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Monstrometer Monster Reports
Zombie Outbreak in Texas!!!
Hail Survivors!
I recently received a very grave -no pun intended- warning from Survivor Miles who I believe may be located in or near Texas. Survivor Miles recently survived a vicious zombie attack, armed with only his wits and hedge clippers. His parents unfortunately were not so lucky.
Read more here: Zombie Attack!!!
Seth
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Leprechauns
 
Hang onto your pants! In these troubled economic times leprechauns have become bolder and leprechaun incidents much more prevalent.
In the event of a leprechaun shake down here’s a list of do’s and don’ts.
DON’T:
- Tell him the one about the Irishman who goes into the bar.
- Ask her about her pot of gold.
- Offer him a beer. Leprechauns have to work hard to stay sober and this white-knuckle sobriety leaves them prone to fits of killing rage.
DO:
- Tell him you have a four leaf clover somewhere – even if you don’t. But do try to have one on you at all times just in case.
- Throw a old shoe at her. Leprechauns come from a proud tradition of OCD cordwainers. Confronted with a dirty shoe, the Leprechaun is compelled to fix and/or shine it.
- Tell him he’s much taller in real life.
- Look for her rainbow. Once located, you can use it to transport yourself away.**
** Caution: Use as a last resort as there is no way to predict where the rainbow will take you.
by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com
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Hey guys my leprechaun half or part is still holding out and I love gold sooooooo much soni guess my leprechUn “therapy” is working
That is great news DG! Don’t over do it though you don’t want your leprechaun part to take over completely. Keep it up over the whole month of March and keep us posted.
Seth
I will Seth
Leprechaun activity is on the rise and continues to increase until the middle of the month, peaking on the 17th, then trailing off back to more nominal levels of Leprechaun-ness at the beginning of April.
Speaking of which, I wonder how it is going with Demon Guardian?…
Seth
It’s goin great Seth but I’ve been liking leprechaun stuff more and more so I think I should hold back a littele.
Demon Guardian wrote: “It’s goin great Seth but I’ve been liking leprechaun stuff more and more so I think I should hold back a littele.”
Hail DG! or should I say, “Top o’ the mornin’!!!”
Good thinking! You don’t want the cure to be worse than the disease.
BTW if you have any “associates” that know what happened to my pants. I am offering a pants amnesty if they return them to me by midnight on March 16th. No questions asked.
Seth
No sorry I don’t know any who stole pants sorry seth
Demon Guardian wrote: “No sorry I don’t know any who stole pants sorry seth”
Well keep your ear peeled and your eye to the ground and if you find them let me know okay.
Thanks.
Seth
Werewolf king wrote: “Well Seth what’s new that you have found out?”
Well Werewolf king since it is now Leprechaun month and I have been having some pretty serious Leprechaun problems. They hate me because I was born on March 17th! They seem to think that I have a pot of gold somewhere and they want it!!! To get rid of them I have been using the traditional method of throwing them broken shoes so that they will stop and fix them. Leprechauns can’t resist fixing broken shoes!
Except now it seems that they can!! If the shoe is not shoe-ey enough or of too low quality it is easier for them to resist fixing them. So don’t bother throwing flip-flops at them. Those don’t count as shoes!
I am still conducting experiments to find our what kinds of shoes they like best. If you have any research relating to this please let me know.
Seth
A notorious shoe-stealing Leprechaun has been apprehended in Seoul South Korea in possession of 1700 pairs of stolen shoes, part of the global crackdown on traditional March Leprechaun activities. Owners who have re-claimed their stolen footwear state that their shoes are in better shape than before they were stolen and in many cases enable them to run much faster. Sources speculate the obsessive shoebender planned to use the enchanted footwear as part of a bizarre global domination scheme.
This leprechaun apparently likes all kinds of shoes.
Seth
Seth I saw two leprechauns yesterday both stole pants but they said they would talk to the one who stole yours but you know leprechauns
Seth you should add more demon questions like is your boss the devil oh and also add dracomancers we rock!!!!!!!!!!
Demon Guardian wrote: “Seth I saw two leprechauns yesterday both stole pants but they said they would talk to the one who stole yours but you know leprechauns”
Arrrghh rotten leprechauns. Why don’t they just take the money out of the pockets and leave the pants behind? What do they do with your pants anyway? The shoes I get – they enchant them and give them back or hoard them… but the pants? Really? Actually though it’s not so much the pants I miss as the Swiss army knife that was in the pocket. Well that and my lucky magic pocket lint.
Demon Guardian wrote: “Seth you should add more demon questions like is your boss the devil oh and also add dracomancers we rock!!!!!!!!!!”
Good suggestions. Thanks DG!
Seth
Aw, that sucks.
Welcome
You lost your Swiss army knife. That sucks. Alot.
Ya alot
Oh no they could kill people with that
Yes I know! Alot!
But the worst part? They’ll probably use it to fix your shoes and place an enchant on them. The one that causes you to kick yourself repeatedly in the face. Then while you’re distracted with your enchanted shoes – they steal your pants and empty the pockets. It’s a vicious cycle.
That’s why you NEVER retrieve your shoes from a Leprechaun!
Seth
Lesson learned
Happy bday Seth and st patty I’m trying to catch a leprechaun
Happy B day
Alright Seth , here’s something new 4 leprechauns , when I scanned my new friend , he got inconclusive , and possibly a leprechaun , any way , he ddnt try stealing my shoes or pants , he tried stealing my iPod , but I got it back
And happy birthday
Thanks for all the birthday wishes!!!
I just got back from my birthday celebrations/trying to get my pants back while avoiding being teleported to the wrong end of the rainbow. It was quite a thing but I survived. I did not recover my swiss army knife but I got a new one for my birthday.
I hope you all had fun on ST. Patrick’s Day and survived with your shoes and pants intact.
How did you make out trying to catch a leprechaun DG?
Glad you go your iPod back Wilwolf. You can never be too careful when it comes to leprechauns…
Seth
Yah
They hate me 8D
Would NOT take that personally Alexthewerewolf. In fact it’s a good sign. Because the only thing more dangerous than being a sworn enemy of the Leprechauns, is being their friend…
I disagree
Well of course you would my Emerald Demon friend! I am of course generalizing which one should never ever so as absolutes are always always wrong.
There are indeed good Leprechauns, they just can be hard to find. Well I guess that goes without saying… I mean all Leprechauns are hard to find.
Seth
Well I hope you all survived the crazy month that was March. After using up much of the last of their tricky energy on April Fool’s Day Leprechaun activity should be on a major downswing.
Don’t let your guard down though, some Leprechauns remain active all year!
Seth
When will u post the leprechauns videos?????
Hail DG,
Thanks for your comment. As you can know being part leprechaun, leprechauns are not NEARLY as easy to deal with as zombies. Which explains the higher number of zombie movies made relative to leprechaun movies every year. Now that March is over, I think a deal may be possible, but it won’t be very soon. Please keep on keeping on and you will be among the first to know!
Seth
Ya ok thanks.
Nothing personal DG. I’m working on it.
Seth
My BROTHER GOT BIT BY A LEPRECHAUN IS THAT BAD?
Well V26 I have to say that getting bit by anything is usually never very good but there are probably worse things than getting bit by a Leprechaun however that said the number of reported cases of Leprechaun bites are low sooooo… better leep an eye on him and make sure the wound is properly cleaned and bandaged. Please report back with any unusual symptoms and behaviours.
Thanks.
Seth
He keeps looking in my wallot for change. Is that unusual?
Well that definitely seems unusual. Did he do this before? Has he started wearing more green?
Try giving him a broken shoe and see what he does with that.
Seth
He hasn’t done this befor.But he used to hate green and now he loves the coler
hi emily 🙂
hi Amelia:)
RAWR!! MEOW!!!!!! HOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
alright, that was weird. i was logged in as a nother person…..
My brother tottaly fixed the shoe I gave him1
Ok well the evidence is pretty conclusive. He either has become a Leprechaun or he was one all along.
Give him a pot to keep his money in and make sure that you keep an eye on him. Leprechauns are pretty sneaky.
If Leprechaunism is actually transmissible by biting then that is very important information. Previous research had always indicated that Leprechauns were a separate species but if this is true then there could be outbreaks of Leprechauns that could quickly get out of hand.
Please let me know if your brother exhibits any further symptoms or if he starts to go back to normal. It could be a temporary situation. Your information could be vital to the survival of millions!
Seth
Lol
MY BROTHER WENT TO THE DOCTERS YESTERDAY AND THEY SAID HE WAS 4in SHORTER
uh oh not a good sign….!
Wow! That is quite the negative growth spurt! How tall is he now?
Seth
:}
u knowz it!
leprechaun?
For those of you interested in Leprechauns check out this news:
Ancient Leprechaun Stash On Display
Seth
About 4 foot 2″
Hmmm well maybe not so short that his condition is irreversible, yet… If you want to prevent him from becoming a full blown leprechaun make sure he eats lot of broccoli and drinks lots of milk, foods scientifically proven to make you taller. He should also avoid eating cookies and other foods made with shortening. No real scientific proof for that but when you are that short is it really worth the risk?
Also check your neighbourhood out for a four leaf clover patch. The pollen could be sending him signals. When you do find the patch do not eliminate it though. Pick them and dry them in a safe location in case it is too late and you need them later to protect yourself!
Seth
:]
Hail Survivors,
News of widespread Leprechaun activity:
http://sethonsurvival.com/?p=1901
They are getting started early this year. I suspect March is going to see record levels of activity if this is any indication.
Keep on keeping your pants on.
Seth
What is it about four leaf clovers that leprechauns have a problem with? In any case, I would assume that the best way to keep a leprechaun off your belongings is to keep a four leaf clover close to stuff you don’t want to lose to them. I don’t know, I havn’t encountered one yet, but it seems like something to try.
Hail WWC,
Thanks for your excellent question and observation. The quick answer to why they hate four leaf clovers is that leprechauns are known to suffer from tetraphobia, or fear of the number four. This fear is very common in Asia where the number four sounds like the word for “death.”
(Please note that I am NOT saying that all Asians are leprechauns. Although it is true that the current leprechaun kingpin may or may not be a certain Mr. Park who achieved infamy stealing over 12, 000 pairs of shoes last year http://sethonsurvival.com/?p=914.)
But tetraphobia is just the quick answer because this becomes a circular argument. Do leprechauns fear the four leaf clover because they are tetraphobic? Or are they tetraphobic because they fear the four leaf clover?
So to get the true answer, one has to look a little deeper. Back before leprechauns were a global phenom, their main base of operations was – as you probably know – Ireland. Enter St. Patrick. St. Paddy taught the leprechauns – along with the Irish humans – about the holiness of a shamrock, because a shamrock has THREE leaves like the trinity of God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Well the leprechauns really dug St. Paddy’s presentation so they made a holy deal to wield and forever uphold the power of the shamrock which is the power of the trinity which means three. And also to name their first born sons “Paddy,” or “Patrick,” after St. Patrick himself but that was just a cultural thing, not part of their holy deal. Flash ahead centuries later and this holy vow has left them with mortal fear of clovers with four leaves, which they perceive to be an unholy abomination, possibly sent by some devil to kill them. Which possibly is true because who IS behind the horticulture of these strange plants? I’d like to know so I can order some.
As to your point about therefore keeping a four leaf clover around to prevent leprechauns stealing your things ie: your pants? GREAT IDEA! No pants or pots of gold should be without them! Do you know where I can find some?
…. also how would you keep them from crumbling in your pocket? …
Seth
P.S. Keep on keeping on.
especialy me hee hee hahahahahahaha mwhaaahahahhahahahhahaa
If you have pants that you can fit a small box in the pockets, you could keep the clover in that. With tight pants like jeans, you could fold a piece of paper in half and put the clover between the two halves. I don’t know where four leaf clovers grow, but I suppose it would be in the same conditions as the three leaf variety.
Hail Wolf WC,
Thanks for the excellent suggestions. I’m going to add this to the info above. I like the small box idea. Maybe on a keychain for those tight pants. Or hey I just had a thought. Maybe an electronic one I could add it to the Monstrometer. Or wait – does any four leaf clover work? I better do some research into this…
(Hold music by Vangelis & Greenday here…)
Hey great news from Wikipedia! Thanks Wolf Without Change, I think you have just led me to one of the biggest para-scientific breakthroughs this year. If it’s true, it seems like there may actually be farms that specialize in four leaf clover production. Now to see if I can get some seeds…
I’ll let you know how that goes.
Keep on keeping on,
Seth
Hail Survivors,
Be on the lookout for a sharp rise in leprechaun activity as it is only one week to St. Patrick’s Day.
Expect this leprechaun season to be extra dangerous due to the influence of the SuperMoon.
Tap/click here for more info on the SuperMoon: http://sethonsurvival.com/?p=2120
Keep on keeping your pants on.
Seth
Hypothetical question. What are the chances that a person born on St. Patrick’s Day is actually a Leprechaun?
Hail Teg,
Thanks for keeping on and hope you survived the St. Paddy supermoon. As you are likely aware, the vast majority of leprechauns are born in the month of March but not everybody born in the month of March is a leprechaun. Some are draconian, for instance. It was once believed that a baby born on St. Patrick’s Day would be a leprechaun 99.99 % guaranteed however this fact has been dismissed by 99.99% of reputable supernatural survivologists who adamantly deny any and all things leprechaun and who frequently find themselves prey to their tasteless pantsy antics.
Keep on keeping on,
Seth
What would they do if you told them your half irish
Hail Werewolfsareausome,
Thanks for this interesting suggestion. I was preparing to test this during the leprechaun super moon when I came across a leprechaun in a dark alley sometime after midnight. But when I got close enough he disappeared, leaving only a felt top hat behind. I brought the hat to Survival HQ for forensic analysis however I think Sam took it – based on the fact that he hasn’t come home from school yet. Anyway I credit my epic survival to the four leaf clover box in my pocket…thanks Wolfwithoutchange! But I’m still confused about how that leprechaun disappeared because I didn’t even see the rainbow. What kind of device can produce a rainbow in the dark like that?
But back to your excellent suggestion. While the first and arguably still the most famous leprechauns are Irish, the global leprechaun activity map indicates leprechauns are found all over the world at this time. There is strong evidence of an Asian leprechaun syndicate. So it’s unclear if the fact of being half Irish would advantage you in relating to them or not. You know what they say, it never hurts till you try!
Thanks for keeping on,
Seth
“i will kidnap your shoes in your sleep” a leprechaun told me that last saint patricks day !
Hail pauzzis97,
Thanks for this harrowing account of leprechaun lunacy. I of all people can feel your pain. Did you lock them up and arm yourself with four-leaf clovers? Of decide you needed a new pair anyway?
Seth
sup seth ! i’m going camping with my brother , and it’s a full moon and i think the leprechauns are following me every were !!! last night i got into my pijamas and my sleepers were GONE !!! i’m taking a hand full of 4 leaf clovers to the camp tonight !
PS : my brother it’s freaking out , he told me he wants to cancel going camping , i don’t know why !
oh and my brother is julioscan ! 😉
Hail Pauzzis,
Glad to hear about your leprechautions! Even though it’s April and technically the worst of the leprechaun activity should be behind us, you never know when they will strike. It’s a well known fact that leprechauns follow werewolves on a full moon, looking for their abandoned pants. Just one of the reasons why werewolves are advised to remove their pants in a secure location well in advance of transformation.
If your brother is julioscan and he survives this moon then everything should be okay. Well as long as his biter doesn’t come looking for him. Which he will. But even then his biter will probably be worn out from the full moon and likely will remain in human form. Until late at night… Is this why he doesn’t want to go?
Anyway, keep on camping on! 🙂
Seth
hey seth ! julio didn’t cancel the camp ! but when we were camping he just stared at the moon like a total freak , and when everybody was asleep except me , julio was GONE !!! , like 10 min. later he returned all tired and he said he was hungry ?!?!?!
Oh and me in the montrometer look what i got on vampire : 98. 34 % , 99.23 % , 99.35 % !!!
so do you think i am a vampire ?!?!?! , because thats a pretty high number , and after all that i got 99.58 % in mermonster , WIERD !!! well bye , ill keep you updated with my brothers activity and mine too ! BYE !!! 😀
Hail Pauzzis97,
Thanks for keeping on and congrats on your epic full-moon camp survival. The good news in your report is that ten minutes is not really long enough for a WW to wreak full-on full moon havoc. So its possible julio hasn’t wolfed out – yet. However it’s very clear he’s feeling the pull and very possibly he was instinctively drawn out by his pack who hoped that he would transform. There have been reports of impatient packs who do this.
Now for the bad news. These are very conclusive vampire numbers. I don’t have to tell you what that means. And a vampire-mermonster combination is unusual but not unheard of. Does that mean you would have to return to the water and sleep during the day on the bottom of the ocean? Have you ever slept in a bathtub? <====dangerous BTW unless you are a mermonster trust me – don’t try it! Thanks for keeping on, Seth
that comment was a loooong time ago , now i know im a total vampire !
My sister is a Leprechaun. Unfortunately, when I threw an old shoe at her, she wouldn’t fix it.
Hail Patricia1911,
Thanks for posting this anomalous leprechaun report. As you point out, this is a very unusual thrown-shoe reaction by a leprechaun. Under laboratory conditions, the leprechaun thrown shoe reaction usually involves picking up the shoe, inspecting the shoe for scuffs and damage followed by an obsessive desire to fix not only that shoe but the other shoe ie: the one still on your foot. That’s the dangerous part. But hopefully by the time she gets to your other shoe, you’ve had a chance to get away…
So now why would a leprechaun in the wild (I assume this was not in a laboratory, was it?) in any event why would your leprechauny sister NOT take to your shoe?
A couple of reasons come to mind. Scenario Number One: Could it be that this shoe was in perfect condition? Further could it be that you as her sister are leprechaun too? And therefore prone to obsessing over shoes and their condition as well? A shoe in perfect condition would only slow her down long enough to appreciate the shoe but probably not long enough for you to get away.
Scenario Number Two: Could it be there was something so heinously wrong with your shoe? A venomous, weaponous odor? Who would do such a thing? What kind of being are you anyway…?
Only you know for sure. But will you tell?
So which is it?
Keep on keeping on,
Seth
Well, it was my dad’s shoe so I think it’s Scenario Number Two.
I’m a vampire by the way (:
Hail patricia1911,
Thanks for clarifying this. As a vampire – cool and light on your feet – of course your shoe would not contain an offensive odor. Well except to the nose of a werewolf, but that’s nothing personal. So now I am wondering what kind of being is this “dad” of yours whose shoes emit toxic gas so powerful it would overwhelm the cordwaining instincts of a leprechaun?
Keep on with the keeping on,
Seth
I highly object. I’m a leprechaun and I am NOT that mean!!
Hail LeperchaunChick101,
Sorry to offend you. I sure don’t mean to imply that all leprechauns are mean just like I would certainly every say that all humans are nice.
So I am certainly happy to meet a nice (or at least a NOT that mean) leprechaun. Just how not mean are you?
Have you always known that you were a leprechaun? If not how did you discover this and how long have you known?
Keep on keeping on.
Seth
BTW Welcome to the site and would you happen to have seen my pants anywhere? Or maybe my Swiss Army knife? I have been missing them for quite a while as you know if you have watched all my videos: http://sethonsurvival.com/?page_id=2
Well people say i am actually mean but not to mean. I didn’t know I was a leprechaun until I was 5, when I was only 2 foot 4. And thanks for the welcome to the site.
BTW no. I have not seen neither of you items. Do u want me to polish your shoes?!?!?!!
Hail LeprechaunChick101,
Well thanks for checking around for my gak. Sounds to me like you may be the golden mean. Just mean enough. Goldilocks mean. (Who incidentally was also a leprechaun.) (Little known fact. It’s true.)
Er and my shoes are not currently in need of a polish being as they are made of canvas but TYVM for the offer. (Just to be clear I am not saying I wouldn’t trust you to return them or anything…)
So you wouldn’t happen to have any pots of gold stashed somewhere that you would want to disclose at this time would you??? (Please?? Even just a little one?) Because as everyone knows, I could REALLY use one right now. Just a simple map will do.
Keeping keeping on and on,
Seth
I did the test with on my iPod and it turns out my dad’s a psycho 😮
Hail patricial1911,
Thanks for checking in and keeping on. While it can be alarming when parents go psycho, you should be aware that it happens even to the best of them. And it’s not their fault. It has something to do with years of sleeplessness and worry.
(Plus there may be a tiny diagnostic bias in the Monstometer that probably has something to do with Graham’s feelings about his mother.)
The important thing to remember here is that psychotic parents while cruel and heartless, live by a personal code. If you study their behavior at a safe distance, you can decipher their personal code and determine how to best survive within it. Taking meticulous notes should help you to do this – just don’t let them see you taking them. (If they know that you know their code, it doesn’t help.)
Whatever it takes to keep on keeping on!
Seth
Hello, Hello! Dang I’m doing all these comments in one night! Well anyway, what do you think of the actor of Mini-me from Austin Powers as a leprachaun? I mean doesn’t he seem a little bit smaller than small people. I d’know, tell me what you think.
Celebrity Research Lab out! P.S Seth do you think I could be the official Celebrity Research of your site? Please reply. For real this time, Over’n out.
Hail Celebrity Research (formerly Moto16),
I would be very honoured and pleased if you would be an official Celebrity Researcher for the site. That is a great idea. After all it is very difficult to get celebrities to let you scan them with the Monstrometer. (Even harder then getting their autograph!)
Your theories about MJ are very sound and you raise a good point about Mini-me. I am going to have to review those movies and see if there are any more clues. Please let us know if you find any more evidence or uncover any more celebrity monsters.
Keep on keeping on.
Seth
Hello, Hello! Thanks! That’s very nice of you!
The full moon on Friday over Yosemite caused one of the park’s famed moonbows to occur. Do these moonbows have the same effect as a normal rainbow on leprechaun?
P5t5r
Hail P5t5r,
Great find there. My preliminary research indicates that this is a very exciting topic for supernatural research and with your help I am planning to make a post on the front page of the site about it.
My theory is that not only do moonbows have a connection to leprechauns but also to werewolves (due to the full moon when they occur), mermonsters (in the water of the falls), and Sasquatch (Yosemite Falls is the stomping grounds of the famous Yosemite Yeti). Such a confluence of supernatural energy can only be described as a focal point.
For the article I was hoping that maybe I could include your thoughts on this phenomenon since you are the discoverer of this major supernatural focus point.
So what are your thoughts and theories?
Keep on keeping on finding awesome information like this.
Seth
P.S. Does anyone else have any thoughts or information about this please chime in here.
I’m 97% leprechaun but I don’t have any of the attributes! What should I do?
Hail Doglover,
Welcome to the site. Interesting diagnosis. If you don’t have any Leprechaun attributes your Monstrometer may have been contaminated by someone else or your latent Leprechaun genetic structure may not yet have manifested itself.
Here is what I recommend:
Clean the surface of your device (iPhone, iPod Touch, or iPad) with a clean soft dry cotton cloth to remove potential contaminants.
Then try scanning yourself again.
Also try adjusting the number of questions slider all the way up to 25. The more questions that you do the more accurate your result will be.
Then report your results back here.
In the meantime keep on keeping on.
Seth
I just did it and it said I was a werewolf and I do like steak and hate vampires. So am I a leprechaun or werewolf?
As long as you’re not a leperwolf. I’m not sure any of us could handle that.
Do you:
1. Have the desire to wear green things?
2. Only ever wear gold watches/jewelry/fillings in your teeth
3. Cry at the sight of rainbows?
4. Transform at a full moon/eat lots of muffins
5. Have a creepy laugh or weird spots?
If you said yes to four out of five, you may be a leperwolf.
Hail Doglover,
Well the evidence at the current time seems to lean a bit in the werewolf direction but you might want to take some time to answer Scarly’s questions above as they may be helpful in determining the appropriate nomenclature for your particular supernatural state.
Have you experienced any new symptoms?
In any case you might want to try posting over on the werewolves page as there are a lot of other weres over there that may be able to give you some great advice to help you deal with your new found lycanthropic legacy.
Keep on keeping on.
Seth
Aye, seo a bheith ar an fabht na hÉireann! Fuair muid do chara Dragon aye, táimid ag an leprechauns. Beidh muid luath a bheith a sheoladh ionsaí a fheiceann tú? Aye! Ón grievels milis na hÉireann a bheidh againn ár díoltas!