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Would You Know a Gargoyle if You Met One?


With the whole world on the watch for 8 great gargoyles liberated from a basement lockdown facility in Worcester, Massachusetts on the Tetrad Moon and a nefarious plot still pending, your survival may depend on your ability to identify a gargoyle.

While not the most dangerous demonic entity you will face during your survival, gargoyles are almost always accompanied by and/or controlled by and/or protected by various other nasty underworldy types, so learning to spot one before one spots you is imperative.

Now a stone-stood gargoyle is easy enough to identity but the difficulty lies in the fact that gargoyles, once liberated from their stony pedestals on a church or government facade, regain a human-like form very quickly and over time the ability to shift back and forth on a dime, making it imperative that you familiarize yourself with both forms.

Four Signs of a Gargoyle in Human Form  

Is this gargoyle following me?

Identify gargoyles before they identify you.

1. Graying Skin:

–>> Look for grayish skin that appears cracked and aging close-up despite an outwardly youthful and vigorous appearance. Use the flashlight or zoom lens on your phone to check if you must, but be subtle. You don’t want them to catch you.

2. Supernaturally Still

–>> Like vampires, gargoyles can remain preternaturally still for long periods of time. That man who never changes position on the bus and never seems to fall over? Dead giveaway.

3. Weighs a Ton. 

–>> Even in human form, gargoyles appear lean and hungry yet they still weigh a ton. Or 1.5 tons in the case of the missing 8 Worcester gargoyles to be exact. Now you can’t very well ask a suspected gargoyle to step on a scale but you can shake his or her hand. Feel the weight of it?  It doesn’t look like a stone mitt so why does your shoulder hurts shaking it? Another telltale sign.

If you can’t get a handshake, carefully observe the surfaces beneath and around the suspected gargoyle for clues. Did the car sag unaccountably when he or she got into it? Did a sturdy chair break for no apparent reason? These are clues.

4. That Voice

–>> Listen for a gravelling wet voice with lots of phlegm. Gargoyles are supernaturally sensitive to the element of water. Not allergic exactly, and you can’t exactly describe it as their kyrptonite, but let’s say they hate it enough to want to spit it out. Which they often do, so watch out, they won’t hesitate, even in public. Which leads us to:

5. Strange Drinking Problem

–>>Because of the aforementioned sensitivity to water, Gargoyles will only drink out of earthen vessels. Ever see a human licking the side of a building? That’s a thirsty gargoyle who surrounded by paper and plastic cups. A stone water bottle hanging on a belt is also a dead giveaway.

Read more about the missing 8 gargoyles here. 

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

3 comments to Would You Know a Gargoyle if You Met One?

  • Assanjin

    Gargoyles, first born descendants of La Gargouille, a dragon who lived in the Rivers of France, when it was slain it was burned, only it’s neck and head were left intact and so was mounted upon the walls of a church, with it’s dying breath it swore that every drop of it’s blood and every sprinkle of it’s ashes would make the ground itself come alive and defend it’s head from evil, weather and fire for all time. So were born the Gargoyles, as the clay and stone of the land came alive and took on a beastly form. Ones who redirect water are called Gargoyles while those who simply are a statue of no known purpose are cruely named grotesques. Gargoyles belong to the branch of the Chimerai, those who seem to pertain to multiple parts of multiple animals. They particularly hate water even though they are supposed to protect against it and this is because it makes them grow stalagmites and stalactites that inhibit their movement and it also gives them quite a moss problem. Another weakness that exists now in the modern day is their weakness to sledge hammers and other stone crushing tools. Do not stare at them, for obviously if you stare they become offended and will act like a drache in the same way when offended rampage is imminent, but they can be rather nice, really gentle giants.

    • Hatter MT

      A second version of the myth is that gargoyles are imperfect versions of an almost anti-dragon called a darkling placed in the minds of men by evil forces *i stare directly at TL who appeared almost randomly* and that when the world was at its worst the life force of dragons would be inverted and darklings would rule the world forevermore. But these are just stories, and as usual assanjin is both knowledgeable and wrong.

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