(SOS/ASAP/WTF?) Why is this man, an economist, telling Earthlings to pick a big fight with the aliens, any aliens, as soon as possible? Find out here.
An SOS truer-than-true story in progress, 99.98% guaranteed…
On TV this week, Nobel Prize winning alien economist Paul Krugman stated, “We need a good alien invasion for the fiscal stimulus – to end the recession.”
Mr. Krugman says if the aliens would just invade Earth, the recession could be over in as little as 18 months, the same way that World War 2 ended the last Great Recession 80 years ago.
He may have neglected to mention the fact that Earth itself could also be over in 18 months, but that isn’t stopping people from planning for the alien invasion today. Everyone, from aerospace engineers to politicians to courier drivers, is talking about the awesome benefits of provoking a war with the aliens.
For example, aerospace executive Carol Rosin is excited about the idea, saying that a good alien invasion would help create, “New roles for the military industrial complex, entrepreneurs, worldwide, with huge benefits and opportunities for ALL! Space travel, hotels, space hospitals, schools, labs, farms, industries — tech and info applied directly to solving urgent problems of human needs.”
And the state of Delaware has been actively pursuing an alien invasion for some time now. Remember how they appointed a Martian Ambassador earlier this year?
Even Ellie, the hairdresser who cut my hair this morning stated, “Well I guess maybe everyone would want to have nice hair for the end of the world? That would be okay. But do aliens have hair? I don’t know…”
Others have begun planning the best way to provoke an alien attack.
“I say we build a giant hand-shaped spaceship with the middle finger extended and just drive it around the galaxy,” said Kevin, grade 7. “Or maybe like, insult their moms. That always works.”
Is this madness? Or a sane plan to let the good times roll on earth again?
How peculiar, this issue popping up so shortly after my arrival.
I sense a connection…
Hail Dezai,
Are you suggesting that you could help earth’s economy by invading? If so, what would be the best way to provoke a war with your kind? And do you need haircuts? What kind of alien are you again? And what kind of war would you prefer?
Thanks for keeping on.
Seth
If we attacked you, your planet would be destroyed. Are you suggesting that we should be provoked? Why would we need haircuts? And what I am is unimportant.
Hail Dazai,
Thanks for keeping on with our communications, despite the language difficulties. So are you telling me that your arrival en masse would not in fact herald a great new age of great economic prosperity? That humanity would not in fact create a bunch of cool new technologies to defend ourselves against you? And that you would not visit our tourist destinations and buy our plastic silver Statues of Liberty to send back to your home planet?
Then what exactly is your intention here? Why are you observing us?
Seth
Grr… Your human language is slightly confusing.
Well it doesn’t help that there’s too many to count and our online service messes it up sometimes.
Dear Seth,
I have scanned my dad and I and we all got different results. But what I discovered was that I got the cyborg result 6 times, and he got 4 results of a cyborg. I think we may be cyborgs but I don’t know for sure. I was wondering what this meant so I decided to contact you. I need some more information about the monstrometer to see if it has any more information about cyborgs to see if we are cyborgs. I do not need a response as fast as in 30 minutes, but I would like it if you got this message soon. I don’t exactly know what to do if we are cyborgs but I will try and find more information. I have not scanned my mom yet, but if she has the cyborg result, then I think my family has some kind of heritage that they haven’t told me about. Also, my dad has the highest percentage of a zombie than any other monster. Please help.
Hail Firestar,
Thanks for using the Monstrometer to help identify monstrumosities.
Now about your result. It should be noted that in these complicated times, most of us are a mix of many different wondrous monstrous origins. There are very rare reports of one-hundred percenters out there, but they are mostly zombies and they don’t write into the site, generally speaking.
(There are a couple of other 100% werewolves around but they too are rare.)
So what do you do if you are a cyborg? First, be very happy. My experience of cyborgs here on the site, is they seem to be very happy, well-adjusted and intelligent individuals. Take P5t5r, who you can read about here. Very happy well-adjusted cyborg.
So understand, being a cyborg can be a wonderful gift.
However I agree it is important to know for sure. Start by asking yourself additional questions that aren’t in the Monstrometer yet:
Do you see numbers all around you when others do not?
Do you fall asleep faster and harder than most people you know?
Do you sometimes experience “glitches” when you find yourself repeating a word or an action?
Are you able to remember and process a lot of information?
Keep on keeping on,
Seth
Well I’d say yes to all those questions.
The father, four results cyborg, high percentage of zombie? That’s unheard of…
Don’t forget part leprechaun. He got so many results and I don’t know what it is but sometimes I feel really dizzy at night and when I go to sleep my bed feels like a boat in the water but I don’t think anyone else feels it. The problem is that I got some results of having angelic abilities and when I look at my shadow there is something small sticking out of my back and I always feel like something’s growing on my spine.
War is good they do walk among us. 😈 alien spawn .
Ggggggrrrrrrr bbbbblllllliiiitttthhhh!!!
Dear Seth,
I was wondering that if I am an angel, when do my wings grow in because I see little things sticking out of my back and my shadow always shows that. I am going to look on angels but I think one of my cousins is an angel and I think I am related to them. Thank you.
Hail Firestar,
Here is a link to the Angels page:
http://sethonsurvival.com/monstrometer/angels
Are you experiencing any other symptoms? Are you suddenly understanding new languages? Do you have a mysterious and uncanny ability to play the harp?
Having an angel for a cousin certainly lends some weight to that theory.
Keep on keeping on.
Seth
Dear Seth,
I can’t believe it, I just found out my dad’s a vampire and I don’t know what to do. Can you tell me? Thank you.
Hail Firestar,
Ok so you just found out that your dad is a vampire? That’s pretty big news. So the first question that I have for you is… does your dad know that he is a vampire?…
Seth
P.S. Maybe invest in some turtle neck sweaters, just saying…