Sweet sweater armour tips from real Yule Cat survivor Shawn
SOS on Seasonal Survival, a reminder from Yule Cat survivor Shawn here, prepare to face the next holiday horror, that feline demon, the dread Icelandic Yule Cat.
Luckily old Jólakötturinn is just the third toughest seasonal spirit you will need to fight after Krampus and the Grinch himself, but take it from Shawn here who has personally survived several encounters with the dread demon cat, there remains a right way and a wrong one to prevent him eating your eyeballs. And it all boils down to effective armour.
Quick review if you haven’t faced him – or her – yet. Jólakötturinn the Yule Cat is a lesser demon who stalks the earth this time of year, ready to attack old sweaters and gouge out the eyeballs of the beings who don them on or before December 22.
“Take it from me, your sweater is your armour,” says Shawn. “And when it comes to this crusty Christmas cat, the uglier the sweater, the better your armour.”
Shawn, who has faced the feline demon multiple times and survived 98% intact explains the reason for the ugly season.
“Remember this is a demon cat, a kitten in fact with demonic kitty-like love for pom-poms and goo-gaws, decals and puffy parts,” Shawn explains.
“When Jólakötturinn sees your shiny wreathes and woo-wahs he will be distracted long enough for you to protect your eyes and win the fight if not to escape.”
“Also in hand-to-claw combat the Yule Cat gets hopelessly tangled up in the Christmassy crap on your crewneck, making him relatively easy to bag and tag.
Just rip off the sweater and roll it up with the Christmas cat contained inside it.”
“And remember to protect your eyes. No sweater can protect your eyes,” he adds. “Unless you have sweater-goggles. In which case can you email a pair of them to me while I still have one left?”
Take it from Shawn here, get your sweater armour ready, long before December 22. The ugly Christmas sweater is not just a seasonal joke, it’s yet another shining example of an ancient seasonal tradition steeped in survival in an Instagram world. Take it seriously and you too will survive another Christmas season.