In Ohio a legal loophole means the dead can live again – for a price.
Thanks to a recent court case, hordes of hopeful dead and undead will shamble toward Ohio for Halloween, prepared to pay for their resurrection.
Here’s how it works. According to a lively loophole in Ohio law, you may be legally brought back to life if you:
1. Have not been dead for more than three years or,
2. Re-pay any death benefits that have been paid out after you died.
These facts came to light when Judge Allan Davis recently refused to resurrect a legally dead man, Mr. Donald E. Miller, because he had been dead for too long – like 17 years too long. The ruling has given hope to millions of the recent dead who are now dying to be resurrected by the judge.
“I’ve got to get to Ohio now so I can become a resident before the three year time limit is up,” stated one recently dead man who was killed in an untimely car accident. “I’m leaving right now so I can get in line.”
The prospect of millions of the recent dead converging on Ohio has residents there terrified.
“Do you know how many people die every year on the planet? 155 million. Where are we going to put them all? Our courthouse only holds 328. They’re going to stink the place up!” stated one such resident off the record.
The Ohio Board of Tourism meanwhile is willing to put a bold spin on it.
“Think about the obvious economic spinoffs of becoming the real land of the dead,” said one board member. “All these dead people are going to need somewhere to sleep, eat and… oh, wait. Okay. Well, think of all the great movies and TV we can make instead.”
Only one Ohio resident appears relieved by the judgement. Unfortunately, Mr. Miller’s widow was not prepared to pay for her husband to live again by repaying his death benefits. She insists it’s not that she doesn’t want him to live, it’s just that she can’t afford to live herself, let alone buy him back to life so unfortunately for Mr. Miller, he’ll have to stay dead.
