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You are here: Home / Monstrometer / Vampires: You May Be Dealing With A Vampire

Vampires: You May Be Dealing With A Vampire

October 7, 2011 By Seth 6,653 Comments

Probably the biggest threat posed by the preternaturally hot modern Vampires is the threat to your ego.

I’m talking about the damaging cycle of self-doubt you experience trying to date one. Don’t I smell good enough for her? What if she reads my thoughts right now when I’m thinking about picking my nose? Why is she acting like she just wants to just suck me dry? Can’t she see how eternally fascinating I could be?

vampireDangerSign-Small-opt

But hey that’s just me. I’m a man on the rebound so maybe my perspective is a little skewed.  If dating a vampire isn’t YOUR ultimate survival fantasy then you are advised to:

1. Beware their sexy hypnotic gaze – avoid eye contact!

2. Beware their sexy hypnotic bodies – don’t look!

3. Beware their sexy hypnotic voices – don’t listen!

4. Beware their sexy hypnotic marriage proposals. Think of how long FOREVER means to a vampire!

Failed on #1 – 4? CONGRATULATIONS. Lucky! Have fun but please try to recall all those safer sex tips from health class because your Vampire lover’s 19th Century high school curriculum DEFINITELY missed out on that part.

~~~IF YOU ARE A VAMPIRE~~~

Congratulations! Many consider vampires the penultimate survivors! Eternal life AND good looks – what more could you ask for? Socially acceptable nourishment needs? Look no further! On November 7, a team of scientists led by vampire Dr. Mick Bhatia discovered how to turn skin cells into blood cells just by manipulating a few proteins. No more snacking on squirrels and purse puppies! A fully viable liquid food source for ethical vampires may be mere moments away. (See it here at http://sethonsurvival.com/survival-news/vampire-researchers-make-blood-from-human-skin)

Of course there are still a few things to remain aware of as a vampire. Sunlight for one. The *we sparkle in sunlight!* campaign appears to be flaming out. While the sparklers had a good run, the facts are that while some younger and part vampires do in fact sparkle, the majority of older and full vampires still go up in flames when exposed to direct sunlight without magical or technological intervention. This is about more than sunscreen. If  you’re thinking of going vampire and you don’t have your own Day Walker ring yet, it’s time to invest. Finding a certified Day Walker ring is even more important than finding a vampire willing to change you. Don’t even consider one without the other. Valuable information about these rings is found in the comments below. Meanwhile vampire engineers and architects work overtime to design safer sun-proof vehicles and buildings.

Finally, let’s talk about your vampire thrall. Vampires need to be very careful (and considerate) when they are turning on the thrall power.  I’m not just talking about dating etiquette here. Aiming your hypnotic eye mojo on some poor mortal sucker might seem like a great way to get free blood and donuts but the consequences can be devastating for both parties. Thrall-sick love slaves who are repeatedly denied your dark gift will eventually go insane 99.99% of the time. And who do you think they turn on first? So please. If you can’t control it yet, keep your tractor beam behind protective sunglasses, even at night.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

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Filed Under: Monstrometer Tagged With: iOS, iPad, iPhone, iPod Touch, Monstrometer, Vampires

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Comments

  1. Bebe says

    July 23, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    😈 Werewolfgirl of course you can’t become what I am your not what they want…they will however would like to devourer you….

    Reply
  2. Werewolfgirl (Scar) says

    July 23, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    Never! Whoever “they” are, they can’t get me! Never!

    Reply
    • Bebe says

      July 23, 2012 at 5:16 pm

      Nothing can stop us…not even our most fave meals.. vampires….we are like water and can go anywhere….listen to our song and come to us can’t you feel the peace in ourb song…. 😈 😈 😈

      Reply
  3. Werewolfgirl (Scar) says

    July 23, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    No….! No! Never! I would never disgrace myself by becoming one of….you! Nasty, vile, bloodsuckers!

    Reply
    • Bebe says

      July 23, 2012 at 5:33 pm

      You are mistaken……vampires are like candy, you all have wonderful flavors….each race is a wonderful delight in flavor…ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…soon we will multiply…..

      Reply
      • Mr. Mutt says

        July 23, 2012 at 6:19 pm

        *stake sprouts from Bebes shoulder* not if I have anything to do with it.

        Reply
        • Bebe says

          July 24, 2012 at 3:21 am

          Mr Mutt your sssooo cute 😈 but a stake can’t hurt me (pulls stake out ) very crude ….let me touch you Mr Mutt then you will know whats it’s like to be devoured…..hugs for Mr Mutt (walks toward you arms open wide). Come let me hug you (smiles showing 6 rows of needle sharp teeth)….

          Reply
  4. Werewolfgirl (Scar) says

    July 23, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    😡

    Reply
  5. Earl says

    July 23, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    You are afraid of what you do not understand.
    How human of you all…
    Bebe, I have a gift.

    Reply
    • Bebe says

      July 24, 2012 at 3:25 am

      Yay!!! I love gifts. My Earl you will one day rule the remaines of this planet……

      Reply
  6. Bebe says

    July 24, 2012 at 8:27 am

    Avalon…I…I…think I remember you (grabs head) no the pain must stop the pain…pleassee….

    I am the Draug and all others are food…food for our future…. 😈 😈 😈

    Reply
    • Bebe says

      July 24, 2012 at 8:31 am

      Earl we must fly so many towns and cities to devourer….but first the vampire council I feel like dessert… 😈

      Reply
      • Mr. Mutt says

        July 24, 2012 at 11:25 am

        Bebe, remember Zyboragon?

        Reply
        • Bebe says

          July 24, 2012 at 1:21 pm

          You again !!! No I can’t say that I do . I do however remember you….you were the first one to help me with my sister Vee (grabs head) why are you doing this? The pain !!!

          Reply
          • Seth says

            July 24, 2012 at 1:44 pm

            Hail Bebe,

            I know it is causing you some pain right now but you must remember Zyboragon. Focus hard, focus through the pain. You can do it you are strong.

            Seth

            Reply
        • Dazai says

          July 24, 2012 at 1:32 pm

          Gah. She can’t remember her own husband Zyboragon.
          Pfft.
          I know how to fix this!
          Earl… Z-A-K-T?!!!!

          Reply
          • Earl says

            July 24, 2012 at 1:43 pm

            Dazai? Are you serious??
            Okay…
            Zyboragon?…?
            I don’t understand.

            Reply
            • Bebe says

              July 24, 2012 at 5:54 pm

              Husband? husband? But!!! 😥 I have a …(eyes glow red) no your all lieing Earl stop them there confusing me 😥 .

              Reply
              • Avalon says

                July 24, 2012 at 6:37 pm

                This is NOT who you are! Remember all of the friends you’ve made, the bonds you built, the foes you’ve defeated, the laughs you’ve shared, the advice you’ve given, and the family you love so dearly! Bebe, we need you to push through and come back to us and stop this madness!

                Reply
              • Earl says

                July 24, 2012 at 6:53 pm

                As much as they talk, I doubt they’re lying. I believe they want you for their own selfish purposes though.
                I’ll protect you my Dark Lady.

                Reply
                • Avalon says

                  July 24, 2012 at 7:10 pm

                  See, even your “loyal servant” believes us (to an extent). You have to fight whatever evil was injected inside of you and come back to us. We miss you Bebe, all of us do.

                  Reply
                • Mr. Mutt says

                  July 24, 2012 at 8:14 pm

                  You are a fool Earl, I won’t tolerate you for any longer *puts hands on Bebes head* she’s going to remember or dīe trying *eyes glow white as I transfer a flood of memories into Bebe*

                  Reply
                  • Earl says

                    July 24, 2012 at 8:29 pm

                    (Tackles Mutt)
                    Terribly sorry, I cannot have you ruin years of planing.

                    Reply
                    • Avalon says

                      July 24, 2012 at 8:57 pm

                      Years of planning?! Doesn’t matter, I’ll stop you right now! *lifts you off of Mutt and slaps you into a wall* Mutt, hurry up!

                    • Bebe says

                      July 24, 2012 at 9:08 pm

                      (whimpers) leave Earl alone you meanie…..(forms into a black puddle and flows towards Avalon).

                  • Bebe says

                    July 24, 2012 at 9:06 pm

                    Thankyou Mr Mutt your blood was delicous….

                    Reply
                    • Mr. Mutt says

                      July 24, 2012 at 9:18 pm

                      *coughs blood* what a time to start dying… Ice, Nightshade! *Ice and Nightshade appear* my sons, help Avolon.
                      Ice, Nightshade: yes father
                      Me: Bebe, remember! *images start to flash from my mind to Bebes, a cruise ship, a ballroom, Children, Zanthre*

  7. Bebe says

    July 24, 2012 at 9:15 pm

    Why? I can’t ….the pain , the pain ….I will share the pain with you all and then…..devour you…..giggle

    Reply
    • Werewolfgirl (Scar) says

      July 24, 2012 at 9:32 pm

      Bebe, you have to remember! We aren’t your enemies, we are your friends! Please, just remember!

      Reply
  8. Damion says

    July 24, 2012 at 9:43 pm

    Draug are relentless the needles must have been infected – throws dry ice into the black puddle that is Bebe- Bebe I never wanted you to become this let them help you .

    Reply
    • Werewolfgirl (Scar) says

      July 24, 2012 at 9:46 pm

      Wait….weren’t you the one who did this to her?!? 😡

      Reply
  9. Earl says

    July 24, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    Pity, they don’t understand what they’re doing.
    Bebe, we have to leave.

    Reply
    • Werewolfgirl (Scar) says

      July 24, 2012 at 9:58 pm

      No! You killed Mutt, and he stood in your way! Well, now, I’m going to stand in your way! *tackles Earl* I…will….never…let…you….leave!

      Reply
    • Mr. Mutt says

      July 24, 2012 at 10:02 pm

      Not before this you pāthetic false friend *last images, two dragons sitting on a cliff together one of them looks familiar, a giant metal dragon tearing apart a hospital to get to one person, and a lone gollem watching to dragons fly together with a sad expresion*

      Reply
      • Earl says

        July 24, 2012 at 10:47 pm

        I tackled Mutt, I couldn’t ever kiII him, it’s against my code.
        You don’t know me or my part in all this, I suggest you stay your hands before you get in the wrong persons way.

        Mutt showed her Zanthre, the Bebe we know, the inner Bebe, is now in pain.

        Reply
        • Mr. Mutt says

          July 24, 2012 at 11:24 pm

          Nightshade, my son come here
          Nightshade: yes…..
          Me: the child of Ēvil’s power will grow
          the Draug will feast
          The feilds, with blood Ēvil will sow
          and summon the second beast
          Nightshade: what does it mean?
          Me: I don’t know….. Ice are you ready?
          Ice: yes, but are you sure?
          Me: yes
          Ice: *points six-shooter at Mutt* goodbye father *fires*

          Reply
        • Avalon says

          July 24, 2012 at 11:25 pm

          Just who are you, “Earl”, if that’s even your real name? And why are you the only one that doesn’t want Bebe to return to normal? Even Damion changed his mind and you’re still on the opposing side.

          Reply
          • Earl says

            July 24, 2012 at 11:35 pm

            Who says I don’t want her to return to normal?
            My intentions are still unknown as I have yet to explain them.

            Reply
            • Avalon says

              July 25, 2012 at 12:10 am

              THEN START EXPLAINING!! 😡 I will not hesitate to beat the answers out of you.

              Reply
              • Ice says

                July 25, 2012 at 12:49 am

                Wow a kid after my own heart.

                Reply
              • Earl says

                July 25, 2012 at 1:14 am

                I’m not explaining anything to you Avalon.
                Mainly because I don’t even know my own intentions.

                Reply
  10. Bebe says

    July 25, 2012 at 3:15 am

    Must feed …..ssssoooo cold , why Damion? ……..I remember Zanthre, Hope ……..Crystal……(the Draug pours out of month and engulfs Bebe’s body) .

    I must compleat the release of the others……

    Reply
    • Earl says

      July 25, 2012 at 3:34 am

      Bebe, you don’t want to do that, come on..
      Let’s just go someplace where we can be safe.. We shouldn’t be here.
      I wanna go home!

      Reply
      • Damion says

        July 25, 2012 at 5:48 am

        Earl you must help me stop Bebe! If you feel anything for Bebe you must stop her!
        Bebe still has a chance but if she turn’s completly she will turn on you.

        Reply
        • Earl says

          July 25, 2012 at 8:16 am

          Damion, you only wish to exploit her for your own selfish reasons!
          This is the Bebe you created! A project that will only get worse and worse, if you continue you’ll shatter Bebe’s existence and turn her into something more horrid than you could possibly imagine!!
          I only wish to keep Bebe company, I’m going to dìe whether she returns to normal or not anyways.

          Reply
    • Damion says

      July 25, 2012 at 5:43 am

      Bebe! No fight it. Fight it. I have other plans for you!

      Reply
      • Bebe says

        July 25, 2012 at 4:14 pm

        Plan’s for me!!! I don’t think so ( I pool around you ) Damion it’s time for lunch and your it…. 😈 😈 😈

        Reply
        • Ice says

          July 25, 2012 at 6:09 pm

          *blasts Damion out of harm* stop Bebe, before I have to make you.

          Reply
          • Damion says

            July 25, 2012 at 8:40 pm

            Thank you Ice. Don’t let Bebe touch you that is how the draug feed. Draug can flow lire water we need to freeze Bebe to stop her. Only then can the Draug be safe to remove.

            Reply
            • Ice says

              July 25, 2012 at 8:47 pm

              *eyes flash green as I adjust my ring* don’t thank me Damion, only I get the honor of kīlling you.

              Reply
        • Matt says

          July 25, 2012 at 6:42 pm

          *tqckles Bebe and begins stuffing oysters into her mouth* YOU WILL BE SUBJUGATED BY THE POWER OF THE SHELLFISH!!!

          Reply
          • Damion says

            July 25, 2012 at 8:29 pm

            Matt you fool!!! By touching Bebe your feeding her that stinging on your skin are millions of tiny needle teeth biteing you. And you can’t tackle and feed a puddle fool.

            Reply
            • Matt says

              July 25, 2012 at 9:33 pm

              *gets up and calmly walks away* I like feeding Bebe. It felt like I was getting needle therapy!

              Reply
              • Avalon says

                July 26, 2012 at 12:23 am

                *facepalm*. You try to be reasonable… *activates freezing spell, freezing Bebe solid* Sorry, but until we can figure out how to save you, you’re going to have to stay frozen for a bit. It’s for your own good…

                Reply
  11. Damion says

    July 26, 2012 at 1:07 am

    Ha ha ! -open’s portal shoots Earl and picks up Bebe- thanks jerks – portal closes –

    Reply
    • Earl says

      July 26, 2012 at 1:14 am

      (Falls over)
      Bebe…

      Reply
    • Avalon says

      July 26, 2012 at 7:19 am

      😯 NO! Why did I TRUST HIM!? Guys, you go Damion, I’ll be right back. I have a plan.

      Reply
      • Avalon says

        July 26, 2012 at 7:21 am

        Darn it! I meant go after Damion and I’ll be back.

        Reply
  12. Werewolfgirl (Scar) says

    July 26, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    See, i knew Damion couldn’t be trusted. Nobody listens to me.

    Reply
    • Avalon says

      July 26, 2012 at 7:05 pm

      I was very doubtful, but I guess I assumed wrongly. Now all I need to know is where they went and how fast I can get there.

      Reply
      • Avalon says

        July 26, 2012 at 7:11 pm

        Also, for my plan to work I a team to back me up incase something goes wrong. Who’s coming with me?

        Reply
        • Avalon says

          July 26, 2012 at 7:13 pm

          Darn it! I NEED a team to back me up. Using an iPod isn’t the best way to make a battle strategy.

          Reply
          • Nightshade says

            July 26, 2012 at 8:17 pm

            I can help.

            Reply
            • Avalon says

              July 26, 2012 at 9:26 pm

              Thank you, Nightshade. I appreciate it.

              Reply
              • Avalon says

                July 27, 2012 at 4:56 pm

                Anyone else?

                Reply
                • ~Scar~ says

                  July 27, 2012 at 8:03 pm

                  I guess I can try and help,Avalon.

                  Reply
                  • Avalon says

                    July 27, 2012 at 10:23 pm

                    Thank you Scar. Unfortunately, as much as 2 people brave enough is great, I doubt it’s enough. I need a small team of 7 or 8 to help me while I execute the rest of my plan. As of now I’m a bit short.

                    Reply
  13. Bebe says

    July 27, 2012 at 5:38 am

    Damion no….please stop….the pain…….Its like I’m burning from the inside…..( unfreezes and engulfs Damion ) If I burn so do you… 😈

    Reply
  14. Bebe says

    July 27, 2012 at 5:43 am

    Earl …. Please help me ….. To much pain…… ( with my last bit of energy I heal Earl and pushes him through the portal to safty) ……run Earl get help ….I Can’t control it anymore……

    Reply
  15. Bebe says

    August 1, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    Giggle …now to infecte the next town ……six hundred thousand strong……soon we will be unstopable……giggle

    Reply
    • Tear Drinker says

      August 1, 2012 at 1:23 pm

      what are you doing?

      Reply
    • Xana Deanna Mooncrest says

      August 1, 2012 at 1:48 pm

      Ooooh.
      Mind if I tag along?
      My childrrrren need hossstsss.
      And the way you ssssaid “infect”…
      Makessss it sssound deliciousssss…

      Reply
      • Bebe says

        August 1, 2012 at 2:39 pm

        The Draug will infect every living thing on this planet……I am queen of the Draug….and we leave no surviver’s ….. 🙂

        Reply
        • Ice says

          August 1, 2012 at 3:57 pm

          *I appear infront of Bebe* Stop Bebe! Before I have to do what necesary!

          Reply
          • Xana Deanna Mooncrest says

            August 1, 2012 at 4:28 pm

            Go, Bebe! Go get yourrrr face hugged!

            Beforrrre I have to do what’ssss necesssssary.

            Reply
            • Bebe says

              August 1, 2012 at 6:16 pm

              Giggle…go hhhuuuggg a ccaaarr XXXaannna!…giggle…ever wonder why you mmmuussst now hhaaavvve hostess for your young…giggle…your planet was easy to infect…giggle

              Reply
          • Bebe says

            August 1, 2012 at 6:12 pm

            Giggle…Iiiccceee you can’t ssstttoooppp us Ice…(turns to black fluid and flows around you)…giggle. 😈

            Reply
            • Ice says

              August 1, 2012 at 6:16 pm

              You give me no choice *I send a powerful and crippiling mental wave at Bebe*

              Reply
              • Bebe says

                August 1, 2012 at 6:19 pm

                NNNNNOOOOO!!!! Iiicce (begins to boil)….

                Reply
                • Ice says

                  August 1, 2012 at 6:59 pm

                  *floods Bebes brain with wave after wave of memories* remember Bebe, remmember who you are!

                  Reply
                  • Bebe says

                    August 1, 2012 at 7:43 pm

                    NO! NO! NO!…STOP IT ICE STOP IT ….YOUR HURTING ME (withers in pain)…. 🙁

                    Reply
                    • Zyboragon says

                      August 1, 2012 at 7:49 pm

                      That’s ENOUGH!
                      Stop hurting Bebe.

                    • Martin says

                      August 3, 2012 at 9:13 pm

                      -tackle’s Ice- leave Bebe alone she has work to do and Zyboragon why aren’t you not doing anything but yelling at him ? -picks up Bebe and runs into forest- Bebe don’t worry you’ll be safe.

                    • Dazai says

                      August 4, 2012 at 6:33 am

                      Fascinating.
                      One can just pop on here and ignore recent events and proceed without proper knowledge.
                      You Earthlings really do need minds such as myself or you’d fall into chaos!

                      Martin, there is much occurring with the existence of Zyboragon, if I was to guess accurately, which I am currently doing, I’d say that the mind channel linking Bebe to Zyboragon has rendered his existence into pulses.
                      This means that Zyboragon was present for just a matter of seconds before fading out of the realm of existence again.
                      Seriously, how could you have not noticed this?
                      I’m sorry for being rude, I just had to vent.
                      But now you know. 🙂

  16. Alex says

    August 1, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    I’m back.

    Reply
    • Seth says

      August 2, 2012 at 10:21 pm

      Hail Alex,

      Welcome back, just in time for the Lightning Moon. Where have you been? Survive anything lately?

      Thanks for checking in and keeping on,

      Seth

      Reply
  17. Bebe says

    August 7, 2012 at 11:21 am

    Martin thank you very much (turns to a liquid form and engulfs Martin) aaahh lunch (burp) now that I’m away from Ice I can now infect the next tatget….mmmmmmm…. 😀 this city looks delicious 2.7 million pepole……oh this is going to be fun… 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈 😈

    Reply
    • Earl says

      August 8, 2012 at 10:32 am

      Bebe, you mustn’t do this. You saved me, your lifelong friend, if there is a part of Bebe still in there, remember who you are please.

      Reply
      • Bebe says

        August 11, 2012 at 8:15 pm

        Earl?…help me Earl… these things in me…wont leave…can’t control body anymore….EARL HHHHEEELLLPPP ANYONE HHHEEELLLPPP!!!!!

        Reply
        • mrjaffa says

          August 11, 2012 at 8:53 pm

          Bebe, whats wrong?

          Reply
          • Bebe says

            August 11, 2012 at 10:32 pm

            I’m lost…the draug there taking over ….I’m losing all memories of everything…..

            Reply
        • Earl says

          August 11, 2012 at 9:25 pm

          Bebe, just remember.
          That’s all you need to do, remember…

          Reply
          • Bebe says

            August 11, 2012 at 11:04 pm

            Earl? I don’t know….Earl who’s Earl?

            Reply
            • Earl says

              August 11, 2012 at 11:41 pm

              Don’t remember me, remember your husband, your sons Omar and Zanthre, your daughters, Hope and Jade.
              Remember Crystal.
              Remember them.

              Reply
              • Bebe says

                August 12, 2012 at 12:08 am

                My family (gasp) fading fast….(in a unknown voice) we are the Druag and can’t be stopped…..

                Reply
                • mrjaffa says

                  August 12, 2012 at 12:18 am

                  Remember bebe. Z, omar, zanthre, crystal and jade, and hope.

                  Reply
                • Ice says

                  August 12, 2012 at 10:23 pm

                  Remember Bebe. Zyboragon. The Cruise ship of death. Stuck in the hospital. Ravenclaw.

                  Reply
                  • Bebe says

                    August 13, 2012 at 12:25 am

                    Ice…I remember….Zyboragon….(black fluid seeps out of me)…tell me more…

                    Reply
                    • Ice says

                      August 13, 2012 at 1:17 am

                      Your Brother Spark. ARC. Little TK, And Zyborganna.

                    • mrjaffa says

                      August 13, 2012 at 7:02 am

                      Remember giving me the crystal wand bebe?

                    • Bebe says

                      August 13, 2012 at 6:17 pm

                      Arc, mrjaffa, rainforest (black fluid pools around me) Mr Mutt, Zyboragon my husband (my hair starts to fall out and turns to ash) Ice , Earl,…Earl (nails grow and wings sprout from my back)….the unbarable pain….Crystal, Valary, little TK, Zanthre, Hope, Omar, Jade (screams in agony) My Zyboragon I’m sorry (turns to stone)….

                    • LOLstigmaLOL says

                      August 13, 2012 at 6:55 pm

                      Bebe?! What the heck did I miss?! NOOOO!!!

                    • Bebe says

                      August 23, 2012 at 6:45 am

                      Stigma please help me….end this pain….don’t let the others see me like this….please please please

                    • LOLstigmaLOL says

                      August 23, 2012 at 10:01 am

                      Bebe… What do you want me to do…? Do you want me to DEVOUR you…?

                    • Bebe says

                      August 23, 2012 at 11:28 pm

                      LOLStimaLOL….end my pain….my children are fading ….I’m fading…without Zyboragon….I’m nothing….time will be ripped….end the pain (falls to my knees infront of you) 😥 😥 😥

                  • Vampire Godess says

                    December 28, 2012 at 7:02 pm

                    Hey I’m a vampire and I’m wondering how to control my subjects with there problems like how to control there hunger.so plz respond.

                    Reply
  18. Earl says

    August 12, 2012 at 12:37 am

    (Rushes and hugs Bebe)
    You need to hold on, you can fight it Bebe.

    Reply
    • Bebe says

      August 13, 2012 at 12:27 am

      Earl don’t ever leave me… 😥

      Reply
      • Earl says

        August 13, 2012 at 7:57 am

        I won’t leave you.

        Reply
  19. mrjaffa says

    August 13, 2012 at 1:09 am

    I got dumped. FML.

    Reply
  20. Gabriella5917 says

    August 23, 2012 at 11:30 am

    A Full moon! Nnoo!

    Reply
    • Seth says

      September 7, 2012 at 1:46 am

      Hail Gabriella5917,

      Just checking in to see how you made out with the Blue Moon that we had recently? Good I hope.

      Keep on keeping on.

      Seth

      Reply
  21. Gabriella5917 says

    August 23, 2012 at 11:34 am

    Lol

    Reply
  22. Turtleman says

    September 6, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    Hi I’m a new vampire I want to learn how cope with the transformation process.

    Reply
    • Bebe says

      September 7, 2012 at 2:49 pm

      Hi I’m Bebe a vampire/witch/dragon welcome to the site Turtleman…the first thing to know is no eating humans, animals and blood subsatutes are great or if like me I am a member of the VGCC (vampire gothic council of canada)I get blood delivered.

      If you can get a daywalker ring this will allow you to go out in the sun. Find a safe place to rest with your ready made meals of blood and lock yourself in bring something to entertain yourself because your going to stay there for a few days.

      Let the transformation take you and relax theres nothing you can really do to stop it so try to relax and keep your mind occupied. Seth has more on what to exspect at the top of the vampire site.

      Remember to stay away from pepole until your transformation is complete. If you have any more questions just ask…. one of the other survialist or I will be glad to help answer them and good luck…..Bebe….giggle 🙂

      Reply
    • Zyboragon says

      September 7, 2012 at 6:02 pm

      Hail Turtleman, welcome to the site, I’m not really an expert when it comes to vampires, my wife Bebe has pointed out some good ideas, the only thing I can recommend us staying in a safe place where nobody can disturb you.
      Stay safe.

      -Z-

      Reply
    • Seth says

      September 7, 2012 at 6:57 pm

      Hail Turtleman,

      Welcome to the site! Best of luck with your ongoing vampiric transformation. Both Bebe and Zyboragon are veterans of the site here and have some excellent survival advice for you.

      How did you contract your vampirism? I ask because most cases are deliberate siring of a new vamp but there have been occasional reports of accident vampiric transmission through a bite that was only intended to feed or some what less rare but still rare are genetic vampires who have inherited vampirism from their ancestors via DNA. So which kind do you think you are? And how long have you been a vampire?

      I am very glad you have stopped in as the beginning of a vampire’s unlife is the most dangerous time, both for the vampire and others. Surviving the first few months of being a vampire leads to a very long life expectancy so follow the advice Bebe and Zyboragon have posted and be careful and keep on keeping on. Your survival is important.

      Seth

      Reply
  23. Turtleman says

    September 9, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    Well we all know that the uk is dark wet and horrible yes? Well one night im riding my bike around the mountain by my house and there’s this girl and her friend the one girl is screaming and bleeding and her friend says this boy attacked her when they were fixing eachothers bikes so I helped them fixed thier bikes and they said they would have a reward for me just as long as I met them in the clearing in the wood (a clearing) at night so I did and guess what the reward was?(vampirism)

    Reply
  24. Turtleman says

    September 9, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    When i was bit was about three days ago

    Reply
  25. Turtleman says

    September 9, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    Bebe I have not been to find ready made blood so have resorted to feeding on lone Trekers around the forest near my small tent I’ve set up therei have a laptop my phone and my bass guitar I’ve maneged to only feed when I need to so I won’t let any of my humanity slip away

    Reply
    • Bebe says

      September 9, 2012 at 5:11 pm

      Your humanity wont slip away unless you let it ….stay focus keep a picture of someone special or a moving favorite book….

      Reply
  26. Turtleman says

    September 9, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    Any more that is

    Reply
    • Bebe says

      September 9, 2012 at 5:07 pm

      Oh dear that wont do at all…try deer and bear there very tasty and have more blood…Have you found a Daywalker ring yet?

      Reply
      • Bebe says

        September 9, 2012 at 5:17 pm

        Turtalman never go anywhere alone especally ones you don’t know…I was born and taught how to be a witch, my sister made me into a vampire and I gave my life to become a dragon for my sweet Dragon…..giggle

        Reply
  27. Turtleman says

    September 9, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    Yes I were it on my toe and I’m welsh so there’s no deer or bear.

    Reply
    • Bebe says

      September 9, 2012 at 5:19 pm

      On your toes….lol…giggle. Mmmmm well try your best 🙂

      Reply
  28. Turtleman says

    September 9, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    Maybe trying to learn epic by faith no more on bass will help me hold on

    Reply
    • Bebe says

      September 9, 2012 at 5:22 pm

      Giggle 😀

      Reply
  29. Turtleman says

    September 9, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    Oh did I not mention I’ve got my best mate making cups of tea for me every mornig he’s making himself a bow for killing rabbits with

    Reply
    • Bebe says

      September 9, 2012 at 5:40 pm

      Cool My best mate is making herself bubble and squeek,with ham pop overs….giggle…I’m having a bloodtini and bllod jello….giggle

      Reply
  30. Turtleman says

    September 9, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    Theres no bears or deer so what am I to do?

    Reply
  31. Bebe says

    September 9, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    Well rabbits like you said ,pheasent,duck, stay away from headgehogs they tast awful. Fox is good so is dog,cats are icky…

    Reply
  32. Turtleman says

    September 9, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    I rabbits I’m trying, only now have I realised bringing my best friend was a bad Idea I mean what if I kill or turn him by accident.

    Reply
  33. Turtleman says

    September 9, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    What if I turn my best mate I can’t cope with that also rabbit yeah it’s a bit bad tasting.

    Reply
    • Bebe says

      September 9, 2012 at 6:06 pm

      Well thats up to you …but being a new vampire you might k!ll him so try not too…I’m going to the vampire council meeting now…got to find a theme for this years vampire christmas Ball and get the halloween one finelized…..giggle good luck and I’ll see you later….giggle 😀 😀 😀

      Reply
  34. Turtleman says

    September 9, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    Ok good luck

    Reply
  35. Turtleman says

    September 14, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    Oh NO NoT AGaiN

    Reply
  36. Evranth says

    September 14, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    I’m back and turtleman my good human side is gone for good I’ve been trying to take control since I contracted vamprism so I fed on more humans turned more humans and then turtleman slipped away what little humanity was left in me faded and what’s left behind is an always manevolent,insane,blood,crazed vampire

    Reply
  37. imavampireforreal says

    September 27, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    😉 pls make my avatar a vampire since I’m a
    Vampire

    Reply
  38. C.G says

    October 16, 2012 at 10:02 pm

    Seth help I woke up and I have two red marks on my neck I am sweaty and I can not see myself in the mirror what do I do help help help!!!

    C.G

    Reply
  39. C.G says

    October 17, 2012 at 11:10 am

    WUZ UP POEPLE NEW VAMPIRE IN THE HUOSE Y’ALL!
    Hey Bebe is there anything I need to know about being a vampire?

    HELP ME PLEASE I AM A NEW VAMPIRE!

    C.G

    Reply
  40. C.G says

    October 17, 2012 at 11:11 am

    😈

    Reply
  41. imavampireforreal says

    October 26, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    first you need to get the day walker ring
    like now i have it and i’m 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999
    years old and the school i go to the people there taste
    DELICOUS!!!! 😀 but if you want to be the vampire
    that dousent eat people well i cant
    help you sorry and do you go to school
    wich one if you go to the school i go to i can
    help you a lot.
    😕 i just saw ELVIS PRESLEY WTF!!! 😯

    Reply
    • Seth says

      October 27, 2012 at 2:15 pm

      Hail imavampireforreal,

      First off welcome to the site. Apologies for my tardiness in rolling out the welcome mat. The past few days have had me mostly off site dealing with some other issues that while forcing me to temporarily neglect my SOS host duties are leading to some new and interesting things for survivors (more details coming soon).

      Thanks so much for helping other survivors out. That is really awesome and much appreciated.

      As a follow-up to your earlier question here is a link to how to set your avatar to be any image that you like:

      http://sethonsurvival.com/survival-resources/want-to-have-a-custom-avatar-on-the-seth-on-survival-website

      Follow the steps listed there and you will have a shiny new avatar.

      Say Hi to Elvis for me. Did you know that if you rearrange the letters in Elvis Presley that is spells Presley Lives? Freaky no?

      How did you make out with the crash landing of the alien spaceship that you posted about earlier? It is always a bit risky trying to hack an alien space while it is in flight, you don’t want to all of a sudden cut all power to the engines or something else that you might regret. What happened next?

      Keep on keeping on.

      Seth

      Reply
    • CelebrityResearch says

      November 18, 2012 at 6:06 pm

      Elvis Presley is a known monster. His daughter is a vampire being wed to Michael Jackson and all. (Read my very old posts)

      Reply
  42. XxXCreepy DollXxX says

    November 15, 2012 at 3:59 am

    Hello. I’m new to this site and I’m having a bit of a crisis here. I woke up a weeks and a half ago with a huge gash-bite-things on my shoulder. I thought it was probably from my cat or something but I’m starting to think otherwise. I’ve always been obsessed with vampires and I’m starting to suspect that may be what the problem is. Since I woke up with the marks I have experienced extreme sensitivity to sunlight and loud noises (no more music blasting for Creepy :'( ) as well as loss of appetite. I haven’t eaten anything besides a pack of skittles in the past 5 days (and I almost puked a rainbow). But why would a vampire come in my room and randomly bite me? Is it someone I know? And if I am turning, does anyone have advise? Gog, am I even ready to turn? Hell, is there a way to stop it if I’m not? Thanks for reading this.

    -XxXCreepy DollXxX

    Reply
    • Werewolf13 says

      November 15, 2012 at 4:40 pm

      First things first you probably are a vampire. Do not worry it is probably not as bad as it seems! Download the Seth On Survival app and scan yourself. That will give you a 99.98% accurate guess on what you are. Also scan your friends and family. Anyone could have bitten you. I doubt family though because then you would have inherited vampirism awhile ago. That’s all the advice I can give you now. I don’t know much about your kind.I will look into this but for the time being ask one of the other vampires on the site to help. Good luck!

      Reply
      • XxXCreepy DollXxX says

        November 16, 2012 at 6:22 pm

        Thanks for the advise. I downloaded the app and yeah, I’m going vamp 😛 I’ve discreetly scanned my small circle of friends and they’re all human. I’ll have to look into it. I am getting a little nervous about going to school now, the sun kinda stung a bit today and I also had the intense urge to bite this guy in my class 😳 . I think I’m gonna be ok with this though, still have loads of questions but…yeah.

        -XxXCreepy DollXxX

        Reply
        • Zyboragon says

          November 16, 2012 at 6:38 pm

          Hail Creepy Doll,
          It’s natural to have questions, luckily you’ve come to the right place, I apologize for not seeing your earlier comment, I’ve been a bit distracted.
          As for my advice, ask as many questions as possible and drink animal blood (I hear pig blood is preferable), feeding on humans isn’t exactly survival approved here.

          Hopefully I can be more helpful in the future.

          Reply
        • Seth says

          November 16, 2012 at 6:53 pm

          Hail CreepyDoll,

          Thanks for your SOS message. I’m very sorry to hear of your unexpected vampirization. (Although puking a rainbow? Awesome! Maybe you can summon a leprechaun with that? Please try if you can. I need to know!)

          You are correct when you say the odds of a random vampire biting you are not high. The days when a vampire would try to make you forget an attack are long gone too. Vampire society excels at policing its own these days. And I would agree with WW13 on this one – I think you can rule out family. Family don’t fang family. Er, usually. So the question is, do you have anyone new in your life? Somebody pale and mysterious? Keep an eye out.

          While you figure out who bit you, you might want to look into a good day walker ring. Let me see if I can find and link the best day walker ring advice on the site. Mr. Jaffa USED to make them when he had the ingredients – he is a magicker – but that was BEFORE he went poison.

          Thanks for keeping on while I find that info…

          Seth

          Reply
        • Werewolf13 says

          November 16, 2012 at 6:54 pm

          As you might already know I posted on the werewolf page asking for help in your situation. There are many smart helpful people on there and I will tell you if anything comes up. Seth also posted a link to here so people will find you. I hope I helped!

          Reply
    • XxXCreepy DollXxX says

      November 17, 2012 at 12:20 am

      Thank for the comments and suggestions guys! I promise that humans are off the menu for me (though I don’t want to be munching on any sweet little critters either). Seth, I swear to you that if I ever puke a rainbow you will be the first to know. I haven’t noticed any new pale students let alone conversed with them but I will keep my eyes peeled. Yeah, I’ve done some reading on day walker rings. For that past couple days I’ve been wearing wide brimmed hats, sunglasses and a load of sunscreen. It helps a bit but I don’t think it will for much longer. Thanks WW13 for trying to help so much <3
      I was kind wondering when I should Uhhh… feed? And how would one go about that? Do I REALLY have to kill something?

      -XxXCreepy DollXxX

      Reply
      • Zyboragon says

        November 17, 2012 at 12:55 am

        There are a few shops that sell blood, I hear some animal hospitals are a bit loose with blood bag distribution as well.

        Reply
        • XxXCreepy DollXxX says

          November 17, 2012 at 2:05 am

          Thanks Zyboragon. Going from being a vegetarian to drinking blood straight from an animal is too much for me. I’m going to look into that for sure and perhaps even find out who else gets blood from the vets. In such a small town I’m sure that there will be very few vampires. Hopefully that will help me get to the bottom of who turned me.

          -XxXCreepy DollXxX

          Reply
          • Zyboragon says

            November 17, 2012 at 9:13 am

            In addition there are also hubs where creatures will actually donate their blood to vampires, might be worth looking into. (Just avoid werewolf and hybrid blood).

            Reply
      • Werewolf13 says

        November 17, 2012 at 11:05 am

        No problem! If you need anything else just ask! 😉

        Reply
      • Seth says

        November 18, 2012 at 6:52 am

        Hail CreepyDoll,

        Thanks for your continued SOS report. That is very strange indeed. To be changed without your knowledge or consent is a massive Code violation and somebody will undoubtably have to pay. Have you recently switched schools? Or consider this – you may have been bitten but not changed. I don’t want to alarm you here, but you must be aware that some unscrupulous vampires in addition to their devastating thrall power and propensity for changing suitable human candidates into eternal mates, are known for the practice of enslaving. The practice goes by many names but the modus operandi is always the same. By taking and giving only a little blood from a human, the vampire can incite a supernatural devotion within the still-human host and enslave them to do the vampire’s bidding. Humans who make useful vampire assistants can be turned into lifelong, free labor for everything from polishing a vampire’s shoes to procuring sustenance. I don’t have to tell you what this means, Blood Doll er, I mean Creepy Doll. If you feel an irrational attraction to somebody new you never noticed before, or catch yourself wandering outside in a daze or find that your reflection has grown hazy, this could be a clue somebody is trying to make you their ghoul.

        Okay and I see that I forgot to link the daywalker ring advice. Sorry. It appears that several new vampires have received jaywalker rings (or at least the spells) from Mr. Jaffa over the years. I think his deal is you have to provide the ring and all of the necessary materials and then he enchants it. You may find Mr. Jaffa here or on his page here. I can’t guarantee that Mr. Jaffa will reply right away, but I do know that his rings work because nobody has complained. But in addition to this, the Vampire Amelia is on record stating that daywalker rings can be obtained at farmers’ markets and craft fairs. You just need to find the ring combination of stone and metal and then get it enchanted by a witch like Jaffa.

        (Although after the vampire Amelia’s report I personally chased a witch craft fair across the country and every time I encountered a hastily abandoned site, like they knew I was coming.)

        Keep on keeping on, whatever you do.

        Seth

        Reply
        • XxXCreepy DollXxX says

          November 19, 2012 at 4:22 am

          What exactly would be the “symptoms” (<— can't think of better word) of being a vampire-slave-thing? Cause I was woken up at about 6 am to my skin smoldering and smoking. I quickly retreated to the closet where I slept the day away until the sun went down. I also noticed that overnight I seem to have developed fangs. I wanted to give an update sooner but you know, stuck in a closet XP. I also couldn't find my iPod (which is what I use to post on here) once I got out. I thought I had left it under my pillow like I always do but it was on my windowsill. Weird. Anyways, I found a store just out of town that claims to sell day walker rings. Not sure if they're authentic though. They close before dark so I'm having a friend go out after school to get it for me. Also, for obvious reasons I'm taking a sick day tomorrow. I think I'm pale enough now that my mom will believe me. If anything new or exciting happens I'll be sure to update. 

          -XxXCreepy DollXxX

          Reply
  43. Dazai says

    November 15, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    Hello Earthlings, it’s your supernatural superior Dazai of Plantos!
    My reports have been successfully reviewed meaning that my work is done! Also, as planet Earth is the most obnoxious planet ever created, the Crop Circle Council is currently arranging to block off your planet from the rest of the universe so that we can prevent your filth from spreading! Fortunately, this isn’t permanent since your sun is still very useful, so we are currently fixing up a machine that will send your planet into the sun, we wouldn’t want to waste good fuel after all!

    Reply
    • Shadowhunter says

      November 15, 2012 at 5:24 pm

      Well if you do that dear Dryad I’m afraid the Clave will have to take certain measures. First we would take the three mortal instruments and summon the Angel Raziel. That gives us the right to ask one favor of him. Then we would ask him to defend us and you would have the entire wrath of Heaven against you. Then since we live on the same planet I would contact the dark Shadowhunters. They are d€monic in alliance. I’m sure we could strike an accord with them since being thrown into the sun doesn’t seem like something they would enjoy. They will summon Lilith and the you will have the wrath of Hell against you. Now since your race seems reasonable I doubt they want to go to war with two ancient and powerful races. Now I admit that the inhabitants of this planet are nowhere near perfect especially compared to a race such as yours. But given time we might grow to be something useful. Humans discovered a tiny and relatively useless grass and turned it into corn, our races, with some guidance, might prove useful as well. So please before you start an unnecessary war, consider these words.

      Reply
      • Dazai says

        November 15, 2012 at 7:39 pm

        The council wouldn’t make an action if they didn’t hold all the cards, if Plantos even got so much as a scratch done to it, every single plant would lose “the connection” and wither quickly.
        How long do you think this planet would last without oxygen exactly? Without us, it would take millions of years to create a species capable of half of what we do.
        Although, you’re correct, the plantoids are quite reasonable and if an effort was made to make amends against previous trasgressions, surely they’d make a compromise, but mind you, in my time here I was cut down and kiIIed over thirty eight times, while absorbing sun nonetheless! That itself will get a much larger portion of species angry, mainly because everyone is reliant on plants.

        Reply
        • Shadowhunter says

          November 15, 2012 at 8:00 pm

          I agree everyone is reliant on plants, and unfortunately due to an unfortunate evolutionary fluke most animals on this planet developed so that they cannot survive without the amino acids, and sugars that plants provide. Although it is Also true that when animals die our bodies help provide fertilizer that in turn feeds plants. Many insects that are on this planet help to pollinate plants. On behalf of humans and Shadowhunters I apologize for our cutting you down, we can be rather stupid apes at times.

          Reply
          • Dazai says

            November 15, 2012 at 8:41 pm

            Granted, there’s no doubt that evolutionary cycles call for different needs and of course, there are times when we need to be taken down, how much is too much though? While absorbing sun, a human sat near me reading a book about a tree that gave and gave and gave until the tree was but a stump to rest on. How much can we possibly be expected to give though? I hear the plants here, they aren’t anywhere near happy.

            Reply
            • Shadowhunter says

              November 15, 2012 at 9:01 pm

              On most of the planet this is completely true, but I’m willing to bet that there’s one place where it isn’t. Let me take you to Idris. Let me show you the home of the Shadowhunters, where the world hasn’t turned into a cold metal, concrete jungle, where we don’t take, take, and take from the land.

              Reply
        • Seth says

          November 16, 2012 at 4:38 pm

          Hail Dazai,

          Let me understand you here. Are you saying that Plantos can pull the plug on every plant here on Earth? And about this whole getting cut down yourself 7 or 8 times business, well, where exactly did you root to fuel up? Maybe we can help you find a spot where you won’t get cut down. Like Juan Odey’s garden. Unless you have a cauliflower form. Then you have to watch out for the zombies. Er what plant form did you take? Cause maybe you should try Titum Arum – corpse flower. You get to be an instant celebrity. People bring you presents from all over the world. You live longer than most humans. Sure you have to deal with a few sweat beetles and poo bugs or what have you, but it looks like a pretty good life.

          I mean, sure it’s annoying around here sometimes, but that’s just how we all level up. You must have found something you liked around here. A friendly bee? You should add that to your report. Why your hurry to file it now?

          Seth

          Reply
  44. CelebrityResearch says

    November 18, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    Guess who? :mrgreen: I came back, then I left, and now I’m back! (Maby) ( Oh and ciao from Italy )

    Reply
  45. CelebrityResearch says

    November 18, 2012 at 7:00 pm

    I’ve went by many names on this site… “DEATHRILLER moto16 DeathTheKid DeathJr CelebrityResearch”

    Reply
  46. XxXCreepy DollXxX says

    November 23, 2012 at 12:35 am

    Hello my dolls! Things have been going well for me these past few days. The ring turned out to be authentic and so I’ve been going to school. I tried going to the vets for bags of blood but they thought I was just another twi-hard (I am but still! Not the reason I wanted it) and they sent me away. I did however make friends with the butchers son and he has been selling me cow and pig blood. I still have yet to feed directly from anything but I plan on avoiding that as long as possible. I thought that I would be disgusted by drinking blood at all but pretty much as soon as I got it I chugged it like it wudn’t no thang. Also, my stuff keeps going missing (I’m especially upset about my sketchbook and my jornal!) and I think that someone has been in my house. I’m a little weirded out that some strangers scent is in my room but, I’ll get to the bottom of it! Anyways, I’m fine and hope that you all are as well.

    -XxXCreepy DollXxX

    Reply
    • XxXCreepy DollXxX says

      November 23, 2012 at 12:37 am

      Oops! I entered my e-mail wrong! 😳

      -XxXCreepy DollXxX

      Reply
  47. Athena says

    November 29, 2012 at 9:01 pm

    Does anybody know something to ignore blood? Please help
    😯

    Reply
    • Zyboragon says

      November 29, 2012 at 9:17 pm

      There are ways, it takes time, you can try to confuse the sense by mixing blood with something that you’re allergic too or something you don’t like, applying that method any time you see blood, your mind will eventually get confused and think of blood as bad, therefore you may end up ignoring it completely.
      Of course, this method varies in many ways, there may be better methods for such.

      Reply
    • Shadowhunter says

      November 29, 2012 at 9:29 pm

      Keep yourself well fed.

      Reply
  48. Vampire Godess says

    December 28, 2012 at 7:38 pm

    Seth could you help me with my subjects and my subjects.

    Reply
  49. Vampire Godess says

    December 28, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    There hunger

    Reply
  50. Vampire Godess says

    December 28, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    Plz 😳

    Reply
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Distance: 63 earth radii
Ecliptic latitude: 4 degrees
Ecliptic longitude: 113 degrees
Joe's

Zombie Outbreak in Texas!!!

Hail Survivors!

I recently received a very grave -no pun intended- warning from Survivor Miles who I believe may be located in or near Texas. Survivor Miles recently survived a vicious zombie attack, armed with only his wits and hedge clippers. His parents unfortunately were not so lucky.

Read more here: Zombie Attack!!!

Seth

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