Seth On Survival

Supernatural Survival HQ

You are here: Home / 2014 / Archives for October 2014

Archives for October 2014

SOS HALL OF FAME: REAPER

By 50 Comments

Who Fears The Reaper?

ReaperMany of you know THE REAPER, as the reaper of souls and part time Taco–Enthusiast. But did you know he’s also a blogger? That’s right. THE REAPER’S TIPS (http://thereaperstips.wordpress.com/) is a survival blog much like Seth on Survival,  and while it’s not been updated for a while, it still has some valid survival tips that may just help you in the days to come.

THE REAPER first joined SOS in early 2012, he had apparently come to help us with KZAZIER VETENARI’s Cycle. But helped us with many other issues, including the ROYAL BABIES SUPERNATURAL IDENTITY (http://sethonsurvival.com/survival-resources/new-british-prince-vampire-like-grandpa-or-werewolf/comment-page-1#comment-289813)  and while his BOSS (http://sethonsurvival.com/survival-resources/the-yule-cat-cometh/comment-page-1#comment-297319) can be a bit friendly – er wait, Ex-Boss? – THE REAPER still seems to be on the side of survival.  – At least somewhat…is it just me, or is he constantly shifting sides? – He is a dedicated professional, and may have to go on a hiatus from the site from time to time. But he always returns with a quick quip, or an answer to some supernatural strangeness going on, on the site.

The God of Death as he calls himself, enjoys many things in his off time. From taking in stray survivors like Lilith or The Urban Squatch, to sitting down to a movie and a bowl of popcorn.

He can get a bit GRIMM at times, but in his line of work that is to be expected.

The Reaper and his friends – and frenemies – are always ready to help anyone on the site. Albeit in their own special ways.

He is the ‘King of the Reapers’ – or at least that’s his claim – and will almost always help a survivor in need.  Even at the cost of his soda.

He was even the headliner of a band known as Death on the Highway. – Who were the bandmates again? –  They were big in the 50’s, and were quote ‘Metal before Metal was cool’.

So congratulations to THE REAPER and the rest of you survivors out there. Just remember to stay off the Reapers list…even if we do have a handy list of tricks to get you off of said list…(http://sethonsurvival.com/survival-news/who-reaps-the-reaper-reaper-survival-101/)

And if you need to contact THE REAPER, try his SOTM page (http://sethonsurvival.com/survival-news/hunter-moon-survivor-month-2013). Or really anywhere on the site. He’s always somewhere around here…

HALLOWEEN SELF-DEFENSE TIPS FROM THE VATICAN

By 3 Comments

But is saintly disguise really supernaturally safest?

Recommendation from on high for Halloween this year – disguise yourself as a saint to fool the demons of the night says the Vatican.

Now Survivors here know I have always said that an effective Halloween disguise is more than  your ticket to a holy haul of candy. It’s your first line of supernatural self-defence as the veil between worlds thins to a dangerous degree.

Get your name off his list by midnight!
Saint Krampus

This year, the Vatican itself  endorsed my campaign. That’s right in 2014 the Vatican itself publicly endorsed my costume campaign, officially urging you to remember the real roots of Halloween and disguise yourself as a saint.

“Many say Halloween is a simple carnival, but in fact there is nothing innocent or fun about it – it is the antechamber to something much more dangerous,” stated Vatican exorcist Father Aldo Buonaiuto, of the International Association of Exorcists, before issuing his Halloween costume edict: Disguise yourself as a saint. 

Now ancient people like Father Aldo have always understood the real roots of Halloween and the reason for a good disguise but this is the first time one of them has recommended such a specific costume. In the old days, true fact –>> a responsible parents would just put a rotten cabbage or other giant vegetable on their kids heads. And anyone who reads this blog should know that I have been calling for a return to this practice since 2010.

Father Aldo, however, doesn’t hold with the rotting vegetable crowd. The good father says to dress up as your favourite saint. But should you really take the Vatican’s advice and scrap that clown costume in favour of some saintly robes?

What if your favourite saint is Saint Polycarp of Smyrna, the patron saint of dysentery and earaches? Or Saint Fiacre the patron saint of people with STDs?

Hmm on second thought Saint Fiacre might actually be a good choice..

Well presumably Father Aldo is referring to one of the more powerful saints, think the mighty Saint Catherine depicted above, or St. Francis. Of course, other religions have saints too. The Buddhist jackal man Śiyalipa comes to mind, or the chanty Hindu Sant Kabir.

St. Drogo is the patron saint of unattractive people.
St. Drogo is the patron saint of unattractive people.

But I just want to point out that while stigmata and holy relics may be of some use defending against certain ghosts, gargoyles and demons, they help you not if Halloween brings the zombies and vampires to your neighbourhood. In fact, the blood stains, fake as they may be, might actually attract them.

Not to mention all that candy is bound to bring on a CANDYMAN…

No, your best bet is still a stinking, rotten head of cabbage or other large vegetable.

Of course if you haven’t been carefully cultivating your fetid head gear by now then it’s probably too late for you. My second best advice in this case is still just this – the least you can do on this day is disguise yourself as something you’re not.

What I mean is, if you are a human, for heaven’s sake don’t go as a human. You’re not fooling anyone. If you’re a werewolf, consider changing it up and go as a zombie for once. That’s all I’m saying. Consider a saint if you want, by all means, just make sure you do your research and pick a mighty one, of whatever tradition. For dog’s sake, don’t count on Saint Drogo, the patron saint of unattractive people to help you under the evil eye of a vengeful witch.

Follow my advice this Halloween and your survival is guaranteed, 99.98%. Be sure and check back here on Halloween night when SOS will post the next  Monstrometer Report on this very important issue.

Night in a Zombie Fortification Cabin

By 29 Comments

Are you hoping to survival the seasonal onslaught of zombies, and zombie hunters this Halloween by escaping to a fortified remote cabin?ZFC-1

If so then you, like me, have probably been saving up for materials to build your own. But if you, unlike me, happen to have more than $86.55 in spare change owing in part to riot gear repairs and a recent refund on your survival guarantee,  you could look no further than the new (ish) ZFC-1, pictured here.

Now Tiger Log cabins is not the first company to advertise a zombie proof dwelling for sale with a 10 year guarantee. I wrote about another one here on the site waaaaay back in 2012… but they may be the first company selling one complete with solar panels, water cannon and flame thrower(s) in addition to the plasma TV, workout room and Xbox…

Against my better judgement, I recently tested out a ZFC-1.

Why against my better judgement? For starters, I went all-out PS way back in 2008. Plus, the guy on the phone says there is no room for a Katana collection. And I don’t generally work out. So what would I ever want with one of these?

Not to mention, any valid test of this product would obviously necessitate spending a night in a zombie infested region – not my favourite thing to do under the best of conditions and right now I’m really behind on the site. But at a survivor’s request, I recently agreed to spend one night in one, only to help you can assess whether or not to invest.

My first attempt night started out on a massive groan when a herd of zombies surrounded our delivery truck, making it immediately apparent to me that this is maybe not the best emergency measure for mid-zombie invasion preparation. How were we going to get this thing assembled and me into it, without casualties?

Worse, when I asked the truck driver this question from the back of the truck, he had only one suggestion which he proceeded to implement with extreme prejudice — he unhitched the trailer and drove away. With a quick call to tigerlogcabins, the service agent directed me to the fine print of my contract – installation not included! Now you tell me…

So with night falling and the sound of bony hands clawing at the aluminum siding of the trailer I dug out my swiss army knife and their handy 500-step instruction manual. Things were going pretty good until my flashlight app died and…

Article pre-empted by technical difficulties… please keep on keeping on..

Reaper To Join SOS Hall of Fame

By 10 Comments

Hall of Fame Announcement
Hall of Fame Announcement

Well it’s official. THE REAPER will join the SOS HALL OF FAME.

The Reaper was voted into the Hall of Fame by unanimous decision on the Tetrad Moonfall by a conclave of 5 anonymous survivors from SOS.

Citing The Reaper’s consistently awesome dedication to survival, here are some comments from this committee:

“For a guy whose job it is to harvest souls, he’s actually really helpful.”

“Reaper is always friendly and he’s funny and he gets people talking about stuff.”

“I like the Reaper. You should put him in the Hall of Fame. And then you should put me there. But the Reaper can go first. I guess.”

I personally have been grateful to Reaper for his hostyness on the site. Over the months of 2014 I could have confidence that even when I was on another mission, that Reaper would check in and scan the site to help make some supernaturally great supernatural survival moments.

The Reaper will join the elite group of 7 Hall of Famers who also include: ALEX, STIGMA, P5T5R, ZYBORAGON, GODDESS OF FATE and of course, a hybrid you all still know, the generous and awesome MR. MUTT. All great survivors who have helped survival supernaturally over the years.

So that’s it in a nutshell. Thanks to everyone who helps SOS survive and sorry for the wait. These things take a while to do sometimes. Look for REAPER’s HoF profile soon in the days ahead. It’s going to be survivally spectacular.

And be sure and join us here on for the HOWLING HALLOWEEN-A-PALOOZA on you guessed it, Halloween.

Seth

Gargoyles Escape Locked Basement Still At Large

By 168 Comments

SOS RED ALERT: GARGOYLES AT LARGE, DEEMED DANGEROUS…

Gargoyles at large in Worcester, Mass. USA
Gargoyles at large in Worcester, Mass. USA

Eight giant gargoyles reportedly escaped from a basement prison in Worcester, Massachusetts in the dark of the Tetrad Moon.

Survivors should be on the lookout for these gargantuan gargoyles, which are over 100 years old, stand 6 feet tall and weigh over 3000 pounds each.

Church official Debra Packard says the gargoyles were securely locked in a nearby basement facility for the safety of the town and were reported missing on the full moon.

Heeding an urgent radio call in the middle of the night last night, SOS’s Seth Greening temporarily suspended the site’s full moon party to launch an immediate investigation.

“Given the fact these gargoyles escaped at the height of the blood moon and the disturbing reports here on SOS pointing to the possibility of a new demon portal open here on Earth, I knew that survivors would understand a delay in the Hall of Famer announcement and immediately went to investigate.”

After inspecting the gargoyles basement prison, Seth confirmed the gargoyles were properly locked away at the time of their disappearance.

“Their heads were properly dismounted and secured in separate boxes, locked in a basement facility with no windows on the top of a hill,” he says. “This indicates clearly the gargoyles had outside help.”

But what kind of outside help?

The town locals suspect a group of human bankers with a plan to control the gargoyles’  power for their own ends.

“Not a bad theory. With the exception of pop stars, bankers are among the most likely humans to seek shady deals with the underworlds,” said Seth, adding that he is personally suspicious of a group calling itself The Protectors who have recently identified themselves to the site.

Until the plot can be unravelled and the gargoyles recaptured Seth alerts survivors everywhere to be on the lookout for gargoyles behaving suspiciously.

“Which is to say, behaving, like any way other than like a statue,” he elaborated.

Seth warns this is not as easy as it sounds, as gargoyles regain human form almost immediately once liberated from their stony stupors, and a  gargoyle in human form is not as easy to identify as one stuck on the outside of a church or government building.

“Some of them can shift in and out of statue form in an instant,” says Seth. “But look for the telltale rock-like cracks in their gray human skin, the stony look in their eyes and any humans who remain supernaturally heavy despite having an outwardly lean and hungry appearance.”

Seth says to immediately suspicious of stone gargoyles that are appear oddly placed. I’m talking about modern settings, like food courts or on public transit.

Survivors with any info that could lead to the re-capture of the gargoyles, or about their overall plan are urged to contact the site immediately.

And to keep on keeping on for the SOS Hall of Famer to be revealed without further ado, later today.

Would You Know a Gargoyle if You Met One?

By 3 Comments

HOW TO IDENTIFY A GARGOYLE

With the whole world on the watch for 8 great gargoyles liberated from a basement lockdown facility in Worcester, Massachusetts on the Tetrad Moon and a nefarious plot still pending, your survival may depend on your ability to identify a gargoyle.

While not the most dangerous demonic entity you will face during your survival, gargoyles are almost always accompanied by and/or controlled by and/or protected by various other nasty underworldy types, so learning to spot one before one spots you is imperative.

Now a stone-stood gargoyle is easy enough to identity but the difficulty lies in the fact that gargoyles, once liberated from their stony pedestals on a church or government facade, regain a human-like form very quickly and over time the ability to shift back and forth on a dime, making it imperative that you familiarize yourself with both forms.

Four Signs of a Gargoyle in Human Form  

Is this gargoyle following me?
Identify gargoyles before they identify you.

1. Graying Skin:

–>> Look for grayish skin that appears cracked and aging close-up despite an outwardly youthful and vigorous appearance. Use the flashlight or zoom lens on your phone to check if you must, but be subtle. You don’t want them to catch you.

2. Supernaturally Still

–>> Like vampires, gargoyles can remain preternaturally still for long periods of time. That man who never changes position on the bus and never seems to fall over? Dead giveaway.

3. Weighs a Ton. 

–>> Even in human form, gargoyles appear lean and hungry yet they still weigh a ton. Or 1.5 tons in the case of the missing 8 Worcester gargoyles to be exact. Now you can’t very well ask a suspected gargoyle to step on a scale but you can shake his or her hand. Feel the weight of it?  It doesn’t look like a stone mitt so why does your shoulder hurts shaking it? Another telltale sign.

If you can’t get a handshake, carefully observe the surfaces beneath and around the suspected gargoyle for clues. Did the car sag unaccountably when he or she got into it? Did a sturdy chair break for no apparent reason? These are clues.

4. That Voice

–>> Listen for a gravelling wet voice with lots of phlegm. Gargoyles are supernaturally sensitive to the element of water. Not allergic exactly, and you can’t exactly describe it as their kyrptonite, but let’s say they hate it enough to want to spit it out. Which they often do, so watch out, they won’t hesitate, even in public. Which leads us to:

5. Strange Drinking Problem

–>>Because of the aforementioned sensitivity to water, Gargoyles will only drink out of earthen vessels. Ever see a human licking the side of a building? That’s a thirsty gargoyle who surrounded by paper and plastic cups. A stone water bottle hanging on a belt is also a dead giveaway.

Read more about the missing 8 gargoyles here.