You still shopping for a perfect seasonal gift for that special supernatural someone in your life? Look no further than Craigslist where this bewitching grandma is looking to unload her haunted sword.
The sword auction creating a supernatural storm appeared on Craigslist last week. The grandmother in question states that she purchased the haunted sword from a suspicious antiques dealer in the southern U.S. back in 1984 and now wishes to part ways with it.
But bidders beware – the curse on this sword remains largely unexplained. The details of the auction ad, which you can find here, mention only vaguely that the owner’s life has, “descended into chaos,” since the sword’s arrival in her home.
The sword is reportedly scaring her knitting group and knocking crucifixes off her walls with alarming regularity.
“My knitting group came over and they all said they could feel a strange energy in my sword room,” she writes. “I cannot have this cursed item in my house anymore.”
That said, the current owner was well aware that she was buying a bewitched blade.
“The person who sold it to me told me to be careful because there is a 90+% chance that it is cursed,” she says.
But bidders beware. Even if you, like me, are always on the hunt for a sword of power, the true nature of the curse on this sword remains unknown.
Think about it. Should you really trust an old woman who meets with a so-called knitting group in a sword room? Who boasts owning over 100 swords? What kind of knitters are these anyway? I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess there are exactly 13 of them and they meet only on Fridays in the dead of the night…
“This is my only haunted sword,” the little old lady protests in her ad. But SOS readers who observe the net bag of garlic hanging beside her door will no doubt remain supernaturally suspicious.
Judging from the photo, the sword does not confer immortality – or at least not eternal youth, but could this woman be an immortal hunter? Specifically, the leader of a vampire-hunting coven?
With the darkest hours almost upon us again, the restless spirits of the season are ready to roam free. Even bidding on this sword could be hazardous to your health. And if you intend to wrap this up and put it beneath your tree, you’ll need more than a cheery yule log and a string of spirit popcorn to deal with the consequences on December 22. The dread Yule Cat will be the least of your worries.
Me, I think I’ll just keep looking beneath the birch trees for my immortal sword instead.
Alternately, you could check out another supernatural auction going on right here on the pages of SOS. Sword of Longinus anyone?
by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com
Why yes! In fact the auction for the Hybrid race is still on! Please enjoy! All are welcome to bid!
*twerks with squad of chaos devoted hybrids* I want more. Spear of longinus.
*I role my eyes* I would rather have my own liver cut out. With a spoon.
I would like Susan, Nightshade, and however many other Hybrids this will give me. *I hold up the Sling of David*
Honestly? Mod? Now?
Sa’ lome gets off a cellphone. “This is acceptable Ms. Akantha. For the sling used by David against Goliath you are to be granted the lot of twenty Hybrids and 1 Nightshade.” Sa’ lome blinks. “Is this acceptable?”
*I look at Susan and then Sa’lome* No. It is not. Both Susan AND Nightshade.
Sa’lome raises a raven black eyebrow. “Up the ante.” she says. “Then we’ll talk.”
*I simply shrug and hold out my hand where a crown of thorns appears* Consider the ante upped.
Lilith’s eyes suddenly went wide. The rose garden dissolved into nothingness and she appeared in front of Akantha, staring at her with eyes of pure chrome. “Is that the crown…” she trailed off. “Are those the thorns that pierced the head of the Chri st?”
*I smirk* Positive. Who better to know thorns than me?
Lilith holds out her hand. “Deal.”
Lovely. So glad we came to an agreement. * I shake Lilith’s hand*
Lilith takes David’s sling and the Crown of Thorns. Chains break on Susan and Nightshade and 20 other random hybrids. “Yes,” she smiles. “So glad.” The Sling and Crown disappear in lavender fire.
The Twenty-Two hybrids (including Nightshade and Susan) are set free. “Yes, so glad.”
Lilith hands Akantha a collective contract of Nightshade Susan and 20 others. “The deal is done.”
*I smile at the contract in my hand and watch as it slowly burns in flames the same color as pitch* I have no need for slaves. They are completely free.
*I watch as a young boy of perhaps 14 years of age walks across to Sa’lome. He is dressed in Elegant clothing. However on his wrists are two iron bracelets, the mark of a slave. He looks extremely nervous and is wringing his hands.* “my master, the clever and masterful Lord Blackwolf, would like to purchase all Hybrids presently owned by Lilith of Eden. He offers, The eye of Wotan, the Horn of the archangel Gabriel, the jaw of the jackass Cain used to slay Abel, the staff of the goddess Veritas, a pint of the blood of Jesus, a pint of the blood of Typhon, the scythe of Kronos, and ownership of Jupiter, all of its moons, and the civilizations located on those moons.” *As the boy spoke the items appeared in a large pile behind him, including the deeds to Jupiter*
Sa’ lome held a button on her phone and a special number was speed dialed. A glossy black stretch limousine pulled up from the dust of the underworld, appearing out of intense flames that acted as a portal from Inferno. The door opened and a black stilletto heal stepped out, Lilith pulled along with with. She wore a simple black blazer with a matching skirt and white shirt, a black ribbon tied into a bow around the collar, matching the one in her hair. Cortez came out on the other side, his tuxedo matching Lilith, down to the ribbon that pretended to be a bow tie. He ate flaming hot Cheetos.
Lilith walked up to the boy. “Who is this buyer and what is he offering for the whole lot?” She examined the contents as he listened to the boy repeat himself. “I already own the weapon that ended dear sweet Abel’s short life.” Lilith flicked her hand and a rusty, short, hand-held scythe. “This tool, designed to usher in life in the Earth and sustain the lives of man…” She trailed off. “Wrought the first deth. So tell me, why is this jawbone? Who is this Lord Blackwolf?” Lilith blinked and glared at Cortez who nonchalantly greeted Susan. “Though I’m sure I already have an idea.”
*The boy shakes nervously* L-lord Blackwolf is a c-collector of many things. H-he is interested in the Hybrids because of there novelty. *suddenly the boy tilts his head as if listening to a voice* as for the Jawbone, my lord assures you Lady Lilith that it is the weapon that took Abels life. He says the w-weapon you carry was used by Cain later in his life. *The boy bows his head and looks at the ground*
Lilith ran a finger along the rusted blade. “I see.” The scythe disappeared in a whirl of lavender fire. She put her hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Be still. No harm shall come to you. I am a professional.”
“So are we sellin’ them, Lilz?” Said Cortez in between munches.
Lilith stood up straight. “I would meet with this Lord Blackwolf before any such grand sale was made.”
*My voice booms down from above* kindly don’t touch my property Lilith, and then I won’t touch yours. *I descend from above gliding down to the ground despite my lack of wings. I’m dressed in a solid black dress suit with a red tie* surprised to see me?
Lilith shrugged. “Nah, major players, like us, never stay down for long.” Lilith put a finger to her chin. “You look older, more matured. Time travel?”
Cortez shot his brother a peace sign.
*I shake my head and nod to Cortez* no however considering you obliterated my last body I had to get a new one made. And that’s not particularly cheap. *I straighten my tie* so is there some sort of problem with the haul? Took it right out of my inheritance from dear old dad when he passed on *i frown* well one of the times he passed on anyways.
Well morgenstern, Gabriel’s horn belongs as the title implies, and the scythe of Kronos belongs to the next available benefactor since it wasn’t taken by Zeus hades or Poseidon,and neither you nor your father actually owned it, and since most will remember the face on the back of my head was the product of a deal with Saturn and in turn Kronos the scythe of Kronos belongs to me. So please suck on this *i hand morgenstern a dragon egg* oh and use it in bidding afterwards if you like But on my behalf not your own. Nice body by the way, not as good as my craftsmanship but it’s ok.
*I barely even look at Hatter as I snap my fingers. Large piles of documents appear next to the pile and I select one from the top* ahem “Dear Mutt, for services rendered in the defeat of the hellish pastry chef I bequeath to you my horn. Signed Gabriel of the heavenly host”. *I select another from the top of the pile* “Mutt for your help in restoring peace to wonderland I grant you the sycthe of Kronos, signed Janus” *I look up and smile* dated 2017. *I return the paperwork to the pile* some of this is out of sync with the current time stream but all was acquired through legitimate means. *I take the egg and shove it down Hatters throat* so be quite while I discuss buisness.
Curse this mod
“It’s a bit stingy.” Lilith folds her arms. “I’ve no desire for Gabriel’s horn, wretched thing.” Lilith tapped on the air, it made sounds as if it was glass. The Underworld shattered and fell away, as they now stood in a beautiful arboretum of white roses. Lilith took a seat under an adjacent gazebo, there wine and cake were set. She sipped at a drink. “So, what are your motives for purchasing the Hybrid race?” she asked the still standing Morgenstern.
*I raise an eyebrow* well I certainly don’t want any harm to come to my beloved brothers and sisters, and quite frankly I don’t trust any of your other potential buyers to treat my family like…well family. *I speak with utter sincerity and a smile that doesn’t quite reach my eyes* And if the horn displeases you, I’ll throw in the Crown jewels of Atlantis, and the mineral rights to Pluto.
“You’re lying to me,” Lilith says. “I can respect that, given it doesn’t objectively affect our deal.”
Lilith slams a hand on the table in a grand manner. She picks her hand up and holds an eye, bright blue like the sky. “I kept a few souvenirs from my dinner with Odin.” She looks at Morgenstern. “And blood of Jesus? Why, that could be any Jesus, do you know how many people are named Jesus? Blood of the Christ, well, you could just hand me some sacramental wine in that case.” She smiled. “As payment for the Hybrids in my possession, I will take the staff of Veritas, the weapon that slew Abel, Kronos’ scythe… and two other things…”
Lilith blinked. “By the by, are buying them out of their contracts, or are you buying ownership of the contracts?”
Blasted mod
Lilith, did you change the Wi-FI password? Because I actually liked the old one, it was very ironic but flawless in the allusion. Oh and I will bid the one thing I never thought I could give away if it means that morgenstern will reinstate continuity and returns the scythe to 2017.
*Penelope enters through a claw mark shaped portal*
I’m buying, who’s selling?
*Penelope holds up a suitcase*
Interested?
TL
“Of course I am.” She said, opening her arms in an accepting manner. “What’re you two offering?”
“So tell me bro,” he says. “You’re gonna get that dark-gun-girl right?” He shivers. “She gives me the creeps,” he says, stuffing his face with sponge cake. “Are you buying her contract too,” he asks, his mouth full.
Lilith glares at him, disapproving of his table manners. Cortez looked at her. “That stuff you talked about in the limo… you weren’t actually going to do that to her, right? Hasn’t she been through–”
Lilith abruptly held up a hand, signaling that he’s said enough. He chewed in a slower, more controlled manner.
*I look at Cortez with an unreadable expression* yes I do plan on purchasing her freedom. But That is a completely separate deal. *I turn back to Lilith* so how about it?
“The jawbone used by Cain to wrought the first deth, the staff of the Goddess of Truth, Veritas, the Scythe of Kronos, 1 favor, and something… specific…” She smiled, and spreading from behind her eyes, chrome-platinum wrapped around the spheres. She blinked and her eyes returned to the pale lavender. “Interested? Are you purchasing the contracts themselves, or buying them out of the contracts?”
Buying them out of their contracts. *I survey Lilith* what is this specific that you want?
Lilith stares intently at akantha, not turning her head she tells Morgenstern. “On the Final Day shall twelve hooves scar the Earth. I want the second set of four to arrive, along with the rider’s weapon. Bring me the Horse and the Sword of War, and you shall have your family.”
*I look at Lilith levely* And can I be assured that what I have put forth so far is enough to put them on layaway? That you will not sell them until I return with the horse and sword of war?
Excluding the transaction for Susan & Nightshade’s freedom which is currently underway, yes.
Yes. Not including that with Akantha.
*I nod and glance at Lilith* and there’s absolutely no other way I can secure their freedom?
Lilith shrugged, caught up in admiring the Crown of Thorns. “Offer me something else. Maybe there is something you can offer that will.”
*I shrug* Fruit from the tree of knowledge spark your interest? Or… *my eyes narrow* a bet, a game of riddles, I win, I get my Hybrids back, you can keep this junk. You win, you keep the junk, the Hybrids, and me.
Lilith held up her hand. “Stop there.” She glared at him. “I only thane risks I’m guaranteed at profiting in. I’ve named my terms. That is the deal, Morgenstern.” She sniffed. “Perhaps when you retrieve the horse and buy back your Hybrids we can discuss dear Elizabeth.” Lilith and Cortez walked back to the limo, Cortez having gotten bored with no other junk food to eat.
“Later bro!” he called as he got into the automobile, Lilith simply nodding a farewell to Morgenstern. The limousine turned around and pulled up next to Morgenstern. The window rolled down and Lilith leaned over to look at him. “Find us in London, when you’re ready.” And with that the limousine took off, leaving through a bright blue portal to Earth. The captive Hybrids sighed at read words appeared on their bodies, and the Hybrids faded away save for those freed by Akantha.
*I shrug* well time to go off and find two of the most dangerous magical items of all time and give it to that lunatic. *Susan walks up* “not without me your not. Without Ice around there’s no one to keep you’re psychopathic tendencies in check” *I smile* very well little sister, let us depart from the text *I step into the shadows along with Susan*
*penelope sits next to Lilith in the limo, she opens the brief case and inside is a obsidian black violin*
This…
This is what you want…
*lilith reaches for the violin, and Penelope shuts the case*
Ah ah ah…
A void key…
That’s the price…
I’d be happy to give you any informatio You disire on this instrument, but no touching untill I see the void key…
TL
Lilith reached into her blazer, an pulls out a metallic-chrome knife, it has ridges and textures as if it was wooden. “Always have a plan B.”
* Noah paces back and forth in his hideout, some miserable corner of the multiverse. He turns as Penelope enters the room, the ark which he had taken back floated outside the window…*
Why not just use the void key?
Why are you late…
*penelope starts to panic*
Well you see boss, we ran into an unexpected factor in our little heist for the ark…
*noah’s eyes spark with lightning*
What kind of unexpected factor…
*penelope steps back…*
The void key was lost in the confusion after Morgenstern came the moment you left the scene with the ark…
*noah hands penelope a suitcase*
My intel tells me a trade is going down, one of the people there may have our key…
You are to purchase it from the one who has it…
Purchase…
At least try that first, we don’t need anymore unneeded charges against us…
*Penelope nods and opens a portal with her claws*
TL
I do not need a haunted sword, I have a sword infused with the souls of 1,000 demons. Other curious ingredients were utilized to forge it.
Surely 500 souls was a good place to stop. That’s just unfair to any challengers.
I do not want to be fair, I want those who dare step foot on my land and endanger my people to tremble at the sound of my voice. Whoever tries to wield it beside me shall feel the weight of the suffering brought on by grief, sickness, sadness and pain the weight of every single sorrow in the multiverse. He who wields it against me or my people shall join the souls trapped in the blade. I had devoured the souls of 3,000 demons in my former post as guardian of which I used 1,000. If need be I will add a thousand more and if truely hell hath broken loose I shall add the remainder.
Should I scratch out visiting Puerto Rico on my bucket list then?
Only if you plan on hurting people or desecrating my land.
It’s not a claymore. That rectangular part by the hilt it wrong looks more like one of the type of swords used by Landsnecht Doppelsoldners. Some of whom were rumored to be utilizing blood magics. Could explain the “cursed” effects of the sword. Does it come with a scabard? Usually a supernatural sword will radiate hostile magician whenever it is drawn sometimes all you need to do is sheath the bloody sword.
Hail Fenrir,
Thanks for the intel. The auction doesn’t mention a scabard – we will see if she replies to my query. Meanwhile who is this Landsknecht Doppelsoldners and how did he lose his sword? Is he looking for it? What do you think he might be willing to pay?
Thanks for keeping on,
Seth
I think he’d be willing to not put our heads on a pyke for returning his sword.
The Landsnechts (plural) were a famous group of German mercenaries around the 1400’s. They were professional soldiers. The dopplesoldners were a specific branch who happened to use very large swords, they were also very expensive costing double the usual rate hense their name… double soldier. They made up a large part of various kingdoms armies.
Looks more like one of their swords or something in that style that anything else I can think of.
I like swords. They’re always so useful.
I’m going to politely stay out of this one; I like living and I don’t want my head displayed on a pyke for all to see.
You’re telling me, I escaped death’s gamble thrice, four times is not a number I am willing to participate.
My minimum number of times I did not die is at least four. I should have died when I was born, went into cardiac arrest three times afterward, not to mention those numerous falls down flights of stairs, one of which my mother caught me, saving me from quite literally cracking my head open on the radiator.
That would have been messy. 😆