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You are here: Home / Archives for Angels

Angels

Stupid About Cupid Five Myths About the V-Day Demon

February 12, 2016 By Seth 18 Comments

Can you spot a Cupid before you wake up in a Las Vegas hotel with a strange band on your hand and a sinking sense of doom?

Today this supernaturally important question faces us all. Love and its consequences remains  among the most supernaturally mysterious survivillogical forces at work in our universe.  Read on and you may yet survive the V-Day demons who will be out in full force tonight.

Cupids of antiquity
Cupids of antiquity

Or don’t. But don’t email me when you wake up in Vegas married to a giant rock who looked like an elf last night or worse, a zombie stripper who removed much more than clothing.

Learn how to identify a modern Cupid before its too late. Hint: if you are still looking for a naked kid or a dude in an adult diaper, then you have fallen for the five myths about Cupid.

5 Myths About Cupid  

Myth #1: Cupid Flies Around Naked

Let’s get this out of the way. A modern Cupid is not going to make his or her quota from a jail cell facing indecent exposure charges. They know this and take pains to appear dressed at all times. Now we can argue about how dressed they really are, but that would be a waste of time. They have the ability to appear fully clothed and that’s the point.

So how dressed do they like to appear?

Here’s the thing about Cupids. As minor angelic and/or demonic beings – See Myth #4 – they can generate the appearance of whatever clothing they can imagine. So how they dress depends on what they feel like imagining. Most Cupids are pretty flashy dressers who like to change it up a lot so look out for multiple suspicious wardrobe changes and clothes that are just slightly different every time they appear.

And yes, if you do happen to catch a Cupid generating a new outfit, you might inadvertently see some parts you didn’t expect. Like wings and deadly claws, among other things. If this happens, don’t even think about hanging around to see what happens next. You don’t want to know.

The First Cupid Camera
The First Cupid Camera

Myth #2: Cupid is Armed With a Bow and Arrow

Okay yes, Cupids of antiquity were indeed armed with bows and arrows but that’s only because they had a deeper appreciation for metaphor and no other options. Modern Cupids swapped their bows for cameras over a hundred years ago and of course, today’s little demon is digital just like everyone else and has added a computer.

Yes the modern Cupid is a paranormal paparrazo hunting you with his Cupid Camera, not a bow and arrow. Their game is to get you in frame with the love object they have selected for you and then CLICK – say goodbye to your sense and sensibility, at least until you can delete that image at the source.

Myth #3: Cupid Is Blind

Another poetic interpretation. Let’s get this straight. LOVE is blind. Cupid just likes dark sunglasses. For obvious reasons. He doesn’t like to project where he’s looking and who he’s sneaking up on.

Myth #4: Cupid is a Minor Deity

That’s what she wants you to think but trust me, Cupid is no goddess of love.

So what is he? A little demonic dude cursed to the task of germinating  terrible relationships for the amusement of the underworld OR a minor angelic being who has to hook up enough humans to atone for the amorous sins he committed during his time on earth?

The answer here, we now know, is either, or… BOTH. So how do you know which kind of Cupid has you in his or her sights?

The answer is, you don’t. Supernatural survivologists of old used to warn lovers about gold arrows vs. lead arrows and white wings vs. black, but the truth we now know is there are no hard and fast rules. Play it safe and assume there’s probably at least one of both kinds, competing for who will get you first.

Myth #5: There Is Only One Cupid

See the deity myth, above. There can be and there is more than one. There are whole choirs of Cupids, corps of Cupids. More and more all the time. They’re a small but important part of the eternal war for Heaven and Earth. Think of them as underground foot soldiers for the soft war games that enable the higher ups to plan the bigger stuff.

So now you know how to spot a modern Cupid, good luck on V-Day, survivors. Try to stay off Cupid’s Camera – or not, depending on your situation – and remember this one tip if nothing else – Cupids love honey but they hate bees. Keep a fake bee in your pocket and be prepared to throw it when the Cupid Camera appears.

Get the facts about valentines day. From the true werewolf roots of Valentine’s Day to stalker killer survival and the real reason we give Valentines, your survival this full moon depends on it.

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Filed Under: Survival Resources Tagged With: Angels, Demons, Valentine's Day

Angel Imposter Outed at Conclave

January 18, 2015 By Seth 1 Comment

Priest Dons Angel Wings to Hang With Angels

A mortal man now identified as a priest has been outed for impersonating an angel at a conclave in Poland.

Priest dressed as angel in Poland.
Priest dressed as angel in Poland.

The unamed priest in this photo was snapped donning angel wings to infiltrate an annual gathering of angels in Lanckorona, Poland.

Hundreds of angels flood to this tiny ancient town annually to gather in the shadow of its ruined castle at the height of angel season, far away from the eyes of most early mortals.

But this year, a few intrepid humans including this priest were caught in a clumsy attempt to infiltrate their hosts by pinning wings on his back.

Other humans were apprehended wearing foil halos and even awkward horns to impersonate the fallen.

“I felt bad busting him but Humans need to know that getting caught by an angel in a secret meeting is a very dangerous situation. Do you know what would have happened if one of the fallen had busted him instead of me?” said the anonymous angel who contacted me by email this week.

“Not to mention it’s a bit demeaning.  I mean, really. Does he really think that we look this way?”

So today as angel season draws to a close, SOS presents our top three tips for spotting – or impersonating if you should be so bold ~ or insane~ as to attempt to infiltrate an angelic host.

Three Ways to Spot An Angel

1. Angels Don’t Photograph Very Well

They say to behold an angel in full glory would drive a mere mortal mad. For this reason, they must carefully modulate their appearance to humans and for this reason, can sometimes appear very ordinary. For the same reason, angels almost never appear in photos. Or if they do appear, it will be only faintly, awash in angelic light and hidden shadow.

Almost the only thing you may be able to discern from a photo of an angel is whether you may be dealing with one of the celestial or the fallen.

Angels gather annually at Lanckorona Castle
Angels gather annually at Lanckorona Castle

2. Angels Hide Their Wings

Fallen or not, angels never show their wings unnecessarily. Two very good reasons for this.

First and foremost, in angel warfare the clipping and cauterizing of your wings is a cruel and common tactic. It is the one thing angels fear most of all. An angel without wings is sidelined from their mission for an indefinite period of time and the remedy remains unknown. Shadow wings are a crude replacement and involve a dark deal with a shady underworlder type.

Second reason angels hide their wings is because, as SOS readers well know, there is a thriving trade in the traffic of angel wing feathers. Many beings including witches and vampires employ them for spells and ceremonies or just currency.

3. What’s Up Their Sleeve?

If you can, that is. Angels have difficulty hiding the manifesting powers of light and/or dark percolating in the palms of their hands. This is why they tend to wear overlong, loose fitting sleeves of a celestial weave that allows them to remain covered at all times. But a glance up their sleeves will quickly reveal the truth.

For this reason, incognito angels are not big hand shakers. Try offering to shake hands with a suspected angel and see what happens. But if you spot smoke up the sleeve, please don’t wait to find out! You could be dealing with an angry fallen angel. 

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Filed Under: Survival News Tagged With: Angel, Angels

The Hybrids: They Are Not Just a hybrid!

December 13, 2012 By Seth 756 Comments

 

In response to repeated gentle and polite requests from friend of the site, legendary survivor and Hybrid Mr. Mutt… I present to you… the preliminary page for Hybrids!… Ta da!

Now normally I don’t like to put things up unless I feel I can present the information with some completeness but due to the rarity of Hybrids the extremely small sample sizes (even for supernatural survivology research which is notorious for small sample sizes) have made it extremely challenging to gather sufficient data in a manner that I could feel fairly confident of my results. However the time has now come to reward Mr. Mutt’s patience and just put the page up already!

So for those of you wondering what a Hybrid is first of all I am going to tell you what they are not. They are not hybrids.

Well I mean I guess technically they are in the same sense that all squares are rectangles but not all rectangles are squares.

All Hybrids are hybrids but not all hybrids are Hybrids.

Confused? If so you are not alone.

Let me try to explain.

First of all a hybrid monster is a monster that is actually two (or more) types of monster at the same time. Some common examples are werewolf-vampire hybrids (sometimes known as werepyres and/or vampwolves) but they can be just about any combination. Cyborgs for example are sometimes considered hybrids because they are part human and part robot. Zombies however are not considered hybrids in supernatural survivology circles because their human part has been overwhelmed by their zombie part.

On the other hand Hybrids (always with a capital H) are a very specific type of combination. Vampire Werewolf and Angel. Not necessarily in that order. Perhaps Mr. Mutt can let me know some details that will help me put have some more specific info up on this page.

One thing I do know from all the Hybrids I have met they are all universally awesome. What’s that? How many have I met?… Well as far as I know just one, Mr. Mutt. Like I said small sample size. Anyways at various times there have been a lot more or a few more Hybrids kicking around but there have been a number of cataclysmic events that have significantly altered their population. I want to post some links here to those events but I am unsure where they are right now so I’ll put them up as soon as I find them… I know I left them somewhere.

Are you a Hybrid? Do you know a Hybrid? Are you a Hybrid scholar or just a survivor with facts to share or questions to ask? Have you ever seen a flaming flying wolf soaring overhead? Still confused? Think I just put up a page with not enough info on it?

Well if so then let me and the community of survivors know by posting in the comments below.

Also check back later for more information as it becomes available. Right now I have to go take Naya to watch a documentary about some form of gnome or something, I forget what it is called but I heard that there may be some footage of a dragon in it somewhere too so I am excited to go see it. However as excited as I am to go see it I am even more surprised that she suggested that we go see that. Normally she only wants to see “human” movies but it’s in 3D so maybe she likes that. Anyways I have to run so I’ll talk to you later.

Thanks,

Seth

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Filed Under: Monstrometer Tagged With: Angels, hybrid, Hybrids, Monstrometer, SOS, Vampires, Werewolves

Meet Mr. Mutt, Survivor of the Month

March 8, 2012 By Seth 220 Comments

“Okay Vampires aren’t all that bad. I’m not going to start holding hands and singing Kumbiya though.”

-Mr. Mutt

Survivor of the Month

More Quotes from Mr. Mutt, the Man, the Legend:

“We’re boned.”

“We’re boned beyond belief!”

“I’d say we’re boned to the 297th Power of Boned.”

“Did I mention we’re boned?”

Before I attempt to tell the tale of The Mutt, the man, the legend a disclaimer. While poring over the accounts on these pages, I have been reminded that  the man we know now as The Mutt, is NOT the same Mr. Mutt who first stopped in to discuss his strange encounter with an angel-like being so many months ago. I can’t help but blame myself. Maybe if I had been more diligent in investigating his reports, I could have prevented some of the terrible events that have transpired.

Let me try to explain, and you be the judge.

Mr. Mutt first visited the site after The Monstrometer identified him as a werewolf seven times in a row, normally a sure sign of lycanthropy. But Mr. Mutt couldn’t remember being bitten and neither his mother nor his father seemed lycanthropic.

Then a very strange, very tall angel showed up and tried to talk to him but Mr. Mutt was surprised. After a dramatic battle involving silver knives & leashes  vs a lyre & fangs, Mr. Mutt made the discovery that while angels can fly, they sure can’t swim. Whatever message the angel came to deliver, it remained undelivered. Did he destroy a messenger sent to warn him about the future? We will never know.

His first days on the site were pretty harmless. He coached Stigma through his chimera phase and fought the evil but probably delicious were-chimichangas. That was nice. He introduced us all to the martial art of Kyuki-do, a mix of judo, karate and Tae Kwon Do. Later Mr. Mutt would team up with Zyboragon and the Doctor during the Void Wars to explore some caves in Oregon and Maryland in search of the dimensional keys. More about that later.

Possibly the first sign of trouble began when Mr. Mutt discovered unexpectedly with the help of a garlic clove, that his closest friend was actually a vampire. And not just any vampire, the most powerful vampire ever, The Original. Further The Original informed him that he had given him vampire blood and put a spell on him when he was just a baby.

As a result of The Original’s meddling, Mr. Mutt suspected he was actually an angelic werepyre. Something that left him feeling pretty unhappy and well, boned, for a long time. He hated the idea that he could be killed by silver or entranced by harp music or burn up in the sunlight. First he vowed to find a cure then when The Original snapped his sister’s neck harvesting her for his evil plot, he vowed revenge.

But would he succeed? Or did The Original actually fuse with his soul and become The Mutt and turn him into the hybrid he is today? I’m still not sure and by Mr. Mutt’s own words, you can’t trust Mr. Mutt’s opinion on the matter.

Let’s go back to Mr. Mutt the angelic werepyre. He got himself a daywalker ring and in between plotting The Original’s death, he helped Ashpaw escape the Silverbloods. Not just that, but he even went so far as to erase her memories with experimental therapeutic hypnotism and give her a few thousand dollars CASH.Not bad.

(Although you do have to wonder where did he get that cash anyway? But I digress.)

As often happens with evil nemeseses, Mr. Mutt had his first encounter with his nemesis The Original when he wasn’t ready yet. The Original kidnapped him in his sleep, which hardly seems fair but Mr. Mutt fought his way out of the abandoned warehouse and found safety at a McDonalds.

(We don’t know what he ordered. He did learn one thing during his ordeal though. The Orginal did not turn into an angel but into a bird-like demon.)

Luckily sometime after this Mr. Mutt  discovered something about his mother – she was a witch. So when he finally faced The Original in open battle in the dimension known as rt666, he used a “Leach” spell that his mom gave him, which leached all of the Original’s power and left him defeated.

At this point you might expect Mr. Mutt to take a holiday, maybe get a little sand and sunshine, enjoy the feeling of not bursting into flames and read the book about witching and intestinal ripping that his mom gave him.

But it was not to be. Suddenly it wasn’t enough to have killed The Original. The Mutt starts obsessing about going back in time and killing The Original all over again, before the events of his childhood can take place. To Mutt’s credit, he’s worried about the time paradox he might create and how that might affect the rest of us so he doesn’t actually try it.

(It might also have something to do with a warning he gets from his future self, telling him not to do it.)

But maybe he actually should have tried, because the next thing you know – Mr. Mutt has died. He met his unfortunate demise helping The Doc and later Zyboragon and Mr. Jaffa fighting the Silverblood demons who at one time possessed Stigma. To summarize, there was some flaying and some dying.

Because of this, Mr. Mutt was resurrected from the dead but he would never be the same. That’s when it happened. When Mr. Mutt discovered that he hadn’t actually succeeded in destroying The Orginal, and that he had become a hybrid, fused with The One.

In short, Mutt came back from the dead with a massive headache and stumps where his wings once grew. Most of his soul was gone too. Which could account for his new, somewhat crustier attitude on the site.

As Zyboragon learned the hard way, where once you could count on The Mutt to avenge you, now you had to be careful he didn’t just avenge you and then kill you. And then avenge you again. And then kill you again. At least he was polite about it. He would always urge you to, “die well.” Not quite as nice as the way he used to leave you rescued with thousands of dollars in cash, to say the least.

So began a trying time here at SOS. There was some mayhem. A little evil. And evil rhyme.  Let’s just say the moderation filter may have crashed more than once. To everyone’s surprise, Mr. Mutt teamed up with Zyboragon’s arch enemy ARC.

As Mr. Mutt himself went on to say, “Why any of you still trust me is beyond me.”

Well maybe it’s the memory of those early days and the courageous Mr. Mutt of yore. Or maybe we all hope Mr. Mutt has a few more thousand dollars to give away. For whatever reason we all continue to hope for the best as he settles into his new hybrid identity.

And for the most part we are not disappointed. He is still a great Survivor and he still has a lot of good advice. Not to mention some excellent one liners, if I do say so. Just be cautious. Don’t snack on his emotions! (He hates that.)

And if you see him in an epic battle for his life, maybe give him a hand or at least a word of encouragement like, “I hope you win!” At least that.

Thanks for keeping on and for reading The Saga of Mr. Mutt. Stay tuned next full moon for a new Survivor of the Month Story.

Seth

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Filed Under: Survival Resources Tagged With: angelic werepyres, Angels, hybrid, Hybrids, Mr. Mutt, SOS, the Original, Vampires

New Video – Interview with Suspected Werewolf

February 28, 2012 By Seth 8 Comments

Hail Survivors,

As many of you know, I recently went on location to interview a suspected genetic werewolf in his werewolf containment facility or crib.

Like many suspected werewolves, Louis Pine was puzzled about his lycanthropy status after failing to transform under the full moon. He wrote into SOS asking for advice and many of you responded with helpy werewolf hints and tips.

So when he invited me to help him document his lupine life, what could I say? He even had his own camera. I could not refuse. I set my GPS and hit the road.

I travelled to meet Louis this summer in his crib and well  *SPOILER ALERT*  I survive. I can’t say the same for anyone else.

Also if anyone knows the current WERE-abouts of the survivor known as “Louis,” please contact the site ASAP. He’s been MIA for several months now and lots of people are really worried about him.

Graham is helping me finish Louis’ videos to show on the site. I expect to be posting them in the next few weeks. Until then here’s part of my interview with Louis Pine, suspected werewolf:

Thanks for keeping on keeping on with me.

Seth

P.S. More videos coming soon. Ish.

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Filed Under: Survival Videos Tagged With: Angels, cribs, Cyborgs, Humans, Illuminati, Loch Ness Monster, Louis, Louis Pine, Monstrometer, seth on survival, survivor, survivors, Vampires, werewolf, werewolf containment faciity, Werewolves, Witches

Angels: What if you or somebody you love is an Angel?

October 10, 2011 By Seth 1,109 Comments

DangerSign-Small-optYOU MAY BE DEALING WITH AN ANGEL!

Angels, mistaken for paragons of peace and love by confused humans everywhere, have actually been waging a terrible, bloody war with each other for around 4.5 BILLION years. During this time, virtually every angel has been recruited to one side or another thus blurring any distinction between “fallen” or “unfallen” that may have once existed. As a result although some of them may indeed be good or helpful to you,  it’s hard to know which ones. Or why. Worse, sometime around year 1 billion the angels began to forget what the war was even about or how it could be resolved. In this confusion they have widened their war to include a lot of innocent bystanders, especially humans they suspect of being “nephilim,” that is angel-human hybrids.

So, how to survive? Pray? NO! Above all do NOT pray in front of an angel. Angels consider that a HUGE insult, to think that God would listen to you and not to them. Maybe try this instead:

1. Can you play the harp? If not, maybe learn. Fast. Angels are entranced by the sound of harp music. Maybe have some ready on your iPod.

2. Stay in your car. Angels hate cars and driving anywhere.

3. Talk a LOT about your “Great Uncle Gregori.” In fact, create a celestial ringtone for him and arrange for him to “call” you and interrupt.

4. Tell her she’s molting. Angels are very proud of their wings and very conscious of the market value of the feathers which can be used in “magic” pillows and duvets. An angel will do almost anything to avoid leaving feathers behind.

5. Out-imagine him. Angels can “imagine” almost any weapon they want into their hands but it takes a moment. During this time you can sometimes break their concentration by questioning choices like, “Why not eight inch spikes?”  or, “It needs a pattern on the hilt…”

~~~IF YOU ARE ANGEL OR NEPHILIM~~~

The first thing you need to remember as a part-angel “nephilim” is SECRECY! Until you know who can be trusted with your secret, anything you say or do may draw suspicion and attention that you probably don’t want. Especially in November. Humans all over the world call out the angels for Archangel Day, November 8, unleashing a flurry of global angel activity. So don’t be surprised if one of them attempts to make contact with you during this month so you need to be careful as you begin to discover your angelic abilities. Some of these may include:

1. Communicating with animals.

2. Healing.

3. Understanding and maybe even speaking languages that you have never even studied.

4. Wings that may – or may not! – enable you to fly. Some report these wings appear in shadow long before they actually begin to grow.

5. A powerful imagination and the ability to materialize things from it.

These abilities do not normally emerge all at once and can be trained with the right angel teacher. However beware of the fallen ones who want to recruit you into their angel war. Or worse, eliminate you due to something called the Nephilim Prophesy. The Nephilim Prophesy is rumored to link the life and death of the nephilim to the end of the world which in turn is supposed to theoretically bring on the final stage in the angel’s long war. As nobody has actually SEEN this prophesy, the actual details are a little bit vague but in any case, if you don’t want to be a pawn in cosmic game of chess, then keep your feathers under wraps!

(Apologies to any angel-human experimental hybrids, you so-called “Teraphim.” I know your case is different but I’m running out of room.)

For more information about nephilim, see Chris Nephilim (below). He has been reliable so far and appears entirely neutral.

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Filed Under: Monstrometer Tagged With: Angel, Angels, iOS, iPad, iPhone, iPod Touch, Monstrometer

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Zombie Outbreak in Texas!!!

Hail Survivors!

I recently received a very grave -no pun intended- warning from Survivor Miles who I believe may be located in or near Texas. Survivor Miles recently survived a vicious zombie attack, armed with only his wits and hedge clippers. His parents unfortunately were not so lucky.

Read more here: Zombie Attack!!!

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Links

  • Spray Nine
  • The SOS Monstrometer
  • ZAG – Zombie Actor's Guild
  • Zombie Specimens

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