Pilgrims flocked to Spain this week to see a 2,000 year-old cup bedazzled by a medieval princess only to find it suddenly gone, fuelling both faith and cynicism that Princess Urraca’s bejewelled cup is the real Holy Grail.
“It always does that!” said one excited if somewhat disappointed believer outside the San Isidro Basilica. “The real Holy Grail always disappears, as soon as it knows that it has been discovered. Well that plus kill everyone who tries to control it.”
Critics meanwhile claim the cup’s disappearance has more to do with historians trying to sell their book, Kings of the Grail, hiding it away to evade scrutiny than with any holy magic.
“I want my entrance fee back,” said one such critic who had to be reminded it was just a suggested donation anyway. “Jesus would never drink out of a fancy cup like that. I only came here to complain about it in person.”
But Margarita Torres and Jose Manuel Ortega del Rio defend their supernatural claim. They say Princess Urraca of Zamora deliberately blinged-up the Holy Grail with jewels and precious stones to hide it in plain sight from her jealous siblings after inheriting it from her father, King Ferdinand.
“Plus, she probably wanted to make it prettier. The princess was known for that. She would have found the Holy Grail pretty plain,” said one historian, using another photo to illustrate his point (see below.)
Assuming for a moment the historians are correct, was the crafty princess trying to keep the cup safe with her jewels and stones? Or bedazzle it into her power?
The historians describe the blood wars waged by the princess against her five siblings, that only ended with all of their deaths.
“See? That’s what I’m talking about. It does that too. Everybody dies where the cup is concerned. Except of course the pure of heart.”
Followers of this theory contend that the cup has likely been stolen by a descendant of the princess of maybe even the princess herself, risen from her tomb inside the Basilica.
Critics of Dona Urraca’s cup insist however it could never be THE Holy Grail, wherever it is. Even if such a legendary cup still existed, it could never be blinged-up like this on, not even by a powerful princess.
Will the chalice’s re-disappearance usher in a new era of Holy Grail warfare? Or is it just a supernaturally good book publicity stunt? Or both?
“You can expect more death and destruction now. And insects. At least until somebody with pure intentions finally finds it again,” said one Holy Grail quester. “I hope for their sake these historians were not trying to use the power of the cup for commercial purposes. That would put them in great danger.”
Margarita Torres and Jose Manuel Ortega del Rio’s publicist states there’s nothing impure about selling books however, and that they will find Dona Urraca’s cup again and defend their holy claims until the end.
by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com
duh, of course, it isn’t being stolen, its being taken back, darn witches are always finding new ways to summon it from the land of Ash and Bone to the mortal realm, and then they loses it, because it has strong psychic residue, and they start to think about were this cup could take them in the world and what do you know the cup ends up there, without them…
anyway, has anyone seen my cat, anywhere?
I’m freaking out, if anyone has seen Penelope contact me, i left with my squad on a mission to retrieve the cup and when i get back she’s gone!
RB
*brings Noah to his house showing him that Penelope had decided to move in with him* sorry you got worried Noah, oh and please remember the dual translation of the term sangreal either as San greal meaning holy grail and sang real meaning royal blood, *calls a boat called the indigo dragon to his location* oh and if your wondering the captain of this vessels name it’s Herbert George Wells but Jamie, Jules, and I call him “Bert” *boards the boat which then turns to Bert* “onward and upward to Avalon and beyond Bert” *the boat flies away*
Oh Penelope…
gods, why does she do this to me, i might just end up obliterating her, who knows?
😈
oh i like that idea, i can finely get that little tyrant off my chest…
RB
Hey Noah go to this URL if you want to sea the current location of the holy grail, http://67.182.248.54/ I found this while snooping around A51 files.
I would if that URL wasn’t complete bs
RB
I believe the term your looking for is “I can’t believe it I just got trolled” oh and I can’t believe how good the wi-fi is in this pocket dimension
Wait…. You mean that wasn’t a drinking glass??? Oh cr…. Uhhh I’ve got to make a quick trip back to Spain.
Seth, the best defense And best way to protect yourself that that holy cup brings is to not think about it, lest it will come into your possession. And if you do happen to get it, do us all a favor and imagine Pluto really hard while holding it, let the plutonians have it for a change…
Also if you come across the lesser known holy plate, fork, spoon, spork, napkin or pork tenderloin, do the same thing, though it may be extremely more difficult with the tenderloin, those were dark times indeed.
There is acctualy a whole set of holy host…ing supply if you ever want to hold your own last supper or last Super Bowl party!
RB
Silly RB, everyone knows I own most of the set. Just not the grail or the damned fork… Also, I seem to have lost Excalibur. Have any of you seen it? I need it for a play I’m doing called ‘How King Arthur really perished’ of course, I was going under the name of Mordred at the time, but every one get’s it wrong. Excalibur is my blade, Arthur had Clarent (Stupid name for a sword.) and they also said I was a druid. Druids can’t muster fire from their lips, at least unless they made a deal with a demon. Now I must find the Holy Grail… And the holy fork set… Last I checked, they were in Israel. Might be wrong though, the fork is hard to find.
You have the set, be warned of bad house guest lest they steal your blessed spoons…
RB
Hmm last I checked the original name of mordred was madoch son of Odysseus, not jerry son of dragoon. But then again I do remember every name to date of both Noah of the ark and madoch son of Odysseus, oh and by the way *tosses you the sword Excalibur* it wasn’t Clarent it was Caliburn which actually sounds pretty close to Excalibur oh and if you want to see the coolest thing the one called Merlin ever did look for an atlas called “The imaginarium geographica” it’s actually pretty cool
* heartache that that holy cup brings
RB