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Zombie Outbreak in Texas!!!

Hail Survivors!

I recently received a very grave -no pun intended- warning from Survivor Miles who I believe may be located in or near Texas. Survivor Miles recently survived a vicious zombie attack, armed with only his wits and hedge clippers. His parents unfortunately were not so lucky.

Read more here: Zombie Attack!!!

Seth

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SOS Mummies Rise Again Top Five Mummy Day Survival Tips

Mummy Day rises again, that one day of the year when mere mummies around the globe are released from their eternal slavery to roam free on the surface for 24 hours.

Mummy Day can be dangerous for everyone.

Yes, Mummy Day, the most dangerous day of the year, after the Winter Solstice and Kiss A Zombie Day in February and Easter of course, that one can be hard… a few others too. But Mummy Day is right up there, make no mistake.

If you’re a mummy, er… well, Happy Mummy Day to you. Please enjoy your day of freedom in the overworld responsibly.

However, if like me, you are NOT a mummy please read on, as dealing with mummies on this day can be tricky.

If you still believe like I once did, that mummies are just a kind of zombie in bandages – think again! Sure some of them groan and shamble in similar fashion, and yeah they are both prone to decay, but please be aware under those layers of neglect is a cursing magical being with a hidden eternal grudge against both gods and earthlings.

So how will you survive as the mummies roam free? Try the following tips, or share your own.

Top Five Mummy Day Survival Tips:

1. A Good Book

Preferably the Book of the Dead but other books will do in a pinch. Mummies just like it when you read to them. If you read the right passage, your mummy may go right back to sleep.

2. Find Your Mummy’s Canopic Jars

Every mummy has at least four of these jars somewhere, you just have to help find them. (The bathroom is often a good place to start.) These jars contain your mummy’s lungs, liver, intestines and stomach. Understandably, mummies get very distressed at the thought of losing their internal organs and this sometimes leads to them trying to rip out yours. So just ask your mummy outright, “Could you be upset because you lost your embalmed liver last night? Helping a mummy locate a missing liver is the best way to prevent the ripping out of yours.

  1. Locate your mummy's liver and protect your own!
    Locate your mummy’s liver and protect your own!
    3. Deal With The Decay

    Mummies, like zombies, are prone to decay. That is why they wear the bandages. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not retracting my previous statement about mummies and zombies. But they are prone to decay, that’s just a fact. So, today try helping your mummy deal with that decay. May I suggest a sturdy linen scarf or shroud or a formaldehyde facial at a spa that specializes in caring for mummies.

 4. Learn Life-Saving Hieroglyphs

Brush up on your Egyptian, both written and spoken.

A sophisticated hieroglypic trap

A sophisticated hieroglypic trap

Personally I know only one command that in my research is proven effective. In the case of a rampaging mummy, you take a piece of rope and throw it in the air and shout the word, “TAS” and the rope will wrap itself around the mummy like a snake. If you have more time than that, make a mummy trap with four strings, shoe laces or whatever really in the shape of the following hieroglyphs. Any mummy who steps on these hieroglyphs it is said will be safely entangled forever.

5. Trip To The Underworld

It’s a last ditch move, I don’t usually recommend it since you might never return and all but sometimes there’s no other way to deal with an out-of-control mummy but an unscheduled trip to the Underworld to plead your case with the gods there. Review your underworld safety tips and find a portal or an elevator near you!

 

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

38 comments to SOS Mummies Rise Again Top Five Mummy Day Survival Tips

  • Hatter MT

    Ok most of these can either only be found in Egypt,or can only be done by 3 of the survivors on this site, so yeah I call Apis-quality bull on this

    • Hatter, museums tend to have mummies… >.> Stop being such a jerk, just because I’m gone doesn’t mean I won’t call you out.

      • Hatter MT

        I meant that you can only really find the book of the dead in Egypt, the jars are usually in the tomb, and everything else can only be done by people like you me and RB or are close to impossible to do

        • Agent RB

          A mummy just stole like most of my DNA!
          the only thing he left me was the demon and the human parts!
          And worse yet he mummified me while i was in my snake of eden form!
          I hate mummies…
          oh gods he’s on a rampage now…
          anyone care to help me out of this sticky situation…
          i think I’m in, oh yes…
          giza…
          *sigh*
          the land of infertile sands…
          can’t control water if there is none around…

          RB

          • Hatter MT

            You Know Noah you really should read up on what a guardian can do *snaps his fingers and the removed parts of DNA return* oh and if you like I can make your demonic element angelic just as a experiment, if you like it you will stay that way if you don’t I will turn you back into what you are now

        • Lilith

          I have a copy if the book… I got it from Barnes & Noble….

  • Zyboragon

    This is hardly relevant but I once ate a mummy. Tasted like soap.

    • Lilith

      I recently consumed a very old one-eyed man. He tasted rather like a mix of venison and cornbread.

    • Lilith

      “Mmpf. Egyptian food. Sounds…” Lilith’s eyes again disappear, her sockets endless black voids. If one looked closely enough, they would see something deep within, looking back at them. “Sounds simply decadent.” Lilith takes to the air and departs.

      • *Reaper mutters something about bumps on the head as he walks home that night.* All I need now, is for somebody to find out I’m Thanatos and The Pale Horseman… Imagine what Lilith would do. She’d probably eat me. Ha, I wonder what I taste like. *Reaper sniffs himself* I smell like… Souls… And… Is that… Ham?

        • Hatter MT

          Don’t worry reaper she just wanted to eat him no one else I hope, and anyway we are minor gods she would probably go for Jupiter or Poseidon

          • Well, technically I’m a secondary god in the Christian pantheon. And are you saying I’m not good enough?! Gosh! I am at least twice as good as Jupiter and Odin! And why am I trying to make a case for getting eaten? o.o

        • Hail Reaper,

          Thanks for this interesting observation. Could this account for the British alien abduction survivors this week who made the claim that visitors here are chowing down on salty souls?

          I’ll look into it. Thanks for keeping on,

          Seth

  • WorldWarZ (username is w.i.p.)

    Help! It says I am zombie! I’m not zombie! I’m something else tho…

    (Address me as Max if you reply, Seth.)

    • Hail Max,

      Thanks for your SOS message. It is true the Monstrometer is only 99.98% accurate when used under optimum conditions and does not diagnose all supernaturealities that exist in the known universes. What exactly is your supernatural condition? Maybe we can assess why your result defaults to zombie.

      Seth

  • wolfteen9000

    Seth this is the only place i knew to go my human mate is being hunted by something we don’t know of and I’m worried she’s going to get hurt do you have any advice

    • Hail Wolfteen,

      Thanks for your SOS message. I hope you are still keeping on out there somewhere. I assume by your handle that you are a werewolf. If so, you should begin by asking yourself who would want to hurt you by hurting your human mate? Don’t rule out anyone at this stage, think of everyone from angry pack rivals to members of other packs, clans or alliances to any beings and their loved ones you have fought lately. Suspect them all and gather the Intel. And until u have the facts, you must stage a fake public break up with your human mate – for their own protection.

      Keep on keeping on,

      Seth

  • AP

    -arrives through a portal-
    Mummies don’t seem to exist anymore.

  • Assanjin

    For thousands of years I have remained dormant. WHO HAS DISTURBED MY SLUMBER!!!!!!!!!!!

    hahahahahahahahahahaha

    Hey everybody, guess who just came back from the dead (just kidding)

    Every risen mummy I find reminds me of a Zombie raisin since they are dried up corpses. Though you shouldn’t try to agitate them. In most cases they are just confused with all of the new technology in the world today.

    • Fenrir Iceborn

      Draugr are more fun. Like frozen raisin zombies. They maintain their intelligence and can change their size. Make things a lot easier to work sometimes.

      • Assanjin

        True, but if it is an undead you want to command I think it is a Revenant that takes the cake, they maintain their original personality and soul, and aren’t wrinkly and dry like mummies and Draugr and you can imbue a Revenant with whatever properties you wish, you can even make them turn into Dracar, revive them and they’d still keep the bloodline. But they still obey the one who brought them back. They I find are scary accurate when it comes to efficiency.

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