Do your Easter traditions involve a candy hunt? Then beware – The Bunny Man may be hunting you. Before you follow those foil eggs to a delicious but deadly conclusion, take a minute to remember the Bunnyman.
Quick review. The Bunny Man or Bunnyman as some call him for slightly-less-long is the white chocolate demon spirit who haunts the Easter hunts of unprepared recipients of white chocolate products.
You can read the full story here but long story short, the Bunnyman was once just a happy mascot in a white bunny suit. Until the world rejected him and his promotional product, taking his job, his fame and even his family. All which made the Bunny Man axe murderery before he drowned himself in a factory vat of white chocolate.
Authorities insist to this day that they properly disposed of that vat of white chocolate along with the mascot’s chocolate covered corpse but nobody can explain how the Bunny Man continues to appear year after year from inside the hollow of an unholy number of white chocolate Easter bunnies.
Could the Bunny Man be hiding in the hollow of your tasty rabbit this Easter, his demonic axe in hand?
The answer is maybe. And probably. And yes, almost certainly. Read on!
1. Be White Rabbit Aware
While no white chocolate should be declared 99.98% safe, SOS research indicates the tortured Bunny Man’s soul infuses only 58.4% of all white chocolate bunnies. Your most dangerous white chocolate bunny? All white, no eyes, long ears, hollow. Least likely to contain a leaping leporidae spirit inside it? White-dark chocolate swirl with eyes and icing.
Unsure if your white chocolate is hollow? Don’t waste time tapping to test if it taps back, take this SOS advice for survival and get out the hammer instead. That’s right:
2. SMASH before you GNASH
Smashed white chocolate tastes just as good as unsmashed white chocolate. Truer words were never spoken here on SOS and this Easter they could save your life. Were you an ear or toe nibbler in the past? Time to try a different tasting tactic. Get out the hammer and aim it right at that Trojan treat.
3. Safety First on the Egg Trail
Is that another white chocolate egg you just found? What are the odds they would all be white chocolate…
Pretty good when you’re dealing with a Bunny Man trap as it turns out. If you don’t know the true nature of that egg, you need to stop stashing them and start smashing them. Or at least unwrap to check. If they have a candy coating, you’re going to have to bite it. It’s okay, the eggs are still tasty, and one white egg probably doesn’t mean the Bunny Man will get you – yet – but if your trail has turned to all white eggs, you probably won’t like what you find at the end of it.
Well looks like its rabbit season again… *loads guns and sharpens knives*
Thanks for keeping on and for checking out that SOS alert. This year I have elected to concentrate my efforts up the supply chain to target the manufacturers and have obtained guarantees from many of them that their white chocolate is Bunnyman demon free but with the 4th of the Tetrad Blood Moons rising on Saturday, I remain skeptical.
werewolf girl says
Looks like I’m gonna get loots of eggs for breakfast *gets a big egg basket*
Is this more common in a city or in a more rural area like in Kalispell
werewolf girl says
Ok well if it is city i am fine but more rural areas? 😯 😯 😯 😯 😯