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Of Zombies and Cauliflower

First there was Zyboragon’s trademark Zombie Berries, then zombie mints, now get ready for latest news in ZMRT (Zombies Meal Replacement Therapy) *awesome drumroll here* …cauliflower? More specifically, fields of rotting cauliflowers? Really?

That’s the astonishing claim this week from a group of Survivors behind a new game called Zombie Apocalypse – How Cauliflower Saved My Life.

But could cauliflower really be the brainiest anti-zombie weapon in your arsenal? Or just another odorific cruciferous crutch that’s likely to get you crucified?

So when I first received an email about this phenomenon from a Survivor known as Marc, I filed it for further reference. I didn’t want to offend Marc after all he is a longtime survivor and quiet fan of the site by email – but I don’t fall for every marketing fad fuelled by soft science.

(Unless it involves Spray Nine. But then it’s NOT a marketing fad, it’s just The Truth.)

But to summarize Marc’s story, it goes roughly like this:

1. On Halloween, Survivor Marc was forced from his home by a roving horde of zombies. I’m not sure where he is located, judging by recent reports, possibly California. Point is, Marc immediately assumed it was the Zombie Apocalypse. Not just a freak frankenmoon outbreak or pre-apocalypse attack but THE Zombie Apocalypse.

2. Survivor Marc immediately initiated his personal Zombie Apocalypse Survival Plan which involves, among other things, his Jeep, miscellaneous weaponry, some camping gear and other supplies like the free car wash he got with his last fill.

3. Unfortunately Survivor Marc’s last fill was in 2008. Survivor Marc works at home and doesn’t like his neighbours, so he never goes out. Unless it’s a zombie apocalypse.

4. So he tore off through his back yard and into his neighbour, Juan Odey’s yard, the zombies shambling after him.

5. Marc’s neighbour, Juan Odey is an avid vegetable gardener who enjoys planting cauliflower. Unfortunately, he doesn’t enjoy eating it. Or picking it. Normally Juan just leaves his cauliflower rotting in gooey, smelly, pulpy piles in his yard until spring – see photo above.

6. Long story short – too late – at one point Marc think’s he’s a goner for sure after tripping and sinking into a stinking, heaving head of unharvested cauliflower. He writes that the smell alone almost made him want to take his chances with the zombies.

7. But then something very strange happened. The zombies immediately stopped their pursuit of him and attacked the rotting cauliflowers instead, chowing down like they were the most delicious brain take-out ever. Marc remembers thinking, So that’s why Juan doesn’t harvest his cauliflower!

Can cauliflower really save your life in a zombie apocalypse?

The moral of the story is, Survivor Marc still doesn’t like his neighbours, except for Juan Odey. But now they all love cauliflower! The whole neighbourhood. They claim it keeps their neighbourhood 99.98% zombie free. They are planning to plant a cauliflower perimeter come spring.

Understandably, Marc claims that it saved his life. He went so far as to make a free game to spread the word called Zombie Apocalypse – How Cauliflower Saved My Life.

(Although if you DO decide to download his game from the iTunes store, try not to notice how he changed the story so that he is the hero and not his neighbour Juan.)

 I downloaded the game and I have to admit that while it’s very entertaining, something about this story stinks and it’s this. If zombies really do love rotten cauliflower that much, what kind of gardener plants a zombie cauliflower garden year after year? 

A zombie cauliflower gardener that’s who!

Let’s just say, I’m looking into this Juan Odey, Zombie Cauliflower Gardener now…

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

21 comments to Of Zombies and Cauliflower

  • Zyboragon

    Hearing that one Z word is all I needed to instantly get excited about this post.

  • Zyboragon

    Okay, now that the excitement has wore off.. This looks like a subject that might upset a certain plantoid around here, I just find it odd that he shows up when material like this starts getting awareness….

  • Shadowhunter

    By the Angel! Worst timing ever!

  • Zyboragon

    I wonder if I should continue my work on those brain flavored candy canes now, what with the holidays approaching and whatnot.
    I’ve also created a few other products as substitutes for zombies, the popular ones being brainerade, brain fries, and brain chops.
    All artificial of course!

    At least with cabbage those zombies are able to eat healthier, maybe a lettuce substitute would be rewarding to work on…

  • Shadowhunter

    No one let the plantoid see this.

    • Zyboragon

      He probably already has, I bet he’ll pop on the site telling us about how this will be in his next report.

      • Shadowhunter

        If earth goes down the universe goes with us.

        • Zyboragon

          As much as I admire that thought, I doubt it, the universe is far too large, Earth is but a speck compared to most of what’s out there, but then again, Earth is our speck.

          • Shadowhunter

            Actually earth is more like the cork on a bottle, take the cork out, all the contents pour out. Hell is an endless dimension, the Clave estimates that only 100000th of the d€mons that are in hell can exit. This is due to the Angels. However there power is greatly invested in earth, if destroyed, heaven would be crippled for about a thousand years. And all hell would literally break loose.

            • Zyboragon

              I don’t know where you’re getting your information, I’ve been in hell a few times, been in heaven a few more, if anything Heaven is more endless in comparison, but the neither world is by far the most endless, it neither ends or begins. Technically, we’d probably bounce back from the neither dimension and be neither here nor there. Also, I really dislike that realm.

  • Zanna

    Wowzers this could be a way to save zombies from exstiction and help them become members of the community. We should start a save the zombies organization.

    • Zyboragon

      Hmm? That’s a very good thought you have there Zanna, there are plenty of organizations to support zombies, groups that stand up for Zombie rights, Zombie food substitute agencies and even Zombie Actor Guilds/Clubs/Assiciations (at least seven I know of). However, despite all these groups I haven’t heard of a “Save the Zombies” organization.

      This idea is very good and I support it fully, perhaps such a thing could be possible.

  • Dazai

    Zombies eating PLANTS??????
    THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!!! The Crop Circle Council will be hearing about this! 😈

  • Alex

    I wish we could post videos and photos.

    • Zyboragon

      Eh, you never know what people would post if they had the power to do so.

      • Alex

        I know. But I tried to post a video, it had violence, so it didnt get posted. It needs a new moderation system, like we can put a warning before a video, like “This video contains strong language and violent scenes” sort of thing. That, or, more moderators to improve the “awaiting moderation” on pictures, links, and videos

  • Zyboragon

    Not entirely sure I should be supporting such a game, not that I’m ungrateful for the promotion code.
    Thanks Seth, but unfortunately since I’m surrounded by zombies, I think I have to decline.

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