- More holiday horror this week. Another disturbing new holiday trend has been brought to my attention by a survivor.
Young cannibals celebrate holidays with human-shaped cookies. Another disturbing holiday report this week, this time about a CANNIBALISTIC CHRISTMAS TRADITION spotted by a survivor who goes by the name RIP, who sent me the photo above and the email below:
Dear Seth:
Walking down the street today I spotted a little girl with a small, brown, human-shaped gingerbread cookie. Being small, brown and human-shaped myself, I was instantly terrified when the little girl placed the tiny gingerbread human in her mouth and bit down, right through his little human face and proceeded to masticate with terrifying loud and crumbly chews. This cannibalistic carnage would have continued on to the arms and legs of this diminutive humanoid, had I not rescued it by snatching it out of her hot little hands and fleeing the scene. Seth, I’m sending this photo to you so you can alert the world on behalf of many small, brown human-shaped beings, these so-called cookies are hardly a harmless Christmas confection. They are nothing short of a gateway cookie to cannibalism. Think about it. The first time you eat one of these cannibalizing cookies, you’re a little reluctant to dig in. You look at it for a long time before nibbling on a toe maybe or a mitten. But then gradually overcome by the sugary, gingery goodness you keep going, eating your way to the torso and then you’re like, well a torso without arms and legs is not a lot of good and then pretty soon there’s nothing left but the tiny brown face. And by then you’re like, well, what good is a face without a body? So you do it, you eat your first little brown cookie face. So it progresses. Once you’ve eaten one little brown face, well, what’s a few more? The next one gets easier and easier until pretty soon you have no more inhibitions about biting right into a human face, just like the little girl I saw today. Please warn the world!
I happen to LIKE gingerbread men. And I don’t nibble I just bite off the head. So delic incomein(error error error transmition lost.)
Hail The One,
Thanks for checking into this dimension however briefly. How are you keeping on? I’m saddened to hear that you too have received this cannibalization desensitization training. The next time a cannibal hands you one of these cookies, I urge you to please consider un-desensitizing yourself by at least leaving the faces!
Seth
You humans have a blown up opinion of your own taste. I drink blood Seth. Honestly I’d rather eat a deer but blood boosts my phycic abilities. You people just don’t taste that good. Gingerbread men are tasty humans ain’t. Simple
Hail The One,
The fact that you know what humans taste like sort of proves my point… just saying…
Keep on keeping on.
Seth
I happen to need blood at some times…sorta unfortunate side effect of being part vampire. . And I don’t take it directly from you primates. Ever here of grand theft bloodbank? And also the term cannabalism usually refers to members of your own species
Hail The One,
Very good points you make there. Good points indeed.
Now that you mention it I am wondering if maybe increased vampire activity in the summer and fall of 2008 can be directly correlated to the massive blood banking industry bailout that followed. They said the blood banks were too big to fail but now I suspect the vampire lobby influenced congress significantly. Actually a great many members of congress may in fact actually be vampires, some of them are definitely zombies.
Anyways good points and keep on keeping on making withdrawals from the blood bank instead of my neck.
Seth
I’ve never looked at a gingerbread man as a gingerbread HUman before….
Hail Zyboragon,
Thanks for helping to raise awareness about these cannibal cookies. You’re not alone. This clever cannibal desensitization campaign uses sugar and spice to cover up the carnal reality but I assure you they are human, the X-ray below is proof positive.
So tell us, are you a face feaster? Or a limb luncher? Knowing this will tell you how far your cannibalistic tendencies have advanced.
Seth
In my experience, I’ve smelt cinnamon on gingerbread HUmans, and I’m allergic to that. So I’ve never indulged into eating one of these cookies.
Hail Zyboragon,
Allergic to cinnamon… what part of you do you suppose that come from? Dragon? Zombie? Time Traveller? Cyborg? Human? Something else? The answer might help me to improve the monstrometer.
Keep on keeping on.
Seth
Salutations Seth!
Sorry for not responding earlier, my cinnamon allergy has been around since I was human. However, when I became cyborgic, cinnamon caused my “new skin” to boil.
I’m unsure if it has something to do with my allergy or not.
This may be worth testing.
UuuumUuuummmmm a little help Zyboragon?
Who the hell are you?
Names ice friend of Baine
That’s impossible. Baine was born only a few weeks ago.
Well if you want to get really technical I was born like a month ago so….
Yeah dad.
And who the fauq are you?
Uhh where’d Zanthre go? And the armies? Gods I feel dizzy…….
While he’s been in this timeline, I’ve been causing trouble in his future. I figured it would give us some time to get prepared. He simply had to go and correct things, we have a couple of days.
Now we can be ready for his return.
when we beat zanthre can i have his thumb bones?
Your asking me for my sons bones? No. Sorry mrjaffa.
Ok, sorry I just realized that was a bit of a dumb question.
The only dumb questions are the ones that are never asked. If you hadn’t asked me, and took the thumb bones from my son (if we even kiIl him), then I probably would get angry, real fast.
I Just realized how much I missed all your proverbs and sayings and mottos 😯
Mutts ghost form disspersed. It couldn’t stay solid anymore.
Cookies and humans, totally two different things. If you’re compelled to eat an actual human however, you have some deep issues.