Dark yuletidings from parts of Canada and the USA, as the annual battle for the light drags on without resolution this season, the globe is facing the possibility of an official Dark Christmas declaration.
As seasoned survivors recall, keeping the light lit is an important part of Christmas for beings of many denominations around the globe. But the part many have forgotten is this – if the light doesn’t stay lit through Christmas, the dark can be declared victorious and the entire globe will face a Dark Year.
That’s right, an entire year of darkness. No sunrise, no sunset, no fireplace channel on Netflix. In fact, no Netflix at all. Just a fun-filled year of scrounging for firewood in dark scary woods full of triumphant dark spirits who take every opportunity to laugh at you. It’s no fun.
Even vampires hate a year of darkness. And so do I. It’s the main reason I wage my annual defensive decorating campaign, to prevent this situation from occurring. (Well that and I love finely aged tree bacon.)
So what happened this year? Somebody put one too many lights on the Christmas Tree? Not enough Baconsil? Or part of a sinister demonic plot?
With road crews still working around the clock to restore power before a Dark Christmas can be officially declared, the SCIA (Santa Claus Intelligence Agency) is searching for a suspect, an Icelandic terrorist who goes by the name of Kertaskinir (see photo).
The lone man, described as a cross between a troll and a demon, is a known agent affiliated with a local cell known as the Yule Lads who fight on behalf of undisclosed spirits to defeat Christmas and bring a year of darkness and chaos.
Kertaskinir or “Kert” for short, is largely considered the most dangerous of the 13 terrorist trolls. His modus operandi is to strike on Christmas Eve, with a relatively straightforward strategy. That is to say, he goes straight for the lights.
In modern times Law enforcement had stopped taking old Kert seriously. writing him him off as an unsophisticated folkloric candle thief, whose skills seemed limited to Grinch-style tactics of petty vandalism and theft. You know, unplugging Christmas trees and smashing Christmas lights. Nobody suspected old Kert could develop the technology to mastermind a blackout of this magnitude, until now.
Anyone with information about this terrorist troll is being urged to contact their local authorities as soon as possible or leave the info below as
Meanwhile, I invite all survivors to begin preparing for the Dark Year ahead. Starting with this handy little Power Pot. Lucky for me, I found one under the tree this year. Mainly because I put it there but that’s okay it’s all about giving and this is what I gave myself – a pot that boils water and uses that energy to charge your phone or iPod or even your electric rollerskates at the same time. Thank you Seth, your very thoughtful. You’re welcome Seth.
Don’t let the Dark Year ahead get you down! If you haven’t given yourself the gift of this handy electricity generating piece of camp cookery, what are you waiting for?
by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com
You see they are not ready fine Then let them see…
Cold be heart and hand and bone,
Cold be sleep beneath the stone,
Nevermore to wake again,
Til stars burn out and sun is dead,
Cold be life and Cold be Death,
Cold be mortals’ final breath,
Darkness comes now to invade,
Carries with it the cold of the grave,
Can you stand Against the Dark,
or will you fall bearing its mark,
The Darkness comes it comes to stay,
And drive away the light of day.
Do you see now the true nature of the enemy?
Seth mabye you should be more worried about Cromh, the heart of the darkness and the consuming dark. For He is coming…
and Whatever you do DO NOT SPEAK ITS NAME
seth if you get a Skype contact request from guardianr.s. please send that person a hey message they are a very good survival resource and I got my first site tag name from them so please contact via Skype the person with that Skype name you wont be sorry
I amy have gotten involved in fae politics and deposed one of their queens.
Seriously Seth this gets nothing!!!
Well eh This is not good I may of overloaded my Christmas tree with too much lights and I didn’t have enough bacon well actually I didn’t have any so I may be the one who did But I didn’t mean to
Survive If you can….
-matthewmega1
I seen Him I seen Kertaskinir After all he is my Great Grandpa And well ya I seen him
Which of the 12 Artifacts do we have don’t we?
*and don’t we?
I have the medallin of light and the frostbite blade. Odin has his spear and some others.
We found one of the Orbs of Darkness and altered its alignment, now it is an orb of light
The tide turns in our favor, but the Darkness draws near.
I can feel it but I have worked runes that restrict the darks abilities
How long will they protect us from Cromh’s full power?
I must rest the dark moon drains me
Be well friend. I shall prepare for battle.
AS I will, so shall it be
Not long. I made one that will strike certain targets with fire when he does though.
Good. Is everyone on board with this? When the battle begins there will be no turning back.
Heh heh what a funny looking old man holding the lantern…oh right serious…gotta be serious…serious times call for being serious…just got to focus…heh heh funny looking man…dang it! Ok I don’t have a real good poker face whatsoever…just be serious…yah! I did it…whoops I didn’t…eh I tried right?
Hey scarlett I bet you can’t find out my original name oh and don’t ask Janus he’ll just keep quite about it
Why do I want to waste my time trying to find out your original name? Besides do ya think I care anyways…no I do not so don’t bother me…
It’ll be very shocking when you find out
Again still don’t care…now leave me alone I’m trying to be somewhat serious and not laugh at that man’s expression….dang it I failed again…
Just guess
No…I really can’t keep a straight face when I listen to this song…cause then I think about this movie I watched and it was sooo funny…dang it…Plus I just read this email ravenclaw send me…gods she sure knows how to cuss…heh heh I think it’s funny…you know when you trying not to laugh but you do it anyways…I think that’s my problem…jeez I wanted to be serious eh I don’t care…yah the sun is out..and it stop snowing…it melted away…
You are officially weirder then the mad hatter I give up oh and matthewmega1 please reply to this comment with the name I gave to you though Skype
Glad I set the score…really you shouldn’t be so judgmental I can’t help the fact that weirdness fits my personality…besides I think I gone over the edge…but I’m not exact over the edge completely…so something pulling me back…but maybe I’m loony because I haven’t slept for like almost four-five days I think…does it make me crazy if I try to blast my ears out so I can stay awake? Hmm that’s weird it seems that almost everything I’m saying doesn’t make any sense…cool…
I did it!I did it! I kept a straight face for more then one minute…heh heh I feel accomplished…crap it’s snowing again…forget it I give up on being serious it’s boring…..
I’m bored…anyone care to chat…