What About The Reindeer?
Santa sightings from around the world flooding NORAD’s Santa hotline today all with the same news – Santa has upgraded to an ultra high-tech sleigh that appears to missing one very obvious feature – his trusty reindeer team. What happened to Rudolph and his crew?
A sketch of Santa’s new sleigh based on millions of calls from around the globe show the jolly old saint has pimped his ride this year, upgrading to this hybrid rocket-powered rig made of polycarbonate, guided by GPS with parking sensors and a chimney cam.
According to some reports the sleigh even features bulletproof windows, a mistletoe air freshener and cupholders for hot chocolate.
But no Rudolph or his reindeer team. What gives?
With Santa himself unavailable for comment, SOS turned to the company who claims they were contracted by Santa to build his new sleigh.
Metals4U in Britain says Saint Nick contacted them in the fall to help repair his old wooden sleigh but it was broken beyond repair.
“We just felt like Santa needed a bit of an upgrade,” says company representative Michael Ward. “We wanted to bring him into the 21st Century. But if you look closely you can see that we did in fact include a hitch for his famous reindeer team. In fact, we even included a built-in nose wiper for Rudolph’s red nose.”
If you can see this alleged hitch or spot a so-called nose wiper in this drawing then your eyes are better than mine but one thing is Christmas clear, no reindeer reported to the hotline this year and everyone wants to know why.
SOS presents three theories for your consideration:
With rocket boosters on his rig and a GPS to guide him, Santa no longer needs the reindeer so he cut his team lose earlier this year.
Evidence: Reports out of Russia earlier this year spotted reindeer working with organized crime in Siberia where their hooves allow them to escape the police in high-speed chases over the frozen tundra. Has Rudolph turned to a life of crime?
The nose wipers, a dubious feature if ever there was one, never worked quite right and instead of keeping Rudolph’s nose so bright, smacked him in the face instead and now he’s recovering from a broken nose at the North Pole, working on his compensation claim of endless cookies and milk.
Evidence: “Well it’s true that we did not test the nose wipers on actual reindeer,” Michael Ward states.
Rudolph and his team are working undercover this Christmas helping the Russian police bust the same criminals using reindeer to get away from the authorities.
Evidence: According to The Guardian newspaper, police in Russia began recruiting reindeer to fight crime in the deep snow when their snowmobiles failed.
“Of course we have snowmobiles but one should understand a machine is a machine. They tend to break down and run out of gas. Reindeer are perfectly suited for this environment,” states the Yamal-Nenets police. “We have been asking for a herd of them for years.”
Knowing that he could rely on rocket power this year, did Santa send his team to help out in Russia?
Got a reindeer report? Leave it in the comments below. Maybe together we can solve this supernatural mystery.