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Angel Imposter Outed at Conclave

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Priest Dons Angel Wings to Hang With Angels

A mortal man now identified as a priest has been outed for impersonating an angel at a conclave in Poland.

Priest dressed as angel in Poland.
Priest dressed as angel in Poland.

The unamed priest in this photo was snapped donning angel wings to infiltrate an annual gathering of angels in Lanckorona, Poland.

Hundreds of angels flood to this tiny ancient town annually to gather in the shadow of its ruined castle at the height of angel season, far away from the eyes of most early mortals.

But this year, a few intrepid humans including this priest were caught in a clumsy attempt to infiltrate their hosts by pinning wings on his back.

Other humans were apprehended wearing foil halos and even awkward horns to impersonate the fallen.

“I felt bad busting him but Humans need to know that getting caught by an angel in a secret meeting is a very dangerous situation. Do you know what would have happened if one of the fallen had busted him instead of me?” said the anonymous angel who contacted me by email this week.

“Not to mention it’s a bit demeaning.  I mean, really. Does he really think that we look this way?”

So today as angel season draws to a close, SOS presents our top three tips for spotting – or impersonating if you should be so bold ~ or insane~ as to attempt to infiltrate an angelic host.

Three Ways to Spot An Angel

1. Angels Don’t Photograph Very Well

They say to behold an angel in full glory would drive a mere mortal mad. For this reason, they must carefully modulate their appearance to humans and for this reason, can sometimes appear very ordinary. For the same reason, angels almost never appear in photos. Or if they do appear, it will be only faintly, awash in angelic light and hidden shadow.

Almost the only thing you may be able to discern from a photo of an angel is whether you may be dealing with one of the celestial or the fallen.

Angels gather annually at Lanckorona Castle
Angels gather annually at Lanckorona Castle

2. Angels Hide Their Wings

Fallen or not, angels never show their wings unnecessarily. Two very good reasons for this.

First and foremost, in angel warfare the clipping and cauterizing of your wings is a cruel and common tactic. It is the one thing angels fear most of all. An angel without wings is sidelined from their mission for an indefinite period of time and the remedy remains unknown. Shadow wings are a crude replacement and involve a dark deal with a shady underworlder type.

Second reason angels hide their wings is because, as SOS readers well know, there is a thriving trade in the traffic of angel wing feathers. Many beings including witches and vampires employ them for spells and ceremonies or just currency.

3. What’s Up Their Sleeve?

If you can, that is. Angels have difficulty hiding the manifesting powers of light and/or dark percolating in the palms of their hands. This is why they tend to wear overlong, loose fitting sleeves of a celestial weave that allows them to remain covered at all times. But a glance up their sleeves will quickly reveal the truth.

For this reason, incognito angels are not big hand shakers. Try offering to shake hands with a suspected angel and see what happens. But if you spot smoke up the sleeve, please don’t wait to find out! You could be dealing with an angry fallen angel. 

Strange Matter Discovered In Universe

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IS THIS THE NATURE OF SHAPE SHIFTING?

A strange new form of matter discovered in the universe this week confirms what SOS readers have long known, there is more to heaven and earth than dreamt of in your philosophy…

Science Discovers Strange Matter
Science Discovers Strange Matter

Science has discovered a new type of matter they are calling “Strange Matter” at the heart of a neutron star.

It appears to be a liquid form of compressed subatomic particles, even more dense than dark matter.

This discovery means that ordinary matter can be squeezed so intensely that it forms an entirely new, unstudied kind of matter, confirms Dr. Pedro Moraes of Brazil who helped discover it this week.

The new form of matter is entirely unstudied and its properties still unknown, but it could just look just like ordinary matter and have the ability to form physical objects, scientists speculate.

Here at SOS we wonder could this explain the nature of shape shifters?

And if so, at the considerable risk of alienating the shiftiest survivors lurking here on the pages – on under desk or in my closet for all I know! – will they have to stop calling themselves SUPER-natural? 

Keep on keeping on to find out.

This SOS post in progress…

Samurai Sword Fight First of New Years Immortal War Deaths

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Cursed Immortals Wage Sword Warfare on the Streets

Immortals be warned, once again the New Year brings news of the first immortal war death in Toronto, Canada where a samurai sword fight on a downtown street has caused the death of one and injured another.

St.JamesChurch

Yes, a very real unnamed 40 year-old was found dead by samurai sword on the street of St. James Cathedral in Toronto, Canada this week while another man found stabbed in an apartment near the scene has survived his wounds.

A sober reminder to us all that every New Year brings with it the dangers of crossing paths with those immortals cursed to be the Only One, who step up their skirmish annually at the stroke of midnight New Years Eve.

Now here at SOS I have been warning supernatural survivors for years about immortal dangers brought by the new year but in the past we have focused our efforts on mortal quest become one and perils partying with them on New Years Eve.

highlanderBut with this news report from Canada let’s look past that to recall the more immediate threat to your survival now. New Years brings with it a renewal of the fight among these immortals whose supernaturally long lifespans come with an ancient curse that There Can Be Only One.

While the source of this curse remains a source of speculation and mystery until it can be identified and remedied, you can avoid being caught in the crosshairs of their war if you can learn to identify them.

Could You Be Dealing With A Cursed Immortal ?

1. They Fight With A Sword And Go For the Head

It could be any type of sword, but in general the chosen blade will be representative of their nationality and the époque of their so-called quickening, that is, the moment of officially gaining immortal status.

You may be tempted to think this sword is the source of immortality and attempt to take it for yourself, but this is a myth. While there are legendary swords reputed to pass the power of immortality to the one who can wield it, it’s not the case of the cursed immortal whose long life remains with them even sans sword — providing they can keep their heads on their shoulders, at least

However it is true that having trained sometimes for centuries with a chosen blade, their fighting skills are firmly fixated centred on their swords. This means you can certainly throw one off his game by taking his beloved weapon away. Ancient habits are hard to break and these ancient dogs have a hard time learning new tricks.

2. They Come From Many Lands and Speak With Muddled Accents

There has never been a hundred percent accurate census of cursed immortals but anecdotal evidence indicates they come from many lands and tend to maintain certain sentimental markers of their homelands, their accents being one of these markers.

However, unlike demigods or vampires, cursed immortals have difficulty maintaining their native accents over the centuries and it becomes muddied with those of others among whom they live. Not to mention by binge watching seasons of American Dad.

3. They Still Rely on Archaic Technology

In the home of any curse immortal you will find a hidden trove of archaic technology. As the centuries pass these ancient warriors have a harder and harder time keeping up with the changes in the world around them. As a consequence, many may still be tracking the others with a papyrus map and a compass instead of a GPS and sending messages via pigeons instead of a smart phone.

Even those who have mastered the art of texting or posting selfies to Snapchat will inevitably reveal themselves by spinning a disc on a turntable or cranking up a gramophone to relax at night.

Know you who you’re dealing with Survivors and you won’t lose your head to any of these ancient antagonists.

President Adopts Werewolf, Bogus Mermaid School & Shopaholic Robot

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SOS Supernatural News This Week

Guaranteed truer than true 99.98%

After my extended trip North to investigate the brewing war for the Pole between Denmark, Canada and Russia and of course Santa Claus himself, I have returned to find a backlog of supernatural news tips and comments. Thanks to every survivor who survived with SOS over the dark season! I’ll try now to catch up, starting with a supernatural news roundup of some global events that could sound your supernatural sonar this week, starting with:

Mermaid School Meh in Montreal

Bogus Mermaids in Montreal
Bogus Mermaids in Montreald

If you are of the Mermish mind, don’t be fooled by the siren song of this so-called “Mermaid School ” open in Montreal this week.

On the school’s website the school promises to teach “all the magic of mermaids, before inviting all Sirens or Tritons to apply for their $60.00 introductory course.

Which sounds like a great deal for all the magic of mermaids – who are of course mightily magical beings – but before you shell out, better read the whole site and let the truth sink in. The real mission of this school is far more modest than magic. The only magic here turns out to be mighty abs. That’s right, it’s a fitness class for the aquatically apt.

Now I’m not against any supernatural improvement resolutions for New Year’s. Fitness is imperative to survival and I encourage any survivor to train in their chosen domain and sharpen their skills, whether it be ninja fighting, pack running or time jumping but no real mermish will be challenged by a few laps in an indoor swimming pool, even under the instruction of a real mermaid of Triton, so do yourself a favor and save your shells for that trip to Atlantis.

President Adopts Werewolf Boy

This one’s the real thing, survivors. The President of Argentina has adopted a werewolf boy to save him from turning on the first Friday after his 13th birthday.

Many SOS survivors are painfully aware of the fact some parents will stop at nothing to suppress your latent lycanthropy ~ silver-titanium braces anyone?~ but what if they put you out for adoption like these parents described here?

The President Who Adopted a Werewolf
The President Who Adopted a Werewolf

It could happen if you live in Argentina and you have 6 older brothers.

In that country a rare form of lycanthropy is believed to be inherited by only the 7th son in a family.

Tradition states this 7th son will turn into a demon werewolf on the first Friday after his 13th birthday and become a killer every full moon thereafter.

So when a 7th son was born to parents Shlomo and Nehama, they figured rather than mess with witch spells and silver baths, they would put baby Tawil up for adoption instead.

I’m sure Tawil could do fare worse than find himself adopted by the president of his country, but let this be a lesson to young lycans everywhere. Things could be worse. You could be a werewolf in Argentina.

Now let’s hope the president is not surprised when this so-called quick-fix cure fails on the first Friday after Tawil’s 13th birthday. Writing to warn her today is on my to-do list. If you are a concerned werewolf, I would urge you to do the same.

Shopaholic Robot Turns to Crime

What do you get when you give a shopaholic robot an allowance of 100 bitcoin a week?

You get a drug dealing criminal cyborg, according to reports. The robot known as the Darknet Shopper has reportedly gone rogue, and has started dealing in ecstasy and fake passports this week.

While admittedly not the crime wave I most fear most from a rogue robot, this story should sound your SOS sense. It’s a short jump from dealing in contraband drugs and cards to guns and then what? Guns don’t kill people but cyborgs with guns most certainly do.

So be on the alert Survivors. And welcome to 2015 here on SOS. Long may we keep on keeping on.