What About The Reindeer?
Santa sightings from around the world flooding NORAD’s Santa hotline today all with the same news – Santa has upgraded to an ultra high-tech sleigh that appears to missing one very obvious feature – his trusty reindeer team. What happened to Rudolph and his crew?
A sketch of Santa’s new sleigh based on millions of calls from around the globe show the jolly old saint has pimped his ride this year, upgrading to this hybrid rocket-powered rig made of polycarbonate, guided by GPS with parking sensors and a chimney cam.
According to some reports the sleigh even features bulletproof windows, a mistletoe air freshener and cupholders for hot chocolate.
But no Rudolph or his reindeer team. What gives?
With Santa himself unavailable for comment, SOS turned to the company who claims they were contracted by Santa to build his new sleigh.
Metals4U in Britain says Saint Nick contacted them in the fall to help repair his old wooden sleigh but it was broken beyond repair.
“We just felt like Santa needed a bit of an upgrade,” says company representative Michael Ward. “We wanted to bring him into the 21st Century. But if you look closely you can see that we did in fact include a hitch for his famous reindeer team. In fact, we even included a built-in nose wiper for Rudolph’s red nose.”
If you can see this alleged hitch or spot a so-called nose wiper in this drawing then your eyes are better than mine but one thing is Christmas clear, no reindeer reported to the hotline this year and everyone wants to know why.
SOS presents three theories for your consideration:
Theory #1
With rocket boosters on his rig and a GPS to guide him, Santa no longer needs the reindeer so he cut his team lose earlier this year.
Evidence: Reports out of Russia earlier this year spotted reindeer working with organized crime in Siberia where their hooves allow them to escape the police in high-speed chases over the frozen tundra. Has Rudolph turned to a life of crime?
Theory #2
The nose wipers, a dubious feature if ever there was one, never worked quite right and instead of keeping Rudolph’s nose so bright, smacked him in the face instead and now he’s recovering from a broken nose at the North Pole, working on his compensation claim of endless cookies and milk.
Evidence: “Well it’s true that we did not test the nose wipers on actual reindeer,” Michael Ward states.
Theory #3
Rudolph and his team are working undercover this Christmas helping the Russian police bust the same criminals using reindeer to get away from the authorities.
Evidence: According to The Guardian newspaper, police in Russia began recruiting reindeer to fight crime in the deep snow when their snowmobiles failed.
“Of course we have snowmobiles but one should understand a machine is a machine. They tend to break down and run out of gas. Reindeer are perfectly suited for this environment,” states the Yamal-Nenets police. “We have been asking for a herd of them for years.”
Knowing that he could rely on rocket power this year, did Santa send his team to help out in Russia?
Got a reindeer report? Leave it in the comments below. Maybe together we can solve this supernatural mystery.
by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com
*I walk down the hallway quickly carying the scales of Famine and leading his horse. It had taken less time to secure these items then it had to secure wars, but still it felt like ages. I walk up to Lilith door and knock twice.*
Cortez opens the door. He is wearing only a white bathrobe with a golden apple emblazoned on it and an eye mask for sleeping resting on his forehead.
“Yo,” he greets his brother. He cranes his neck to see the horse of Famine and notes the scales Morgenstern carries, throwing open the double-doors. Morgenstern is greeted to a humorous sight.
Lilith sits, a white creamy face mask on, cucumbers on her eyes, wearing a matching bathrobe to Cortez’s. Succubi swarmed her, filing her nails as her feet rested in a pool of water. Cortez cleared his throat to announce Morgenstern’s presence. Lilith lifted a cucumber and opened an eye, her lavender iris contracting with the assault of light. Lilith smiled and held up her hand, signaling the succubi to exit, walking past Morgenstern. Lilith popped a cucumber slice in her mouth as she got up from her supremely comfortable position. Toweling off her feet.
“So,” she said. “How’d it go?”
*I look at Lilith coldly* you’d be surprised how easy it is to track down one horseman after tracking down another. Suffice to say that I managed to procure the items you desired. Now, where is she?
Lilith Moved the towel and wiped the mask off her face, leaving the towel on the seat and going over to her desk sorting through some papers.
“Currently, she’s in Iceland. Give me a minute to change clothes and we can go make the exchange.” Lilith bit the remaining cucumber and opened a closet across the room. “Cortez, take your brother to Madama Shade.” A bright blue portal opens up.
*I glance at Cortez and then nod* lead on little brother.
Cortez doesn’t even have enough time to react when a slender black barrel juts out of the portal and promptly fires on him, a single bolt to the cranium and he falls to the ground, his brains splayed all over the office. He makes no sound, and no sign of healing occurs. The barrel withdraws.
“Now you’ve done it,” Lilith sighed, not looking up from the two hangers she held, each supporting a dress.
A single black, armored high-heel boot stepped out of the portal. Fiery red writing danced across the armor.
“My contract afforded me control. And now,” Lilith mused, deciding on a lavender cocktail dress. The words of fire on the black boots splintered and broke off, dimming before disappearing. Lilith selected some amethyst earrings to go with her dress. “There is no control.”
Two clawed ebony gauntlets grasped at the sides of the portal, pulling their owner through. Elizabeth’s face, anger and outrage incarnate, surfaced through the portal. Her eyes. Dear God, those eyes. From the neck of her chest piece, shards of ebony grew out and quickly spread across her face, an armored mask and helm forming.
White fire blazing from her back for propulsion, Madama Shade bolted from the portal, it disappearing instantly upon her exit, clawed gauntlets reaching for Morgenstern’s face
…a supernaturally suspicious way to make a wardrobe choice IMHO…
…must have been an important event….
Seth, keeping on.
*I dodge nimbly to the side* Elizabeth! I Know you can’t be truly lost. Please stop this! Let me help you!
Shade raked her claws across the floor to stop her from crashing into the wall, the ivory flames from her back dying down. She stood up and pointed all of her fingers at Morgenstern. Arcs of white electricity jumped from the armor as it comingled with shadow and the structure of the gauntlets was rearranged, becoming two six-barreled mini-guns aimed at Morgenstern.
Lilith, having changed into the dress and black leggings, stepped into a pair of black high heeled pumps while fondling the left earring on. “Maybe you should try the old ‘I love you!’ trick. Or maybe you can trying beaming older, fond memories into her mind.” She shrugged her shoulders, tying her silver hair into a ponytail. “Whatever you do, it’s not my problem.” She smiled, taking the reigns of the 3rd Horse, arcane words of fire wrapping around the horse and the scales as they sailed into her hands.
And Cortez’s body still lay there, unmoving.
*Flames blaze up all around me and my eyes become determined* no, I will rid her of this darkness, once, and for all. *I charge towards Shade flames streaming from my back like wings*
Lilith sniffed as the Shade opened fire upon Morgenstern. Her head suddenly twitched to the left. Becoming aware of something. She stood up and began to walk towards the office’s door.
“Play nice, you two.”
As she reached the threshold she disappeared into the air.
*I fall to the ground as agony tips through my body. I feel light and power surging forward as my body try’s to destroy itself so that I can be reborn. With a tremendous effort I stop it* I always knew You would be the one to end me… *Coldness begins to seep into my limbs as blood runs out of my wounds* I hope that my demise will bring you your peace… with no one to despise your curse will perish… I’ve lost so much… Done so little… The least I could do is save you *I cough and blood sprays from my mouth, my breaths become shallower and my field of vision narrows. My eyes search desparately for Shade* I’m so sorry Elizabeth… I… I… *I heave a final breath and my head slumps to one side as darkness embraces me*
As Morgenstern’s life flickers out, Elizabeth levels a single shot to his cranium. She arches her neck to one side in confusion. He’s not exploding… So he’s not being reborn… That means…
Elizabeth blinks. Okay. Now what?
The obsidian armor undoes itself coming apart. She registers a strange complacency in herself. Why did she hate him, again?
Her introspective moment is interrupted by bolts of white electricity arcing painfully off her. They intensify as she holds the sides of her head, and moans, a headache pounding just behind her eyes. She screams as a voice in her head tells her to start shooting at anything and everything. The shadows in the room appear to lengthen and twist as the turbulence around Elizabeth increases.
A specter of Zanthre’s face manifests in the shadows, watching. Elizabeth’s eyes go wide as from her mouth a strange black slime begins to climb out of her throat. Strange semi-sold hands grip the side of her head to pull the strange… THING out or her. A face forms from the strange ooze still pulling itself free. Elizabeth’s black armor crumbles to dust, her hair becomes a more average brown as do her eyes. The strange thing looks into her face and screams in rage.
Zanthre smiles.
Until, of course, a circle of strange fiery symbols appear in a circle around the scene. Wards appear around the room. Stashed in ever nook and cranny. Cortez stands up, steam rises from half his face as the skin finishes regenerating. He grins and sticks his tongue out at the phantom of Zanthre.
Red energy strikes the incarnation of darkness, grabbing hold of it. It screams and claws as it is extracted fully from Elizabeth. Cortez holds out a glass bottle, embellished with shining blue wards and spells, blazing on the front like a label. The darkness is forced into the bottle by the spells and chantments, taking up surprisingly little space. Cortez corks it, whistling all the way.
He walks over casually and kicks experimentally at Morgenstern.
Elizabeth huddles behind Lilith’s desk, traumatized to the max.
*I appear quietly from the shadows. I am not the Mutt that had claimed to be the master of illusions. Instead I am a much older Mutt, the one who would give his life to close the void. I approach Morgensterns body with a deep sadness in my eyes* my poor poor son. Taken before he could see his final triumph. *I turn towards Elizabeth* hello child. I imagine you’re a little confused and shaken up.
Cortez raises and eyebrow. “So, wait… Your saying Morgs is gone, like for good?” He stares down at his brothers body. A pit forms in his chest. Cortez begins to question his loyalties to Lilith and his overall moral table.
Elizabeth walks out from behind the desk, shaking. “Is he really…?”
Lilith strolls into the room. She walks through Mutt. Through him. Mutt can’t help but feel the sensation of static shock.
She sits upon her desk, cross-legged. She smiles showing her unsettling white teeth.
“Isn’t this just wonderful. I now possess all 4 horses who will ride upon the Apocalypse, Morgenstern is down for the count, the corrupted essence of Erebus has been extracted successfully, and I have a deal in the works with Hades.” She smiles again, then frowns. “Whatever happened to that Susan girl?”
*I turn to Cortez* when a Hybrid is mortally wounded we can explode and disappear. During that time we are niether alive nor deceased. We simply wait to gather enough energy to reform a body. But when a Hybrid doesn’t explode… Their life force is tied to that body. When the body d|ēs they do also. So yes, in answer to both of your questions he is truly gone.
Lilith strolls into the room. She walks through Mutt. Through him. Mutt can’t help but feel the sensation of static shock.
She sits upon her desk, cross-legged. She smiles showing her unsettling white teeth.
“Isn’t this just wonderful. I now possess all 4 horses who will ride upon the Apocalypse, Morgenstern is down for the count, the corrupted essence of Erebus has been extracted successfully, and I have a deal in the works with Hades.” She smiles again, then frowns. “Say, whatever happened to that Susan girl?”
*I smile knowingly at Lilith* ah that is for me to know and you to find out. Dear dear Lilith, with your bargains, and your plots. You never learn. But none of this concerns me anyways. It’s all in my past. I only have two tasks left to do. *I turn to Elizabeth* come with me child, I shall help you to find a pack where you might live out your days in peace, *I turn to Cortez and my smile becomes sad* my son, no matter what you see me do after I leave, try to remember that I was young and angry. Keep that black crystal I gave you close. You’ll need it.
Lilith smirks. “Right now, the Lilith of the present is negotiating dealings with Hades. I on the other hand…” She shows her teeth, an they have changed, to glinting broken glass. “Followed you back here. It’s time to change the future, Mutt. Time to throw everything back onto the the proper course. My course.”
She laughs, her voice sounding a crystal glass made to sing. “Surprised? Oh, yes.” She walked around the perimeter of the room, outstretching her index finger to run along the walls, window and bookcases. Somewhere along the way her finger shifted from flesh to a listening glass knife. “I survived my blunder of the Great Work, and now I see where I made my mistake. Now I have the proper formula.” She showed her glass teeth again, in that broken smile. “I know how to surpass the liminal barriers now. I know what needs to be done.” And in a flicker, she is across the room, with Elizabeth in her arms. Her entire hands had become collections of glass knives, and they held Elizabeth close. Lilith’s eyes did not break the contact with Mutt’s. She whispered a single word in Elizabeth’s ear, and everything went black for the girl. At the word she spoke, frost took hold, all around the room, and the enormous window-wall behind the desk cracked alarmingly in tune with the doors to the office slamming, as if to protest whatever Lilith had said. She fell to the ground, released from Lilith’s sharp grip, and she began to vomit while weeping.
*I raise my hand and light flashes through the room. Elizabeth appears next to me* Lilith, you can not change what has already happened. You will end up destroying not only yourself but everyone around you. Give up this fools errand and let us go in peace. *My eyes glow softly as my wings unfold* you do not want to test me.
Lilith bared her broken glass teeth before pursing her lips. A small opening was left at the apex of her lips, and she began to blow out, whistling. The whistle resounded with her glass harmonics in a most abominable fashion, hitting a frequency that agitated Hybrids, similar to a dog whistle.
Cortez struggled to cover his ears with his hands. He fell to his knees and continued to apply pressure to his ears. He tried to scream, to tell her to stop, but he couldn’t. So, naturally, he turned off his hearing entirely.
Left again to question his loyalties, he looked over at Elizabeth, who lied crumpled on the floor, tears streaming down her face. If she was affected by the dog-whistle she didn’t show it. She just stared at the floor with her eyes flooding.
*I smile at Lilith and tap my ear* sorry deary, I’m an old man, bit hard’o hearing. Perhaps you should try a different approach. Or give up. Now.
Lilith frowns. “Shame,” she sighs. She blinks. “I look forward to watching you end at the hands of your own child, Mutt.” The corners of her mouth turn to upturned hooks. “Again.”
And she shatters, into a pile of clear blue glass on the floor of the office.
Ironically, the Lilith of modern times opened the doors to her office. She paused when she saw Mutt.
“Ah. Mutt. What a pleasant surprise. Your son just sold me the last of the Four Hors–“
*I turn towards Lilith* yes and you left Morgenstern here to meet his fate. *My eyes flash with a shrouded anger* I’ll let you have the body. I think you’ll find something very interesting about his dna. *I take Elizabeth’s hand* as for me, I must try to help this poor girl, for Morgensterns sake. Goodbye *With that Elizabeth and I dissapear*
I heard mention of apocalypse, * hold’s up Conquest’s bow and crown.*