Surveillance 101 for Survivors

Hail Survivors,

Our thoughts go out to Wilwolf today, still MIA after tracking the sticky-fingered A-51 Agents who lifted an unauthorized specimen from his lair. Current best-worst scenario modelling reveals that WW may be dead or undead or just dead lost while at worst he may be held captive and undergoing torturous experiments even as we speak. As many of you already know, Graham and I are hard at work now on a secret device we can all use to help in situations like this. But until it’s ready, it may be worth reviewing a few basic secrets of safe surveillance –

1) Wear sunglasses and a ball cap. And a helmet if you’re on your bike or skateboard, of course that goes without saying. A squeegee is optional. But if you’re driving, make sure your car has a back seat, so you can sit in it, virtually unnoticed, most anywhere. I like the older mini-vans, like the Caravans, as they are more nimble and blend in better than newer ones. Although conspicuous rust patterns are dead giveaway, you’ll want to cover those up with a magnetic sign. Preferably one that doesn’t say “ACME.”

2) Leave a car-length between you as a buffer in slower areas – no more, no less. There are too many stoplights, stop signs and traffic in the city, making it easy lose the tail but also easy for them to spot you.

3) When the agent pulls over to stop, it’s imperative you continue past, turn into an empty driveway as if you belong there. Don’t lose sight of person.

4) Take detailed notes via voice recorder on your personal device or using pen and paper. Write date/times, make & plate of any vehicles there, any vehicle movement, anyone showing up, etc. Good notes are crucial to help you remember important details and for evidence later. Remember, some details that may not seem relevant at the time, may turn out to be crucial later. On example we have seen of this recently is sleeve length which turns out to be a measure of agent rank. That said, you don’t want to be caught writing. So if you’re NOT voice recording on your personal device, you’ll want to write sneakily.

5) If you are using a voice recorder, please consider sending us the file to share with everybody. This could be very instructive to everybody involved. If you don’t have a voice recording app on your device, you can skype into “sethonsurvival” and record your notes in real time after the beep.

6) Accurately estimating the height of an individual can be difficult – that’s why those height charts are on doors of convenience stores. You can get a good idea by comparing the individual’s height to that of any vehicle that they get into or out of. This will become easier with practice.

7) Stake-outs can run several hours and occur in non-optimal situations i.e. no gas station nearby, so keep a roll of toilet paper and a chocolate bar with you at all times. Preferably one with nuts. That said, please don’t get arrested relieving yourself or littering in somebody’s flower bed.

(Although at the end of the day, we can only all hope this is what has happened to Wilwolf.)

Cuidado survivors. Surveillance is sometimes necessary and often kinda fun but above all, achtung!

Seth