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Martian Welcome or Trap? Mars Installs Traffic Lights, Recreates India

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Big news from Mars this week, as the red planet prepares for a surge in tourist traffic by building the planet’s first traffic lights and even a full-scale replica of India itself to greet their latest visitors.

Martian Install First Traffic Light
Martian Install First Traffic Light

Could this be a sign the Martians have decided to welcome the flow of Earthlings?  Or a space tourist trap?

Bizarre traffic lights were spotted for the first time on Mars this week while India’s Space Research Organization simultaneously announced today they have discovered what appears to be a full-scale replica of their home country in shadow on the surface of the planet.

Never seen before, the Martian traffic lights, circled in red here, appeared in a NASA photo sent by the Curiosity rover and while some observers believe the arrangement of rocks might be a totem and not a traffic light, Space Journalist Joe White insists it is a traffic light.

“I saw this one and I thought right away, ‘hang on that is a traffic light,” stated Joe White on his Youube channel ArtAlienTV.

At the same time, India’s new Mars mission announced they have discovered a full-scale recreation of their country on the surface of Mars.

“OMG  India map on Mars!” wrote Saurabh Gupta with great excitement on the Indian Space Research Organizations Facebook page.

Is this a trap? Or a sign of welcome?
Is this a trap? Or a sign of welcome?

The outline of India appeared in shadow over a region of the planet known as Meridiani Planum and it remains unclear if it represents a real structure or a Martian mirage.

But is the light-and-shadow show intended to welcome Earthlings? Or lure them into an elaborate trap? That still remains unclear.

Many Martian observers believe this could be a sign the Martians have stopped hiding underground and maybe be preparing for interplanetary tourism instead while more alien-ated observers believe these could represent an elaborate trap by the natives.

“This is a welcome wagon in progress,” stated on upbeat observer. “These Martians are no fools. They know we’re coming whether they like it or not now and they are preparing for us.”

Preparing for us? 

“Looks like a space tourist trap to me,” stated Supernatural Survivologist Seth Greening, unabashedly interviewing himself in a statement this morning. “Think about it. A friendly-seeming beacon of familiarity to make visitors feel at home-away-from home combined with a structure to control the flow of movement? All that’s missing now are the overpriced  souvenir vendors and the delicious deep-fried street foods that kill.”

“Oh wait! That totally describes the jelly doughnuts previously spotted on the surface. The Martians have clearly abandoned plans to invade Earth and are now planning to take us out on their home turf!”

Until we know more, visitors to Mars are advised to pack their own lunches and not be fooled by any displays of familiarity or follow any dubious traffic lights, no matter how bad you may have to use the toilet. Use your space suite or hold it until you get home.

Your survival is guaranteed, 99.98%.

Revolt of the Micro-humans Human Farmer Harvests Organs

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Just as farmers in the northern hemisphere work to harvest their fields of corn before the cold weather comes, a human farmer who announced his plan to harvest human organs from his new human farms appears to have instigated a micro-human revolt.

Human farms to harvest organs
Human farms to harvest organs

Human farmer Uwe Marx publicly announced his plans to begin harvesting human organs from his company’s human farms to a conference held in Prague.

The human tissue engineer said he hopes that his farms of micro-humans will save animals from laboratory testing.

“We will close down most of the animal testing laboratories world-wide,” farmer Uwe told the Sunday Times.

Human farmer Uwe Marx
Human Farmer Uwe Marx

While most monkeys and mice applaud the news of micro-humans taking their place under the needles and microscopes of scientists, diminutive people everywhere have expressed concern and are calling for the mobilization of a micro-human rights movement, and a fatwa on human farmers.

“This is size-ism! I’ll show him micro-human,” raged Samuel the leprechaun.

“You tell this guy Uwe that me and the dwarves and all the other so-called micro-humans are coming with an army of bunyips to kick his fat macro-a$$ and free his human livestock.”

For once I almost agreed with a leprechaun…

Survivors are advised to begin preparing for an influx of angry micro-humans.

How To Spot an Angry Microhuman

This safety segment in progress… please keep on keeping on…

Survivor of the Month ASSANJIN

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SOS Survivor of the Month

ASSANJIN Survivor of the Third Supermoon, Now One of the Generous Three

1. Assanjin once survived a Wendigo attack using this old trick –>> never look into their eyes.

2. As a draconian who formerly had sapphire blue scales currently stuck in human form, Assanjin could have once flown right over your head on a sunny blue-sky day and you might feel a ripple of air or see a shadowy outline but he would remain almost invisible. Fortunately, he prefers to travel by water now.

3. Although once bitten by a werewolf who was also his best friend, Assanjin never turned himself, leading him to the discovery  that his Drache powers protected him from lycanthropy. In the wake of this incident, Assanjin went on to develop a lasting affinity for the lupine kind, defending them against all.

4. Like many of his draconian kind, Assanjin makes his home on a sheltered island. So sheltered there is no way to receive his SoTM prize…just one reason he is passing it along today to another survivor on the site…

5. Assanjin provided excellent intel on dealing with Black Ice Dragons. And as soon as I can determine the best material for muzzling one as per his technique, I’ll pack Graham’s bags for Russia to test it.

6. He is very knowledgeable and you might even say philosophical and a bit poetical on a number of important topics. I can always count on this SoTM to add to or clarify a supernatural situation in progress, including his own.

7. Assanjin actually replies to questions and comments, mine and others. It’s a  rare quality that I appreciate a great deal. Not quite as rare as survivors who actually leave questions and replies for specified others, which he also does quite often, but a very close second.

8. Gamely volunteered to help Agent TL map the multiverse, no small task. If you thought Google cars were fun, wait until you see what they will use.

9. After once killing a very famous mermonster, Assanjin developed a healthy respect for sea monsters and still prefers to travel with them.

10.  Assanjin chose to join the ranks of the generous three SoTMs here on SOS. Rather than accept his small SoTM thank-you prize, Assanjin chose to honour another survivor on the site with it, just like Mr. Mutt and Devorah once did. Proving once again, that Survival is its own reward, and that generosity is a supernatural survival trait. And may I add a perfectly fitting decision as WEREWOLF GIRL was indeed our runner up choice anyway, providing hours of pistachio-fueled debate here at SOS HQ on the Supermoon.

Thanks to ASSANJIN for keeping on with SOS and helping us through the third Supermoon of 2012.

Third Supermoon Survivor of the Month Announcement

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SOS Survivor of the Month

Wow, that was close. After a howling super moon rocked by storms and alien craters,  SOS appears to have survived again. No joke, it’s always a surprise for us to watch another moon fall and find we’re still around. So thanks to last month’s SoTM LEAFPOOL and everyone else who survived with us this Supermoon. You know who you are but if you don’t know who they are click here and read all about it.

In fact, after a full moon enclave held here at SOS HQ, I’m happy to be hinty today there will indeed be lots of new stuff coming between now and Halloween, new videos, at least one new Hall of Famer and more.

And now on to the new Survivor of the Month announcement…

A quick review for those who are new. Survivor of the Month started years ago to thank some Survivors who were supernaturally helpful here at SOS. Survivors of the Month answer questions, reply to survivor comments, contribute their own reports and generally encourage others to keep on keeping on in various unique ways. There’s a very small prize. Usually a very small thank you gift from iTunes combined with a feature profile page that I write and generally get approximately 53.2% accurate. We used to choose SoTM a number of different ways – just give it to Survivor #1: Alex for instance, but then we created a Hall of Fame and things got a little looser. Speaking of which did I mention Graham and I have officially selected at least one new Hall of Famer to announce next month? I did? ‘Nuff said. On to the SoTM then:

 

Guess the Survivor of the Month

1. He once survived a Wendigo attack using this trick –>> never look into their eyes.

2. If this SoTM could fly over your head on a sunny blue-sky day, you might feel a ripple of air or see a shadowy outline but he would remain almost invisible. Fortunately, he prefers to travel by water.

3. Although once bitten by a werewolf who was also his best friend, this SoTM never turned.

4. But in the wake of this incident, this SoTM  would develop a lasting affinity for the lupine kind, defending them against all.

5. Like many of his draconian kind, this SoTM makes his home on an island.

6. He provided excellent intel on dealing with Black Ice Dragons. And as soon as I can determine the best material for muzzling one as per his technique, I’ll pack Graham’s bags for Russia to test it.

7. He is very knowledgeable and you might even say philosophical and poetical on a number of important topics. I can always count on this SoTM to add to or clarify a supernatural situation in progress, maybe especially his own.

8. On that note, this SoTM actually replies to questions and comments, mine and others. It’s a  rare quality that I appreciate a great deal. Not quite as rare as survivors who actually leave questions and replies for specified others, which he also does quite often, but a very close second.

9. Gamely volunteered to help Agent TL map the multiverse, no small task. If you thought Google cars were fun, wait until you see what they will use…

10. Has a healthy respect for sea monsters but still prefers to travel with them than by air.

…as if you haven’t guessed it already, the Survivor of the Third Supermoon is in fact ASSANJIN, whose profile will be posted hopefully later today as soon as I receive direction from him  in regards to his small thank-you prize. Unfortunately, his island lair is too well protected to receive an iTunes card so Assanjin must choose from:

1. An SOS t-shirt.

2. A small donation in his honour to the charity of his choice.

3. Passing the prize along to another Survivor on the site, as both Mr. Mutt and Devorah have done in the past.

BREAKING NEWS…

Appropriately enough, SoTM of the Third Moon ASSANJIN has chosen to join the ranks of the generous three and will passing his prize onto another survivor on the site.

Who will it be?

You will have to read his profile page to find out. Coming soon. Ish…

Thanks to everyone who contributed to Survival this month. Long may you keep on keeping on out there. Your survival is my survival.

Seth

Survivors of the Third Supermoon

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As the third super moon rises, hot on the halo of Asteroid 2014 RC, the world is once again watching the skies, not to mention at least one suspicious crater that seems to be an alien impact site.

Crater in Nicaragua seen as site of alien impact.
Crater in Nicaragua seen as site of alien impact.

The 39 ft crater appeared in Nicaragua, after an explosion lit up the sky, evidence of an asteroid drop by 2014 RC if ever I saw one.

Survivors have cordoned off the site and scientists are traveling to the site even as we speak to inspect it for evidence of alien  cargo.

As the super moon rises. I’ll be among the supernatural suvivologists watching the crater for any suspicious glow or ooze.

But I’ll also be here, checking in on the site, researching the reports here on SOS for any activities that have occurred this super moon, looking for links, making the connection.

Basically everything I usually do for This Week In Survival except this time, looking over the whole month. If I can do it right this time, this may become standard operating procedure here at SOS. We’ll see. Survival is a process after all, not a sprint.

And if anyone survives, will there be a Supermoon Survivor of the Month?

Still unknown. Check in here tomorrow night to know for sure.

With Survival anything is possible…  and er, unfortunately without it, there’s not a whole lot else…. That’s why it’s so important to keep on keeping on, supernaturally speaking. Sometimes survival demands a supernatural effort.

This year supermoons come in threes...
This year supermoons come in threes…

SUPERMOON SUPERSURVIVOR REPORTS:

…in progress as the super moon rises…

Níðhöggr Howls

–>> Pulled by the new Harvest Supermoon, a mysterious draconian named NIOHOGGR stopped by to report the pull on his latent lupinacy. Many survivors weighed in to help and explain. Even MORGENSTERN altho really was he just wanting to brag about his alleged god-like powers? 

–>>Former Guardian Drache ASSANJIN determined Nio’s tortured lineage to be a descendant of the Drache Wulven, sealed by a undisclosed magical artifact to FENRIR who admitted the same artifact that tied them had sapped his powers. But can ASSANJIN regain his Drache powers this Supermoon with the help of others including VELANKO and keep MORGENSTERN at bay?

–>>While SoTMs LEAFPOOL and VELANKO concentrated on keeping the tortured drache wolf alive, he soon disappeared and was never heard from again. Tonight I hear howls from the tops of tall buildings and wonder if it might be him…

Leafpool’s Choice

–>>Faced with a choice of WW affiliations, SoTM LEAFPOOL first declined ERIS’ otherworldly offer with its many secret strings attached and chose FENRIR for her Supermoon survival spirit. Despite the intervention of ASSANJIN and others, ERIS was pretty irate, she must have had secret plans for her new acolyte. Anger that only subsided with FENRIR’s latest death led to her acceptance. And I think casting MORGENSTERN down to dance to his death with the other tortured soles helped too. Did Lilith send her another new recruit in WEREWOLFGIRL?

 Demon Dealing

–>>After clearly spending too much time with NIGHTSHADE and the VOID LORDS,  LILITH opened her own unauthorized supernatural IRS, basically taxing everyone for everything daring MR. MUTT and AGENT TL and even MORGENSTERN to stop her. What exactly was her currency because Cyborg Link appears to have paid with his life. 

–>> A reminder to survivors that SOS has no power to enforce, endorse or eliminate any side contracts made between consenting Survivors, from LILITH’s ongoing Mr. Mutt blood sale to HATTER’s portal spells, negotiate at your own risk, your survival is no longer guaranteed 99.98%. Look what happened to REDFANG after he bought a portal from HATTER…

Big Asteroid Alert – Will 2014 RC Bring Blob Monsters?

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Mystery in the skies tonight as Survivors the world over but especially in New Zealand, prepare for the passage of what is being described as a “whale-sized” or “house-sized” asteroid, due to pass Earth TODAY, ten times closer than than our moon.

Will It Bring Blob Monsters?
Will It Bring Blob Monsters?

Recently discovered Asteroid 2014 RC will pass just 25,000 miles below the Earth, passing right by the ring of satellites that surround us at a distance of 22,000 miles.

At its closest point, the asteroid will whale above New Zealand at 20:18 tomorrow, Sunday September 7, 2014.

While NASA insists there is no cause for concern from a house-sized asteroid coming this close, many Earthlings, including this one, are choosing to remain vigilant.

At approximately 60 feet in size, Asteroid 2014 RC may be nowhere near as big as the one said to have destroyed the dinosaurs (110 miles big) or the collection of rocks predicted to hit us in March, 2880, but it is more than spacious enough to provide space transport to any number of alien visitors, blob monsters and/or intergalactic cargo.

Don’t believe me? It’s a known fact that house-sized asteroids are an important part of an intergalactic space transit system used by beings from all over the solar system and beyond.

Don’t believe me? Consider Russia. Last February, a meteor exploded above Chelyabinsk. Shortly thereafter, Dragons Breath Spikes began to appear in the Russian ice. Coincidence?

Maybe, maybe not. Did the asteroid explosion wake the ice dragons? Or deliver blob monster eggs that hatched beneath the ice?

We still don’t know, but keep your eyes on New Zealand in the weeks ahead for supernaturally suspicious circumstances.

And be prepared wherever you live for the arrival of Asteroid 2014 RC.

How to Prepare for Asteroid 2014 RC

1. Keep your eyes on the skies…

Don’t bury your head in the ice. Track the approach of Asteroid 2014 RC in your part of the world at any number of websites online, from NASA to Slooh that will help you calculate the exact time the asteroid will arrive above your house.

2. …but stay inside.

 You may be tempted to venture out with your telescope or your camera to catch the best view of Asteroid 2014 RC but this would be ill advised. If it is in fact an alien craft – which trust me, it is! – then it will probably explode like the one over Chelyabinsk either due to pilot error or a ship in disrepair OR it will be making “deliveries” along the way.

What kind of deliveries? Without a look at the ships’ log we can’t be sure, but if there are no BLOB MONSTER eggs or ALIEN ZOO tourists this time, there’s sure to be at least a few crates of powdered Bantha milk dropping from the sky to a designated spot near you. And unless you know where that spot is, you can’t be sure you’re not standing on it.

3. Check for Suspicious Craters

Not just on Monday but in the weeks ahead. Any new potholes or craters in your yard or on routes you regularly travel could indicate a drop. Should you encounter such a crater, inspect it immediately for any glowing material or suspicious ooze – not to mention giant tentacular beings who look like they just need a hug but might rip your head off instead.

Get samples if you can, but above all don’t touch anything with your hands! If you don’t have any lead-lined gloves handy, consult somebody who does.

There’s sure to be more than a few qualified researchers here on SOS, so leave a message. Your survival is guaranteed, supernaturally.