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Cannibals

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cannibalDangerSign-Small-optYOU MAY BE DEALING WITH A CANNIBAL

DON’T:

1. Call him a big anthropofag. They hate that.

2. Offer her your cat food alien-bait. It’s like giving dishwater to a wine drinker. A cannibal may begin eating human flesh to avoid starvation, but continues to eat it because they actually love the taste of your human veal.

3. Whatever you do don’t just lounge there in the hot tub as the cannibals add sliced carrots and pepper…

DO:

1. Suck in your cheeks and stomach, try to look stringy and undelicious. Cannibals are actually quite picky and properly preparing human meat is a difficult task, so send not-worth-the-time signals.

2. Show her your medic alert jewelry. If you don’t have any medic alert jewelry yet, now is the time to invest. Think diffuse, blood-borne ailments like HIV and Hep C over isolated organ-specific ones – it does no good to spare your kidney if you’re not around to use it.

3. Take a shower immediately following strenuous activity. All that salt on your skin makes you smell like snack food.

4. FREAK OUT! With Cannibals you don’t have to hold back or be brave. In fact, it’s a proven survival strategy. Cannibals know that a protracted, adrenaline soaked, action movie-inspired chase and struggle will spoil the fine taste of your meat. So go ahead and FREAK OUT!

May 12, 2012: Recent evidence shows cannibals may have traded in their big iron pots and open fires for the food supplement business! Cannibal capsules were seized in Seoul, South Korea this week. Check out the news here. The good news here is that you may be able to temporarily calm a cannibal using Baby Aspirin.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

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Comments

        • Hail Curiousfella :D,

          Love your new avatar! Now it’s official; anytime anyone says those words they must be credited to you.

          Also yeah about the swearing thing… Although some recent scientific studies indicate that swearing out loud is actually beneficial to survival to the extent that it diffuses anxiety and creates a beneficial chemical reaction on a cellular level, it only has this effect if you don’t swear all the time so for example somebody who swears in every sentence they speak every day, would not receive the positive physiological benefit while somebody who swears only under dire circumstances could count on a chemical hit of survivor energy. However, none of this applies to written swears so thanks for not doing it!

          And thanks for keeping on,

          Seth

          Reply

  7. Yep a pack of cannibals there’s a gang called the wolf pack there humans but they come in packs of 16 -20. If your dead there going to eat you I’m in deep **** they have tail fake eyecolor and fake pointy ears but the leader is a real one that was hell battling 50. At one jeez

    Reply

    • This is disturbing news Survivor Gabriel, cannibals are historically loners or operate in small groups. A group of this size has the potential to do some serious chowing down. Do you have any additional information to report on them?

      Seth

      Reply

    • Well I don’t want to alarm you but California may have been settled in part by Cannibals. Ever hear of the Donner Party… well rumor has it they were more like the Donner Dinner Party. In the winter of 1846-47 a party of 87 settlers got trapped by snow in the mountains and only 48 made it out alive. Legend has it that they ate their fallen companions to stay alive during the extremely harsh mountain winter where the snow was 22 feet deep. If you take the I-80 up into the mountains you can see a monument to them by Truckee.

      So you might want to think twice about getting into a hot tub in California particularly if they start chopping carrots into it after you get in.

      Seth

      Reply

        • Hail CWO,

          Thanks for checking in! Glad to know you are still keeping on out there. Thanks for this most interesting question, which probably deserves to be added to The Monstrometer in the next update. I will try to guess what your friend is.

          First, let me work through it. There are several creatures who visibly shed epidermal cells, notably:

          1. Mermish – Mermaids and monsters begin to scale and shed in human form in anticipation of transforming into fish, often as a result of a drop of water. These scales dry up and turn to dust when they fall off.

          2. Draconians – Draconians have stray scales that linger on their person between transformations. They are much bigger than mermish scales and they glitter. They don’t disappear when they fall off.

          3. Some aliens – This is hard to describe because as you know the universe is a big place and there are several different kinds of aliens. However there are some alien species that are known to rapidly replace and change their skins and in fact some shapeshifter claim alien origins.

          I know he’s not a werewolf because while WWs do get a new skin every month after the full moon, they do not “shed” their skin per say, instead their skin is mophducted and recycled into hair.

          So, okay without further ado, here’s my guess. If his skin falls off and disappears? Then I guess MERMONSTER. If it falls off in glittering scales? Then I guess DRACONIAN.

          How’d I do?

          Thanks for keeping on.

          Seth

          P.S. Were you ever contacted by the WW who bit you?

          (BTW – Did you ever identify the WW who bit you?)

          Reply

    • Hail gold moon,

      Why do you want to move to Downey California? I mean besides it being the home of the first ever Taco Bell, McDonalds #3, All-Start third baseman Evan Longoria, and Weird Al Yankovic.

      Hmmm…. fast food… cannibals… Weird Al… it is all beginning to make sense now.

      Seth

      Reply

    • Hail Steelwolf,

      Thanks for this report. Definitely not the best news here. As friendly as your friend may be, you should know that cannibals are usually very friendly but that doesn’t mean you should accept any dinner invites!

      Keep on keeping on,

      Seth

      Reply

  14. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh to creppy i hate cannibals !!! 😯 😯 😯 😯 😯

    Reply

  16. I remember in the newer willy wonka movie when They are in that room where everything is edible and willy’s like:
    ” Everything in this room, my children, is edible. Even me. But that, my friends, is called cannibalism and is frowned apon in most societies.”

    Lol

    Reply

    • Hail Kodapugsydpuggle,

      🙂 Thanks for checking in and keeping on with these wise words from the great Willy Wonka! That kooky candyman knows his dangerous societal taboos! 🙂

      (Kinda makes you wonder though if he produces any candy for those OTHER societies… you know the ones where cannibalism is SMILED UPON????)

      Seth

      Reply

      • Seth,
        I think the ONLY societies where canniblism is smiled apon would be an entire community of cannibles..just statin the obvious… 😉

        Reply

  17. Interesting, you know some cultures cannibalize the dead because they believe it gives peace to their spirits. However it is not a taste they’re fond off, they normally have to poor wine on the flesh before they can eat it. I imagine that bottle would be empty in no time. Although most of these groups that cannibalize claim that you can get the strength of the person by eating them, some even believe it cures decease by giving a person immunities to the eater. Either way I’m not keen on the idea of eating human for dinner.

    Reply

    • Hail Zyborg,

      Thanks for this interesting addition to the cannibal research. I’m assuming these cultures you describe are not the Ted Turner kind, who are probably killing and eating other humans for dinner but in fact waiting until after they die?

      Either way your research has interesting implications for surviving encounters with cannibals ie: pretending to have a deadly disease would not be protection. However I’m willing to be running like mad is still indicated!

      Seth

      Reply

      • Perhaps saying that you just wired explosives to yourself would scare them away, not that I’m applying that anyone should actually wire bombs to yourself, that’d be crazy!
        I noticed a large increase of cannibals moving into Nevada, I haven’t heard anything about them but I still believe it’s something to keep an eye on. Also did you know some cannibals are trying to eat themselves? I don’t understand how they could even attempt that but I’ve noticed a few eating their own arms. What us this madness??

        Reply

        • Hail Zyborg,

          Thanks for the heads up to Nevada residents and for this excellent observation re: autosarcophagous behavior of cannibal kind. I believe this calls for a new Monstrometer question – all credit to the Zyborg of course. Graham are you recording this? Or are you going to make me do it…

          Nvmd. Of course he’s going to make me do it. Too busy uploading himself. Graham the Unseen forever.

          Seth

          Reply

          • Seth I wish to know exactly what these cannibals are up too, I’m wanting conduct an investigation but right now I’m trying to find ways to save stigma while not making CK angry.

            What do you think they’re up to? It’s been troubling me for quite some time, and why is this happening while I’m getting weird messages from leprechauns? Are all monsters that aren’t on this site planning for a massive attack? Scarly even said that the cyborgs are snooping around again. Could all of this be side-effects of the void?

            Also I’ve traveled through wormholes and have seen void chipmunks, apparently they don’t like the smell of salami and flee at the site of it. Could that be helpful if you make that void chipmunk episode?

            Reply

            • You guys realize Mutt was talking about reg… Never mind. It could be that all races have united under one human hateing flag for different reasons. Which means it’s time to start operation “Things Have Gotten Out of Control” Mutt had hoped we’d never have to use it……..

              Reply

            • Hail TempestZyboragon,

              VOID CHIPMUNKS!!! How could I have overlooked this? I wish I had seen this comment earlier. I am stocking up on the salami as we speak. Do you have any more information since your original posting?

              VOID CHIPMUNKS! Clearly an issue that needs some attention. As you probably already know, I’m busy preparing the footage from my research mission this summer for release. I’m talking about the mysterious case of a certain werewolf from this site who was not transforming. You know who you are! It should be ready any week now but after that? VOID CHIPMUNKS!

              Thanks for keeping on Zyboragon.

              Seth

              Reply

              • I almost forgot how awesome the Void Chipmunks are.
                (They are nasty creatures, still pretty awesome though).

                Reply

  18. Yes,

    Void Chipmunks hate
    1. Salami
    2. Raccoon Tails
    3. Frogs
    4. Acorns
    5. They hate ordinary chipmunks and everything they stand for.
    _____________________
    Void Chipmunks love
    1. Pineapple juice
    2. Any kind of marital arts weaponry
    3. Bubble wrap ( even void chipmunks can’t resist bubble wrap)
    4._________
    5._________

    I can’t remember four and five. Still debating my decision of ARC’s little choice game.

    Oh and don’t ever test out its biting power! Their teeth can tear through steel.

    Reply

    • Thanks Zyboragon,

      That is some great info about Void Chipmunks. Now I have a very important question for you, when you say that Void Chipmunks hate acorns does that mean that putting an acorn on a necklace around your neck is an effective warding strategy or is it an excellent way to have your thyroid gland become collateral damage as a Void Chipmunk destroys the acorn? I really would like to know the answer to that question.

      Thanks again for the great info and keep on keeping on.

      Seth

      P.S. if you think of what 4 and 5 are then please update us.

      Reply

    • I found two more things about Void Chipmunks. Seems like this is the best spot to post.

      I’ll just add it as four and five, I don’t remember if I uodated the list somewhere else but it doesn’t matter because these are brand new facts..

      Void Chipmunks Iove:
      4. Applesauce
      5. Ketchup

      Acorns are bad to carry around.
      (Just figured I’d update).

      Reply

  19. Seth I think your website is having trouble uploading comments. This is the fourth time I have tried to post. I don’t even know if this is going to work. It keeps saying that my request has timed out. Anyways just wanted to tell you, that you might find Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal” interesting. If you have gotten this message about three other times, I’m sorry. 😐

    Reply

    • Hail The Monstrumologist,

      Sorry again for your problems with the site. Thanks for persevering and thanks for reminding me that I should update the Cannibals’ page with more historical information.

      I am indeed familiar with Mr. Swift’s work but thanks for pointing it out. Cannibalism is indeed not a new threat. Mr. Turner (see above http://sethonsurvival.com/?p=637&cpage=1#comment-2325) is certainly not the first cannibalism proponent.

      Mr. Swift unlike many cannibals doesn’t even try to hide the side that make many squeamish. For those that don’t know about “A Modest Proposal” here is an excerpt:

      ”I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled …”

      Now while I certainly do not dispute that the nutritional value babies is superior to eating fast food. The consumption of both is quite contrary to the stated survival goals of this site and as a friend of mine is fond of saying, “every time you eat a baby God kills a kitten.”

      Do you have any further information or insights about this or any other survival related topics? If so they would be much appreciated.

      Thanks again and keep on keeping on.

      Seth

      Reply

  20. Hail to those interested in Cannibals or Zombies, Zombies, Cannibals, Survivors of Zombies or Cannibals and friends/enemies of Zombies and/or Cannibals,

    Interesting new information about Zombie Berries is available at this link:
    http://sethonsurvival.com/?p=3577

    Apparently they are making some cannibal groups angry.

    Thanks to Zyboragon for the tip.

    Keep on keeping on.

    Seth

    Reply

    • Hail Blossomfire,

      Sorry for the delay in getting to your question, the last few weeks have been crazy!

      Are cannibals in Connecticut? Well the short answer to that is yes. Cannibals are pretty much everywhere. Well not everywhere like there isn’t one in my bathroom at this moment but what I mean is that every state in America certainly has a cannibal or 10 in it. So undoubtably there are cannibals in Connecticut but you shouldn’t be too concerned, cannibals make up less that 1 percent of the population of Connecticut. There are way too many Vampires, Werewolves, Draconians, Shapeshifters and Leprechauns in Connecticut to leave much room for a whole bunch of Cannibals. So that’s good news.

      Keep on keeping on.

      Seth

      Reply

  27. ok i’m just saying this for all you cannibals out there….You come near my fat werewolf self and your a** is gonna get cut. I ALWAYS gots a knife on me sucka. Big Sharp Iraqi Military Knife. I LOVE KNIVES!!!!!!!!

    and seth…sorry for meh language, i just had to put dat out there

    Reply

  29. Ok….ill definately keep my dad’s unused knife handy to kill cannibals hey seth did you know that in new guinea and new zealand the maori at theor adversaries and suffered a “laughing disease” when you laugh uncontrollably when they stopped eating other ppl the disease went away.

    Reply

  30. So, I heard about this site through an interesting source. Dinner, so. First I would like to introduce myself, call me Predator, or Pred when you refer or talk to me. I am a cannibal, and as before mentioned, heard about this site through a meal of mine. I am also female, which as I understand it is quite rare nowadays. Anyway, you are all free to join me for supper anytime. No, I’m kidding. Or am I? 😛

    Reply

    • Hail Predator!

      While you’re offer is tempting, I must politely decline. It’s not that I wouldn’t like to join you or anything… I’m just vegetarian is all. If you need any help, feel free to post a comment to me, or another survivor! We’ll be happy to help!

      Keep on keeping on.

      Reaper

      Reply

    • I decline also for dinner mademoiselle…unfortunately I don’t have dinner…I don’t get hungry a lot and second of all I don’t dine with strangers nor with cannibals….

      Reply

    • … thats against society predator and oh yeah im armed TO THE TEETH yes ill bite i am a werewolf or shoot

      Reply

      • Aw, your no fun. 😥 You are worse than that Grimm Reaper fellow up above. Vegetarians are disgusting. Now if you excuse me, I’ve got to get back to my deli. Meanie. 😥

        Reply

        • Im not a vegetarian im a werewolf which means im a carnivore but i only eat chicken beef pork lamb and thats it im against cannibalism because you are now inhuman when you do that, and i probably taste like dog and id NEVER eat one because they are pets not food

          Reply

          • I didn’t mean you were a vegitarian, that so called ‘Grimm’ Reaper is a vegitarian. Werewolves are all right. And maybe I’d eat a dog with a little BBQ sauce, maybe a pinch of salt. 😆

            Reply

              • Actually, in most of the world. I.E South America, Asia, Africa, some parts of Europe, some parts of Australia, even in North America, dogs are considered to be food. Sure, some parts are indeed different on that. North America being the stingiest on it, but they eat dog everywhere. Hell, I bet you when you eat Chinese food, your eating some sort of stray animal and not just “Chicken”.

                Reply

  32. Oh, I see… Well, don’t worry about it.
    So, a reaper eh? I kind of have an awkward question…
    I hear you need a soul to reap someone, so how do you reap a person/animal if it’s been eaten?
    Do you reach into the stomach and pull out the soul?
    And if so, how do you get it out without someone noticing?

    Reply

    • Well Pred it actually depends on whether or not the lack of better word predator eats the bones as well as you might know if you take an average reaper as the basic for a souls appearance then it is all bound to the bones thus no bones out in the open you have to go into the body of the one who ate the dead one.i hope this reminds you to wrap up your left overs and tea is at 6 o’clock Toronto time.

      Reply

    • The Hatter is incorrect. While we are skeletal, we are linked to the soul. Not the bones, and since the soul is in the heart… We tend to have issues with that sort of death. We have to wait until the thing that ate the one that we are supposed to reap, dies. Cannibals absorb the soul as well as the mind and body.

      If you excuse me, I have funeral to get to. Reaper: Bringing new meaning to death at a funeral.

      Reply

  33. Humanity, High in Iron!!!
    lol
    seriouly though, humans aren’t good food, and the quality has been declining in american over the last sereval years as people get fatter.

    Reply

  36. My friend told me some ppl served human ribs to some cops and the cops thought it was beef they didnt realize they commited cannibalism and my face went white out of disgust

    Reply

    • Anyone else find it odd a cannibal is a human that eats other humans but registers as nonhuman on the Monstrometer

      Reply

        • Eating hamburgers doesn’t make you turn into a cow, why would ingesting something of the same species as you change your genetic and biological make up to the point of you becoming a different species at which point it’s not cannibalism it’s regular old living as humans do and so does every species other than lobsters

          Reply

  37. You wouldnt want to eat someone in my family we probably taste like dogs (not i bit my dog because she was hold me down by my hair so i pressed my teeth and braces into her skin until she yelped and jumped away) im not a cannibal im a werewolf whos bitten somebody TWICE already once on the arm and another time on his thumb because his hands and arms were all up in my space

    Reply

    • Or the guy is autistic no offense to ppl with autism my stepmom got bit by a little girl in the arm bruised her muscle the girl had autism

      Reply

    • Hail Agent R.B.

      Thanks for the link and for helping me keep on through the big SOS HQ move. I knew you would make a great SOTM.

      Seth

      Reply

    • Zanthre, I don’t care what you’re doing or why you’re here. I don’t care if you want to take control of the world or burn it. The only thing I care about is whether or not you want to keep the multiverse from collapsing. Because if you don’t in going to have to stop you.

      Reply

    • Yes, the only requirement for a cannibal is the desire to eat members of your own species, so therefore as long as a species is edible by other members of their own kind then it’s only natural for cannibals to exist in your realm or in any realm really.

      Reply

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