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This Week In Survival August 31, 2013

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What a week…

If you survived the Reaper(s) and the Eggmen un-reaped and uncloned, not to mention unspammed by Alex’s spam-zombie twitter account, please join us here to find out more about the week that was here at SOS.

Another Supernatural Week Of Survival!
Another Supernatural Week Of Survival!

I’ll post multi-colored links and convoluted summaries below. Just as soon as I figure out what the heck happened! Please follow the links and lend a hand or a paw where you can.

Thanks to everyone who contributed to our Survival this week. There are big things just around the corner here at SOS so thanks for your patience with my relative absence from the site during the week and thanks for keeping on keeping on….

URGENT AND RESURGENT: 

*Is  VELANKO working with REAPER? Or against him? Velanko certainly has a loooooonnng list of his own but… How is this linked to the Sentinel’s Cycle again? And who is the Pale Horseman they are talking about? A third reaper? Things are getting a little apocalyptic around here. Until we get to the bottom of it, survivors are advised to guard their real names and images more secret than ever and it wouldn’t hurt to do a good deed for another on the site here to keep on the right side of the rapture…

(Want to join RISING ALPHA, CHAOS, KNOX and MARY? Looks like a BIG battle gearing up around here. But is it true what KZAZ says? Fighting only makes it worse?)

(And what’s with KZAZ and his zombie-making recipe? Does this look like a zombie cooking class to him? Is there any trouble that guy won’t find?)

* a HUNTER stops by  and re-opens the wolfsbane debate but what is his real game? Doesn’t sound like a simple fur chaser here. Otherwise he would be after the pack wolves. Seems like he has his hands full with CHAOS and MARNEY…

*Here’s a new one. Seriously. Got a supernaturally friendly school like SOUP? What could be the cause of it? TY to KNOX for breaking this story…

SOS…WTH? 

* What’s happening here with BLAZE?  This is going to take some looking into…

WELCOME BACKS:

*GABRIELLA is back for her Moon! Did somebody howl for help? Was it BELLA WOLF whose entire family appears to be wolfing out? Wonder if THE BEAST wound up in her hospital? Was she trying to get that antidote from him at last?

NEW SURVIVORS: 

* NIGHTSHADE sounds like a werewolf but is there something s/he’s not telling us? Should you trust your witch friend?

*NEW BLOUD another suspected new werewolf has a question about transformation rituals. Werewolves to you agree with KNOX, no rituals necessary?

 

Enter the Eggmen How to Fight a John Lennon Clone

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“I am he, as you are he, as you are me and we are all together…” 

(Lyrics to I Am The Walrus)

When a Canadian dentist announced his intention this week to clone dead singer John Lennon from one of his remaining teeth, Beatles fans worldwide began preparing to herald the era of the Eggmen prophesied in one of the fab five’s most famous songs, namely, I Am The Walrus.

Beware the Eggmen
Enter the Eggmen! Soon John Lennon clones will be everywhere.

In fact many Beatles super fans claim the old walrus himself was in fact already a clone or clones of an alien being when he wrote the song.

“Look at the lyrics. The Eggmen? Get it? He’s clearly writing about the experience of being some kind of clone, possibly an alien one,” explained Beatles fan Ben Dayle. “No doubt about it. The Eggmen are coming.”

While cloning might explain the Beatles prodigious catalogue of hits in  a remarkably short period of time, is the world ready now for a new army of Eggmen bent on revolution? How will you face the coming John Lennon clones?

If you don’t want to be caught in the Eggman Evolution, better get cracking! Prepare to face any Eggman without fear and defeat him with the following tips:

1. Give him a guitar.

While genetic memory is a controversial area of research in humans, when it comes to alien Eggmen, it’s a proven fact that traits in one generation are passed down to the next. So the next time you face an angry John Lennon clone, try giving him a guitar, preferably a Rickenbacker 325 if you have one handy but any guitar will do in a pinch.

2. Or a Cornflake

That’s right a single cornflake. Why? Because an Eggman will sit on it, for hours. Or until a van comes. Whichever happens first. (This too is foretold in I Am The Walrus.)  It’s unclear if a Frosted Flake will have the same effect so don’t take the chance, stick to the formula here and use a corn flake.

3. Make a Paul McCartney clone and pit him against the John Lennon clone.

John Lennon is angrier but Paul is crafty. Who would win? Who knows? Probably neither but one thing is sure, between fights, they might make some great music.

4. Remind him to give peace a chance.

Sing it if you can and make a peace sign. It’s their weakness. Try not to be wearing a suit.

5. Ask, who is the Walrus again?

Historically, John Lennons have been vexed by the question, giving contradictory answers over time in different songs. Is it Paul? Or the other John Lennon? The correct answer is beside the point here, the real point is just to vex the Eggmen mind long enough to distract them.

6. Join the opponents of Canadian dentist Michael Zuk who say to just, Let It Be!

Who Reaps The Reaper? Reaper Survival 101

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How to Defeat A Reaper:

 If you choose to continue browsing the site, please read thoroughly and click the death & desouling disclaimer button at the end of the article before continuing on to any other pages. SOS may not be held responsible of the souls of anyone who fails to accept these terms and condition. This Reaper survival review brought to you by THE REAPER in residence.

How To Defeat a Reaper
How To Defeat a Reaper

Whether an angel, a Shinigami or just a garden-variety ghost with a grim job, Reapers are a real menace most of us will face at some point in our lives. The very last point, for many of us.

But it doesn’t have to be. I faced one last week and I’m still here, 99.98% unreaped. Living proof Reapers can be defeated – but only if you stop to reap some facts first:

Fact #1: 

Reapers cannot classically cause your death. Some are indeed capable of initiating a chain of events that may lead to your demise – more about that below – but mostly they’re just hanging around waiting for it to happen. In either case, this means you have some time. Time for what? Read on.

Fact #2:

Reapers, like other employed or enslaved ethereal beings, vary in terms of their level of job satisfaction and interest. And like most of us, they love to complain about their work. You can use this to your advantage! Get them talking. Your death may not mean as much to them as you think. You may be able to strike a deal or at least delay long enough to plan your escape. Get creative! What do you have to offer besides your soul?  Try gold, says THE REAPER. 

Fact #3:

Whatever the being reaping on you, remember this – he’s working from a list. A list with your name on it exists somewhere. This list is in fact the source of her power and authority over your soul and in some cases, could be the cause of death. Either way ask to see the list. Where a name has been written, a name can be removed and/or changed. Can you get a hold of that list?

Once you succeed in getting the list, you will obviously want to add your Reaper’s name to the top of it but remember, you need:

1. The proper spelling of your Reaper’s real name and

2. An accurate image of your Reaper’s face at the time of writing her name.

Unfortunately, your Reaper will not exactly be wearing a name tag and will likely have his face obscured.

Also, being in possession of a real Reaper’s list is entails a lot of danger and responsibility so you should be prepared for the beings who will come looking for it.

Fact #4:

Reapers normally carry a soul vessel of some description. It may be brass or glass or stone or  jewel. They may be wearing or carrying it. Whatever it is, without this vessel, with no way to transport your soul he can’t cash in on it. So go for the vessel. Just be prepared that it may already contain other souls for which you will now be responsible.

With many thanks to THE REAPER for sharing the tricks of his trade over the past month here on SOS.  Here’s to you sir, keep on reaping on. Got another fun fact about Reapers? Please let us know below. But please, stay off The Reaper’s list please remember, no real names, ages or locations here at SOS>

How To Defeat A Demon In 3 Easy Steps

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Due to recent events here on SOS and elsewhere, it has come to my attention that it may be time to brush up on some basic demon fighting tricks and techniques.

(A quick review if you haven’t been keeping on, read about the events HERE .)

SOS DEMON DEFEATING IN 3 EASY STEPS

1. Fight Your Fear

Technically both a demigod and a demon, Abraxas was actually pretty cool once you got to know him.
Technically both a demigod and a demon, Abraxas was actually pretty cool once you got to know him.

Sure it can be hard. Some demons have scaly, oozy reptilian forms with wings and horns – unsettling, to say the least.

However, remember this one fact about demons and you can conquer this unholy fear, once and for all. Extensive research over many centuries has revealed that not all demons are actually that bad. In fact, researchers have recently begun distinguishing between the good demons and the bad by calling the good ones daimons, but the result is the same. Not uniformly bad.

Sure most of them have their uniquely destructive tendencies but even the worst, most annoying demons, like the ones who like to cause unrelenting kidney pain or unquenchable curiosity are not bad ALL the time and most of them have mad skills. (More about that below.)

And take heart from this next time you find yourself duelling with a demon for your very survival. If you win, they have a unique supernatural weakness that’s actually pretty awesome – once defeated, demons will often work FOR you.

(Of course, should you lose, expect to be covered in boils or plagued with an unquenchable thirst for eternity, but try not to focus on that. Point is, a demon once defeated, becomes a source of secret strength for you.)

Don’t believe me? Well then take it from one of the first and possibly most famous demon fighters of all time, Solomon himself, defeater of more than 73 demons in his time. His grimoire describes that once defeated, those demons did everything but cut his toenails. (Hey, even defeated demons have limits.) Point is, demons are known to be excellent at math, geometry, astronomy and all handicrafts.

2. Know Your Demon

Ever notice how demons seem to have a million names, not to mention email addresses? There’s a good reason for this. Once you know your demon’s real name, you can find out the correct way to defeat it.

Uncovering your demon’s real name involves making a careful study of everything about them, their appearance, communications and habits, followed by careful supernatural survivological research. This will help you determine the correct procedure to bind or destroy it.

3. Plan to Defeat Your Demon, Call An Ally

Different demons must be defeated different ways. Don’t believe the Hollywood hype, there’s no one size defeats all demon gun, unfortunately. For instance, would you believe that you could bind one of the most powerful demons by placing jars of water in a certain pattern around him? True story about old Asmodeus. (Of course, the iron chains may have helped old Solomon with this one, so hopefully that part about the water isn’t his idea of a joke.) Point is, should you use bells? Or salt? Or a brass vessel? Careful research and planning are key.

That’s why, when it comes to fighting a destructive demon, more than any other supernatural being, it’s important to have backup. Fortunately, with demons there’s a whole host of celestial beings interested in defeating them: angels, fallen angels, many gods and demigods and yes even other demons. In fact, many demons were created by fallen angels for their legions. Often they regret doing it and will sometimes atone by helping you bind them.  And as we all know, demons fight each other in legions, for all kinds of reasons, happened on the site here, when Mr. Mutt, recently returned from the underworld, took on the dread Trenzalador. A battle you can study here for more information. (But no questions. He’s sleeping.)

As for angels, they are of course interested in restoring order to the heavens and it is true that one of the seven major angels can be called upon for 73% of all demons. (Of course, knowing when and how to call the right angel is a trick in itself. Angels have a pretty special work schedule and specific call sign, as you can see below.)

Need help contacting the seven big angels? Please keep on keeping on for more information about that. Meanwhile start by referring to the handy chart below:

Defeat 73 % of all demons by calling on the big seven using the following handy chart:

Angels vs Demons

(Of course none of this will help you survive a Sentinel Cycle. But we’re still working on that.)

Lightning Moon Marks Mutt Days End

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As the Lightning Moon fades and the Dog Mutt Days end, thanks for waiting patiently for the new SOS Hall of Fame announcement. Please read on, this gets complicated.

For those who don’t know, Hall of Famers are survivors who have contributed to Survival over the long haul, helping everyone keep on keeping on over many months and in most cases, years. Some of them, like Alex have been a part of SOS since we first launched and continue to check in on a regular basis with mostly helpful and entertaining comments and observations. As every Hall of Famer knows, the prize is small and frankly the fame is too but the gratitude, the gratitude is huge. Without you there would be no survival. And so with some further ado and explanation:

SOS Hall of Fame Announcement

Who Will It Be?

After careful review of the archives over the last few weeks, Graham and I have decided to delay the planned Hall of Fame announcement. All things being equal, it should take place in the fall but it’s too soon to tell.

Instead, against my better judgement, I have been convinced to give a Survivor of the Month prize. I know, the curse.  I said no more. So call this a test of the SOTM curse. Look for the clues in the next few hours, and the announcement tomorrow at the latest.

Meanwhile thanks to everyone who contributed to Survival on the Lightning Moon, from the SENTINEL with his cycle still in progress, to  THE REAPER and his one last big reap. (BTW did you hear the unexpected twist in THE REAPER’s fate? Very instructive my reapy friend!)

(And if you don’t remember the cycle clues?  Read P5t5R’s complete-ist list here.)

And of course ALEX and MR. MUTT and CHAOS for working out the clues and how to survive his thing, along with MARY and MARNEY and many others for helping in their own way to get the truth out there.  You it has been an epic month when even Zyboragon stops by to check it out, presumably leaving the Fenn gold completely unguarded in his other dimension…hmmm…. 

Of course there are many others from the start of the month, from THE BEAST to WOLFBOY and more. Thanks for keeping on with SOS.

This Week In Survival August 17, 2013

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With the Lightning Moon set to rise in three nights, let the record show we did it, we survived another week here at SOS. Was it luck or effective use of falling stars? Or both? Find out here in This Week In Survival.

Another Supernatural Week Of Survival!
Another Supernatural Week Of Survival!Almost Certain

Check here while we go back in time through the week that was to determine the facts and assess the damage here at SOS. But don’t take my word for anything, click on the colored links below to find out for yourself!

SURVIVAL UPDATES:

–>> Great get your grimoire is THE REAPER working with or against the SENTINEL and his ongoing cycle of viral destruction?

–>>Meanwhile after figuring out the Sentinel’s game  MR. MUTT  ~who is I must correct the record here not a demon but one who looks and sounds suspiciously like a demon on account of spending too much time hanging out with demons and eating their pastries~ point is,  MR. MUTT has been tracking the Sentinels around the globe. Will he get all 14? Or will MR. MUTT just track the Sentinel to his home on Pyrafrey? Or will his pasty old-man demon brain prevent it?

–>>Do you like MARY worry about being on the REAPERS list? Stay tuned for How to Survive A Reaper’s List. It can be done! Got any tips or tricks you would like to share? Please follow the links and leave it there.

–>>WOLFBOY searching for RAINSTORM & RUSTPELT… did somebody or something finally get to Rusty? And a good question here. Does anybody know what happened here? Thanks WOLFBOY for keeping track of that one.

FIRST MOON MANIACS?

–>>KNOX THE HOVERING suspected new werewolf from a small pack. Will he rise and become a potato? Or a lightning wolf? Part of me hopes for a potato. Or start a zombie apocalypse? Why is KNOX hovering around in that desert anyway?

WARNINGS AND WISHES:

–>> the ZYBORAGON still survives! Little known fact it’s considered good luck to survive a visit from a dragon. I’m checking HQ for treasure he may have dropped as we speak. Wonder what’s keeping him busy in other dimensions? As if he would tell…

–>> to WW13 a happy birthday. What moon was she born under? Are you a werewolf? Do you know what moon you were born under? Get the facts here! Does that mean you will transform under that moon? Or…?

–>> Suspicious warning from ZARETH ~who is this new survivor anyway & how does he get 5 other survivors including ALEX to agree with their premonition anyway? Alex never agrees with anything.~ is this really all about REAPERS list?

–>>jwolfie on the run from someone. Are you missing a cat person by this description?

And thanks to everyone for your ongoing Survival this week. There’s something big just around the corner, sure hope you’ll keep on keeping on for it.