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You are here: Home / Monstrometer / Vampires: You May Be Dealing With A Vampire

Vampires: You May Be Dealing With A Vampire

October 7, 2011 By Seth 6,653 Comments

Probably the biggest threat posed by the preternaturally hot modern Vampires is the threat to your ego.

I’m talking about the damaging cycle of self-doubt you experience trying to date one. Don’t I smell good enough for her? What if she reads my thoughts right now when I’m thinking about picking my nose? Why is she acting like she just wants to just suck me dry? Can’t she see how eternally fascinating I could be?

vampireDangerSign-Small-opt

But hey that’s just me. I’m a man on the rebound so maybe my perspective is a little skewed.  If dating a vampire isn’t YOUR ultimate survival fantasy then you are advised to:

1. Beware their sexy hypnotic gaze – avoid eye contact!

2. Beware their sexy hypnotic bodies – don’t look!

3. Beware their sexy hypnotic voices – don’t listen!

4. Beware their sexy hypnotic marriage proposals. Think of how long FOREVER means to a vampire!

Failed on #1 – 4? CONGRATULATIONS. Lucky! Have fun but please try to recall all those safer sex tips from health class because your Vampire lover’s 19th Century high school curriculum DEFINITELY missed out on that part.

~~~IF YOU ARE A VAMPIRE~~~

Congratulations! Many consider vampires the penultimate survivors! Eternal life AND good looks – what more could you ask for? Socially acceptable nourishment needs? Look no further! On November 7, a team of scientists led by vampire Dr. Mick Bhatia discovered how to turn skin cells into blood cells just by manipulating a few proteins. No more snacking on squirrels and purse puppies! A fully viable liquid food source for ethical vampires may be mere moments away. (See it here at http://sethonsurvival.com/survival-news/vampire-researchers-make-blood-from-human-skin)

Of course there are still a few things to remain aware of as a vampire. Sunlight for one. The *we sparkle in sunlight!* campaign appears to be flaming out. While the sparklers had a good run, the facts are that while some younger and part vampires do in fact sparkle, the majority of older and full vampires still go up in flames when exposed to direct sunlight without magical or technological intervention. This is about more than sunscreen. If  you’re thinking of going vampire and you don’t have your own Day Walker ring yet, it’s time to invest. Finding a certified Day Walker ring is even more important than finding a vampire willing to change you. Don’t even consider one without the other. Valuable information about these rings is found in the comments below. Meanwhile vampire engineers and architects work overtime to design safer sun-proof vehicles and buildings.

Finally, let’s talk about your vampire thrall. Vampires need to be very careful (and considerate) when they are turning on the thrall power.  I’m not just talking about dating etiquette here. Aiming your hypnotic eye mojo on some poor mortal sucker might seem like a great way to get free blood and donuts but the consequences can be devastating for both parties. Thrall-sick love slaves who are repeatedly denied your dark gift will eventually go insane 99.99% of the time. And who do you think they turn on first? So please. If you can’t control it yet, keep your tractor beam behind protective sunglasses, even at night.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

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Filed Under: Monstrometer Tagged With: iOS, iPad, iPhone, iPod Touch, Monstrometer, Vampires

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Comments

  1. cinder says

    April 24, 2010 at 6:36 pm

    OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG…..!!!!! O….M….G burned is coming out on tuesday and I’m getting it!!! i wonder if Kalona will save Zoey or will Rephaim.hmmm. AND vampire diaries has whole new episodes!!! =):)

    Reply
    • Seth says

      April 28, 2010 at 3:59 pm

      Hail Cinder,

      Make sure to keep an eye on your surroundings while enjoying your new literature. Don’t let your guard down while there are vampire hunters around!

      Seth

      P.S. Let me know how the book is? But don’t tell me the end! Thanks.

      Reply
      • cinder says

        April 29, 2010 at 7:21 am

        bernd was awesome! the next book is called Awakening! i finished Bernd in 9 hours, it’s a page turner. i think Hunted, Tempted and Bernd are my faves. there is supposed to be 12 books in total, 9 Zoey and 3 red fledgling books!

        Reply
  2. cinder says

    May 1, 2010 at 11:55 am

    it’s a lovely cloudy day in the forest/swamp. last night i caught and fed on a human! and i got to go fishing vamp style, Sam’s idea of fun. no i did not kill the guy i fed on, i don’t kill to feed.

    Reply
  3. Phoenix says

    May 1, 2010 at 12:51 pm

    My goodness!!!!…………….lucky…………………… I can’t drink blood from the sorce. I can only drink my own. Which means I get it rarely.

    Reply
  4. Maria cuevas says

    May 1, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    I always wanted to be a vampire

    Reply
    • Seth says

      May 2, 2010 at 6:49 pm

      It appears you’re not alone here, Maria.

      Some call it the evil power of the vampire Thrall while others argue it’s the most dependable human survival strategy. Still others call it, “true love.”

      Before you go looking for a vampire willing to Change you forever, I hope you will seriously consider Phoenix’s words below along with the stories of other vamps on the site.

      And keep on keeping on.

      Seth

      Reply
  5. Phoenix says

    May 1, 2010 at 5:33 pm

    Why? It’s hard and sometimes you can’t control it and your hunted by area 51, people are scared of you ect……

    Reply
    • Seth says

      May 10, 2010 at 12:45 pm

      Well Vampire Phoenix there certainly are drawbacks as you have mentioned but I think maybe the benefit that attracts most people is the whole immortality never getting old part. Just sayin…

      Seth

      Reply
      • Phoenix says

        May 10, 2010 at 9:10 pm

        I know, I just want people to know, it’s not ALL good.

        Reply
  6. Shewolf says

    May 5, 2010 at 8:02 pm

    I dont know anything about vamps Maria but take Phoenix’s words. All of creatures if u will are feared. We all are hunted. Just realize what you are asking for. I can tell you in all honesty being a werewolf is no walk in the park

    Reply
    • Seth says

      May 10, 2010 at 12:50 pm

      Well yes Sheweolf you and Phoenix do have a point. However being human is not always very easy either and as you know werewolves and vampires have some special abilities that make surviving a bit easier for them. I guess it is a case of you have to take the bad with the good kind of thing.

      Seth

      Reply
  7. cinder says

    May 5, 2010 at 8:17 pm

    ya being a vamp sucks sometimes, found 5 staked vamps and 1 died werewolf just 1 street over. for school we have to do a paper on how u would treat our kids. i don’t like it, i can do poems and stories but i can’t spell or do papers on stuff like that!

    Reply
  8. cinder says

    May 5, 2010 at 8:27 pm

    i found that there r 3 types of werewolves, 6 types of witches, demi-gods, 2 types of shapeshifters, at least 4 types of demons, a lot of dragons, about 24 types of unicorn/pegasus, necromancers, and 10 types of vampire. Sam is making me memorize all there strengths and weaknesses.

    Reply
    • Seth says

      May 10, 2010 at 12:53 pm

      Wow! That sounds like you have some great information there Cinder! Please share as much of it as you can with us. 24 types of Unicorn/Pegasus! That is more than I ever expected!

      Seth

      Reply
  9. Phoenix says

    May 6, 2010 at 7:55 am

    Uhh….. I think I might be a demi god cuz I’m always thinking bout Hates (hate eez).

    Reply
    • Bloodsmellsgood says

      May 7, 2010 at 1:51 am

      It’s hades my vamp friend and I allways feel that way u no it feels like the Greek gods are reall all the time to me so if you got any qs on the gods ask me

      Reply
  10. Shewolf says

    May 6, 2010 at 10:53 pm

    I know that I am 100% werewolf, old fashioned with fur, fangs, and full moons.

    Reply
    • cinder says

      May 7, 2010 at 9:44 pm

      a half blood werewolf

      Reply
    • Seth says

      May 10, 2010 at 1:07 pm

      The 3 Fs of Werewolfism: Fur, Fangs and Full Moons!!! Very awesome way to express that. I love it.

      Seth

      Reply
  11. Bloodsmellsgood says

    May 7, 2010 at 1:48 am

    New comment of mine on page seven

    hey Seth when I comment on my iPod there’s like these lines going down it and it’s hard to tell what I wright

    Reply
    • Seth says

      May 10, 2010 at 12:43 pm

      Hey BSG,

      Can you send me a screenshot of that? It would help me to figure out what the problem is.

      Seth

      Reply
      • Seth says

        May 10, 2010 at 1:05 pm

        And I found your comment on page 7 and replied.

        http://sethonsurvival.com/?p=599&cpage=7#comment-3085

        Very sad about the missing kid.

        Seth

        Reply
        • Bloodsmellsgood says

          May 24, 2010 at 11:00 pm

          well acutally they thought he was dead when they found him last week beacuse they checked his pulse ( not there) and then they slapped him just to make sure n he almost killed him then he passed out and me a couple others picked him up fed him deer blood and took him to the police

          Reply
  12. cinder says

    May 7, 2010 at 9:52 pm

    vampire diaries season finally next thursday!!
    1 dead witch, a dead werewolf and 2 dead vamps!!! my territory was like 20,000 acres! but now… 2.82 acres thanks to the vampire hunters!!… killing others of my kind all because we r different!!!

    Reply
  13. cinder says

    May 7, 2010 at 9:56 pm

    any body read Burned? Blood sinister? cross my heart and hope to spy? the last song? bar code tattoo? the reckoning?

    Reply
  14. Phoenix says

    May 9, 2010 at 9:20 am

    I sometimes watch the vampire diaries

    Reply
  15. cinder says

    May 10, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    the 3 types of werewolfs r the “wolves”, half blood werewolves and full blood werewolfs. wolves r well wolves that can fool a human into thinking they were human, half blood werewolfs r humans that turn into wolfs on a full moon. and full blood werewolfs can chang whenever and r wolves that turn into humans.
    and 2 types of shapeshifter, the VW shapeshifter they r a cross bettween the blue eyed vampire, the human vampire, hectate witch and the extenct lycan werewolf. the wolves on newmoon (the movie) r VW shapeshifters, then there r the full blood shapeshifters wich r just shapeshifters.

    Reply
  16. cinder says

    May 10, 2010 at 5:17 pm

    2 types of immortal, the death immortal, an immortal that dies then comes back as an immortal, they r the most powerful of the 2. and the water immortal, they turn immortal by drinking from a certain stream, whole story behind the stream that involves vamps, witches and death.
    i need to remember all this stuff for my night world test.

    Reply
    • Seth says

      May 13, 2010 at 1:33 am

      Very good info Cinder! I want to heasr more about the taxonomy of Unicorns though.

      Thanks.

      Seth

      Reply
  17. Shewolf says

    May 10, 2010 at 11:07 pm

    Thanks Seth, it’s only the truth though I have been learning to force it a bit, but I do know how to predict it now. Hey guys, I am having a helL of a time with area 51, and I know I’m not the only one, but I have had a hell of a time trying to get them away, I attacked a headquarters that is near me, there was no survivors but now I have a whole new wave of them is coming for vengence and I don’t know what too do. Help!

    Reply
  18. cinder says

    May 11, 2010 at 5:32 pm

    run, new name, new look, move, lie low.

    Reply
    • Shewolf says

      May 11, 2010 at 5:40 pm

      Wish I could unfortunatly they have my DNA. The good news is they don’t seem to know to do with it, I’m afraid I may be cornered, but they don’t want me dead, they may threaten with death(although they don’t realize that would be a gift) they won’t kill me, don’t know what they want from or for me but I do know they have big plans for me.

      Reply
  19. cinder says

    May 12, 2010 at 5:38 pm

    hum mm… torture…. 24 out of 25 on my parent S.A! my talent lies with writing. 1 more dead vampire.cloudy weather all weak, i dunno about u guys but i kinda like Manitoba weather… Manitoba itself really.

    Reply
    • Seth says

      May 13, 2010 at 1:30 am

      I like Manitoba too.

      Reply
  20. Shewolf says

    May 12, 2010 at 6:20 pm

    I’m scared, they keep coming, I’m afraid it’s time for slaughter!

    Reply
    • Seth says

      May 13, 2010 at 1:36 am

      Hail Shewolf,

      Hang in there. I have a plan. I am going to give it a try. Can’t say what it is here but I hope this will get them off your tail.

      I’ll report back soon… I hope.

      Seth

      Reply
  21. Shewolf says

    May 13, 2010 at 6:35 am

    Please don’t get urself hurt Seth, u don’t need to get tangled in this crazy shit. I really appriciate your help! Just please be careful.

    Reply
  22. cinder says

    May 13, 2010 at 5:38 pm

    OK, I’m gonna try to remember the unicorn names which is NOT easy.the Jewel unicorn has a blue horn and only the good hearted kings may ride them. the antelope unicorn, looks like an antelope with a single backwards raking horn in the meddle of its forehead.kaven or kamkoren… Koren! that’s it a Koren is a japanese or chines unicorn, about the size of a bull and with a shaggy white bull’s body and a small gray horn that stays low over its eyes but the tip curves up wards and is very sharp, it can see into your soul and if ur bad it will stab u in the heart with its horn. thats all 4 now, if i don’t get my butt out side (under the dark clouds) then i’m in trouble.

    Reply
    • Seth says

      May 17, 2010 at 4:52 pm

      Wow. Very cool unicorn info Cinder. Thanks.

      Seth

      Reply
  23. Shewolf says

    May 13, 2010 at 10:08 pm

    Seth r u ok? R u still alive?

    Reply
  24. Phoenix says

    May 14, 2010 at 7:58 am

    I hope Seth is. He’s like a brother I never had. Giving me advice. I have a sister, but she doesn’t believe in stuff like this. So Seth,
    please,

    Keep On Keeping On!

    Reply
  25. Shewolf says

    May 14, 2010 at 3:12 pm

    i dont know what he did, he did something to try to help me. i dont want to feel responsible for his pain or worse.
    keep going seth.

    Reply
    • Seth says

      May 14, 2010 at 4:11 pm

      Still alive, can’t talk now, will report back again soon… Don’t worry about me. Take care of yourselves.

      Seth

      Reply
  26. Phoenix says

    May 14, 2010 at 4:33 pm

    Keep on keeping on Seth, keep on keeping on. Please.

    Reply
  27. Demon Guardian says

    May 14, 2010 at 9:42 pm

    Please report back… 🙁

    Reply
    • Seth says

      May 15, 2010 at 1:38 pm

      Thanks for your concern DG. I live.

      Click below for details:

      Seth’s Survival Update

      Oh yeah Graham lived too.

      Reply
  28. Shewolf says

    May 14, 2010 at 11:35 pm

    Seth we all pray for you. though i feel god has possibly turned his back on many of us including myself we still hope that you make it through this, because i know without u all of us could be reduced to nothing. we all are all captive to our own natures but you know how to make us smile, im not asking im demanding you as a friend keep yourself safe and unharmed. If i find out otherwise someones getting murdered.

    Reply
    • Seth says

      May 15, 2010 at 1:37 pm

      No need for vengance. I live.

      Click below for details:

      Seth’s Survival Update

      Reply
  29. Shewolf says

    May 16, 2010 at 1:30 am

    There is always a need for vengence when it comes to those swine.

    Reply
  30. Demon Guardian says

    May 16, 2010 at 8:57 am

    Whoa calm down don’t go down on anyone even if they’re after you u don’t want to go down to they’re level.

    Reply
  31. Shewolf says

    May 16, 2010 at 4:28 pm

    If going down to their level means I can hear their hearts quicken and feel the spary of their blood in my fur, then it’s worth it.

    Reply
  32. Demon Guardian says

    May 16, 2010 at 5:43 pm

    It doesn’t mean that but don’t ever turn your back on n e one real or fake it may get u killed one day.

    Reply
  33. Shewolf says

    May 16, 2010 at 8:13 pm

    I don’t turn my back, ever. I don’t retreat until someones heart stops beating whether it be theirs or mine, I fight til my last breath.

    Reply
    • cinder says

      May 17, 2010 at 2:52 pm

      me too

      Reply
  34. CJ says

    May 17, 2010 at 2:53 pm

    well said

    Reply
  35. CJ says

    May 17, 2010 at 2:56 pm

    just so u no i have a new e-mail so…
    seth i’m not a crazzy cyborg anymore!but sadly i’m still cinder’s little brother

    Reply
    • Seth says

      May 17, 2010 at 5:02 pm

      Hail CJ!

      Welcome back. Glad to hear that you recovered from your cyborg-ness… and my condolences on being a little brother but if you have to have a big sister then you sure could do a lot worse in the big sister department then Cinder, she seems pretty awesome. Oh yeah it definately could be worse you could have Sam for a brother! In fact let me know if you have room in your house and I’ll send Sam to live with you!

      Seth

      Reply
  36. cinder says

    May 17, 2010 at 3:25 pm

    OKAY I”V HAD IT!!! i do NOT like those vampire hunters at all!!! I’m down to raising prairie chickens for blood, there’s this hidden cave on Dorothy lake were i go to fish for fun and now to stay alive. AND no i have to drag other M.Y kids into any privet place to feed. trust me fish blood does not taste good… and i kinda don’t like to rush when i feed.

    Reply
  37. Seth says

    May 17, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    It is easy to let your emotions get in the way of surviving but sometimes we all have to do what we need to do… and not what we want to do… in order to survive. Just remember with survival anything is possible.

    Keep on keeping on.

    Seth

    P.S. Cinder, fish blood may not taste great but it is high in Omega 3’s which are good even for vampires.

    Reply
  38. Demon Guardian says

    May 17, 2010 at 9:03 pm

    Ya my dad takes fish oil pills for dat stuff he says they don’t taste good.

    Reply
  39. Shewolf says

    May 17, 2010 at 9:13 pm

    Blech! I’m so sorry u have to drink that, I mean being a werewolf I don’t drink blood I much prefer mameing an animal and eating the meat n bones etc. But fish is disgusting! I much rather a nice tender deer fawn to a repulsive fish! I hate fish.

    Reply
  40. Demon Guardian says

    May 18, 2010 at 3:51 pm

    Ya me too YUK!

    Reply
  41. cinder says

    May 18, 2010 at 5:40 pm

    ever tried Gold eyes? oh man worst stuff ever!! or rock bottom trout? eww!!!

    Reply
  42. Shewolf says

    May 18, 2010 at 6:46 pm

    I don’t give a flying rats ass what part of fish it is I just hate fish with a newfound passion.

    Reply
  43. Phoenix says

    May 18, 2010 at 6:58 pm

    Lol

    hey, you guys, have you guys ever seen a vampire with yellowish green eyes? If you have, can you tell me who it is……? Μγοβ Ι Ηανε το κΝοω.

    Reply
  44. Shewolf says

    May 18, 2010 at 7:21 pm

    I saw one once u lookin for a girl er guy?

    Reply
  45. Arturo says

    May 18, 2010 at 9:17 pm

    Hey people whats up i am a hybrid of werewolf and vampire i have probs with hunters all the time i am 109 years old and i have a kill count 5,673

    Reply
    • Seth says

      May 19, 2010 at 1:08 am

      Welcome to the site Arturo.

      As a Werewolf-Vampire hybrid would you say that you are more or less 50-50 or that one side is more dominant than the other?

      Seth

      Reply
  46. Phoenix says

    May 18, 2010 at 9:40 pm

    Either. When I well…. Never mind, but i couldn’t tell if it was a girl or a boy. I think it was a guy… He was cute…. But he, well…………

    Reply
  47. Shewolf says

    May 18, 2010 at 10:28 pm

    What happened? Or is it private?

    Reply
    • Phoenix says

      May 19, 2010 at 7:40 am

      It’s, it’s private.

      Reply
  48. Wilwolf says

    May 18, 2010 at 11:09 pm

    I already miss one of da vampire girls I lik in home, she SUPER FINE u guys haf no idea

    Reply
  49. Shewolf says

    May 18, 2010 at 11:19 pm

    When u get back home u should tell her!

    Reply
  50. Arturo says

    May 19, 2010 at 8:34 am

    Well seth i would have to say that my vampire side is 75% more dominant than my werewolf side.

    Reply
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Links

  • Spray Nine
  • The SOS Monstrometer
  • ZAG – Zombie Actor's Guild
  • Zombie Specimens

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