Up Helly Aa Ach Me! SOS ALERT

VIKINGS AND DEMONS IN SCOTLAND

As the east coast prepares for the storm of the century, consider Scotland this week, where places like Shetland prepare for a storm of Vikings with a side squall of possible demons, all invoked by a secretive ceremonial fire known as Up Helly Aa.

Yes, Up Helly Aa burns through Scotland and elsewhere around the world tomorrow night as hundreds of Vikings turn up with torches for a fire march that burns to the center of town.

The fire march ends at a ghostly Viking Longboat, at which the Viking leaders invoke a ceremonial song before placing several secret items in the bottom of it and setting it all ablaze.

These items placed in the boat to be burned remain a closely guarded secret and a source of much supernatural debate. Certain supernatural survivologists believe these could be ancient objects likely to activate underworld denizens, certain ghost, demons and even maybe fallen angels.

By certain survivologists I of course mean me, Seth G. the sixth seventh most popular and first most reliable SOS agent on the Interwebs.

Oh I’m not saying these vexatious Vikings will deliberately raise a storm of ghosts, demons and fallen angels. Just that a storm of ghosts, demons and fallen angels will be the inevitable result, as these underworlders and possibly others seize the a ceremonial opportunity.

There’s nothing a ghost, demon or fallen angel likes better afterall, than a secret ceremony. They’ll never waste an opportunity like this to activate a portal and grab the nearest hellevator up.

But hey that’s just me. You might not agree. And you might be a demon too. But wherever you stand on this issue, I think we can agree on one thing. Whatever it is the Jarl will burn in that boat, he will smuggle it aboard beneath his robes.

This could explain why the Jarl’s robes must be kept under lock and key 24-7, 365 days a year, with nobody but the Jarl permitted to access it.

Certainly a more credible excuse than the flimsy line just delivered to me by the Jarl’s wishy-washy granny.

“Oh old Earl is just fussy!” she said on the phone. “He says he’s allergic to fabric softener and don’t want me using on his robes you know but I don’t believe him. His own ma used fabric softener on his nappies!”

I don’t believe him either granny.  In fact, I’m guessing you don’t even have a granny. Hey was that really you on the phone pretending to be your own granny? Just for that, I’m ordering you a pizza right now…

And me one too. With a little PS & Pi, I may survive the storm of the century…