Scientists playing with photons revealed the existence of 103 dimensions this week, a stunning 92 more dimensions than previously reported, while critics suspect a teleporting super-scientist may in fact be creating these worlds in the first step to cloning himself 103 times.
A Spanish team led by famous teleportation professor Anton Zeilinger announced this week they successfully entangled two photons into 103 superpositions, meaning they caused just two light particles to exist in 103 different dimensions at the exact same time. It opens the door to all kinds of spooky quantum super-possibilities, from supercomputers to super encryption and even cloning.
Just look at the man in charge. Professor Zeilinger, whose knickname is Professor Spooky At A Distance, is a mad teleporting genius who has publicly admitted to inadvertently creating realities just by trying to study and measure reality. So when he says they discovered 103 dimensions, doesn’t he actually mean that he has created them for his own arcane ends?
Many of his students certainly think so.
“Professor Z? It wouldn’t surprise me,” stated one student who requested anonymity pending her final marks in his class. “He’s always on about his failed teleporting cups of coffee experiments, how he could never get the handle right. Or the cup. You have to be really careful in his classes. It could rain hot decaf at any moment.”
Another student suspects the prof would be trying to clone himself.
“Professor Zeilinger is obsessed with creating what he calls spooky action at a distance, like using carbon atoms to transfer properties from one being to another instantaneously. As a carbon-based being myself, I get a little nervous around him.”
His sister agrees. “Anton was always removing the arms and legs from my dolls and swapping them around,” she said. “It would be just like him to go and make clones in a hundred dimensions.”
Journalist Kevin Hull argues the key to understanding Professor Zeilinger’s motivation is fully revealed in his youtube video where the professor waxes nostalgic about many other lives he would like to lead, for instance as a jazz musician and a sailor.
Personally I have another theory. Professor Z has repeatedly stated that he dreams of creating a super-university for other superscientists just like him. Maybe in fact exactly like him. Like maybe just, him. Times 103.
“Matter itself is completely irrelevant,” says the professor himself. “If you swap all my carbon atoms for other carbon atoms, I am still Anton Zeilinger.”
And now there could 103 Anton Zeilingers coming soon to a dimension near you. So keep your eyes open survivors and if you see this man be aware you could be dealing with an interdimensional clone.