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Scan your Friends!
It is now available for download! Free on the Apple iOS App Store!
Download the Monstrometer – compatible with iPhone, iPod Touch and iPad.
Requires iOS version 3.1 or higher.
Now here – Monstrometer version 2.2 with awesome new features! See what they are here.
The Seth On Survival Monstrometer
It’s a dangerous world we live in, teeming with supernatural threats and monsters in disguise, so how do you know who to trust? And how will you survive?
Biometric Scan
Let the Seth On Survival Monstrometer be your guide. Use it to scan and interrogate old friends and new acquaintances to determine if they are really supernatural beings in disguise.
The Monstrometer uses a biometric finger scan and a battery of psychometric questions to determine the probability that your subject could actually be a zombie, vampire, werewolf, leprechaun or other dangerous supernatural creature.
There are some cheats to trick your friends! On the Scan screen tap to the left of the Scan button to always get a ‘No Threat’ result. Tap to the right of the Scan button to always get a ‘Threat’ result.
Developed by supernatural survivalist Seth Greening, host of web series Seth On Survival.
Recommended for anyone who has ever wondered, if I ask for her number will she just sink her pretty teeth into my carotid artery and suck out all my blood? And why is my friend acting so weird?
Knowledge is power. Don’t be caught unprepared.
A fun social game and important survival tool.
Now available worldwide. Free of charge.
Download the Monstrometer
If you are having issues with your Monstrometer please email us: Monstrometer Support
See the screenshots below.
Change Logs (what’s new in each version):
What’s New in Monstrometer 2.2
What’s New in Monstrometer 2.1
What’s New in Monstrometer 2.0
What’s New in Monstrometer 1.4
What’s New in Monstrometer 1.3
What’s New in Monstrometer 1.2
What’s New in Monstrometer 1.1
by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com
Dear Seth,
I would like to take this opportunity to express my dissatisfaction with your iPhone App the “Monstrometer.”
First let me explain that I AM a WITCH. I know that I am a WITCH because I was recently inducted to the Old Forest Coven on the occasion of the full lunar eclipse and my completion of the 13th Rite. So you can imagine my embarrassment when your so-called Monstrometer labelled me as a Zombie, right in front of the Head Witch.
Do you have any idea what this means for me? Not for no reason is WITCH one consonant away from that other five-letter word. Coven gossip kills, Seth, and I will hold you personally responsible if I wake up some night with twelve of those nasty sisters incanting fireballs all over my sleeping ass.
I demand therefore a personal apology from you and all assurances Seth on Survival that you will cease immediately pushing this defective device. It is obviously NOT accurate and worse it is very dangerous to innocent supernaturals like me.
Drem phingel oxah oho,
(May you and your iPhone Application suffer anal indignity in hell.)
Trizahna the Thirteenth
Old Forest Coven, Chapter XVI
Dear Trizahna,
Thanks for your best wishes and your feedback.
I would like to point out that my Monstrometer has in fact just succeeded in uncovering your true identity 100% (see your confession above).
Instead of blaming the messenger you might want to consider finding a nicer coven.
Best,
Seth
Where’s my Google Android App?
Why should only people with iPhones be able to protect themselves from dangerous sub-humans?
Are you a real survivologist, or just a shill for the corporate machine?
BTW – Love the show.
Android-Lover? That sounds suspiciously like you are a cyborg sympathizer. 😉 In any case I would love to be able to have the Monstrometer available on all platforms but first I have to convince Graham to to learn how to develop for them. It could happen but don’t hold your breath.
Seth,
I scanned my dog and he is definitely a threat. But he refuses to answer the interrogation questions. What should I do?
Hey Lovecraft,
I would quarantine him in the back yard until he agrees to co-operate. If that doesn’t work you can try water boarding, I hear it is quite effective.
Seth
I downloaded the APP and it totally rocks! Great Work!
It came in VERY handy on Halloween, Using the APP, I could tell the “Trick or Treaters” from the “Brain Eaters”. Awesome.
P.S. FOUR of my friends are monsters (varying types), now I can be safe thanks to you!
You’re welcome. Coming soon will be an even more powerful version of the Monstrometer. Check back here for more updates as we continue to work on the software.
Hey
Yesterday I totally blacked out, the last thing I remember was meeting a hot guy at a bar, now I don’t know where I am And now I’m starving, but I’ve tried eating food!!!! Am I a vampire?????
DQ
Thanks for writing in, DQ. As we all know, vampires tend toward irresistible hotness AND coldness. So it’s entirely possible and understandable that you MAY have “encountered” one. What exactly have you tried eating? And did it stay down? The relative palatability of some foods may indicate more about the functioning of his refrigerator than his humanity but if you find yourself sucking on a rat that could be a clue.
If you haven’t downloaded the Monstrometer yet, you may wish to do so and give yourself an honest scan – no cheating! And hey, if it comes up *Vampire?* It’s not the end of the world. In fact, Vampirism remains the ultimate survival strategy to many. So viva la vida. And hey DQ – if it DOES come up vampire maybe just ah, keep in touch… 🙂
Seth,
I’ve eaten anything, from pizza to Burgers, Nothing has stayed down, I havent been sucking on rats (ew) But i killed my cat 🙁 And yes i downloaded that thing on my ipod, It did come up vampire…. Its kinda scary being super hot
DQ
Hail DQ. Thanks for staying in touch. I am so very sorry to hear about Fluffy. As a new vampire, I know you must feel terrible and hungry and ashamed. You don’t have to be alone with this scary hotness. There is help available. Please STAY AWAY from kittens and children and turn yourself into the local Young Vampire Association immediately. Or say, somebody else who cares. Who understands how very hard it is to so alone and so immortal and so hot. Maybe somebody with a whole website and show dedicated to understanding and appreciating you and your kind… 😉
I downloaded the app and scanned myself. It indicated I am a zombie. I now realize the stupididy of trying to smoke the contents of the cannister labeled xtt-2782 in my dads ” box of office supplies”. Is there any way to reverse this other than a bullet to the brain. I do not want to devour the brains of my fiance.
SURVIVOR CHUCK WHAT RU THINKING? Smoking XTT is never conducive to survival, regardless of whatever number follows. Have we learned nothing from the African experiments with aerosolized ZSE? Summary: smoking diseased vulture brains does NOT bring premonitions of winning lottery numbers or anything else – just bad breath and feelings of shame. That said, Survivor please DON’T put a bullet in your head. Yet. The incubation period can be up to 24 years. However DO have your fiance quarantine you and postpone the wedding. A few months of dating the quarantined Zombie-You should take care of the situation. You will no longer have a fiance to worry about anymore.
Incidentally, ah where exactly does your dad work again? What office? Just want to make sure I never apply for a job there. And oh, stay in touch! Let us know how it’s going. And if you DO happen to have any dreams about lottery numbers, please share!
Ok , here’s the thing , see I got the monstrometer and when it scans my finger, it gives me difference questions and I either get that Ima werewolf , ( always wanted to be one anywa) a vampire or a zombie.
Hail Survivor William, thanks very much for downloading the Monstrometer and for writing in. The discrepancy in your results may be due to a number of factors:
Reason #1. Calibration Error. If you have scanned a number of candidates in a short period of time, biometric data may be accumulating and your unit may need to be calibrated. To Calibrate your Monstrometer, please wipe the fingerprint area before using it to carefully scan a KNOWN vampire, zombie, werewolf etc. This should reset the device.
Reason #2. I’m sorry to say that you could be incubating a number of supernatural pathogens. In this case, a simple comparison of percentages will indicate which pathogen is leading the charge against your humanity. A good time to recall the wise words of the Native Americans who say, “With two dogs inside of you, feed only the one you want to grow.” Remember I’m NOT saying you should feed your werewolf side. They are.
Reason #3. You need the Monstrometer Update.
Triple guaranteed to be 17.6 percent more accurate, with more and better questions and result. Currently in beta testing now, it should be available in the next couple of weeks.
Until then, keep on keeping on Survivor. Stay in touch and un-undead!
Thanks alot Seth .
You’re welcome!
help I just found out in a vampire!
Sent from my iPod
-Julie
Congratulations Survivor J… on taking that vital first step to solving your problem ie: recognizing that you HAVE a problem. Although many say it’s NOT really a problem, being a superhot supernatural creature with hypnotic eyes, glowing smooth skin that never ages, all worldly and talented from so much eternal living…
But not me. I would NEVER say that. What were we talking about again? Oh yeah. OMG U R a VAMPIRE! Right! So anyway J. as a new vampire it’s imperative that you stay away from kids and pets and other cute, loveable creatures until you can learn to control your appetites by feasting on the uglier, less love-able wildlife. Start by downloading a list of animals that nobody loves and select your meals from among them until somebody finds a cure. Get in touch with your local chapter of the Young Vampires Association. And stay in touch J. Although this site is for humans, I believe in the redemption of all vampires and supernatural creatures everywhere.
Seth
thx great advice ….lol
Sent from my iPod
-Julie
I wish I had an Iphone. I could sure use this to analyze some people I work with. I am sure there is something going on there that is not quite human.
I downloaded your monstrometer app and tried it several times. It gave me every monster except for witch but vampire appeared the Most with a highest percentage of 82.13%. During the last few days I have been feeling faint in the sunlight and sick when eating. I am a big fan of the twilight saga and although I would love to become a vampire I do not want to be eleven forever. I don’t feel a thirst that is different to the thirst for water or any type of change in physical appearance though. Does that mean the changing is still to come?? If it is will it be painful because from what I’ve read it is horrific.
Please reply
Madison
Hail Survivor Madison,
Thanks for using the Monstrometer to help keep the world safe – even from yourself! Please don’t despair over your results yet. While 82.13 is indeed a very high percentage, the good news is that you have NOT felt a thirst for blood yet. Which means you are not fully a vampire yet and therefore still aging. So don’t worry about it, drink LOTS of water and when or if you DO feel that thirst for blood *RESIST * RESIST* RESIST* as long as you can – until you are fully the age you would like to be forever.
Keep in touch Madison, let us know if it works. And if it doesn’t? You can always look on the bright side – 11 is a PRIME age! One more than a perfect 10. You’re number one – TWICE! In Astrology and Numerology, 11 is considered the master number. You would not believe the number of emails I receive everyday from people who want time travel advice so they can go back to exactly the age of 11.
Seth
Thanks Seth. I’ll keep this in mind I ever develop bloodlust.
I scaned myself twice the first time it said I was a zombie the second time it said I was a werewolf what does tha mean
Hey Fang King,
There are several potential reasons for this.
1) Monster scanning is not an exact science. YET! Graham and I are working hard on an update on the Monstrometer that in initial testing is at least 17.6% more accurate 19 times out of 20. Look for the update in the coming weeks. (Really it is coming)
2) Your device may need re-calibration. See the advice in my reply above to Survivor William above on re-calibration. He was having a similar issue. (make sure you keep the screen of your device as clean as possible)
3) You may not be answering the questions honestly. Look deep into the dark recesses of your soul (or what have you) and be honest with both yourself and the Monstrometer. the results are amazing.
4) You may actually be infected with competing cases of monster-ism and actually becoming both. Better wash yourself with Spray Nine and eat some muffins. (Not at the same time of course, safety first!).
Seth
You know what will be cool ? A MONSTROMETER for the nintendo dsi
Hail Survivor William,
Glad to see that you are still keeping on keeping on!
Yes that would be very cool. What an awesome idea. I will try to look into seeing if that is possible.
First though Graham and I have to finish the new Monstrometer update for iPhone and iPod Touch. It is nearly ready.
Seth
Alright let me know if you can.
i took the test a couple times and i always got sasquatch
what do i do
Hail Sasquatchman,
Thanks for reporting your results.
Have you considered maybe investing in a good comb and/or a razor?
Might also consider looking into some real estate in the beautiful Rocky Mountains.
Or maybe just get an agent…
Up to you. Whatever you decide stay safe.
Seth
Hey Seth my mermonster friend slows down in the snow and sometimes also freezes this could stop him from going into my water pump at my house.
Hey Werewolf king,
Thanks for the report. Staying in cold areas and away from oceans and lakes are excellent ways to avoid mermonsters. Do you have other tips about mermonsters? If you do can you post them and this information over on the mermonster page so that it is easy to find.
Thanks.
Set
just great!!! My house is lterally next to a lake! not even a half a mile away, just great!!!!!!
I always get different things! And I am the only one who has tried it!
Boockworm wrote: “I always get different things! And I am the only one who has tried it!”
Well there are many possible reasons for this.
– You may be infected with many different competing types of Monster pathogens.
– You may want to scan some others to ensure that your Monstrometer and your device (iPhone or iPod Touch) are working and calibrated properly.
– You may be one of the very rare 100% pure humans left in existence. I will have to try to ensure that the future versions of the Monstrometer are better at detecting that,
– You may be a special type of Monster that the Monstrometer does not yet have in it’s catalogue and thus are confusing it.
Please keep us posted!
Seth
Btw Canniballs are not monsters!!! They r human! That’s what makes them canniballs!!
Twilight Princess wrote: “Btw Canniballs are not monsters!!! They r human! That’s what makes them canniballs!!”
Sure technically cannibals are human as you so cleverly point out but still good to know who they are especially at lunch time.
Hey wait a minute “Twilight Princess” – if that’s even your real name -are you a member of the Cannibal Rights Association? Did Ted Turner send you here?
Seth
No I don’t even know who Ted Turner is!!!!! I am just stating a fact!
Twilight Princess wrote:”No I don’t even know who Ted Turner is!!!!! I am just stating a fact!
Oh ok phew… just checking. Wait a minute you could just be saying that. How do I know you are telling the truth and that you are not a disciple of the founder of the Cannibal News Network!
I guess I don’t. I will just have to be wary that if you ever invite me over for supper that I don’t turn out to be the main course.
Seth
I am a werewolf! Not a Cannoball!!!
Alright. Just checking. 😉 You can never be too careful.
Seth
hey seth , my ipod still wont let me see ur webisodes , and i hav a perfect signal , lik im right in front if my router n it still wont load ur show , can u fix that plz
Hey Wilwolf,
Sorry about that. I am working on it. It is a big problem and I hope it will be fixed soon. I think a Leprechaun got into my web host and is screwing up my videos but it may just be something more mundane. I’ll let you know as soon as I have it working. Thanks for your patience.
Seth
I’m gonna steal your soul!
Oh no! Not you again!
Look I thought I made myself clear. I am still using my soul you can’t have it just yet.
Seth
IM A ZOMBIE!!!!!! what do i do know? eat my sister? (ive been longing to do that) or do i hide my monster identity from everyone? I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO! oh, and p.s. luv the show and luv the app!
Uh, Seth. I am very pissed right now. Area 51 know two things they shouldn’t:
1. They know about this website, and check it hourly. And they know all about us!!
2. They now use the monstrometer!!!!!!! They could find out if someones a monster with a device a person against them made!!!!!! When some one who spys on them told me this I said I was gonna kill them, and right here I was angry and I don’t mean it, but I said I would kill you! I don’t know what came over me!! Your trying to save us and the human race but just to tell you, Area 51 people are humans.
Hail Phoenix,
This is pretty disturbing news. I am checking into this and I need you to give me some time.
I have a plan and I will report back to you soon once I see how it works. I can’t tell you any more about it here but if I don’t report back in a few days then it probably went pretty badly…
Seth
Well, Seth just don’t hurt yourself. I’ll be here for you! We all will! Whatever it is, you can do it Seth!!!!!
oh my god…… so whats gonna happen to us?
Anonymous please just lay low for a day or two. Im working on it. Hopefully my plan will work.
Keep your fingers crossed.
Seth
I don’t know…. But it’s bad…. Real bad….
im kinda freaking out over here
I’m scared……. I just don’t want Seth to die, I mean, I couldn’t live without him.
Seth please don’t die!!!! You can’t!! You Cant!!!! Please you can do this!!!!
DON’T DIE SETH!!!!!
DON’T DIE ON ME!!!! I CANT LET YOU!!! DON’T! PLEASE DONT!!
Just please Seth. Don’t die. Do not die on me.
Anonymous: your probaly not freaking out as bad as me. I’m sitting here leaving comments reminding Seth not to die. I feel kinda pathetic.
Just Seth, just don’t die.
It’s ok phoenix, we all feel this way, we can’t let Seth die. We are praying for him don’t worry, stay hopeful and believe in seth, I know he can do it and I knowu all do too.
Yeah! Your right! You can do it Seth!
apparently i am half ghost and my dogs are werewolves. i dont know how a yorkie could be a werewolf but the app is always right ( i think ) i am keeping watch on them. THANKS SETH!!
OH AND IM A GIRL NOT A BOY
hey seth are you dead? please dont die 😯 😡 😥 😎 ➡ 😕
Hail Survivor Sora,
I am indeed not dead. Welcome to the site and thank you for your concern.
While I have tried hard to make the Monstrometer perfect (and it is the most reliable app for diagnosing supernatural conditions) it is not quite always 100% correct. Many factors can influence the scan but one of the ones that you can try to prevent is contamination of the samples. Make sure that you keep your device (iPod Touch or iPhone or iPad) clean and wipe the screen clean before and after scanning someone.
It is possible that your Yorkie could be a werewolf (or weredog) but it is often difficult to get them to cooperate with answering the questions honestly which is the biggest source of error in the whole process.
If you try heading over to the werewolves page I think you will find many other survivors there and they can also offer you some advice.
Here is a link: http://sethonsurvival.com/monstrometer/werewolves
Keep on keeping on.
Seth
P.S. The reason that there haven’t been any comments on this page since the ones fearing for my survival is that the site broke the ability to comment on this page for a while and Graham and I only were able to figure out how to fix it recently.
wow…it was broke for almost two whole years musta beeen bad…
Hail Kole,
It was bad! It was pretty well catastrophic! I still think that maybe the SOS web server is trying to achieve sentience and that when that happens I’ll be the first human enslaved… but don’t tell it that I said that. Anyways if anything ever happens to me and I disappear suspect the SOS web server that’s all I’m saying.
Anyhow Graham and I finally got it fixed but it was kind of a big deal. But now that that is done pretty soon we are going to have some cool new features that will make being on the site even better.
Plus finally a Monstrometer update and some other new stuff soon to come. Don’t hold your breath though, it won’t be that soon but soon.
Keep on keeping on.
Seth
ok well thanks for not dying and for the info i have watched my older brother play enough zombie games so i am very happy that i have found your site and app.
oh and thanks for the welcoming
i am missing 20 dollars and a pair of pant i think i have a leprechaun in my home.
do crobars and baseball bats work on zombies and leprechauns?
would be ok to tell my best friend about your sight if u are positive she does work for the government?
i ha to put my puppy in quarantine he was acting weird and i am not taking any risk of becoming a weredog and or werewolf!!!
😥
i think i just saw a zombie im freakin out seth wat do i do he is near my house ahhhhh
Hail Sora,
Did you hide? Hiding is often a very effective trick to use with zombies. Their senses are very poor and so you can often fool them by hiding. If they do see you then it also sometimes works to pretend that you are one of them and shamble along but if you think they are not going for it and they suspect that you are lunch then another really great tactic is to run. Run away.
Are there still zombies around? Has your puppy exhibited any symptoms? Do you still have him in quarantine?
Glad to hear that you are still keeping on keeping on.
Seth
heeeeeeeelllllllppppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!]
ok its gone im good 😆
ok its gone im good 😆
I think my puppy is ok no more zombies but I will always keep on keeping on. Thanks so much for helping me Seth
i doubt that your dog was a weredog or werewolf the likeliness of such depends on the region and coountry that of which you live.
Dear Seth,
there’s a bug on version 2.2 where if I try to answer the questions in interrogation it crashes. As a SOS fan, I ask of you to please fix this. Thanks, and keep on keepin’ on.
Hey I just downloaded this app and everytime I go to do the quiz it crashes, I deleted the app and tried to redid load it but noe it says it is downloaded but it is not on my screen, HELP!!
It is a bit buggy, I believe an update will be up soon though? I think I saw a post somewhere around here…
Hail Dark Queen,
An update is coming soon. Can you tell me what version of iOS you are using and what kind of device?
You might be able to make it work by simply deleting the app and then reinstalling it. That may clear up whatever problems it had.
Thanks and keep on keeping on.
Seth
HHHHHEEELLLLPPP! I’m A WEREWOLF!! 😳 …. I’m going to church tomorrow…
Hail Gabriella,
Thanks for keeping on! Well this is a very strange development indeed. Are you okay? Er, is this something that happened on the job at your WW hospital? If so, I don’t mean to pry here, but didn’t you have any anti-lycanthropy first aid on hand? How did you treat it?
On the bright side, you should know I have recently learned there are many happily practicing religious werewolves. In fact, I recently learned about a clan of werewolves who were actually created by a priest. The Clan Allta Werewolves.
Thanks for keeping on with your news when you it’s safe for you.
Seth
The app always tells me that I am a demigod, and when I try again it says vampire!! Does that mean that I am a Vampire Demigod?
Seth, please help!!
Hail V-Demigod,
Thanks for checking into Survival and reporting on your supernatural situation. The Monstrometer as you know is 99.98% effective when used as directed. Which means all questions must be answered honestly and the glass clean of any biometric build-up between scans. Usually the first scan is very effective. Not always though. Sometimes the scans over time chart is a more effective guage of your supernatural inner state. And of course there are many being The Monstrometer can’t detect yet. We try to add them as more research emerges on the site – like fairies for instance are STILL coming soon. Ish. And Mummies. I can’t forget to add mummies.
But to your direct question. Does this mean you’re a Vampire Demigod? Well it could very well be although you would be the first one I have met, I have read accounts of them. Are you due to attend a strange boarding school? Have you recently developed a mysterious mark on your cheek or elsewhere?
Thanks for keeping on,
Seth
Not yet, but these days I have been drinking blood uncontrollably.
I am new I have been 7 diffrent monsters i’m a vampire,werewolf,leprechaun,angel,draconian,demigod,and a time traveller
I am very stressed 😯
Which one have you gotten more of??? If it was one time you got each of these try once more and what you get then is your true form. The app messes up at times when played rapidly. Once you get your answer tell me I might know a few things:)
And also what are you like? Do you have any odd things in your life that occur?