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Zombie Outbreak in Texas!!!

Hail Survivors!

I recently received a very grave -no pun intended- warning from Survivor Miles who I believe may be located in or near Texas. Survivor Miles recently survived a vicious zombie attack, armed with only his wits and hedge clippers. His parents unfortunately were not so lucky.

Read more here: Zombie Attack!!!


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SOS Traffic Advisory Demon Vehicles Discovered

Demon bike with broken wheel discovered in India by Jitish Kallat

Demon bike with broken wheel discovered in India by Jitish Kallat

An SOS traffic advisory this week, Code Red with flames, after an alarming increase in the number of demonic vehicle deaths reported around the world.

This infernal motorcycle from Mumbai, India was found abandoned on the side of Mahul Road following one of the worst traffic days on record. While demonologist and accident specialists are still investigating the situation, statisticians note that Mumbai’s traffic fatalities rate is one of the worst in the world.

It’s too early to say if the demon in question was responsible for the hellacious traffic that day or a victim of it along with everyone else.

No demon has come forward to claim the bike yet, however several demonic bike mechanics have offered to fix the machine and sell it on EBay.

Meanwhile from Singapore, another shocking traffic revelation. While it has long been observed that demons prefer the speed and versatility of their bikes, a new kind of demon appears to be going big.

For demonic long haul

For demonic long haul

This demonic tanker truck was spotted in Singapore. While difficult to tell the scale by this photo, it is the roughly the size of a fuel truck.

Forensic analysis on the bone tank have revealed a persistent hydrogen sulfide residue, confirming its status as a means of demonic transportation built in the underworld.

The truck has been quarantined in Singapore for safety as touching a demonic vehicle = instant death.

Meanwhile this supernatural traffic advisory is reminding survivors that while these vehicles look pretty cool, they are deadly. If you see one by the side of the road, or anywhere else for that matter, under no circumstances should you approach. Even with a gas mask and proper gloves, the hydrogen sulfide will get you.

And if the hydrogen sulfide doesn’t get you, the demon who owns the vehicle very likely will. See, demons have no respect for traffic laws and this applies to parking. When they leave a vehicle, they expect it to be there when they return. They don’t care that it’s causing other beings to drop dead around it.

Don’t let one of those beings be you! If you see a demon vehicle, alert the site and we’ll send an expert to the scene.


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6 comments to SOS Traffic Advisory Demon Vehicles Discovered

  • Urban Squatch

    I saw one of those yesterday. In Seattle. I didn’t think much about it, though it seems that they don’t like getting spotted by a random Sasquatch… The tanker lit up the wheels, and then they disappeared in a portal. My truck just barely stopped before I was pulled in.
    God dang, how do I always get in these situations? Oh, P.S I opened that package that I got during Christmas. There was a kid, so I fed him, gave him some water, and sent him back home. He should be fine. Although the Wraith in the mail seems to have gotten loose… Anyone see a wraith around? I lost one on Halloween… My job is on the line here people.

    • Lilith

      Extrordinary! You are able to intermingle with modern society while being a Sasquath? What are you, Skunk-Ape, Yeti, or perhaps some other variant?

    • Hail Urban Squatch,

      Thanks for the update. Drive carefully out there, it could be back. Also you might want to invest in some appropriate rearview mirror bling – we still don’t know if these vehicles are hijacked vehicles taken down by a demon or custom built. Until we know for sure, don’t leave your truck running!

      Funny you should mention it about the suitcase wraith. Give me until the weekend to find the links but it looks like you’re not the only one to deal with the links.

      Thanks for keeping on. Your survival is always instructive.


    • How do you manage to get yourself in such trouble anyway Squatch? Lol, I kid of course. Any chance you can deliver my Diet Pepsi? This super bowl game is crazy. Any chance you want to come over for the party? It’s a little dead to be honest… 😆

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