Madness grips the multiverse this week after a hovering hologram of Stephen Hawking reports seeing Zayn still with One Direction in other dimensions.
A crowd of concerned One Direction fans in England continues to cause multidimensional traffic mayhem searching for Zayne after the famous physicist appeared in a hologram to report seeing him still with the band in another universe.
“The portals are all plugged with Zayn fans trying to find him in parallel universes!” complains one inter-dimensional travel agent.
“I can’t even book a simple personal travel hop this week let alone any historical revisionary tours.”
“How am I going to make the rent? I’m afraid I’ll have to skip out of this universe to avoid my landlord again,” he added.
Inter-dimensional travel agents are not the only ones concerned. According to the UK division of I.D.I. (Inter Dimensional Interpol), parents across the UK have reported their girls gone MIA.
“Saturday night Emily says she’s going to some Stephen Hawking thing at the Sydney Opera House I figure how bad can that be? He’s a scientist! Maybe this will help her get over that silly boy band breaking up or whatever,” said the mom of a missing girl at the I.D.I. station.
“She never came home and her friends all say she hopped a portal immediately and disappeared”
The I.D.I. is warning fans to resist searching for one of these Zayniverses but their words appear to be falling on deaf ears.
“Why don’t they understand? At present the odds of locating the right parallel dimension are astronomically bad,” grumbled one overworked officer taking reports downtown. “You’re just as likely to find the one where he’s a squeegee lad singing on the bonnet of your hover car.”
More media reports on this linked here but SOS wants to warn survivors against acting on Hovering Hawkings’ irresponsible claim that in one Zanyiverse he could be married to you.
by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com
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