Larry the Vomiting Robot is on strike after puking continuously for weeks at the Health and Safety Laboratory in Derbyshire so norovirus scientists could see exactly how far his splashes of glow-in-the dark vomit fly.
“All this puking is really making me sick!” said Larry from the locked bathroom stall where he is hiding from scientists, including his maker Catherine Mackison. “Do you know how hard it is to projectile vomit all day long? Well let me tell you – it makes you want to puke!
Larry locked himself in the staff bathroom this morning after being presented with his usual breakfast of flourescent blueberry flavoured vomitous substitute smoothie.
“You call that blueberry? More like barfberry. They aren’t even trying. Even Charlene the Chewbot gets to try different flavours now and then.”
Norovirus scientists defend their use of the bright blue barf. They say that the norovirus is a particularly pukey little virus. The urge to vomit comes on suddenly, without notice and it can live for up to 12 hours on surfaces outside your body. That’s why we need to see exactly how far it flies and in what pattern.
“This research will help us to properly assess the danger of the virus and prevent the spread of it. Plus we thought the blue would be awesome – and we were so right!”
But that’s not how Larry sees it.
“Yeah well my research shows if you buggy humans would just learn to wash your frickin’ hands, maybe I would get to enjoy a decent meal again.”
The embattled barf bot recommends that you wash your hands for at least 15 seconds beneath a good stream of water, many times a day.
Larry says he will stay in the bathroom until scientists agree to a his demands, which include a variety of simulated vomitous substitute flavours and a proper meal at the end of a long day barfing.
He also wants a significant ownership share in his own viral vomit video series with creative control of future plot lines and his own Autotune hit.
“In the future, I want to expand on the success of these videos with a better plot than just, oh look at the robot puking his guts out. I’m worth more than that.”by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com