Time Travel Tips How to Speak Stone Age

Ever been trapped in the wrong époque following a terrifying time travel debacle? Say you appeared wrapped in a toga with a skin of chocolate milk on the Savannah when what you really needed was a loincloth pelt and a good club?

Tips for Talking to the Stone Aged From Scientists

You’re not alone. Time travel accidents are a common occurrence, especially during the dark season when our urge to wander grows strong, so here on SOS we try to arm you with the info you need to survive awkward temporal situations like this.

Luckily, science has contributed a breakthrough in Stone-Age linguistics this week. That’s right, a dictionary for Stone-Age communication.  Today we present to you a four talking points:

TOP 4 STONE AGE TALKING TIPS

1. WHICH WAY HOME?

They had a limited vocabulary, so you don’t want to waste time on small talk with a Stone Ager. Get right to the point and ask the DAM way home.

No I’m not swearing. (Science has yet to decode the Stone-Age swear dictionary past, “AAAAARGH.” “DAM” just means home. Try that. Of course, you may end up at his home but hey, you might also score a hot pot of shrunk-head stew.

2. HEY CAN I BORROW YOUR HORSE?

There’s plenty of evidence the Stone Agers kept horses. For a quick getaway, you might need to borrow one. The term,”AK-WOS” means horse to a Stone-Ager. Be careful how you say it though because scientists say that, “WOS” means animal in general. If you leave off the “AK,” you could end up with a bear or a sabre-tooth tiger. And although that might be cool, it won’t help you ride to your render-vous point.

3. GOT ANYTHING TO EAT, DRINK?

Of course if you’re stuck out there a while, sooner or later you’re going to need a snack and these two words could save your life. “PEL” means a skin, which combined with the action of drinking, could score you a slug of something. I’m not going to guarantee water or that you’ll like what you get but you should get something. For food try, “PA.” That’s right the earliest word for father could also be used to refer to food.

Of course “PA” also meant father so it could create some confusion. Like you could be telling your new Stone Age pal that you’re their dad. Which might come in handy too and could theoretically be true.

4. GOT A LIGHT?

The nights get cold out there and you’ll need to keep wild animals away, so knowing the word for light could save your life. If your flinting skills are not up to snuff, try asking for a light with the word, “BHAL.” Technically you are asking for the blazing sunlight here but with an appropriate gesture it should get your point across.

Other words meant light too, like “LUH” which as you can guess meant the full moon and then there’s “DIW” which meant daylight but start with “BHAL” and see how it goes.

Good luck out there time travellers. And remember, if you are of the ilk that uses chocolate milk to down the time travel fatigue, you’ll still need to bring your own as Stone Agers were not known to herd brown cows.