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Vampires: You May Be Dealing With A Vampire

Probably the biggest threat posed by the preternaturally hot modern Vampires is the threat to your ego.

I’m talking about the damaging cycle of self-doubt you experience trying to date one. Don’t I smell good enough for her? What if she reads my thoughts right now when I’m thinking about picking my nose? Why is she acting like she just wants to just suck me dry? Can’t she see how eternally fascinating I could be?

vampireDangerSign-Small-opt

But hey that’s just me. I’m a man on the rebound so maybe my perspective is a little skewed.  If dating a vampire isn’t YOUR ultimate survival fantasy then you are advised to:

1. Beware their sexy hypnotic gaze – avoid eye contact!

2. Beware their sexy hypnotic bodies – don’t look!

3. Beware their sexy hypnotic voices – don’t listen!

4. Beware their sexy hypnotic marriage proposals. Think of how long FOREVER means to a vampire!

Failed on #1 – 4? CONGRATULATIONS. Lucky! Have fun but please try to recall all those safer sex tips from health class because your Vampire lover’s 19th Century high school curriculum DEFINITELY missed out on that part.

~~~IF YOU ARE A VAMPIRE~~~

Congratulations! Many consider vampires the penultimate survivors! Eternal life AND good looks – what more could you ask for? Socially acceptable nourishment needs? Look no further! On November 7, a team of scientists led by vampire Dr. Mick Bhatia discovered how to turn skin cells into blood cells just by manipulating a few proteins. No more snacking on squirrels and purse puppies! A fully viable liquid food source for ethical vampires may be mere moments away. (See it here at http://sethonsurvival.com/survival-news/vampire-researchers-make-blood-from-human-skin)

Of course there are still a few things to remain aware of as a vampire. Sunlight for one. The *we sparkle in sunlight!* campaign appears to be flaming out. While the sparklers had a good run, the facts are that while some younger and part vampires do in fact sparkle, the majority of older and full vampires still go up in flames when exposed to direct sunlight without magical or technological intervention. This is about more than sunscreen. If  you’re thinking of going vampire and you don’t have your own Day Walker ring yet, it’s time to invest. Finding a certified Day Walker ring is even more important than finding a vampire willing to change you. Don’t even consider one without the other. Valuable information about these rings is found in the comments below. Meanwhile vampire engineers and architects work overtime to design safer sun-proof vehicles and buildings.

Finally, let’s talk about your vampire thrall. Vampires need to be very careful (and considerate) when they are turning on the thrall power.  I’m not just talking about dating etiquette here. Aiming your hypnotic eye mojo on some poor mortal sucker might seem like a great way to get free blood and donuts but the consequences can be devastating for both parties. Thrall-sick love slaves who are repeatedly denied your dark gift will eventually go insane 99.99% of the time. And who do you think they turn on first? So please. If you can’t control it yet, keep your tractor beam behind protective sunglasses, even at night.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

6,559 comments to Vampires: You May Be Dealing With A Vampire

  • Kole

    Whoa whoa whoa isn’t this the same guy who said and I quote “Have you guys ever considered y’know going back to whatever caves, woods, and or ooze pits from whence you came and getting out’ve human society?” cuz I’m pretty sure that’s him so we do know what he fears US.

  • Kole

    Whoa whoa whoa isn’t this the same dud who said and I quote”Have you guys ever considered y’know going back to whatever caves, woods, and or ooze pits from whence you came and getting out’ve human society?” ‘cuz Im pretty sure he is, and if im right then we know what he fears…US.

  • Kole

    also im sorry if this comes up twice my ipod is glitching…

    • Good morning Kole how was your night? I agree with you it is the same guy he must fear us. I also agree with you that I would fear if my family was hurt or taken of course I don’t have a real family any more but thats life. Dr Crane a doctor of what? Any of my doctors never asked me what I fear does yours? I guess I will be going to the vampires spring ball I have to present an life time achievement award and some crystal benifit awards (most money raised for charity).

  • Grimm

    Hmm… funny… i didn’t know that cyborgs could even know what emotions are… and to Mr. Mutt I am simply evaluating you for research and developement of a new chemical serum and I figured those of you on this site would be perfect specimens as you seem to have complex thought. And, also, if you are wondering I gained this site’s adress from a friend of mine, Agharna Phellan. He was hacked by a “Gabriel Van Helsing” awhile back but I gained this site’s address from him. As for the ideology that I want to disrupt you, I do not. I simply want to study your behavior. I mean no harm and do not wish to begin fighting with you.

    • ARC

      Cyborgs know what emotions are, they just don’t experience them, many cyborgs are human turned cyborgs, and they have small recollections of how they used to feel.

  • Grimm

    Also, I don’t fear you… not in the slightest…

  • Grimm

    Ha, I’m the bully… hmmm… And by the way I’m the head psychiatrist of an asylum.

  • Grimm

    You obviously don’t understand me. I can help all of you.

  • Grimm

    Why don’t we talk about our feelings you say? Hmm can I have a drink a strong one this kind’ve question bores me. And because you won’t let me continue my research I’ve decided that I will phone a friend. Any guesses? How about Area 51? You all seem to dislike them. Unless, of course, you want to answer a few simple questions for a doctor like myself. Remember, the sanctity of this site and all who use it may depend on whether or not you answer my questions. Respond in the next 10 minutes or the call will be made.
    Question 1: Do you laugh histerically at a dangerous situation when your life is in danger?
    Question 2: Do you see creatures everywhere when you look around to get a better glimpse of the people around you?
    Question 3: Do you ever assault others?
    Question 4: Have you been psych evaluated in the last 2 years?
    Remember, the clock’s ticking… tick tock tick tock.

  • ARC

    Make the call, ARC needs to test the modifications ARC made to ARC’s laser.

  • Grimm

    You don’t understand. I only want you to answer the questions.

  • Grimm

    I’m trying to help you i don’t want to make the call I only want to be your friend… please just answer the questions, as my research is the only last motivating factor in my life and i need to continue so that I may finish the serum and begin testing it to benefit everyone.

  • Grimm

    Amusing… Fine don’t answer the questions, don’t help find a cure for the sickness that the government has released upon you I’m just fine with that… I only wanted to help, but FINE! I WON’T!

  • Grimm

    You’ll regret this FREAK I’ll make sure of it. And as for this site, it shuts down tomorrow so you better say your goodbyes while you can

  • Agharna Phellan

    Sup guys im back what’d i miss

  • Agharna Phellan

    Sup guys what’d I miss for the past year?

  • Agharna Phellan

    ARC you’re the only person um err cyborg that i know on this site so i’m counting on you to fill me in

  • Agharna Phellan

    um can anyone explain what’s been happening please ive been gone from this site for a year and i need help filling in the blanks first off who is “DR. Crane”?

  • Kole

    I believe “Dr” crane is a A51 agent gathering info on us to break our wills and force us do to their bidding also hi nice to meet you I’m Kole a werewolf

    • Agharna Phellan

      Nice to meet you too Kole. I’m a werewolf as well. We may have met up before I became the leader of my pack as I used to be a traveller.

  • Kole

    WTF???? My avatar changed!

  • Agharna Phellan

    please? Mutt? Zyboragon? Someone? I’m totally lost.

  • Agharna Phellan

    Oh sorry it’s just that youre one of the only people on this site that i remember…

  • I’ll fill you all in a little later I’m drained and need blood and Valary needs it too I’ll be back in a couple of hours.

  • Agharna Phellan

    ‘Twas at the middle hour of night;
    And though the moon gave her pale light,
    O’er the haunted wood a thick mist hung
    And the wind was howling its leaves among.
    In a cart along that way so wild
    A peasant was driving his wife and child.

    “For the fairy folks thou need’st fear not
    They dance ‘neath the moon on yon green spot.
    Should the screech-owl cry from yonder marsh
    Say a prayer, nor heed it’s voice so harsh.
    Whate’er thou seest, be not afraid,
    But clasp the child,” the faither said.

    “Forward, old horse! Behind yon tree
    Our church steeple I can see.
    Get on! But, hold a moment stop–
    The linch pin is about to drop;
    ‘Tis crack’d– I’ll cut a stick, my dear;
    Hold fast the child, and have no fear!”

    An hour alone she must’ve sat,
    When a noise she heard–”Oh, what is that?”
    Lo! a coal-black hound! She sees and knows
    The werewolf! while his teeth he shows,
    And glares upon the child, she flings
    Her apron o’er it as he springs.

    His sharp teeth bite it; but she cries
    To God for help, away he flies.
    Her arms the helpless babe enfold,
    She sits like a statue, pale and cold.
    But soon her husband by her side,
    And onwards now they safely ride.

    Arrived at home, a light is brought;
    She starts, as with some horrid thought:
    “What? Husband! husband! can these be
    hanging from thy teeth I see?”
    Thou art thyself a werewolf then!”
    “Thy words,” he said,”have set me free again!”
    ~ The werewolf by Susan S. Busby

  • Dren

    Can someone fill me in too? I have been so focused on Raven that i have missed out on the recent events.

    • Ok I’ll give it my best hear goes Marcus passed away in an work related accident we were best friends and decided to marry each other so Varary and I could be on his work benifits. Valary is not his but he was going to adopt her anyway, I was pregnat after leaving Cycorp she has a metal skelaton that grows Arc said she was evil and was to never touch Zyboragon’s scale, she did I always leave it on she touch it twice and grew to toddler size about 2 years now, the scale is glowing yellow and humming something it never did before. Smithy’s son was kidnapped by some demond forget his name, same one that apparently posessed me. This nut job named DR Crane was a jerk and stuff about Dren and Raven and other stuff.

      • Agharna Phellan

        Well, exellent explaination… sorry about “Dr. Crane” we get morons like that on the site every so often. I’m also sorry that you lost your Fiance.

    • Dam my reply in moderation I need help with Valary she’s part Cyborg and could be dangerous as Arc believes she is I will do anything to save her she’s my baby girl and I won’t lose her I lost little TK and Zyborganna’s away at prep school I can’t lose Valary I’ll do anything I’d give her my life anything I can’t lose her my baby my baby girl… :crying:

  • Dam both replys still in modaration (sigh) Valary sweet baby Valary.

  • Ok let me say this again third times a charm, Valary touch my scale that Zyboragon gave me and has grown to the age of a 2 year old Marcus is gone my scale has turned yellow and is humming got pergnat after leaving Cycorp, Valary has a metal skeleton that grows with her Arc says that she is a cyborg and is bad long story made short I’ll do anything to help my Valary anything.

    • Marcus is gone? Gone as in ran away gone or gone as in he died? Pregnat when leaving Cycorp what is Cycorp? Valary is a cyborb so you had relations with a cyborg? How is Vetty?

      • Zyboragon

        Valary is fine Bebe, ARC doesn’t understand that what you doesn’t define who you are, however…It’s not my biological DNA, she won’t be a Demοnic cyborg ghost dragon. Although the tissue fades quickly, Valary will need robotic parts to live, it’s what this biological flesh is made for.

        Katsune, she didn’t do anything with a cyborg, Cycorp is a cyborg creation plant, tubes of DNA are filled to produce organic material for cyborgs. All Bebe had to do was touch the biological material.

        A rather disturbing but brilliant advance in science.

        • Thank you Zyboragon very much just one thing were do I get parts for Valary now that Cycorp is gone?

          • Zyboragon

            My weapons lab is fit with a robotics lab, ARC modifies his ARC L4Z0R laser there.
            I’m sure I have a few spare parts lying around.

            ARC is suspicious of anything new in your environment Bebe, he claims to not feel any emotion yet hes very protective of you. It may be a wise choice to travel around with ARC, if he sees that the child is not a threat, he might start to relax.

            Anyways, I’m about to leave for the future, care to watch Crystal as well as ARC? I’m actually going to be meeting her future self, should be interesting.

            • Sure it would be nice to look after Cystal she’s so cute and I’ve somehow grown very fond and attach to Arc (blush) tell future Valary mom loves her. Thanks Zyboragon

              • Zyboragon

                I’ll see what I can do without disobeying the codes of time travel.

                No guarantees though.

                Also watch out, Crystal spits ice, things might get chilly…

        • Tell Arc I said hi and I would like to know if he would be Valary’s guardian if something was to happend to me? I miss him already.

    • Agharna Phellan

      I’m sorry for what’s happening to you right now and I would help if I could. Unfortunately I’m still on the trail Of Gabriel Van Helsing and his band of “Monster hunters” as they call themselves. I believe Dr. Crane, who I am not friends with, is in alliance with them and Area 51 as well. The reason I have been off so long is that last year while hunting, just after all of this began, I was attacked by a creature I have no desire to see again in my life. It’s had a dark entity around it, sharp fangs, red eyes, and blood-stained fur. I believe there is a creature out there that… well, not even I can explain. The beast is unlike any being I’ve ever encountered. Anyways, as the leader of my pack, I sent the rest of the hunters and pups who we were teaching back to our settlement. Quickly, the bloodthirsty beast reared at me. It struck me with it’s claws and I fell as not even I have felt so nasty of a blow before. As the creature, who I’m sure would’ve devoured me if it had the chance, quickly got down from it’s rearing stace, yelped, and sprinted of into the dense woods around us. Just then I realized that the penant my elder had given me let off a light aura that blinded the creature in it’s darkness. I have slowly recovered from my wounds, and have been re-continuing my hunt for the band of savages that Van Helsing controls. They have killed three members of my pack so far. I have realized that this keeps me from tiring and keeps me on the path of revenge. I am sorry for those of you who I knew before: Mr. Mutt, Zyboragon, Scarly, ARC, Seth, for not updating my status for a year. And I am proud to make aquaintanceships with those I have just met: Katsune, Bebe. Please if you have any more questions feel free to ask. I may not answer immediately, but I will answer them eventually

      • Dren

        Here, before I start talking i feel we should have a formal introduction. My name is Dren. I am a griffin. I have a Safehaven for about 100 griffins.

        Did the creature have:

        • Leathery wings?
        • A large tail
        • If it did have a large tail, does it have spikes?
        • A human-ish face.

        Thank you.

        • Agharna Phellan

          Nice to meet you Dren. I believe, yes, it possessed all of the traits. All i know for sure is that apparently it doesnt like werewolves(except possibly for food) and if it did like something, which it mustve liked alot, it was definately the smell of steak on me.

          • Dren

            So they are back…

            I thought it was possible when I heard Katsune’s story, but you’ve confirmed my suspicions. I will try to find their weakness today.

    • Sorry Bebe and Vetty to hear about Marcus I’m doing some research to see if I can help Valary. Hang on.

  • Dren

    I will pull my vein trick on Crane if he comes back again.

    Seth, can you make a Griffin page. I will help give you facts if you need them.

  • Agharna Phellan

    Also, how do I change my profile pic?

  • Ah Zyboragon sorry I think Valary just ate one of your gold coins.

  • Dren

    I have finally figured out what happens when you mix griffanthropy (The disease characterized by becoming a griffin) and vampirism!

      • Dren

        Manticores. I thought Shang Tian killed off them thousands of years ago, but the virus must have laid dormant inside Vampires. Now with the explosion of griffin population, I fear the virus could take hold

        Manticores are a cousin of the Griffin. They have the body of a puma, face of a human, a long tail with barbs on the end. Those barbs can shoot out and travel up to 300 yards accurately. They have large leathery wings that can easily be camouflaged on their body. And apex predator. Bite carries virus, poison from tail is comparable to that of a dart frog.

        • Zyboragon

          I was wondering when they would pop up again, it seems like its been forever since I’ve played cards with a manticore.

        • Mr. Mutt

          You may have fonder memories of those creatures than me. I personally helped Shang Tian wipe them out. Nothing trys to kįll me and lives, including an entire race.

          • Dren

            Agreed. Those creatures will destroy all edible beings if they come back.

            • Mr. Mutt

              Okay so…… Smite all vampires? Nah never work to many of them. Kįll all grifins? Same problem. Find a chemical compound that makes the virus dįe? Probably the best option.

              • Agharna Phellan

                hmm… well we could always develope a new serum to counter the effects of the virus… what are the known weaknesses of vampires and griffins? Or perhaps we could try seperating DNA strands?

              • Smite all vampires as if vampires were a virus wich it is but I like being a vampire and I’m sure Vetty and Dren like being Griffins. Smithy where are you going to get vampire and griffin DNA, Vampires main weakness is sunlight as in uv and ub rays thats why we ware day walker rings and where are you going to get volunteeres to test this serum.

                • Agharna Phellan

                  Well… I don’t want to seem cruel but my tribe and i caught some during an attempted raid on our village. We caught them and locked them in our dungeons. We will test it on them. I don’t mean to sound evil, but at least noone innocent is being hurt. Also, I have learned of their murderous past. They will be the subjects.

                  • Agharna Phellan

                    By some, i mean vampires. No offense, Bebe, you’re one of the only good ones I’ve encountered.

                    • Agharna Phellan

                      well because my comment above is awaiting moderation, we’re going to test it on some vampires that were originally awaiting the death sentence in our dungeons anyways.

                    • Agharna Phellan

                      im trying to say that we’re killing bad vampires anyway but all comments are awaiting moderation

                    • There are plenty on us good ones in fact I belong to the Vampire Coucil of Canada and as Ambassador who represents over a millon members are deeply offended that you think so little of the vampire race.

                    • Well I see I’m also a mamber of the witches council and in our treaty with them they stand by us. If it’s war you wont it’s war your going to get. We on the council decide who is guilty and who’s not. In Canada only out side Canada well there on there own.

                    • Agharna Phellan

                      Oh, don’t worry, we’ve got them chained up. Also, that’s awesome, that’s great, and you’re welcome.

                  • Agharna Phellan

                    look, i’m not trying to provoke war, Bebe, your awesome and I’m sure most vampire and witches are, we simply root out the… how should I say… ‘bad’ ones and exact corporal punishment, torture, or, my personal favorite, Inquisition them. I did not mean to be offensive and simply want nothing more than peace between our two races.

                • Agharna Phellan

                  And, Bebe, you live in Canada? Is it as beautiful as I’ve heard? And in what region do you live?

                  • Agharna Phellan

                    Also, is Valary doing well? You guys will have my every prayer tonight.

                    • I can only say I live in the Estern side of Canada and yes it is very beautiful I’m babaysitting Valary and Crystal and thank you for the prayers. Bad vampires will make good test subjects just remember vampires are very strong and heal very fast.

  • Kole

    Hey guys I may or may not be going away for a while, depends on how the events unfold here got to go! bye guys!

  • Dren

    I think that Griffins should be the test subject. We are both of the five tribes of Kong Qi. The griffins are of the Tian Kong Wang and Manticores are of the Xiong ‘e Wu Yun. ( The other three are Hippogriffs, Cockatrices and Chimeras.)

    The main point here is that we are both very close species.

  • Agharna Phellan

    Are you sure Dren? These experiments… they may very well be unstable and something could go wrong and… well… I don’t want to lose another friend if something goes wrong.

    • Dren

      I have the philosopher’s stone. I can’t die. It’s also can remove inflictions. I can teach you the spell now.

      Lo!
      Oh stone,
      Cure the curse
      For to live crippled
      Is the worst.

      Corny rhymes
      Still have power,
      Cure this man
      Within thy hour

      ——— Begone!

      (Fill in the blank with the affliction.)

  • Agharna Phellan

    Thank you. And… I guess It’s safe… however I’m still working on making something… I’ll get back to you when I finish.

  • Agharna Phellan

    Nevermind! If there is a loved one involved, I can’t let you do it. It’s my one rule I care about family too much.

  • Cahin Loup

    Hmm… interesting…

  • Cahin Loup

    This is still Agharna Phellan by the way, but Cahin Loup is my real name.

  • Sierra

    Blood tastes so much better from the source though… although now that I think about it that could be a genetic defect from my witch genes??

  • Kole

    Hey guys I’m back tell ya what happened with me later its a long story that involves ALOT of my !past but I need to tell you that A51 has made a new hybrid they call “erasers” im still collecting info on these creatures Ill tell you what I know soon but now I have to go, one thing is for sure they are f*cking strong!

    • Mr. Mutt

      Ahhh undoubtedly they drew there inspiration from James Patterson.

      • Kole

        true, the maximum ride series i do love those books, anyway while they are remarkbly similar there have been slight but notucable alterations. they have added DNA from alot of other creatures (Leprechauns, Fairies, draconians, and vampires) they have kept most of their abilities also like the shape shifting for instance. that is all I know as of now. what worries me the most though is the fact that if they are indeed making creatures based on books, who knows what they will make next…

  • Vampire28

    my best friend told me she was a vampire and then bite me
    WHAT DO I DO!?!?!?!?!
    I have no idea whats going on!!!!!
    Help

    • Hail Vampire 28,

      Thanks for checking in! How nice to hear of your ongoing sort-of survival! Sorry to hear about the bite but was this the infamous Vampire A.A. by any chance?

      If so, there are two pieces of good news here:

      1. A.A. is considered to be a good vampire. So I have to ask, why do you think she bit you?

      2. As a dryad, you can turn to tree form and all your blood will turn to sap. This is good. Because sap is thicker and sweater than blood and the vampire mutagens should clump together and you can expel them through your roots.

      So are you still a dryad?

      Thanks for keeping on! See you on the Wild Moon. And a big HI to the legendary Vampire A.A. We know it’s not safe for her to appear, but her legend lives on here.

      Seth

  • Vampire28

    she wont tell me anything but i dont even know if she does no something!!!!!!!

  • Kole

    I see the true irony in the fact that these are my favorite songs…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkzfhjzdCKA also http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucA395WJ2xI and alot more by the same band but those have the most irony.

  • Vampire28

    ya i can change into a tree but its not all its cracked up to be if your not carful and u can fall to sleep as a tree and get cut down my cousin had tht happen to her.
    And A.A. most likly bit me cause she was lonly.

    • Hail Vampire 28,

      A belated thank-you for this delightful description of the dryadic life. Sorry to hear about your cousin. How logical to realize that in tree form, you would fall asleep. Is this because of the relative experience of time being much slower in tree form? When you wake up in human form are you any older? Or the same age? Did you try sapping the vampire pathogens by turning tree long enough to do so? Or was it too risky?

      As for AA biting you, I might have guessed. Vampires do seem to suffer from worldly ennuie at a much higher rate than the general population. And a smart and worldly young vampire like A.A. will likely always feel a little out of step with the world around her until she is older. She always has a place in my memory and on this site. Tell her to hang in there.

      Seth

    • Sorry it took me so long to get back to you life problems (see ware wolf page) are you still you or have you transformed into a vampire . I liked being a vampire and with a daywalker ring life is good. How is Your friend doing ? Is she still lonely? How are you doing are you ok ? Did you need help I will be more available now hopefully. Take care of youself . Concerned Bebe.

  • Hello I’m Poppy is there anyone there? I just escaped A51 and a little confused and scared. My home is gone now it’s a shopping mall.Is there a vampire or monster that needs a room mate?

  • Kole

    hi poppy! welcome to the site!

  • Scarly

    Hey guys, I know there’s a lot of specific stuff going on here, but I think something just happened, and we are all going to need to band together.

    I just got told that the end of the world is scheduled for May 4th. I would normally not believe a rumor like this, but I know this one is absolutely true. The world will self destruct on May 4th, if we don’t find a way to band together and stop it.

    We need as many wolves, shifters, witches, time travelors, vamps and cyborgs (as well as all other hybrids possible) to stand together to show that there is good left in the world. If we don’t…. well…. yeah.

  • Bebe

    WHY! WHY! WHY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

  • EternallyLovedVampira

    Seth, it’s Loveliest Vampira. Changed my name. Ok I have a question, why are there so mnay wolves, cyborgs and other, THINGS on the vampire page? Shouldn’t they soap-opera-it-up on thier own page? Not to be souless, but ever since my Vampire side took over, i’ve become a little more respectful of my, “blood”.

    Eternally yours,
    Your EternallyLovedVampira

    • Hail ELV,

      A belated thanks for checking in. I’ve been busy stocking up on baby aspirin since the cannibal pills story but I’m very happy to know you’re keeping on.

      Re: our current state of saponification, what can I say? Ever since Tear Drinker came on the site things have been a bit soapy, it’s true. Graham cries every day now. I think it could be her evil plot.

      But what about you? Are you telling us you are no longer half leprechaun? What happened? How is Elfy taking this?

      Yours in Survival,

      Seth

  • zelda

    do you think i might be a vampire

    1.i woke up with blood around my mouth and arm twice
    2.i’m pale
    3.and i burn really easily

    • Zyboragon

      Ah, that’s better.
      Your signs seem to point towards vampire, in this world you cannot be too incredibly sure, have you scanned yourself with the Monstrometer?

  • Zyna

    I think I might be a werewolf…. It started when I was 6 years old and I’ve been putting the pieces together since

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