Seth On Survival

Supernatural Survival HQ

You are here: Home / 2015 / Archives for June 2015

Archives for June 2015

Leap With One Eye Open Midnight June 30

By 89 Comments

Sleeping is Leaping at Midnight On Leap Second Night

As your clock counts down to the June 30th leap second time correction a reminder here from SOS – don’t you be caught s-LEAPING at midnight.

Why is Seth leaping on sleeping, you ask? Because it’s a nice rhymey thing to say?20150619-213329.jpg

Well yes but no not just that. I’m talking about the leap second, when time will tick back one whole second, creating temporal terror with the risk of paradox and/or quantum entanglement and/or lost time travellers who may or may not be Future You CODE RED LEAPER ALERT.

Don’t you wake up trapped in an alternate timeline on July 1! Spare a second now to review some basic leap second safety rules.

Leap Second Safety

1. Don’t Fall Asleep

This obviously is the most important rule. Keep your eyes open. When the clocks tick 11:59 you might even want to stop blinking. Anything can happen and you need to be ready.

2. Feet on the Ground

Yes I mean this literally. No jumping. I know that in the past I may have encouraged survivors to take advantage of a leap second to do a little time hopping using a simple backyard trampoline for a temporal springboard.

But following a raft of reports about temporal trampoline accidents I am rolling back time on this one. I now wish to deny any evidence that being suspended in mid-air the exact moment of a leap second will enable you to time jump. That’s tight. There is no way that jumping up at the exact moment lets you jump to another leap second either in the future nor in the past. That’s just silly. So don’t even try it!!! Whatever you do, please, keep your feet on the ground.

3. Stay Away from Mirrors, Cameras and Hot Tubs

You might not think your life is that great right now – or maybe you do – but even if things are overly awesome right now for you I guarantee there’s some Other You out there who wants your timeline because theirs is worse. So don’t give them the chance to swap places with you. Stay away from devices and situations with obvious time portal potential like open mirrors, cameras and of course hot tubs.

Town Terrorized By Tarantulas Unleashed By Spider Girl

By 1 Comment

Spider Girl Wanted By World For Questioning After Tarantulas Take Over Town

As a tide of 25,000+ tarantulas takes over an Australian community today the world seeks the so-called Spider Girl to explain why she would try to make an entire town vomit.
SophieHarrisonSpiderGirl

The town of Maningrida, Australia has reportedly been taken over by a new type of tarantula after it was first introduced to the world by this PhD student student Sophie Harrison AKA Spider Girl.

Her strange new tarantula can’t kill you but will make you vomit for an entire day.

Now the world wants to know, is Spider Girl the source of this strange new vomit-inducing vermin and if so, why would she unleash it on the world?

Maningrida is a village in Australia’s Northern Territory, home to some 2,000 aboriginal inhabitants who know well the creationary powers of their land as “the place where the Dreaming changed shape.”

So naturally they took it in stride earlier this month when University of Adelaide student Sophie Harrison produced a strange new tarantula from the bottom of a deep pit and introduced it to the world.

Now a few short weeks later after the town has reportedly been taken over by her spiders the world wants an explanation.

“Did the town offend her in some way? Did she get a bad lunch for example? Or is this just some college kid’s idea of a sick joke?” speculates one supernatural survivalist who is so not just me quoting myself yet again.

“If so, it’s pretty good. As far as sick jokes go, vomiting almost always works. And top marks for creativity and execution here. She really does look innocent in this photo.

Not to mention her PhD thesis is a virtual slam dunk at this point.”

Other, crustier but more responsible medical officials however, have issued a warning that this is no joke.

“Vomiting causes dehydration that can lead to seizures and even death.”

And the Australian government says to tell any and all supernatural tourists planning to pull a copycat gag to just stay home.

“The Dreaming soil of Maningrida is sacred to the Kunibídji people and they don’t take kindly to outsiders thinking they can just show up and use it to create new species on a whim.”

(Trust me. You don’t want to try it. They still haven’t forgiven Darwin. See what I mean?)

Survivors with any further info about the Spider Girl or how to stop her emetic arachnids before the whole world loses its lunch, please contact the site asap.

And as always, long may you keep on keeping on.

Are You Living In a Hologram? New Research

By 2 Comments

Four Signs That You Could Be Living In A Hologram

Are you as impatient as I am for the final results of the Fermilab Holometer experiments to tell you definitively, once and for all, if you or I, or indeed many or ALL of us, are really just two dimensional holograms in a holographic reality?

Who's Living In a Hologram?
Who’s Living In a Hologram?

If so then good news! No need to wait any longer because SOS can enlighten you today.

See, you really don’t need a fancy particle accelerator lab and a bunch of million dollar mirrors like the physicists at Fermilab  to detect the holographic noise of the universe.

(Although if you do have them handy, you might want to whip up your own Home Holometer just for fun to scan others. But the aren’t strictly necessary.)

No, all you really need to shed some light on the matter is the following helpy quiz.

Signs You Are Living In A Hologram

1. Are You Surrounded By Mirrors?

You probably thought the place was decorated by a vain person. Or maybe you never even noticed all those strategically placed reflective surfaces before but now they seem to follow you everywhere. Go ahead and try to escape the reflections now… just to see what happens. If you can’t escape them there’s a good chance it’s part of the whole virtual production package that includes you.

2. Does the world shift and change around you?

You might have blamed it on your eyesight, thought you needed new glasses, or maybe you thought the weather was always foggy where you live, but if you start to notice the scenery shifting and focusing around you as you move, it’s more likely a result of lag time. To test this one, try unexpectedly changing your speed and/or height as you move through the environment and see what happens. Is the refresh rate keeping time with you?

3. Flickering Lights

Are your eyes always bothered by flickering light sources? Holographic productions require two or more flickering light sources to create a projection.

4. Notice a hum or a high pitch whine

That’s probably just the machine that makes you the ghost inside it. Too many crushed Doritos or dust bunnies in the hardware – it probably just needs a can of compressed air. Your forecast calls for an unexpected wind storm. Unless the creator is AFK, in which case expect a severe heat wave as the noise gets worse.

Those are the signs, Survivors. Don’t wait for the physicists to tell you their findings in August, start taking your own notes now and remember, even if there is no spoon, the steak still tastes delicious… 

Keep on keeping on!

New Lunar Camping Gear for Your Next Trip to the Moon

By 11 Comments

LUNAR CAMPING SAFETY TIPS

Good news just in time for space tourism season, there’s new lunar camping gear available for your next holiday on the moon.

Like many survivors disenchanted with Lunarville overcrowding and pirate pricing, this news of a lunar safe, inflatable tent courtesy of Massachusetts Institute of Technology can’t come soon enough.

For your next camping trip to the moon.
For your next camping trip to the moon.

Moon city merchants could charge an astronomical amount for a crappy coffin-size bed on the dark side of the rock with measly half-rations of Soylent and Tang. After all, Lunarville had a safe haven monopoly that couldn’t be beat. With no reliable lunar camping gear on the market, you could only venture as far away from it as your rover could travel safely in a couple of hours.

Thankfully MIT’s new camping gear should turn this into a tacky souvenir T-shirt from the bad old days of space tourism. The new lunar habitat tents from MIT are portable, inflatable, with an alien-tested airlock made of silicone-coated Vectran. Not to mention available in two stylish camo colors: ash grey and dun green.

But wait. Before you rush off to click on that shopping cart, be sure and read the following safe lunar camping tips.

Tips For Safe Lunar Camping

Practice rolling out your new tent before you leave.
Practice rolling out your new tent before you leave.

 1. Unpack it before you pack it

If you can’t deploy and inflate it, the lunar tent is a lot less effective. Not to mention uncomfortable. Make sure to practice rolling it out on a rocky surface and inflating/deflating the support tubes several times on earth before you hit the skies.

Iceland is an ideal location for this kind of dress rehearsal as long as the elves don’t interfere.

2. Test the airlock

Once your tent is fully inflated you need to test the airlock under simulated lunar conditions ie: in full space suit.

To do this, you will need to put on your space suit and go inside. Zip the entry membrane and wait for it to fill with oxygen before taking off your space suit. Triple check all meters for false readings before you relax.

3. Plan a sunny route

At any given time, the dark side of the moon is varies with its cycle. Important for you to know because your tent and its life support systems are solar powered so you will need to chart your camping trip accordingly.

Remember that one sunrise-sunset cycle on the moon is 29.5 days long — an entire Earth month so you may want to bring both a backup battery and a good sleep mask for longer trips.

4. Arm Yourself Against Space Pirates. 

Space tourism season brings them out and while your new lunar tent will keep out 99.98% of predatory aliens, there is no protection against space pirates.

Another story in the news today is proof of that. Did Martian pirates hijack the Philae space rover?

We’re looking into these allegations and more now here at SOS. Until then, happy lunar camping, Survivors, long may you keep on keeping on.

Seth

Future You Foiling Your Plans for the Present? New Research From Physics

By 1 Comment

If you’re having a weird day, blame Future You for messing with your past says physics 

Physics news today, if you’re having a really weird day you have only yourself to blame cause it’s probably your future self “fixing” your past who is messing up your present.

You may have heard this. Australian physicists have proved that the behaviour of subatomic particles – aka: the smallest building blocks of everything including you and me  – can only be measured and observed from the future.

Physics says Future You could foil your present plans.
Physics says Future You could foil your present plans.

“Until then, reality does not exist,” reports lead researcher Andrew Truscott.

The effect on us now is clear.  This moment of unexplained weirdness brought to you by your future self, who is tinkering with the timelines of your shared past.

Or is it…? In a big weird world just how will you know for sure if the one weirding up your weekend is actually Future You – or somebody else?

An excellent question, Seth. Thank you Seth. While there are no absolute answers at present, in the future we should be able to make a more informed assessment in the past.

However that will be too late. So let’s just go with a few simple guidelines for now.

Is It Future You Futzing Your Day?

 1. It was always X, but now it’s Y

You knew it was red when you got it but maybe you hate red. You wished it could be blue but it was a sale so you bought it anyway. And now here on the big day you needed it, suddenly it’s blue… What’s happening to you? Are you going insane?

Probably. At least until you realize that your meddling future self is making unexpected changes in your past.

2. You find weird notes to yourself

They pop up in your shoe or on your phone and you don’t remember writing them. Notes like, Don’t trust her! Or, Buy lottery ticket with these numbers. Or, Stop staring at your screen while you walk you’re going to d…

Clearly Future You is trying to communicate. But should you listen to your future self and do what they tell you? Always listen to Future You and do what they…

Unfortunately if the physicists are right, there is no way to negotiate with your future self. At least not at present. And even if there is a way, see note below, #4. Fights with Future You can end very badly.

3.  Your key doesn’t fit in the lock. 

You go to open the door but your key no longer works and the combination is changed. Do you even live here?

The answer is no. Not anymore. And the person who lives there now just called the cops because there’s a stranger trying to get into their house. You can thank your future self. Just as soon as you figure out where you actually live now…

4. Is that me or somebody who looks like me?

You catch a glimpse of yourself in a glass or a window or maybe in the rearview mirror of a car. Except it’s not you. Not exactly. Not right now. You shaved this morning. Or maybe you didn’t. Are your sunglasses on your face? No? Then why do they appear in the…

This deja vu brought to you from Future You. It’s unclear at this time if Future You can actually appear in person, time travel style, or just through a temporal-spatial gate, but in any event do not approach and above all DO NOT MISTAKE FUTURE YOU FOR YOUR EVIL TWIN. That’s how you wind up killing both of you.

On a somewhat related note, does this explain the new Void Key battles here on SOS? 

Human Cyborgs Infiltrate DARPA Robot Competition

By 1 Comment

DARPA Robot Challenge finalists accuse USA and Germany of cheating with human cyborg ringers to take advantage of the emphasis this year on tasks best suited to humanoids.

20150605-130953.jpg

“We demand Vigor and Trooper remove their masks and submit to DNA testing immediately,” states the coalition of Asian teams led by Japan and South Korea.

“These entries are very clearly prosthetically enhanced construction workers.”

But team USA claims the accusations are nothing more than professional jealousy.

“The accusations are absurd,” stated Vigor, clearly munching on a hotdog behind his visor. “Old Simian’s just mad cuz he doesn’t have a head.

“Besides, my last job was in a care home for senior citizens.”

“You going to eat that?” he added indicating my untouched hotdog. “Sawing through all of these rocks and chucking them is really hard work even with my awesome new exoskeleton.”

With 3.5 million in prize money at stake – not to mention a daily lunch buffet – the price of being eliminated from the competition couldn’t be higher.

Watch the competition online today and decide for yourself!