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I recently received a very grave -no pun intended- warning from Survivor Miles who I believe may be located in or near Texas. Survivor Miles recently survived a vicious zombie attack, armed with only his wits and hedge clippers. His parents unfortunately were not so lucky.

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Agent RB Survivor of the Month, June 2014

SOS Survivor of the Month

AgentRB

Agent RB

Nobody could be more surprised than me that Agent RB would win Survivor of the Month. After all, when he first came to SOS in 2013, it was with a summons from the underworld for yours truly. I was to stand trail for charges of assisting in the survival of condemned souls and it took the expensive efforts of an entire team of demon lawyers working alongside many other survivors on the site to beat those first charges.

But in the intervening months, RB proved himself to be fair and impartial, if not enthusiastically pro-survival. Sure he may still be compiling 1000 page dossiers on each and every survivor who stops by the site. And yeah, he is still not above collecting on unpaid infernal debts. But he has also proven to be a valuable source of information and not to mention a great defender of Wisconsonites – and he did manage to negotiate one more year for me here in the over world, for which I am grateful. When does that expire again? I better check…

RB is still not keen on most mortals, especially not mortal humans, but in the event of another great flood, you may be able to count on him for a ticket to his Ark. Providing he can remember where he parked it. And of course, you can’t guarantee he won’t be the cause of that flood especially if he has a migraine but hey, who doesn’t like a bit of rain?

Still over the many months that he has been contributing to the SOS database, RB has undergone many changes in his life. Some good, some not so good. I will try in this profile to lay those out for you now FYI so you will understand the complexity of the survivor you’re dealing with now…

The SOS Saga of Agent RB

–>> As mentioned, RB began as a straight shooting police officer of the underworld, shade class 5th in command. A stickler for paperwork and protocol, you could count on RB for a fair trail, if not to turn a blind eye. He worked hard to remain neutral or as he puts it, unfavored by both the under and over worlds. If you had loose ends or unpaid debts in the underworld, his job at the time was to find you and get you to trial. A job which to his credit, he always executed in a fair and impartial way, with great deference to the correct rules and procedures.

–>>But this job wasn’t his exactly his choice. It was in fact a life sentence. A punishment for something he had done during his mortal life. What did he do exactly? Well it appears that RB had been a sorcerer of with great elemental power who played a particularly cruel game on the world once, deploying a massive flood that became a part of history. In honour of this event he called himself Noah of Ark, which explains why he sometimes signs his posts as Noah and performs grim readings for children who survive great floods.

–>>Having successfully completed his mission here on SOS earned RB a chance at a dubious promotion. He could be released from his job, defeating a Shinigami  named Rizoriregoon in armed combat. While at first it appeared that RB succeeded, it soon became clear that his opponent had in fact joined him in a most unusual way as a result of the fight.

(Although on the bright side, he became along with Reaper, a founding member of the Society of Grim Reapers.)

–>> This change wasn’t all bad though. He became a big defender of the state of Wisconsin. Possibly it was the cheese or the fact that he claims this state holds the biggest reaper stronghold in the mortal world but he successfully defended it from the wrath of Azreal on at least two occasions. And after a chance encounter with a Cupid he acquired a family of supernatural inlaws who continue to haunt him…

–>>After that, things got weirder when the Singularity got to RB. In a freak electrical storm brought on by March madness, his personae became fused with his cat and RB has never quite been the same. Although it does appear to have softened his link to the Underworld, Among other strangenesses still under research…

Understand though, even the SOTM prize can’t guarantee RB ‘s sanity. He is still way too prone to long posts in dead languages and binary. And he still appears to be missing his spirit and too unwilling to let anyone help him regain it. And he still has a burning hole where his heart once beat for the Reapers who have spent too long in the Overworld, in his opinion those who have may have gone a little soft on us mortals. And The Reaper in particular. But in general, you can rely on RB to let you know where you stand with a flurry of flaming paperwork and for that alone, he is a worthy recipient of the cursed SOTM prize.

I won’t say he make us all safer, but he has become a valuable longstanding contributer to the supernatural knowledge here at SOS.

Long may you keep on keeping on, RB.

Seth

 

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

42 comments to Agent RB Survivor of the Month, June 2014

  • Agent RB

    Wow, um, thank you, I guess? 😯
    I don’t quite recall helping anyone survive…
    Quite the opposite really…
    No matter…
    People can ask me questions on this page then right?
    I’ll try to keep classified info safe while I answer with semi-accurate responses…

    RB

  • Agent RB

    At least I’m not another werewolf :mrgreen:

    RB

  • Morgenstern

    Hmm… Interesting

  • Agent TL

    Hatter, I hereby personally invite you to my private party on my page. Morgenstern is however not invited to the party. I shall call it the RB is now TL party! And you hatter made this all possible, so you shall be my guest of honor!
    Also if you can, stop by my infernal lair, I have something I want you to have 🙂

    TL

    • Hatter MT

      Here? Well ok but all I did was slowly make a clay sculpture you did all the important parts btw can you just give me what you want to give me here?

      • Agent TL

        I’d like you to have this!
        *TL pulls down a velvet sheet that was covering the ark*
        I had the old girl fixed up, she’s as good as new 🙂
        Why don’t you take it out for a spin, I don’t really need it for my new human job as…
        A Lawyer!

        TL

        • Hatter MT

          Noah I wish I could accept this gift but that is YOUR ark, I may have sculpted your body from clay but I know not what made you do such a thing as this, I mean… I mean well wow I don’t know what to say

          • Agent TL

            Well duh, you gave me something, I have to give you something of equal value, it’s basic human principal. I have no choice but to give you my ark hatter 🙂

            TL

            • Hatter MT

              Yes but there is a difference between a lifeless body and the biggest boat in the history of mankind. Btw why did a boat builder become a lawyer?

              • Agent TL

                Is that not what humans aspire to be?

                TL

                • Hatter MT

                  Not really, no the aspire to be what makes them happy, mixed with believing non-sensical stories about an invisible wizard in the sky that control the universe I’m looking at you Christians well just look at the humans page for more detail or go on http://www.beyourownaccountant.weebly.com or you can just be a lawyer and get paid millions of dollars a day to lie through your teeth. Speaking of which can you go on skype I want to tell you something

        • Morgenstern

          Greeting, I heard their was a party here that I’m not invited to. So I’m gate crashing.

  • Lilith

    “Hello, Noah.” A woman enters the room. Her hair is long, it is of an unnatural color: silvery white, without a hint of another color. Her skin is abhorrently pale, her eyes a light amethyst tone. She wears a smart grey business suit complimented by a skirt of the same color and grey heels. She nods to Hatter. “As you can see,” she says in a monotone voice. “I have finished my metamorphosis. I am here to deliver this.” She hands TL a sealed letter.

    • Agent TL

      I’ve known you compleated the transformation for a while now, I’ve been enjoying my freedom…
      So is she gone for good or has she just become another (might I add annoying) voice in your head?
      In anycase, you do know I’m a forensics expert right?
      *TL licks the envelope*
      Hmm…
      Traces of poison, oh she never changes does she? 🙂
      Good one Lilith…
      *TL opens the envelope after saftly removing the poison*

      TL

      • Lilith

        The letter contains a set of numbers– lattitude and longitude. The coordinates if checked would lead to some forsaken mountain in Siberia. “Oh, I am her. But she was not me. There is a debt to collected. It shall be paid, in full. If you wish to default upon said debt you shall be promptly evaluated on your ability to pay such debt,” she says in a perfectly even tone. She puts her hand on Noah’s cheek, it is cold, her touch like ice. She scratched at his cheek briefly while raising a silvery-white eyebrow. “Hmm. What is that? Clay?”

        • Hatter MT

          Ugh G does something it’s perfect first try. I do it “is that clay?” Of course it’s clay oh and since I made that body, officially my DNA which was transferred to said clay before Noah made it his body thus making Noah by genetics my son. You on the other hand severed him from yourself thus meaning any/all dealings with him beyond a minor degree of friendship are null and void including: debt, maternal return theory, and family bonding I.e. Siberian excursions

          David Hatter MT

          • Lilith

            Lilith nods her head. “That is where you are mistaken, Hatter, for it is precisely that act by which the debt was made. When the Collective Ego sundered Noah’s link to me, he became an individual, truly, and indefinitely. We gave unto Noah the greatest gift that can be given. He now possesses true, unadulterated freedom. Free Will. No longer is he bound by I, but now an individual free to forge his own identity.” Lilith caresses Hatter’s cheek with her cold hands. “Know this, Hatter. I am Lilith, and I repay my debts. All of them.”

            • Hatter MT

              Who is the person in debt in this scenario? You because if so I don’t see how you did something for him, if it is Noah then that debt was erased the day he gained a real body AKA about august 12th so by that logic we can conclude that due to certain measures no official debt exists thus your logic is the same. So if the debt doesn’t exist then how can it be collected upon? It can’t, but since you refer to yourself as debter and Noah as crediter that eliminates your ability to choose how to repay it, kinda like how reaper has a video of urban squatch singing in the shower he made last week that as soon as US hears about will try to keep from going on YouTube so Noah should be the one who chooses the way your debt to him is replayed. Trust me I have a website about accounting

        • werewolfgirl

          WWG comes in and say i guess it is.WWG takes a pisec of clay and looks at it and test it to see what kind of clay it then WWG says i dont know what kind of clay it is do you know lilith

        • Ice

          *I appear looking haggard and worn* has anyone seen Morgenstern?

  • Agent TL

    imgur.com/sMC02op

    (living room picture above)
    Hey guys I’m selling my old home soon 🙂
    It’s right in the scenic neighborhood of eternal wasteland!
    You’ll never have to worry about the loud block parties because no one lives within a 200 mile radius!
    There are many job opportunities in the area such as Reaper corps… well you get the idea!
    The entire house consists of one living room, but thats just perfect if you like a comfy lifestyle and don’t have bodily functions 🙂
    Anyone interested please reply!

    TL

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