Another Zompire Grave Found by Polish Vampire Archaeologists

Another zompire grave discovered in Poland by a vampire archaeologist this week proves Poland was zompire ground zero, even while raising the possibility of a fresh zompire outbreak in that country.

SOS warning, the information contained in this report may be disturbing to both vampires and zombies. Read on at your discretion. And please remember, I’m just the messenger… no shooting. Or biting.

Vampire archaeologist Slawomir Gorka led the expedition to uncover a suspected vampire grave in the small town of Kamien Pomorski only to find more evidence for the existence of the dread Polish zompires as far back as the 15th Century.

Polish vampire graves have been puzzling supernatural researchers since the 1950s when they were first discovered.

Survivors know it’s not unusual to find the remains of a suspected vampire staked and buried with a stone on the mouth. Vampire graves like this have been discovered around the world.

But the Polish vampire graves show an extra level of caution was taken with these suspected supernatural beings. Specifically, the suspected supernatural was also decapitated and the teeth removed entirely before a stone was put in the mouth and the whole head placed beside the knees. A clear case of overkill for a vampire burial – but just right for a suspected zompire.

In other words, Poland may have been Mecca for the world’s very first zompires.

Polish vampire professor Titus Hjelm explained to CNN that Polish vampires lived entirely normal lives – until their deaths.

“Vampires were born, rather than ‘made”,” he says. “They were normal people who could live normal lives, not aristocrats living in distant castles. The problems only started when these people died.”

Without a proper burial, these genetic vampires were known to rise from the dead with a hunger for human flesh just like a zombie, but with one exception. The first flesh they would eat to start their new unlife appears to have been their own.

“They are known for eating their own flesh and even burial garments when they rise from the dead,” says Titus Hjelm.

Does this explain explain the stone placed in the mouth of the skeleton whose teeth have already been removed and the placement of the dead vampire’s head beside the knees?

“Such a placement of the head ensured the dead would not be able to ‘reach it’ and put it back on his neck,” suggests zompire archaelogist Kamil Kajikowski.

Also very telling is the placement of the stake. Archaeologists note that Polish vampires are invariably staked through the thigh and not the heart at all like other vampires. Just another sign the Polish people knew they were not dealing with a simple vampire burial but rather someone wanting to go walking.

When will we know the truth about the Polish vampires and how they went zombie in the middle ages?

Soon, if the vampire archaeologists of Poland have anything to say about the matter.

“So far they remain unknown,” says the head of that archaeology department Leszek Gardela. “It is high time to change this.”

We will have to keep on keeping on to find out. Meanwhile, let’s hope these vampire archaeologists are well trained to handle zompire remains and it won’t go missing like that Bulgarian vampire skeleton. Anyone with a theory or a lead on the matter is invited to report.