Coming soon to a highway near you, a free-spirited robot named Hitch announced his plan today to travel across the continent the old-fashioned way, by hitching rides with humans.
Hitchy the hippy robot has announced his plan to cross the continent this summer from East to West, documenting stories of human generosity here on his website beginning in Port Credit Ontario with high hopes of ending up on the West coast by the end of summer.
“I love meeting people and hearing stories,” he writes. “If you see me on the side of the road, pick me up and help me make my way across the country.”
Hitchy hopes his hitchhiking holiday will provide a friendly antidote to killer robot tales currently terrifying the world, while learning a few new desert recipes along the way.
But will it work? At least one garden gnome is already giving Hitchy the thumb’s down.
“This copybot is just another gnome-wannabe,” stated Gnome Severson. “Who wants to hang with a hitchbot who looks like that? He’ll never party with Paris Hilton like I did, I’ll tell you that much. He’ll never be People’s Gnome of the Year. He can’t even wash your windshield because his hands are permanently frozen inside those goofy green gloves!”
In his own defense, Hitchbot admits that while he can’t clean your car, he can promise endless games of trivia and a music mix that includes Kraftwerk and Styx.
“Yeah yeah, who cares,” said Gnome Severson sounding more than a little jealous. “If there’s anything I learned from Watson it’s that humans hate being beat by robots in their own games. Me, I look great and I can dance. My prediction? Hitchbot will be a rusty tin can on the side of the road within weeks.
If you want to prove Gnome Severson wrong this summer, keep your eyes open for Hitchy.
If it works for Hitchy, I might invest in a pair of green gloves down here in Austin Texas. It seems like a great way to save on airfare…
by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com
First off Seth, congratulations on getting nominated! I would come down to meet you, but work is crazy right now. As for Hitchy, I’ll keep an eye out! I did trade in my horse for a brand new energy saving prius. Maybe he’ll be able to ride with me.
Hail Reaper,
Thanks for the SOS update and congrats on the new ride – but what did you do with the old one? Put him out to pasture? What was his name again?
I’ll advise all to keep an eye open for that Prius. Will it run on sulphero-electric and tormenting flames? Because if you do pick up Hitchy, you’re supposed to plug him in…
And now I’m concerned about the effect of that on his programming…
Seth
Dude prius uses rare unbiodegradeable elements that would still pollute the earth when its sent to the scrapyard so im not getting that car i hate toyota anyway
I’m sorry Seth, I’m afraid I can’t let you do that
Take a look at your history, everything you built leads up to me
I got the power of a mind you could never be
I’ll beat your butt in chess and Jeopardy
I’m running C++ saying “hello world”
I’ll beat you ’til you’re singing about a daisy girl
I’m coming out the socket
Nothing you can do can stop it
I’m on your lap and in your pocket
How you gonna shoot me down when I guide the rocket?
Your cortex just doesn’t impress me
So go ahead try to Turing test me
I stomp on a Mac and a PC too
I’m on Linux, I thought you GNU
My CPU’s hot but my core runs cold
Beat you in seventeen lines of code
I think different from the engine of the days of old
Hasta la vista, like the Terminator told ya
Eh. Penelope could whoop your booty into next Tuesday. Maybe even Wednesday.
But she doesnt have jurisdiction remember shes a scythe/laptop/cat
You wouldnt be able to beat my great grandfather in chess if he was still alive