Mummy Day rises again, that one day of the year when mere mummies around the globe are released from their eternal slavery to roam free on the surface for 24 hours.
Yes, Mummy Day, the most dangerous day of the year, after the Winter Solstice and Kiss A Zombie Day in February and Easter of course, that one can be hard… a few others too. But Mummy Day is right up there, make no mistake.
If you’re a mummy, er… well, Happy Mummy Day to you. Please enjoy your day of freedom in the overworld responsibly.
However, if like me, you are NOT a mummy please read on, as dealing with mummies on this day can be tricky.
If you still believe like I once did, that mummies are just a kind of zombie in bandages – think again! Sure some of them groan and shamble in similar fashion, and yeah they are both prone to decay, but please be aware under those layers of neglect is a cursing magical being with a hidden eternal grudge against both gods and earthlings.
So how will you survive as the mummies roam free? Try the following tips, or share your own.
Top Five Mummy Day Survival Tips:
1. A Good Book
Preferably the Book of the Dead but other books will do in a pinch. Mummies just like it when you read to them. If you read the right passage, your mummy may go right back to sleep.
2. Find Your Mummy’s Canopic Jars
Every mummy has at least four of these jars somewhere, you just have to help find them. (The bathroom is often a good place to start.) These jars contain your mummy’s lungs, liver, intestines and stomach. Understandably, mummies get very distressed at the thought of losing their internal organs and this sometimes leads to them trying to rip out yours. So just ask your mummy outright, “Could you be upset because you lost your embalmed liver last night? Helping a mummy locate a missing liver is the best way to prevent the ripping out of yours.
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- Locate your mummy’s liver and protect your own!
- 3. Deal With The Decay
Mummies, like zombies, are prone to decay. That is why they wear the bandages. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not retracting my previous statement about mummies and zombies. But they are prone to decay, that’s just a fact. So, today try helping your mummy deal with that decay. May I suggest a sturdy linen scarf or shroud or a formaldehyde facial at a spa that specializes in caring for mummies.
4. Learn Life-Saving Hieroglyphs
Brush up on your Egyptian, both written and spoken.
Personally I know only one command that in my research is proven effective. In the case of a rampaging mummy, you take a piece of rope and throw it in the air and shout the word, “TAS” and the rope will wrap itself around the mummy like a snake. If you have more time than that, make a mummy trap with four strings, shoe laces or whatever really in the shape of the following hieroglyphs. Any mummy who steps on these hieroglyphs it is said will be safely entangled forever.
5. Trip To The Underworld
It’s a last ditch move, I don’t usually recommend it since you might never return and all but sometimes there’s no other way to deal with an out-of-control mummy but an unscheduled trip to the Underworld to plead your case with the gods there. Review your underworld safety tips and find a portal or an elevator near you!
by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com
Ok most of these can either only be found in Egypt,or can only be done by 3 of the survivors on this site, so yeah I call Apis-quality bull on this
Hatter, museums tend to have mummies… >.> Stop being such a jerk, just because I’m gone doesn’t mean I won’t call you out.
I meant that you can only really find the book of the dead in Egypt, the jars are usually in the tomb, and everything else can only be done by people like you me and RB or are close to impossible to do
A mummy just stole like most of my DNA!
the only thing he left me was the demon and the human parts!
And worse yet he mummified me while i was in my snake of eden form!
I hate mummies…
oh gods he’s on a rampage now…
anyone care to help me out of this sticky situation…
i think I’m in, oh yes…
giza…
*sigh*
the land of infertile sands…
can’t control water if there is none around…
RB
You Know Noah you really should read up on what a guardian can do *snaps his fingers and the removed parts of DNA return* oh and if you like I can make your demonic element angelic just as a experiment, if you like it you will stay that way if you don’t I will turn you back into what you are now
I have a copy if the book… I got it from Barnes & Noble….
Ok then…
Hey! I stored that book there!! I hid it in a bookstore because no one in their right mind would look for an ancient Egyptian text in a book store!
Hey it’s better than certain fails, like how one of my portal hats is in a men’s clothing store in Ajax
Hm. No wonder that incantation to raise Cleopatra’s undead army worked
DAMMIT LILITH! *Walks all the way to the Barnes and Noble store and grabs the book of life* Do I have to fix everything around here.
No *snaps fingers* but Lilith does have to apologize for all the paperwork! btw I can literally do almost anything matrix
*wacks Reaper over the head and takes the book* Thats MY book thank you very much! I might need it to… Uh…. Well never mind why I might need it I just do!
Violence! Yay violence!
Mr. Mutt wtf why you wack Reaper in the head
Yeah, but 6th graders like me may need it for there project, so I would be careful with that, considering most of us are smart but don’t use our brains, and might hurt ourselves our do something stupid, alng with most of public.
This is hardly relevant but I once ate a mummy. Tasted like soap.
I recently consumed a very old one-eyed man. He tasted rather like a mix of venison and cornbread.
“Mmpf. Egyptian food. Sounds…” Lilith’s eyes again disappear, her sockets endless black voids. If one looked closely enough, they would see something deep within, looking back at them. “Sounds simply decadent.” Lilith takes to the air and departs.
*Reaper mutters something about bumps on the head as he walks home that night.* All I need now, is for somebody to find out I’m Thanatos and The Pale Horseman… Imagine what Lilith would do. She’d probably eat me. Ha, I wonder what I taste like. *Reaper sniffs himself* I smell like… Souls… And… Is that… Ham?
Don’t worry reaper she just wanted to eat him no one else I hope, and anyway we are minor gods she would probably go for Jupiter or Poseidon
Well, technically I’m a secondary god in the Christian pantheon. And are you saying I’m not good enough?! Gosh! I am at least twice as good as Jupiter and Odin! And why am I trying to make a case for getting eaten? o.o
You better get ready for the Rapture reaper cause after it i believe death will no longer exist
Hail Reaper,
Thanks for this interesting observation. Could this account for the British alien abduction survivors this week who made the claim that visitors here are chowing down on salty souls?
I’ll look into it. Thanks for keeping on,
Seth
I suppose it could. And I wouldn’t necessarily say it was aliens. Many creatures enjoy the taste of a soul. One reason my job is so important. For this one, I blame Agent RB. He’s gone insane recently.
I’m of sound mind…
Realy…
*rb becomes distracted with something he sees in the distance*
Ooh…
Is that a person in pain 🙂
That’s hilarious 🙂
RB
See you are insane RB you need a mental hospital
I eat demons and they taste like a combination between jalapeños and cinnamon buns.
Help! It says I am zombie! I’m not zombie! I’m something else tho…
(Address me as Max if you reply, Seth.)
Hail Max,
Thanks for your SOS message. It is true the Monstrometer is only 99.98% accurate when used under optimum conditions and does not diagnose all supernaturealities that exist in the known universes. What exactly is your supernatural condition? Maybe we can assess why your result defaults to zombie.
Seth
Seth this is the only place i knew to go my human mate is being hunted by something we don’t know of and I’m worried she’s going to get hurt do you have any advice
Hail Wolfteen,
Thanks for your SOS message. I hope you are still keeping on out there somewhere. I assume by your handle that you are a werewolf. If so, you should begin by asking yourself who would want to hurt you by hurting your human mate? Don’t rule out anyone at this stage, think of everyone from angry pack rivals to members of other packs, clans or alliances to any beings and their loved ones you have fought lately. Suspect them all and gather the Intel. And until u have the facts, you must stage a fake public break up with your human mate – for their own protection.
Keep on keeping on,
Seth
-arrives through a portal-
Mummies don’t seem to exist anymore.
For thousands of years I have remained dormant. WHO HAS DISTURBED MY SLUMBER!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Hey everybody, guess who just came back from the dead (just kidding)
Every risen mummy I find reminds me of a Zombie raisin since they are dried up corpses. Though you shouldn’t try to agitate them. In most cases they are just confused with all of the new technology in the world today.
Draugr are more fun. Like frozen raisin zombies. They maintain their intelligence and can change their size. Make things a lot easier to work sometimes.
True, but if it is an undead you want to command I think it is a Revenant that takes the cake, they maintain their original personality and soul, and aren’t wrinkly and dry like mummies and Draugr and you can imbue a Revenant with whatever properties you wish, you can even make them turn into Dracar, revive them and they’d still keep the bloodline. But they still obey the one who brought them back. They I find are scary accurate when it comes to efficiency.
Oh yes definitely, but those are all corporeal undead. Wraiths can also be very useful.
Yeah, they’re superiorly creepy though. Everything about them is unsettling to me. I don’t know whether to pity them or to hate them.