for the meek,
The end is drawing ever nigh;
There’ll be no paddle up your creek,
Just heavy loads and water high.

If you’ve been wise and found the blaze,
Look quickly down, your quest to cease
But tarry scant with marvel gaze,
Just take the chest and go in peace.

So why is it that I must go
And leave my trove for all to seek?
The answers I already know
I’ve done it tired, and now I’m weak

So hear me all and listen good,
Your effort will be worth the cold.
If you are brave and in the wood
I give you title to the gold.

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Filed Under: Survival Resources Tagged With: candy monsters, Leprechauns

Candyman Carnage Continues Candy Monsters Not Sweet

August 14, 2014 By Seth 16 Comments

No sugar-coating this supernatural news Survivors, the Candyman carnage continues with clusters of new and deadly Candy Monsters congealing around the world.

These candy monsters not a sweet joke
Candy monsters not so sweet…

Learn to protect yourself from the candyman carnage before one of these crawls out of the back seat –>>

Candymen -or Candy Monsters to be more accurate -~that’s right some of them are women! ~~ are a perennial summertime supernatural threat that can sometimes go unheeded in the howl of werewolves during the Dog Days or the evil twins who arrive with the Geminids

But rest assured as long as you keep putting nuclear reactors near candy factories and/or leaving cotton candy on hot car seats, these Candy Monsters will be a growing, gooey threat to your survival and mine.

Judging by the disturbing photos that appeared this week, it is past time to turn our attention back to these sticky supernaturals.

FAST FACTS ABOUT CANDY MONSTERS

1. Where do Candy Monsters come from?

While reports of so-called Candymen go back as far as the 1930s, these were isolated reports concerned cases of humans who got too involved in their own confections, clearly unrelated to the Candy Monsters of today.

Today’s Candy Monster clusters owe their existence to a number of overlapping phenomenon that begins with toxic sludge and ends with the fine print on you favourite candy. To be fair, what food chemist could predict the effect of gamma radiation on a bag of Boozle Beans? Was it the malic or tartaric acid? The carnuba wax or carmine colours? Or another reaction involving any of the 86 other ingredients listed?

We may never know all the chemical causes, all we can do is learn to survive the threat.

2. When do Candy Monsters strike?

While Candy Monsters are as diverse as the confections from which they come, early reports do indicate some patterns.

They prefer late afternoon and night. They almost never attack in the morning. The only one exception to this appears to be a report involving a very sweet cereal being eaten with ice cream and chocolate syrup for breakfast that resulted in an attack on one house. Metabolically speaking, they are not morning monsters.

Further, preliminary reports indicate they do not travel alone. They appear in clusters. Not herds like zombies but small packs.

3. How can I keep Candy Monsters away? 

How do you keep bears away? Think of Candy Monsters as giant, super sticky, oozy, gloppy bears that shoot acids and drop glop traps everywhere in a quest to consume every confiserie they can.

What I mean is, safe sugar storage is key. For anything beyond simple chocolate or vanilla ice cream, freezing it is not nearly enough. The brighter, sweeter, smellier, stickier and tastier your treat, the better chance it will attract a roving Candy Monster. Remember this: If the candy glows, a monster knows… so don’t leave it lying around. If you can’t eat it all, dispose of the remains in a locked bin at an approved hazardous waste disposal site.

Never try to trap one.
Does this candy monster have alien origins?

4. Never try to trap a Candy Monster

I know, I know. I must have said it 4.6 million times by now but it bears repeating.

While some would trap fairies for wishes and zombies for dishes, the late-night munchies sometimes propels misguided people to try to trap a Candy Monster.

Sure they taste great. A single free-range Candy Monster like this one is an estimated source of at least 75 different kinds of confection.

 Mmmm… sprinkles…

But even if you aren’t squeamish about eating her admittedly tasty eyeball, you may not like the supernaturally sticky slime that shoots out of them. Do you really want to be glued to your couch for a week?

Well yeah maybe I do, but the point is, next time that could be a tetra-tartaric acid ray and you won’t have a couch left to sit on. Or a leg left to sit on it with.

And that’s assuming you’re dealing with only one. A dangerous assumption since the latest reports indicate the newest Candy Monsters travel in clusters.

For more about Candy Monsters clusters and how to bust them, please keep on keeping on in the comments below.

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Filed Under: Survival Resources Tagged With: candy monsters, candyman, candymen

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