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Bloodstock Pay With Your Blood! Blood Raising Music Festival Romania

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Pay with your blood to attend Romanian music festival bloodraiser for hungry vampires…

Buy ticket for Romanian music festival with blood.
Buy ticket for Romanian music festival with blood.

Move over Live Aid and Hurricane Katrina, there’s a new music festival to end world hunger on the planet, and this Bloodstock is for hungry vampires!

Romanian vampires revealed their diabolical blood raiser to the world this week, the Untold Music Festival where you can pay with your blood to see acts that include headliners like Avicii and David Guetta.

They’re opening 42 blood collection centers and setting up mobile blood collection units in Bucharest for the festival starting on July 30. They even have sponsors like McDonalds and KFC on board to help revive light headed humans who donate.

“We wish to make a musical truce with humanity,” stated Irina the Impaler, great grand-daughter of infamous Vlad the Impaler whose blood thirst made history. “You have blood and you like music, so why should we hunt you? Let’s work together to eradicate vampire hunger once and for all.”

Ms. the Impaler says the Romanian vampires got their idea for their Bloodstock from Bob Geldof at the last world council.

“Just between you and me we were all like, oh there goes Bob again, reliving his pre-undead life as a big time world charity concert organizer…

But the more we thought about it, the more it seemed to make sense. What better medium than music to bring together the humans with blood to give and the vampires who wish to dine upon them?”

Don'tSuckThe festival is hoping for 500 healthy humans to donate blood in exchange for a ticket to attend the two-day festival and has launched an extensive promotional drive to raise awareness about the event around the globe.

And what will they do if the festival falls short of the 500 David Guetta fans it needs to end vampire hunger?

Ms the Impaler refused comment.

Siberian Sea Monster Mystery on Shore of Ancient Island

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Sakhalin sea monster mystery after oil company unearths sacred artifacts.

Strange sea monster washes ashore after artefacts unearthered.
Strange sea monster washes ashore after artefacts unearthered.

When the remains of a big hairy, long-nosed sea monster washed up on the shore of Sakhalin Island last week, Russia said it was likely a dolphin.

A giant, furry, dolphin that probably flew there from India, to be exact.

“I can confidently say that this is some kind of a dolphin,” stated the government official. 

“However, it has fur. It’s unusual. Dolphins do not have any fur.”

Er, and yeah. How would it get here again? Understatement of the year Mr. Nicolay Kim. Understatement of the year.

Survivors, I ask you, does this look like a dolphin?

A furry dolphin?
A furry dolphin?

If you answered maybe, please, take a closer look here at the fur.

Does it still look like a dolphin?

I urge you to consider this.

According to Nivkh legends, Sakhalin Island is actually a giant beast sleeping on its belly.

When the beast awakens it trembles the earth causing massive earthquakes, waking other beasts around the world.

Has somebody –or something- awoken the Sakhalin beast? Has it begun calling other beasts to its side?

Before accusing me of supernatural superstitiosity on this one, consider these facts. Sakhalin has been visibly upset lately, with two massive earthquakes and dozens of smaller ones over the last six years. Ever since an oil company began digging up an astonishing number of ancient artefacts in the course of trenching its offshore pipline.

We’re talking hundreds of artefacts here,  so many that nobody is even keeping track anymore.

“The sad thing is that it feels like a rush job, with so much material coming up so quickly that they don’t know what they are looking at,” blogs one archaelogist here.

Sakhalin is steeped in history and mystery, believed by many to represent the lost intersection of at least three ancient worlds including Asia, Russia and the aboriginal Americas.

In addition, Sakhalin is known for its mystical, labyrinthine cave formations, the Vaida Caves.

Sakhalin famous for mystical Vaida caves.
Sakhalin famous for mystical Vaida caves.

So until we know more about the artefacts that have been unearthed from the belly of this beast, I would rule nothing out.

Not even giant furry dolphins flying over from India.