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2012

Burmese Dragons Retreat From First Public New Years’ Party in Yangon

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If you listen very hard tonight, as the world sings goodbye to the Year of the Dragon, you might hear something else too – the sound of old dragons slinking slowly back to their treasure caves for a long, draconian nap, in places like Burma or Myanmar.

Myanmese Dragons beat slow retreat from a looted land.
While young dragons are generally admired for their energy, leadership and intelligence, the world’s oldest dragons are famous for exactly four  things: looting, burning and sleeping and more looting. Did I mention looting?  When they loot they loot a lot. And when they sleep, they sleep even more, sometimes for a hundred years.

2012 The Year of the Dragon heralded the arrival of a record number of new dragons – but it also roused the looting and burning instincts of some of the worlds’ oldest dragons, like the Myanmese Draconians.

“Looting a country is very hard work. You humans don’t seem to understand this,” said Myanmar draconian Thein Sein. “For instance do you know how hard it is to hide billions of dollars in looted treasure? It takes a very big cave.”

The Myanmar dragon described an old plan to use his treasure to buy an entire football team instead.

“But then how to you hide all of Manchester United? Even in a country with no cell phones and Internet like Mayanmar, this is not easy.”

The draconian also noted that he did not want to share his cave with a bunch of rowdy footballers.

As a result, old dragons like Thein Sein have begun their slow slink away from the land while the people party in their wake.

“This is very exciting and also our first experience in celebrating the New Year. We feel like we are in a different world,” said Yu Thawda from Myanmar/Burma.

However, Draconian experts are warning the youth to temper their excitement.

“Old dragons don’t go fast,” writes dragon watcher Professor Dominicus Van Buren. “Treasure won’t fall from the sky.”

“Only once they are well and truly asleep inside their treasure caves do we have a chance.”

Breaking Survival News: World Not Ending Dec 21, 2012 – Some Assembly May Be Required

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For survivors who maybe forgot to set an alert, a quick update – there’s a thing where the Mayan calendar is about to run out, without which there allegedly can be no more time. Hence the end of the world business. Now being that my survival depends on your survival and that your and my survival depends on the continued existence of the world this seemed like a pretty big deal to me so as many of you already know, I set about finding a way to stop this from happening.

I am happy to announce that after weeks of research and consulting with reluctant Mayan Daykeeper Professor Leonzo Barreno I have the solution! Even though technically it turns out there never was a problem. But since when is that a good reason to stop looking for a solution? Any really good solution will make its own problem. No problem! As it turns out, our Mayan friends have provided us with a way that we can all survive and contribute to the cyclical renewal of time. MORE MAYAN CALENDAR!!  So simple. We just have to flip the page so to speak from the 12th baktun cycle to the 13th baktun cycle, before or after performing whatever seasonal observance or ceremony your tradition prescribes.

Here is a small sample of that Calendar, just enough to flip over from December 20 to December 21 and get us over that little end of the world speed bump:

The last big stone calendar that the Mayans had made way back in the day went up to December 20, 2012 but they actually have a system whereby we can keep just constructing additional calendars kind of like the way we do each year except they make us look lazy in comparison because while we only bother to make 365 days at a time their calendars last hundreds of years.

So it turns out that the world actually won’t end until October 13, 4772 when the Mayan calendar really finally runs out (that’s the day that we run out of Baktun!). Now that is a long time away for us humans but for some of our immortal or long-lived brethren here on the site that is really pretty close so I suggest you start planning. You have less than 2760 years left to get your affairs in order.

So the world won’t end on December 21, 2012 but you do have to help out to make sure that it doesn’t suffer significant calamity as a result of there being wide-spread panic, chaos, looting, rioting and general weirdness on Friday due to everyone thinking that the world is about to end.

So to that end please use all available methods including Facebook, twitter and email and even talking to share this picture and let everyone know that everything will be okay and that we don’t have to start worrying about this again until 2759 years from now. Until then heed Professor Daykeeper’s words and keep the light of hope alive in this darkest time of year, in whatever tradition you choose.

So keep on keeping on and happy 13 baktun 0 katun 0 tun 0 winal 0 kin 4 Ajaw 3 K’ank’in to you and yours.

Somewhat Related Articles:

*Last Living Daykeeper to Humanity – Leave Me Alone!

*The Yule Cat Cometh! Are You Preparethed? 

*Deck The Tree with Boughs of Bacon  – IF YOU WANT TO LIVE! Darkest Dark Night Decorating

Mayan Daykeeper: Everyone Relax! The World Ends All The Time!

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The global search for one real Mayan Daykeeper intensified this week after Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard released a terrifying video confirming the globe’s worst 2012 fears namely: K-Pop is pathologically catchy and the Mayan calendar prophesy is absolutely true – the world will in fact end on December 21.

Australian PM validates Mayan Prophesy - the world will end on December 21

World leaders, journalists and yes, even Supernatural Survivologists – at least the top 38 most reliable ones on the Internet! – all went in search of one man:  Leonzo Barreno, the last living Mayan Daykeeper. Okay, so maybe not technically the LAST last living Mayan Daykeeper –  but  definitely the last one with a cell phone and a publicist.

Still even a Mayan Daykeeper with a cell phone is hard to track down in 2012. Especially when he doesn’t want to be found! Professor Barreno has been on the run for nearly all of 2012, hounded by humans begging him to save the world from the dread Mayan prophesy.

“Just one more year! they beg and beg. Sometimes they offer me money,” said Professor Barreno, when I caught up with him at his secret igloo hideaway in snowy Sasquatchewan near the North Pole where he is currently hoping for a glimpse of Santa Clause or at least the Icelandic Yule Cat. “I just tell them a real Mayan Daykeeper does not accept money. Although we do appreciate a nice gift certificate every now and again…” he hinted.

Astonishing news considering the Mayan Daykeeper’s job is to keep track of the different cycles of time and to perform the rituals that keep it going from year to year. Basically his job is just to keep time going! So just how many iTunes cards will it take to keep the world from ending this year?

Mayan Daykeepers do not accept money for saving the world every year on Dec. 21

“Oh well save your gift certificate because you can’t keep the world from ending,” the Daykeeper admitted. “I don’t usually admit that but you look like you need the money. Besides, I thought you had pizza.”

At this point I had a secret too. I did have pizza. But I wasn’t about to give it to him. The first rule of Supernatural Survivology is to stay calm and keep on…

“YOU MEAN YOU WOULD JUST LET THE WORLD DIE???!!!!!”

“Well yes. That’s part of my job.” he replied.

Some job! Even Graham can do that! 

“The world dies every year at this time. In fact it dies each day. When the sun sets or when the crops are harvested. The world is constantly dying. The role of the Mayan Daykeeper is to make sure things get going again by keeping track of time and performing the proper rituals.”

Many of these rituals appear to involve an open flame – like the one shown here.

But Daykeeper Leonzo says that the Daykeeper can’t do it alone. Everyone has to help renew the world by performing his or her own firey rituals for this time of year. Whether it’s lighting the Yule log or the Menorah or the Christmas tree or just putting some candles in your pizza or Santa Claus cookies – every little bit helps to keep the flame of hope alive for another year.

“But not me. I’m through with all that! Those rituals are too hard on the old knees, so I traded in my poncho and candles for some PhDs. I’m Professor Daykeeper now, I just tell other people what to do.”

But Professor Daykeeper did agree to give me one thing to help save the world – after I gave him some of my pizza. He gave me a traditional Mayan trick to mark the year and extend time. So please, stop back here around December 20 if you can and help save the world!

 

The Daykeeper is hiding out in Sasquatchewan near the North Pole.

 

 

Does This Mean War?

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Hail Survivors,

Below please find a news story contributed by one of the many awesome survivors here on the site, Ice. If you have any supernatural news that you care to write about email it to me and I’ll likely post it. Someday soon I will enable some new features that will allow survivors to write articles and post them directly but in the meantime just email them to me.

Thanks for the awesome article Ice! Keep on keeping on.

Seth

 

How do you wage war on the sun?

Does This Mean War?

On July 12 at 16:53 UT, a X1.4 class solar flare occurred on the surface of the sun. It creates massive amounts of UV and X-ray radiation, which along with a CME or Coronal Mass Ejection that are being propelled towards earth.

Now for those of us who don’t speak really complex science here’s the translation: at 16:53 universal time a really big solar flare occurred on the sun. It shot a lot of radiation that can mess with radio signals and electronics directly at earth. The question is, why?

We all remember earlier this year the solar flare that produced the Aura Borealis and the writing on the ice caps that sent a clear message from the Solar Draconians i.e. “We will burn you.” but until now they’ve been mostly quiet.

Link to earlier post referenced above: Solar Dragons staring Draconian civil war

Why attack now?  Were they waiting for us to lower our guard? Were they waiting for certain conditions such as the drought that has sticken most of the U.S. to attack? Was it even the Draconians or perhaps an angry sun god? And how will the governments react? The U.S. Is already making an effort to get all of their satellites out of the way of the solar radiation which will hit approximately July 15. Will they go one step further and declare war on the sun? And how would one wage war on the sun?

Stay tuned (assuming all technology isn’t wiped out.)

Ice

Angry Solar Dragons!

Survivor Of The Month – Ghost Moon 2012

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In honour of the Survivor of the Month for the Ghost Moon of 2012, Jaffa cakes for EVERYONE!**

**Sorry! Graham ate them all when I wasn’t looking.

Don’t know what a Jaffa cake is? Well then, you’d better have a conversation with the newest Survivor of the Month: mrjaffa!

http://sethonsurvival.com/monstrometer/vampires/comment-page-16#comment-74496

You may also know him as poisonjaffa and burningjaffa.

mrjaffa first came to the site seeking advice on Vampirism, wondering if it was possible to become a vampire without the painful bitey process.

http://sethonsurvival.com/monstrometer/vampires/comment-page-16#comment-69385

After considering the downfalls of being stuck at aged 13 forever, mrjaffa turned his attention to several skills that run in his family, including psychic abilities and spell casting and revealed himself as a male witch.

http://sethonsurvival.com/monstrometer/vampires/comment-page-16#comment-74225

When his thoughts aren’t poison, mrjaffa is the kind of Survivor who helps others get along. He once said “I think that vampires and werewolves could live peacefully, but allies might be a bit of a stretch.”

http://sethonsurvival.com/monstrometer/werewolves/comment-page-54#comment-70266

Wise words indeed mrjaffa. However when Mr. Jaffa is in poison form, watch out! You could find yourself on his contract list.

Although to be fair, Jaffa really saves his worst poison for battles with the Mantis Men. What’s a Mantis Man you ask? Well if you don’t know, then you have Mr. Jaffa to thank for it.

Mr. Jaffa has since evolved into a three-part hybrid of Witch/Demigod/Vamp. A very powerful combo.

One of the things mrjaffa is best known for is a great remedy. He suggests Blood Oranges for a veggie vamp fix, and he once helped Scarly cure a nasty Were-cold that was threatening to blow her cover.

http://sethonsurvival.com/monstrometer/werewolves/comment-page-67#comment-93827

An avid reader, mrjaffa is smart and earns awards in school. He is a great gamer, and has been known to play a little D&D once in a full moon. Also, if you ever need a dragon, mrjaffa is your man, though you may end up with a surprise when an ICE dragon is summoned to your door.

http://sethonsurvival.com/monstrometer/vampires/comment-page-16#comment-76851

mrjaffa has heroically helped out many survivors on the sight, including ARC, Alex, Mr. Mutt and many others. Fighting Zanthre (when necessary), defending Bebe, and providing protection spells when Scarly found herself afraid. mrjaffa is a Chi master. He can teach you how to balance your energies, and wields the Book of Shadows carefully and with great wisdom – just don’t ever use a Ouija board in his presence, as he is firmly anti-Oiuj.

http://sethonsurvival.com/monstrometer/werewolves/comment-page-75#comment-109807

His skill with magics, energies and poetry, not to mention his brave relocation to the Amazon from his Aussie home makes mrjaffa a seasoned survivor.

http://sethonsurvival.com/monstrometer/lutin/comment-page-1#comment-147847

All this and his commitment to providing biased free advice with a friendly flare have brought mrjaffa to a high level of respect on the SOS site, and we are very proud to offer him the title of Survivor of the Month.

http://sethonsurvival.com/monstrometer/werewolves/comment-page-62#comment-84458

Join us in raising a Jaffa cake in his honor. To mrjaffa, who keeps keeping on! Congratulations on being Survivor Of the Month.

** No actual Jaffa cakes are actually available. I had two boxes to give out but Graham ate them while I was researching this post. Sorry.

Happy Earth Day

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Whether you’re from Earth, a fan of Earth or just friends with an Earthling, have a nice green day.

If you aren’t from Earth, please be patient with us earth dwellers as our celebrations sometime takes unusual forms. For example:

Don’t be alarmed by strangers teaching you to how to cultivate potatoes on your person. Just keep your ears clean.

Watch out for Leprechauns pushing green drinks left over from St. Patrick’s Day.

If have a tree or a tree form or have been told that you resemble a tree in certain lights, be prepared for huggy strangers. Don’t panic, it’s only one day a year and they mean well. You might even enjoy it!

(Likewise, if you need a hug today? Consider a tree costume. I’m looking into it.)

If an earthling tries to replace your adult diaper with a cloth one, politely ask them to come back in five minutes when you’re done filling it.

Most importantly, watch out for bikes and long boards and if you’re on your bike or long board today remember, more than any other day, your survival is my survival. Please be careful.

Seth