Shark Hires Mermaid For Bodyguard

Fed up seeing his friends and family end up in soup and strange health food supplements, one canny whale shark has hired a mermaid for his bodyguard.

The whale shark, named Papa Shillingi, says one of his 300 sons had just lost his fins to a soup maker when he met a mermaid named Linden Wolbert and a lightbulb went off for him.

“She was really nice and pretty and suddenly I realized, hey nobody EATS mermaids!” he explained.”Well, nobody except great whites, who consider mermaid meat a delicacy. But not me! Honest. All I eat is plankton. Nobody believes me but it’s true. Okay maybe the occasional little fish or two, but is that so bad? Do I deserve to the soup for that?!”

 An SOS truer-than-true story in progress…

Papa Shillingi says after he had this realization about mermaids, he tried to save money by actually becoming one. But when he swam through Eye Rock at midnight on the next full moon, the result was not what he had hoped.

“As soon as I saw myself, I realized this wasn’t going to work. Instead of looking like Linden, I looked like-  well, like me, except I had arms and a shell bikini. I did not gain any mermaid pretty power at all!” said Papa Shillingi, who is 70 years old this year.

Papa Shillingi says that’s when he decided to try hiring a mermaid instead. He immediately contacted Mermaids For Hire and asked if Linden Wolbert could be his bodyguard.

Far from being afraid, Linden dove at the chance to be bodyguard to a whale shark. “I was just harvesting golden jellyfish at the time and getting pretty tired of being stung. I know everybody says they don’t sting, but they do. Nobody was taking my photo back then. So you tell me who’s really the pretty one?”

Now Papa Shillingi and his family have their own personal mermaid bodyguard with them 24-7.

“Linden is great! She steers us away from the nets and protects us from harpoons. Don’t ask her to clean the coral reef though. She hates that,” says Papa Shillingi who adds that he is just joking about that coral reef part please don’t print it or Linden will kick his shilling spotted a$$.