Is your mom really a baby-hungry cannibal?
Before you answer NO just because she hasn’t eaten you yet, consider this, scientists studying women’s brains just proved that women, especially moms have addictive baby-hungry brains that really want to eat babies!
Could your mom be a recovering baby-addicted cannibal? Know the signs!
It’s true. Scientists at the University of Montreal scanning moms brains discovered the smell of baby pyjamas triggers an addictive appetite response like to when hungry people smell a really delicious meal.
“These circuits may especially be activated when you eat while being very hungry, but also in a craving addict receiving his drug,” stated Johannes Frasnelli, a postdoctoral researcher and lecturer at the University of Montreal’s Department of Psychology.
Could your own mother be one of these infant-addicted cannibal moms? Find out before it’s too late!
5 Signs Your Mom Is a Baby-Hungry Cannibal
1. Ever caught your mom sniffing your dirty clothes?
In the Montreal study the moms sniffed infant pyjamas but in reality, it could be any article of clothing belonging to you or your little brother or sister. If the answer is yes, you have caught her sniffing your clothes after you wear them, this is a sign your mom may be trying to get her cannibal high without actually eating you. A good news – bad news story here. While your mom is likely a cannibal, on the bright side, the cannibal mom scientists say it’s likely she won’t actually eat you because just sniffing might be enough.
2. Does your mom get angry when you spill ketchup on yourself?
Why? Ask yourself, what’s the big deal? It’s just a little tomato-based sauce, can’t you just wash it?
Of course the shirt can be washed but what your flesh-hungry mother can’t wash away is her feelings of guilt after chowing down on you, her precious progeny, due to the irresistible combination of sweet tomatoey yumminess on top of your addictive child-smell.
3. Does your mom have a lot of suspicious pots and pans?
Are they big enough to BOIL A BABY??? Does she perhaps have creepy photos of you playing in them when you were younger?
It’s a grisly fact that baby-hungry cannibal moms like to let their babies play with the very instruments she would use to cook you for dinner.
4. Is your mom always trying to fatten you up?
This one needs no explanation. Cannibals like the rest of us, prefer tender meat. Obviously there is the reason that your mom is always foisting food on you.
5. Does your mom REALLY like this photo?
Does it perhaps make her salivate? You need to know.
Photos like this that combine food, usually fresh fruit and vegetables with babies are designed to to excite already baby-hungry cannibal moms.
This photograph by Ann Geddes is a classic example. Does your mom have any photos like this around your house? If so check the back. Is there a recipe?
If the answer is no, sorry but you’re not out of the woods yet. You need to show her this one and gauge her reaction. Do her pupils dilate? Does she salivate?
Which leads us to the last one…
6. Did your mom have a lot of food-based knicknames for you?
Muffin ears? Peanut? Apple head? Any of these sound familiar? This is not a coincidence. Food-based knicknames are a dead giveaway that your mom too is a baby-hungry cannibal.
So why not scan her with The Monstrometer while you’re about it. Granted, it’s not calibrated to specifically detect cannibal moms but it it is 99.98% effective at outing any average cannibal under optimum conditions.