Probably the biggest threat posed by the preternaturally hot modern Vampires is the threat to your ego.
I’m talking about the damaging cycle of self-doubt you experience trying to date one. Don’t I smell good enough for her? What if she reads my thoughts right now when I’m thinking about picking my nose? Why is she acting like she just wants to just suck me dry? Can’t she see how eternally fascinating I could be?
But hey that’s just me. I’m a man on the rebound so maybe my perspective is a little skewed. If dating a vampire isn’t YOUR ultimate survival fantasy then you are advised to:
1. Beware their sexy hypnotic gaze – avoid eye contact!
2. Beware their sexy hypnotic bodies – don’t look!
3. Beware their sexy hypnotic voices – don’t listen!
4. Beware their sexy hypnotic marriage proposals. Think of how long FOREVER means to a vampire!
Failed on #1 – 4? CONGRATULATIONS. Lucky! Have fun but please try to recall all those safer sex tips from health class because your Vampire lover’s 19th Century high school curriculum DEFINITELY missed out on that part.
~~~IF YOU ARE A VAMPIRE~~~
Congratulations! Many consider vampires the penultimate survivors! Eternal life AND good looks – what more could you ask for? Socially acceptable nourishment needs? Look no further! On November 7, a team of scientists led by vampire Dr. Mick Bhatia discovered how to turn skin cells into blood cells just by manipulating a few proteins. No more snacking on squirrels and purse puppies! A fully viable liquid food source for ethical vampires may be mere moments away. (See it here at http://sethonsurvival.com/survival-news/vampire-researchers-make-blood-from-human-skin)
Of course there are still a few things to remain aware of as a vampire. Sunlight for one. The *we sparkle in sunlight!* campaign appears to be flaming out. While the sparklers had a good run, the facts are that while some younger and part vampires do in fact sparkle, the majority of older and full vampires still go up in flames when exposed to direct sunlight without magical or technological intervention. This is about more than sunscreen. If you’re thinking of going vampire and you don’t have your own Day Walker ring yet, it’s time to invest. Finding a certified Day Walker ring is even more important than finding a vampire willing to change you. Don’t even consider one without the other. Valuable information about these rings is found in the comments below. Meanwhile vampire engineers and architects work overtime to design safer sun-proof vehicles and buildings.
Finally, let’s talk about your vampire thrall. Vampires need to be very careful (and considerate) when they are turning on the thrall power. I’m not just talking about dating etiquette here. Aiming your hypnotic eye mojo on some poor mortal sucker might seem like a great way to get free blood and donuts but the consequences can be devastating for both parties. Thrall-sick love slaves who are repeatedly denied your dark gift will eventually go insane 99.99% of the time. And who do you think they turn on first? So please. If you can’t control it yet, keep your tractor beam behind protective sunglasses, even at night.by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com
Hello Earthlings! It’s me! Your biological superior Dazai!
Good news! Your planet has been labeled as “safe” thanks to my last report! This means that we won’t kiII you!
Isn’t that nice? Consider this your Earthling Christmas/New Years present.
I knew trying to be nice wouldn’t get me anywhere anyways.
I’ve been off for awhile, then again, no one probably missed me very much..
Mainly among my excuses*ahem* reasons.. are that A.) I had to fight off a zombie from my computer. He’s currently in the cellar. SHUT UP, will you?! And B.) I had to fight off a hellhound from my neighborhood who really had made himself comfy ’round here. He took my diplomatic request the wrong way entirely. I mean, who doesn’t do exactly as I say as I brandish an axe, screaming like a lunatic to get off my land? ….
As a Zombie Rights Veteran, I must ask that you let the zombie free, if you have any zombies berries, you can easily persuade that Zombie to leave you in peace, most of them are friendly, they just have that strong desire to eat, not much different from the from the vampires urge to feed.
(Maybe if Seth is around he’ll post a link to my Zombie Berries page). Due to increased demand, the facility is shipping these berries to many retail stores, in hidden areas of course! ($4.99) for a (500 count) bag.
Done! Thanks Z. We can always count on you to defend the zombies. I credit your work with keeping the Zombie Actors Guild off my a$# for almost all of 2012
Thank you Seth.
Thanks for checking in with this proof of life. No excuses necessary around here – survival is its own excuse! It’s never easy and we all come and go. How have you been surviving these days, Zombies aside.
(Which I do have to warn you at this point you may be receiving a visit from Z. He hates to see zombies chained up.)
I never did thank you properly for preventing that home-made ouija board party on the site. I meant to. It’s a pet peeve of mine. We have enough trouble with demonic portals around here lately with the recent development of “hellevators.” You haven’t seen any have you? Maybe you have one in your neighbourhood and that’s where the hellhound came from? And is that your main job, hunting demons?
Thanks for keeping on out there.
Vampire Godess says
How do I control my hunger and I am starting to want to bite people more
Vampire Godess says
Ok here it goes about my last messages the only reason I need help is because I got bit then they told me I was goddess so I need help before I will start hurting things and I don’t want to do that.help 🙄
Vampire Godess says
Seth plz answer me I need your advice
Hail Vampire Godess,
A much belated thanks for your SOS message. I blame it on the Oak Moon. Many a message is missed on the full moon and I’m sorry for that.
Meanwhile, in case you are still keeping on, I will link this to the Synthetic Blood Bank. I can’t guarantee it will work for you, but the Synthetic Blood Bank has helped many vampires control their thirst. They make synthetic blood cells out of skin cells into tasty vampy snacks.
The only problem is finding a Synthetic Blood Bank. They are always on the run and hiding from activists who oppose them and/or their customers.
Also, it occurs to me that you might have been taken away by somebody if you are a goddess. Do you remember who spoke to you? Did they take you anywhere? What about your family?
Here’s hoping you are keeping on out there,
Scarlet vampire says
Hi I’m new and a new vampire I don’t remember what happened all I remember is falling then waking up and biting a stranger.help me I got bit 3 days ago. I don’t know what to do.
Let me know when you read my message.I’d like to talk to you
Hail Scarlet Vampire,
A much belated thank you for your SOS message. If you are still keeping on, I hope you will update us. Do you remember who bit you? Do you know them?
Although stranger bitings are extremely rare, they do happen. However the majority of these incidents are planned incidents between beings who know each other very well. Do you have a good friend who attends a mysterious school?
Thanks for keeping on,
P.S. Please ignore Dazai, below. He’s an plant alien with a bad attitude.
Simple, drink, steal, pillage, enslave, you can practically live forever after all!
Hi ya guys
The Ouroboros Eternal says
Scarlet vampire says
No my only friend is a fairy/human I saw her other comment on alien and I did not touch her I hope and I don’t remember a thing about my biting now I’m thirsty but I don’t want to bite omg help me my friends wing is better and help my little brother is a werewolf and the other is part whisper hound and my little sis is part unicorn and wow my family is whack
Vampire goddess says
Hey Seth I’m doing better and I can’t remember a thing about my family but I know the mother of all monsters (she creates all monsters and knows all about them and she has 4 sisters the sisters of all monsters) well anyway I don’t know a thing I’m goddess and that’s all I know. Sorry I hope there’s something interesting out of all that 😛
Vampires nows theres a crowd I can hang with.
I need to ask few important questions about this.
Ok like what? I’ll try to answer them.
I have few questions.I’ve been changed recently.I’m half vampire and other is part human and angel.I look different but I don’t feel thirst and I need to develop my powers but idk how.I’d like to meet someone like this to help me out.
In reply to Seth’s question about hunting demons as my main job, well, I also bring in psychos and cannibals. No offense if you happen to be a psycho or a cannibal. I happen to be a half psycho myself. It’s just business.
By the way, Z, the zombie has been freed. It took a great deal of whacking his head with a crowbar, among other things, but he went away in the end. He was plenty ticked about his imprisonment. Tell me I spelled that right. Also, what exactly would a hellevator look like? Another hellhound in the neighborhood.
Vampire pet says
So I made my friend take the SOS test. He got the vampire result. Since then he admitted to me that he
is, actually, a vampire. He keeps a close eye on me. What do I do? 😯
Chances are since you’ve been friend’s he/she has always been watching you for awhile. Follow the advice on the top of the page. Your friend may want to tell you more secrets now that you know. Be bold ask him/her about his/her vampire life . Since your friend has not attack you , your probably safe.
Vampire goddess says
The mother of monsters is my friend and she has a dark side and a light side and her four sisters aren’t related to her in her human form
Wow I am honestly confused right now,then again who isn’t? 🙄 i don’t know whether im a mermonster, a werewolf, a werecat, or a vampire….. I know werewolves and vamps are supposed to be totally against eachother but i feel total kinship with either side. I would look sooo cool as a vamp ( if i really am one) and wolves are one of THE best animals in the world, in my opinion. I dont think i will ever know which one i am….. 😐 i hope i can find out.
Ice paw is a ww
Hello My Name Is Kanaya Maryam, I Am One Of The Trolls Here. I Was Told By My Friends That I Could Learn About Human Rainbow Drinkers Here. Can Someone Please Explain Their Habits And Customs To Me?
Hello, My Name Is Kanaya Maryam. I Am One Of The Trolls, And I Just Read About The Human Rainbow Drinkers, And You Sure Are… Violent. I Am Quite Shocked, Honestly.
Seth this helped me alot im a new vamp i got some sunglasses like you said. But i still need more help please help me!
Hai,just wondering is being a new born bad o.0
Daughter of Athena says
No Lithuania, being a new born is not always bad. Unless youve got a vampire enemy
Seth, your interrogation thing said im a vampire but im really not sure can you help me?
As you know The Monstrometer is 99.98% guaranteed or your life back. So while that does mean .02% guaranteed INCORRECT, you should feel secure in the knowledge that if you live your life as a vampire based on the results of The Monstrometer but you do experience an untimely demise, well then Graham will refund your life.
That’s The Monstrometer guarantee.
Have you started craving blood? Hating sunlight? Turning pale? Noticing smells and hearing heartbeats?
(Incidentally that’s why vampires make such great doctors. They don’t even need a stethoscope.)
Thanks for keeping on,
I don’t neccesacerly crave blood or hate the sun but i am pale and i have a very good sence of smell and hearing.
Hey, I have a werewolf friend, we get along (most of the time)
Congrats on maintaining your supernatural friendships. Glad to hear about this. What are the times you don’t get along? Do you think there is any truth to the rumour that vampires actually crave WW blood even more than human blood? Is it true or false WW blood taken on the full moon from a transformed werewolf will give you WW powers for a month?
Thanks for keeping on.
PS. I too do NOT believe that vampires suck. Like many, I believe their methods of blood extraction owe more to the forces of osmosis and gravity than suction!
I get along with vampires extraordinarily well!
YOU WILL ALL DIE……
lord harkon says
i mite be a vampire lord need help ❗ ❗
Hail lord harkon,
Welcome to the site. What kind of assistance do you require? What signs of vampire lordship have you experienced?
lord harkon says
well i felt like i was stronger at night
I really need someones help.I already asked lot of times but no one answers.
Thanks for keeping on with your survival situation. The records show you are a half-vampire , part human-angel being who is still dealing with the aftermath of a nasty vampire bite. Thank you for your patience and please accept my deepest apologies for overlooking your SOS. Unfortunately, it sometimes happens around here, things get busy and a situation gets missed. I guess it’s too late to talk to you about blood transfusions. Do you have a good daywalker ring and pair of dark glasses? Because you are definitely going to need them. Depending on who is your angel parent, your angel side will draw you to the sun and your vampire side will be REALLY unhappy about it. Which angel do you suspect of being your parent?
Thank you for answering me. Well I don’t know that unfortunately but I can tell you how things changed recently so that might help.Besides me look which changed a lot lately,my hair got lighter,so did my tan and etc..Also I sometimes have visions,I see people or situations that happen right after and I can feel how people feel in some situation which helps me to understand them better,everyone noticed how they feel happier and more calm around me. Then again on the other side,I sometimes feel sharp pain in my chest that goes up to my throat and I’m mostly never hungry much. I love being on sun but after short time I literally start feeling sick,also my memory got better and so did my physical power. I’m very confused about this all and unfortunately have no one to talk to except look here for help. Thank you so much and I’m sorry if I sounded a bit upset in the previous message.
Sorry for being so slow getting back to you (again) life here at Survival HQ gets a bit crazy sometimes and it makes it hard to get back to everyone as quickly as I would like.
Anyways I have a few more questions for you.
Do you visions happen while you are awake or asleep? Do you have them more frequently at a particular time (time of day, week, month or year)? How far in advance of the event occurring are they? Have you experienced any itching?
That’s probably enough questions for now but I may have more yet after you answer these. Your situation is quite complex.
Keep on keeping on.
That’s okay,I understand.Many people need your help here and lots of them crave for your advice.I can only thank you for being here for all of us.
It depends,I sometimes have them while I’m sleeping,so they come in form of dreams but I’m aware of that so it’s not a dream and it’s more real.But sometimes it comes while I’m awake,suddenly and it mostly comes in afternoon or at night,I found out it comes when I’m more open minded and calmed mostly when I’m listening to music or when I’m outside in a walk specially if it’s in the nature.I can’t be specific about the day or month because sometimes it comes in the start of a new week and sometimes in the end of the week but as far as I figured it never comes much in the end of month so it’s mostly in the beginning or middle. Well about how far it is from an even depends too but it’s never really more than a week.I did have some about my further life,like in next few years or months but that didn’t happen yet so I guess I will have to wait and see. And yes,and it’s usually on my back and I sometimes feel weird sharp pain in my back which disappears as sudden as it came.
Thank you very much.I hope this will be useful for you
How peculiar.. And disturbing.
Comforting thanks lol
My apologies, the last time someone had a vision around here, well.. Things didn’t go very well.
How you mean?
Ugg okay, I have gotten vampire 4 out of 5 times but I feel normal, and I’m awnsering all the questions truthfully… What’s wrong with me?
Welcome to the site.
Well it certainly seems like you may be a vampire or perhaps you have latent vampirism. 4 out of 5 is pretty conclusive. The Monstrometer gives the best results when you increase the questions to the maximum but even the Monstrometer is not quite perfect and supernatural survivology is still a pretty inexact science due to the small sample sizes so I would suggest to get the best readings possible that you make sure that you clean your device carefully to ensure no contamination of the biometric data by wiping the screen with a clean dry cotton cloth and then try your scan again. Maybe another 5 times and report back your results.
Until then, keep on keeping on.
Hi, everyone. So, I’m a strange survivor… I’m a psychotic zombie Sasquatch. Who is being hunted by Area 51. And has a very large…thingy…following him. So, any tips?
Welcome to the site. SOS is a safe place for even the strangest of beings so hopefully you will feel welcome here. That said psychotic zombie Sasquatch is perhaps one of the strangest hybrids I have ever heard of so if you don’t mind I have a few questions for you but first let’s look into your problems.
Is A51 still hunting you? Well I mean of course they are still hunting you because they are hunting all supernatural beings all the time but are they actively hunting you right now? If they are currently actively hunting you then a distraction is often a good way to get them off your tail. Maybe make a crop circle or something and maybe that will distract them long enough for you to be able to elude them, you know how A51 loves aliens!
What manner of thingy is following you? Is it biological? Mechanical? Other?… A few more details would be helpful.
So now to my questions. How long have you been this way? Were you a psychotic Sasquatch before you became a zombie? Or just a regular Sasquatch who was driven to psychopathy by your newly acquired zombiism? How has being a Sasquatch affected the progress of your zombiism? I would hypothesize that it would slow it down but obviously I have never been able to verify this hypothesis. How does your zombie diet agree with your vegetarian Sasquatch digestive system?
Keep on keeping on.
Can someone tell me a easy way to get blood
hey I was just attacked by a mixed group of wws and vamps. how that happend I do not know because you are mortal enemies, but know this I will kill any ww or vamp that attackes me again. even if it costs me my life. i have left thte ww the same message
It may be that one of the people was a ww vampire mix and he convinced them both to cooperate that may be one of the reasons and it was not me I sware
I know it was not you. so how has your hunting been gonig lately
I can’t hunt until school is over and I’m in Kansas I will be able to catch some minnows in the creek and rabbits and such in the forest part the only problem is since I have to wait my fangs are really getting on my nerves since I can’t get blood my fangs stay out and end up scratching me
I meant when I’m in Kansas sorry tablet problem its so close to the full moon so I have a bad headache I’m starving and my back is killing me
hey is it normal for a demigods teeth to sharpen when they get angry??
wel the top two anyways
I need help i am being watch to the point where i am not sleeping at night because the monsters what are camping out on the hill side infront of my house might attack while i sleep (and trust me hight is not a problem for them)I have about five or six different waepons bu against about 15-20 monsters im screwd so I will need renforcemnts to survive the attack this message goes out to ww,vamps,demigods,cyborgs,demons and shapshifters. but know this if any of you try to harm me on purpiss i will wound you.not fataly but enough to get the message. if you are willing to join me reply ASAP
You guys are a bunch of liars there are no such things as vampires witches werewolves and that sort of stuff so just clear off init
well my unbelieving freind,have you ever seen something that dinot seem right at first glance or been stalked more than once
there is the proof right there. 👿
Wanna bet grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Your the liar for calling us liars and I’m am proof that they exist
YOU, HUMAN. NOTHING GOOD EVER COMES FROM CALLING ME FAKE. GGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! I AM FIGHTING THE URGE TO BURN SOMETHING, FREEZE IT AND MELT IT WITH ACID. GGGGGRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!! 👿
Calm down please
yes please do
Can someone help me I’m craving blood more than usual and the only way I’m not thirsty is if I drink blood I want to know why I’m acting like this and how to stop plus my ww side is coming out more than usual so what is up with this
how old are you??
She can’t answer that remember she doesn’t want to get caught by a51
I can at least tell him my age but if u tell anyone I will have to run away got it I’m
Edited by Seth: Please don’t post your age or other personal information. Your survival is important.
most likly you are going thru pubrty and the vampire side and the ww side are fighting for dominace
Ok well how do I get it to stop because I’m really craving blood bad and meat
Invinceble how do I get it to stop because I want meat and blood bad
you cant stop pubrty it is somthing every person goes thru. I advise that you think :what would i rather be a vamp. or a ww. then one of the effect should slowly subside.
If I do that will I still be a ww vampire hybrid
Hi guys I know a little bit about vampires since my best friend is one
Its fine now I have a cut on my arm so I get blood from that but I out until to marrow which in my mind stinks
dancing vamp says
I didn’t get bitten or any thing but tests say that I’m 98% vampire. What do I do and when do I find out if I am one. Someone help!
Countess Kallile says
Hey can someone plse help me I think I am a vampire. For instance I am extremely pale lots of people have asked me to go out with them and I practically hip prized this really hot guy with my eyes. And I also LOVE the taste of copper which is ironically what blood tastes like plse reply soon somebody anybody possibly an expert like Seth.!!!!!.!!!!!.
Countess Kallile says
I meant hypnotized
Well for any vampires who can’t get blood I have a suggestion try strawberry juice it works for me anyways
Well sometimes I’ve gotten used to real blood so now I’m stuck without blood. THIS IS FOR EVERYONE DO NOT MAKE ME ANGRY BECAUSE I REALLY DONT NEED TO HALFSHIFT IN MY ROOM AND HURT SOMEONE BECAUSE I WILL BE EASILY ANGERED THANKS TO ME GETTING USED TO REAL BLOOD WELL GTG IM GOING TO TRY AND GET USED TO STRAWBERRY JUICE AGAIN
Hehehe its a new moon >:3 have fun
What do u mean have fun
I don’t know I’m just being a derp.
Oh sorry ive been in a bad mood for a while thx to that cannon thing and I still have a horrible headache at least its stopped going off
Oh I can’t wait until friday 🙂
This is for everyone I think I’m in trouble what sounds like a cannon goes off and after word I get a bad headache so anybody have any idea what its about
do your eyes change to your ww eyes when you get your headaches??
Corey (Privacy) says
Tried it again, and got vampire. There’s no way I’m a vampire, because I’m way to f*cking ugly, and I’m horrible at convincing.