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You are here: Home / Survivor Submissions / Zombie Berries

Zombie Berries

January 11, 2012 By Seth 8 Comments

Hail Survivors,

I recently received the following disturbing email from long time friend to the site and survivors everywhere, Zyboragon.

The contents of his email are below:

Dear Seth,

I was talking to my good friend Terry (the zombie) and he mentioned a new kind of berry that mimicked the flavor of a human brain. I asked to see one of these berries.

The berry can only be grown rotten, the rot helps mimic the appearance of roasted flesh, something that zombies enjoy quite vividly. In a taste test hosted by Terry, 9/10 zombies agree that the berry actually tastes better than real brains!

While this berry produces good news on the zombie front, it has angered many cannibals.

I got to speak with one such cannibal.

Z: Why does the berry offend you?

Cannibal: We eat our own species, it’s tradition! The berry looks like burnt flesh, it’s intolerable! Several cannibals have given up our sacred tradition to try this new berry! We simply cannot allow it to exist.

Z: That sounds like a good thing though.

Cannibal: To you! It makes us look bad when someone quits! Personal image and respect are important to us!

The cannibal then took off shouting “You’ll regret this zombies”!!

Even though cannibals dislike the new berry, many stores are already selling the zombie berry. The public release of this new produce shows zombies have extended a hand to help improve zombie/human relations.


This news is both great and distressing. Early calculations show that this development could reduce human casualties from zombies by as much as 37% but a Cannibal-Zombie War could lead to untold casualties. Further developments will be posted as they develop.

A big thanks to Zyboragon for alerting us. He has definately wracked up quite a few lives saved.

Keep on keeping on.

Seth

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

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Filed Under: Survivor Submissions Tagged With: berries, Cannibals, Humans, survivors, Zombies, Zyboragon

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Zyboragon says

    January 11, 2012 at 10:20 pm

    Further concerns. A local dog recently got a hold of one of these berries and has developed quote a taste for it… This could pose problems in pet relations since dogs apparently like the taste if brains.

    Reply
    • Seth says

      January 13, 2012 at 1:21 am

      Hail Z,

      Thanks for the heads up. Er, something I didn’t want to bring up in the awesome article you wrote…how well do you know this Terry dude? Is he a reliable source? Did you scan him?

      Please tell me I’m not promoting the consumption of something that actually spreads zombiism…?

      Just saying! There’s been a lot of talk about zombie parasites out there lately.

      Also what happens if a human eats one by mistake?

      Seth

      Reply
      • Zyboragon says

        January 13, 2012 at 2:05 am

        Good question Seth,

        I’ve been friends with Terry the zombie for over eleven years, if I may point out, who in their right minds would eat a berry that was rotten and tastes like brains?
        I doubt that the berry could spread zombilism, the group I’m in promotes survival.
        As I’ve stated, one berry was accidentally misplaced and a dog managed to get at it, there have been no changes in the dogs vitals since consumption.
        I don’t advise eating them, but if you do, a little of washing with some disinfectant wouldn’t hurt.

        Reply
      • ARC says

        January 17, 2012 at 9:18 pm

        ARC loves Zombie Berries, the way it rots leaves a rare citric acid, very good, when mixed with melting plastic it creates a metal ARC calls ARConium.
        When dry it hardens like titanium, it can be stretched out though! Very useful.

        Reply
  2. Kirz says

    January 12, 2012 at 9:37 am

    See, this is a good thing, it avoids the spread of Crutzfeld-Jacob disease.

    Wait a minute here – Can zombies even get CJ? (Mad Cow) disease?

    Uh-Oh, even worse, Mad Zombie Disease!!

    ZombieBerries are a Good Thing!!

    Reply
    • Seth says

      January 13, 2012 at 1:15 am

      Hail Kirz,

      Thanks for checking into the zombie berries. As you may know from my interview with Dr. Fellows, a notable prion researcher, many people believe the condition we call “zombiism” is indeed a form of prion disease, exactly like CJD. Mad human disease if you will. I still like this theory.

      Since then I have also been taking note of recent research into the zombie parasites that turn bumblebees into zombies. Could there be something in their honey that is being passed to us? I’m looking into it.

      What’s your favorite theory?

      Thanks for checking in. Hope you’ll keep on keeping on!

      Seth

      Reply
    • Zyboragon says

      January 13, 2012 at 1:18 am

      Excellent point survivor Kirz.

      Reply
    • Zyboragon says

      November 26, 2012 at 11:44 am

      ………. 😯 🙁 😥

      Reply

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